ClownFellas (38 page)

When Taffy was a little girl, Jojo gave her everything she wanted. He didn't care how much it cost, he would always buy her anything she asked for. Every Friday since she was born, Jojo treated like it was his daughter's birthday. He would shower her with presents when he came home, giving her every toy he could find for her. She had the biggest dollhouses of any kid she knew, the fanciest child-sized clown cars she could drive up and down the driveway, she had toy robots that worked on voice command, toy trains, toy dinosaurs, five-foot teddy bears, everything a kid could possibly dream of.

But out of everything he got for her, there was only one toy she truly loved far more than anything else. It was a doll named Princess Tutti-Frutti. There was a line of princess dolls that all the little girls her age were obsessed with. There were blond princesses, African princesses, Asian princesses, mermaid princesses, fairy princesses, but Tutti-Frutti was the only clown princess.

When she was seven years old, Taffy was obsessed with that doll. It was special because it was the only clown toy that they made to be beautiful and elegant. Most clown dolls were goofy and ridiculous. It was like the toy manufacturers didn't think that clowns could be pretty. But Tutti-Frutti was different. She was beautiful. She was exactly the kind of clown Taffy wanted to be when she grew up. She even had pink hair like Taffy.

Then one day, Taffy came home from school with Tutti-Frutti in pieces in her hands. Her doll was broken into tiny parts. She was bawling in a way that still haunted Jojo to that day.

“What happened, sweetie?” Jojo said when he saw his daughter.

She cried so hard she could barely choke out the words, “The kids at school killed Tutti-Frutti! They chopped her up with the paper cutter!”

Jojo sighed. He thought it was his fault. Because he spoiled his daughter so much, she had turned into a bit of a self-entitled brat. This did not make her very popular with the other kids at school.

“Let me see,” Jojo said.

His daughter dropped the pieces into his hands. It was ruined.

“Can it be fixed?” Taffy asked.

“I don't know,” he said. “I think we should buy a new one.”

Jojo knew it was impossible. They didn't sell Princess Tutti-Frutti anywhere. She was a limited-edition toy and they just weren't very popular. There was no way he'd be able to track down another.

“No, I want
my
Tutti-Frutti,” she cried.

Jojo didn't know what to do. When he saw the look on her little clown face, his heart broke in two. There was no way to solve this problem, but he couldn't let his daughter down. He had to do something.

“Okay, I'll fix it,” Jojo said.

“Really?” Her eyes lit up.

Any adult would know that fixing the doll was impossible, but as a child she thought anything was possible.

“Yeah, I'll do it no problem.” Jojo nodded.

“Promise?”

“It'll be as good as new.”

Taffy jumped on her father's lap and hugged him. He had no idea how he'd accomplish it, but it meant the world to him to see the smile return to her face.

Jojo spent weeks trying to fix the doll as his daughter grew sadder and sadder without having Tutti-Frutti by her side. He kept promising her it would be fixed soon, but he wasn't any closer to fixing it than the day he started.

“Damn it…,” Jojo cried, trying to glue the thigh to the knee.

He had to use a powerful adhesive to connect the pieces together, but he mostly just ended up gluing the pieces to his own fingers. Large chunks of his skin were missing from always having to rip the adhered doll parts from his hand. It drove him insane with frustration.

“Come on, you little bitch,” Jojo said to the doll. “Stick together!”

But it was hopeless. He tossed the doll parts across the room and dropped his head to the table. There was no way he could fix the toy. It was at that moment that Jojo realized that he wouldn't always be able to give his daughter everything she wanted. And it was the hardest reality he ever had to face as a father.

“So I want you to play violin at my daughter's wedding,” Jojo said to Bingo Ballbreaker.

They were at Bonkers, the clown strip club.

“Uh-huh,” Bingo said.

Jojo didn't know if that was an agreement or just a sign that he understood what he was saying.

“She said she wants you and only you, but you've got to play circus music, none of that classical crap.”

“Uh-huh.”

When Jojo set up the meeting with Bingo, he figured Bonkers was the best place since the big clown was a regular there. He forgot that Bingo was only a regular because his girlfriend used to work there, and now that she was a sensitive subject with the clown it wasn't a place he was happy to be in.

“Is that a yes?” Jojo asked.

“Uh-huh.”

A woman sat down at the bar and ordered a peppermint daiquiri. Jojo immediately noticed it was his mistress, Pepper.

“Will you excuse me for a minute?” Jojo asked.

“Uh-huh,” Bingo said, crushing a beer bottle with his bare hand.

Jojo moved to the other side of the bar and sat next to Pepper.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked her.

She tried to act cool, as if she were surprised to see him.

“Are you following me?” Jojo asked.

“Maybe I'm applying for a job,” she said. “Does that make you jealous?”

Jojo chuckled. “You, getting a job? That'd be the day…”

“I was a waitress here when we met,” Pepper said.

The thick-jawed bartender gave her the drink and she took a sip, not making eye contact with Jojo.

“We've got to talk,” Jojo said.

He grabbed her by the elbow, but she nudged him away.

She said, “I've decided that I'm going to tell your wife about us.”

“What did I say last time?”

“I'm telling her at your daughter's wedding.”

“Are you nuts?”

He clenched his fist, ready to hit her. But hesitated when he saw Bingo looking at him. He knew how Bingo felt about guys hitting women. If Jojo smacked her up in public, the giant clown would have torn his arms off no matter his rank in the family.

“We went over this. You don't talk to her. I'm warning you.”

“If you don't want me to tell her, all you have to do is talk to her first. You've got almost a week to get it done.”

“Who do you think you're talking to?”

“Are you going to kill me just because I want you to be honest with your wife?”

“If I was honest with my wife I wouldn't have gotten involved with you in the first place.”

“I don't care. I'm sick of being the other woman.”

“Look, if I tell her now it'll ruin my daughter's wedding. How's she going to feel if I break it off with her mother on what's supposed to be the happiest day of her life?”

“I don't care. I'm through waiting.”

“All I'm asking is you give me some more time. I'll talk to Gianna when Taffy's on her honeymoon.”

“It's not good enough, Jojo. Now's the time.”

“Are you that selfish?”

Pepper stood up and left most of her drink unfinished.

“Tell her by the wedding, or I'm doing it for you.”

Jojo ran into the bathroom, gasping for air. He wound up his mechanical heart and drank water straight from the faucet.

“You're not going to do what I think you're going to do?” Jojo's reflection asked him.

“What choice do I have?” Jojo asked.

His reflection sighed and shook his head. “Just tell Pepper the truth. Tell her you don't want to be with her anymore. You don't have to kill her.”

“No, you know what she's like. She'll go nuts. I'd rather just have her out of the picture.”

“Why? Because it's easier?”

“Hey, I warned her. She knows she shouldn't go and threaten me like that.”

“Well, I guess you won't have to worry about her feelings once you have Jimmy killed. They can die together.”

Jojo looked at his reflection. His mouth dropped open.

“Say that again?” Jojo asked.

“What?” his reflection said. “That they can die together?”

“Yeah,” Jojo said. “What if they died together?”

His reflection was thrown off. “Hey, I'm supposed to be your clown conscience over here, not the guy helping you out with your sordid plans.”

Jojo was liking the thoughts that were racing through his head. “What if I set up the hit at Pepper's apartment? They're friends, right? The Juggler Brothers could take them both out at the same time.”

“And you don't think that will bring suspicion onto you?”

Jojo wasn't listening to his reflection anymore. “It can happen during Pinky's bachelor party. Jimmy hates half clowns, so he won't be there. But Vinnie will. Jimmy won't have the blue-nosed bastard to protect him.”

His reflection shook his head. “Killing your nephew at the same time as your son-in-law's bachelor party. How low can you get?”

“It'll be perfect,” Jojo said. Then he kissed the mirror. “You're a genius.”

His reflection wiped the kiss away as the clown ran out of the bathroom to make the necessary preparations.

It was the night of Pinky Smile's bachelor party. Vinnie Blue Nose, Captain Spotty, Drips and Zippo Moretti, and even Hats Rizzo were among the clowns who took him out for a night on the town. Uncle Jojo told Beano Moretti to go along so that he could keep an eye on Vinnie for him. The last thing he needed was Vinnie to mess with his plan. Since Beano was the father of two friends of Pinky, and he also had a lot of making up to do for almost getting the kid whacked, the old guy was allowed to come along.

Uncle Jojo was at The Doughnut in the center of town. The Doughnut was an old tourist spot that was a doughnut-shaped mini mall that had different shops on each level, only most of the shops had long gone out of business so the place was mostly deserted. The doughnut shop on the top level was still in business, though, because it had the best view of Little Bigtop. People still liked to go there, have some doughnuts and coffee while taking in the circusy scenery. The Doughnut had a good view into Pepper's apartment. He could see her in there, parading across the window in her underwear while playing some trashy street clown music. Jojo wondered if she had any self-respect at all.

Uncle Jojo took a few deep breaths, trying to build up all the acting skills he could muster, then called Jimmy Bozo.

“Yeah, what the fuck do you want?” Jimmy asked.

Jojo was supposed to act upset, but when he heard Jimmy's disrespectful tone he got upset in another way. “That's how you answer your phone?”

Jimmy didn't respond. Based on the cries and rustling sounds on the other line, his nephew was obviously kicking somebody's teeth in.

“Who is this?” Jimmy asked. Then kicked the poor schmuck again.

“Your uncle. Who do you think it is?”

“Uncle Jojo?” The kid sounded surprised to hear from him. It wasn't often that he got a call from the underboss. “What's going on?”

Then Jojo got into acting mode. “It's Pepper. You got to go see her.”

“Huh? What's up with Pepper?”

Jojo sighed loudly into the phone. “I broke it off with her last night. She didn't take it too well.”

“Last night? I was with her last night. She didn't say anything about you breaking up with her. She was celebrating because she said you were finally going to leave your wife.”

Jojo broke character again. “She
what
? That little…” Then he shook off the thought and got back into character. “It was really late at night. I called her and told her I changed my mind about my wife and that I couldn't see her anymore.”

“Seriously? She's going to be pissed. I'd get out of town if I were you.”

“That's the thing,” Jojo said. “She's gone nuts. I think she's going to kill herself. She just said she was going to take a bunch of pills.”

Jimmy laughed into the phone. “She always says that. It's not like she'd do it.”

“I think she did it this time.”

“Well, why don't you do something about it?”

Jojo was getting frustrated with having to come up with more lies. “I can't do that. That's what she wants me to do. She'll take it as a sign that I want to get back together with her. It has to be you.”

“Well, fine. I'll give her a call and make sure she's all right.”

Jojo raised his voice. “Don't call, just go over there!”

“I'm busy,” Jimmy said.

“What the hell are you busy with?”

“Tony Jingles didn't pay up, so I'm collecting what he owes from his face.” A thud and a moan echoed through the phone as Jimmy kicked the guy again. “With interest.”

“Don't you have guys to do that for you? You're a capo for chrissake.”

“Yeah, but I enjoy it.”

Jojo wanted to strangle him through the phone. “Are you going to check on Pepper or not? She's probably dead by now.”

“Fine,” Jimmy said. “Just give me a few minutes. I'm almost finished.”

“Hurry it up. If she dies it's on you.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Then Jimmy hung up.

After that call, Jojo couldn't wait to see his nephew whacked. The kid was a pain in the ass and deserved everything he had coming to him.

Jojo called up the number he had for the Juggler Brothers.

“Is it all set?” Jean Dupont said the second he answered.

“He's on his way,” Jojo said. “You in position?”

“Yes, we're ready.”

“Don't leave any witnesses.”

Then he hung up. All Jojo had to do was sit back, eat some jelly doughnuts, and watch the show.