Club X-Dare (Siren Publishing Allure) (17 page)

“So I was a pawn in some sick fucking mind game?”

“No, it’s not like that. What we had wasn’t a game to me. It is just not possible anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Look at me. Do you really think I will ever be the same?”

She sat up, her brow creased with confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I am talking about the reality of what you need against what I will physically be able to give you. I am never going to be as I was.”

“Do you love me or not?”

“That is not the point. I can’t ask you to condemn yourself to a life with me.”

“What an asshole you are being. I am not in love with your body. I am in love with the man who is Condor. There are a million ways to please each other in bed. The motions are no good without the mental kick behind it. I enjoy sex and varied excitement, but it is not just the physical that brings me to climax. If my desires were strictly physical, then I would fuck the brats at the club. I don’t because they do little more than jumpstart my imagination. It is you who turns the key and makes the motor purr. You of all people should understand that you don’t need a perfect body to please someone and enjoy sex.”

“I know that. I just keep thinking that I will no longer be good enough. I don’t want you to spend eternity looking at me and wondering if things would be better with someone else.”

“Things will be nothing without you. Condor, when I leaned into the car to see if you were alive, my heart stopped beating. If you were dead at that moment, I would have died with you, and I know that as surely as I didn’t feel the glass I was kneeling in. They pulled fifteen pieces of glass out of the front of my legs, and I didn’t even know I was hurt. I knew as I sat there watching them stitch me back together that I could no longer deny how much I loved you. I didn’t feel the pain because I was so afraid that you were going to die. My mother lost the ability to feel life, and so she died. I now understand that. Don’t shut me out. I know your recovery is not going to be easy. I want to walk that road beside you and let you lean on me. Just because things may have to be refigured between us doesn’t mean that we can’t do it. All that matters to me is that you let me be a part of your life. Anything is doable as long as we want it bad enough.”

“I don’t know, Aino. I had trouble keeping up with you when I was healthy. I can’t do it anymore.”

“So I will have to walk a little slower.”

“What are you going to do for the next six months as I recover? Sit on your ass and wait for me?”

“I’m on my ass for a week or two anyway. After that, we will figure it out. I already spoke to the doctor about bringing you home. He is arranging to have round-the-clock nurses come in until I am well enough to care for you. After that, we can have help come in for a few hours a day so I can take care of the club. If you want, you come with me. Benny had a stair lift put in for me. There is no reason why you can’t go up to your office when you are feeling a little better. I had a vision center set up so I can see what is happening down south. Mark walks around with the camera on his helmet and shows me the progress. It is really cool. I can have Benny bring the laptop in, and you can see everything that has been done. Stop sulking. You are upsetting me, and I don’t need it. When do you want to get married?”

Condor chuckled and then hit the morphine button again. “Don’t make me laugh. When do you want to get married?”

“Tonight, while you are too stoned to change your mind.”

He broke into laughter, holding his ribs with his right arm as he began to groan in pain. “Stop, Aino. You are killing me.”

“I wasn’t intending to be so amusing. I was actually rather serious.”

“I’m sorry. It was just the way you said that. You don’t need for me to be stoned to marry you. I’m just feeling sorry for myself.”

“Well, stop it! You didn’t let me wallow in my self-pity, and I am not letting you do it either. If you remember correctly, we had this same discussion last week, only I was on the receiving end of your harassment. Now it’s your turn.”

“I suppose you’re right. I’m just worried about what happens six months from now or six years from now when I start developing arthritis in all these broken bones.”

“Well, I am worried what happens if this shit comes back and turns into cancer. What do you want to do, throw away the now because of what might happen in the future?”

“No, I don’t. I want to be with you and have you with me. Let me get past this agony I am in. Ignore everything I say until I can stand to be alive again, then we will get married, okay?”

“I suppose I can wait that long. You look really tired.”

“I am. It took a lot out of me to have them move me. I know this pain won’t last forever, but at the moment I wish that I never woke up. I need to go to sleep and get away from this.”

She slid over on the bed and began to stroke back his hair, her hand soothing on his scalp. It was the only place she could think of to touch him without hurting him. Condor closed his eyes and sighed, concentrating on her touch. Aino continued until she was sure that he was asleep and then got dressed. She pushed herself into the wheelchair, grabbing the phone and heading outside to call Mark. There was no way that she was going back down south for a long while. She needed to stay and convince Condor not to give up on their love.

When Condor opened his eyes, the room was dark. He heard a soft sniffling sound and turned his head to look at Aino. She had her back to him and in the shadowy room he could see her body heaving as she silently cried. He longed to reach out and touch her, but the only appendage he had was his voice. “Aino, what’s wrong?”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?’

“Dying tomorrow on the operating table. You hear so many horror stories about mistakes. I was lying here trying to go to sleep, and it hit me. I’m not ready to die.”

“You are going to be fine. You have to be fine. Who else is going to hang out and put up with me? I need you to help get me healthy again. I had a dream about us. You were walking down the aisle in a long, flowing, peach-colored dress. It was something out of a Southern belle movie, and you were the most incredibly beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your hair was done in ringlets that framed your face, and you were carrying a large bouquet of summer flowers. I was waiting for you on the outer terrace of the club, and everyone was gathered around down in the garden. There were tables set with billowing sheets of lace, the centerpieces were bowls of different color water with floating candles in them. Everything was perfect and stunning to look at. When you stepped up beside me, I was the proudest man on the face of the earth to know that you were going to be my wife.”

She rolled over to face him. “I think you are just trying to cheer me up. I wish there was a way I could lie in your arms right now. I need to feel your touch, but I would hurt you.”

“Unfortunately, you’re right, but if you wheeled yourself around the bed then my right arm is useable. I just have to be careful of the IV line.”

Aino slid into the wheelchair and rolled herself around the beds. She positioned herself so she was next to him and took his hand. Condor urged her to put her head down, laying his hand to her hair as she had done to him earlier. “Your hair is all knotted. Why don’t you get me a brush, and I will try to straighten it out.”

“I don’t have one. I wasn’t exactly planning on staying the night. I only brought what I needed for the day.”

He began to pick the tangles out with his fingers as she lay silently beside him. When Leeah the nurse came in to get her for surgery, she was asleep in the wheelchair, his hand still resting on her head.

“Samantha, you have to get up. I have to remove the bandages from your legs. They aren’t sanitary to be in the operating room. A gurney will be in to get you in a short while. Do you need to urinate?”

“Yeah,” she replied sleepily, lifting her head and groaning. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep like this. Let me go use the bathroom and then you can unwrap my legs.”

She wheeled herself into the bathroom and then returned, the nurse helping her shift up onto the bed. Condor was awake, and he lay watching as the nurse peeled off the layers of gauze protecting Aino’s legs. They were bruised and marked with lines of tiny black stitches around her kneecaps and down the front of her legs. “Oh, shit. How badly did you get cut?”

“Looks disgusting, huh?”

“I just didn’t realize how bad it was. I heard what you said, but I was thinking little pieces like when you break a glass and step on a piece. I guess car glass would be a lot worse, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Steve wheeled in a gurney for her and helped her slide over onto it. “I will bring her back in a few hours. Have your breakfast and get some sleep.”

“Can someone let me know when it is over?”

“I will,” replied Leeah with a smile. “She will be fine. Condor, I want to get you checked over before your meal gets here. See you a little later, Aino.”

Condor offered her smile, wishing he could reach out and touch her. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Be back later.”

Leeah walked around the bed as Steve pushed Aino from the room. She checked his IV. “This line is going to have to be changed. How is your pain level?”

“Bad.”

“On a scale of one to ten, ten being unbearable?”

“About a nine.”

“I will talk to the doctor about upping your morphine. Let me go get the equipment to change this line.”

“Leeah,” he said, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Urinate or have a bowel movement?”

“Both.”

“You can just go. You have a diaper on. I can change you when I get back.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“No, I am not. I can give you a bottle, but you can’t sit up to use it. The easiest thing to do for now is just go and then roll you to the side and put a fresh one on. I am sorry. I will be right back. Maybe in a few days when the pain subsides a bit we will try to get you up. Not right now though.”

She returned with two aides and a tray. “How did it go?”

“Wonderful. It wasn’t as if I had any choice. You can only hold it for so long.”

They shifted him onto a backboard and rolled him to the side. The diaper was removed, and Condor lay gasping for air as they washed him and put on a new covering. He quickly realized how impossible it would be for him to get up. He was in agony just being moved. Leeah pulled the feed from his arm, and they set him onto Aino’s bed, changing the sheets and then sliding him back over. She replaced the IV line and gave him a hot shot of morphine. Condor drifted on the verge of consciousness for a very short while and then dropped into sleep, to dream of Aino.

* * * *

Aino opened her eyes, her mouth pasty. “Welcome back. Everything went great,” said Dr. Fine. “You are in recovery, and in a little while you will be going up to your room. Are you in pain?”

Aino groaned, slowly nodding her head. “I am gonna throw up.”

“We will get something for that. I have another surgery to do, and I will see you a little later.” Aino watched through a haze as Dr. Fine spoke to a nurse who injected something in Aino’s IV line. “Once you are feeling a little better, we can remove this. Are you in pain?”

“A little,” she replied as the world around her slowly began to clear. “I am really cold and thirsty.”

The nurse covered her with a heated blanket and smiled. “Why don’t you let your stomach settle a little, and then I will get you a glass of ginger ale.”

“Okay.”

Aino closed her eyes, the feeling of impending vomit fading. The room was too bright, and she squinted, watching the people move around her. Benny came over and took her hand. “How you doing, kid?”

“Benny, why are you here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be as the only relative to my sweet niece. I had to come check on you. Condor is out cold anyway.”

“Is he all right?”

“Yeah, the nurse said that they gave him a shot because he was in a lot of pain. It knocked him out.”

“What’s going on at the club? How is what’s her name working out?”

“I presume you mean Seuss?”

“Yeah, that’s it. I’m stoned, Benny.”

“I see that. Seuss is doing fine. She was a good choice. I think her and Kevin hit it off big. How is Condor?”

“I don’t know. I think I cheered him up a little, but he is really down. I’m so afraid he is going to push me out of his life. I never felt like this before. I never cared if a man wasn’t there in the morning. I used to throw them out so I didn’t have to deal with them. I don’t know how to handle what I am feeling.”

“Give him some time, Aino. He is hurting, and he is not any more secure in his feelings than you are. I know he loves you, and he knows it, too. Don’t let him push you away.”

“Sir, are you a family member?”

“I am the only family she has. I was on my way down from seeing her fiancé who is upstairs, and I wanted to see how she was. I can’t stay anyway.” He leaned and kissed Aino on the cheek. “Things will get better.”

“If they don’t, we are both in trouble.”

Benny chuckled and let the nurse chase him from the room. She returned to Aino and handed her a glass of ginger ale. “Feeling up to a trip upstairs?”

“I guess,” she said, taking the glass and sipping at it. “Can I have something to eat?”

“I will have a light meal sent up to you. Don’t try and overdo it though. Eat slowly.”

“Okay.”

“I will go get someone to bring you up to your room. Then I will come back and take the IV line out. Let someone know if you are in pain or you get sick again, okay?”

“I will.”

“Good.” The nurse walked away, leaving her with the bubbling glass of overly sweet soda.

She arrived back in the room a little while later. Condor was sitting up, eating a bowl of Jell-O. He smiled. “Everything went okay?”

“I guess so.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like shit, and you?”

“About the same. We are a sad pair.” He chuckled and then instantly regretted it as pain flared in his ribs.

“Benny snuck in to see me and got thrown out.”