Coach Maddie and the Marine (5 page)

“Thanks,” he said. “I appreciate the offer.” He glanced at the framed flag on the mantle. His heart clenched. “You understand what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

She hesitated and he sensed her resistance to talk about it. “Frank and I got married right after I finished high school. He enlisted the day we got home from our honeymoon. With only a high school education, it was a way for us to get a good start.”

“How long were you married?”

“A little less than a year—six months of which he was halfway around the world. He was only twenty. I’d just turned nineteen.”

“I’m so sorry.” He clenched his teeth and moved to stand at the window. He was torn between patriotism and pissed off. It was an old battle. As familiar as an old pair of worn boots. “These damn wars. I look at those boys playing out there in the yard—so young, so innocent—and I can’t believe in only a few years they might be called upon to go to some godforsaken part of the world and fight to the death for a piece of land or a particular way of thinking.”

“War has always been part of the human experience.”

Counselor Maddie had replaced the young widow. He wasn’t sure if it was for his benefit or for her own.

“Maybe,” he said, hating her attempt to intellectualize something so dark and empty. He turned to face her. “But as human beings, we’re supposed to evolve, learn what works and what doesn’t. One war never stops the next. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.”

He sounded like a damn pacifist. He wasn’t. He believed in America, and freedom, and the flag. He believed that the American way of life was worth sacrifice. But war, especially when that meant never seeing your brother, or your husband, again, was a hard pill to swallow.

“I miss Frank.” She looked out the window and a small smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “I often wonder how our lives would’ve turned out if he’d come home alive.” She looked back at him. “One of the worst parts is that I don’t even remember what his voice sounded like. I was lost after Frank’s death. I’d been going to college part-time but I didn’t have any real plans other than being a wife and mother. Soon after I buried him, I started seeing a counselor and after a few visits, I decided that’s what I wanted to do—help people deal with losses that seem insurmountable. I thought learning more about psychology would help ease my pain.”

“Did it?”

Turning her head away from him again, she said, “Not really. The only thing that helped was acceptance and that took everything I had.”

“Could you love again?”

“I think so. I mean, I’d certainly like to, but I’m still a little gun-shy especially when it comes to men in uniform.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Why?”

He walked to the sofa and sat beside her. “There are a lot of good men who wear the uniform.”

“I know. It’s just so difficult to think about a loss like that. If it happened again, I don’t think I could bear it.”

“Do you get lonely?”

Maddie nodded. “I do get lonely. Even though Andrew’s here, I miss having another adult in the house. I miss just knowing there’s someone else there.”

He knew the feeling all too well. Sex was easy. There were always plenty of single women on military bases who were lonely and looking for nothing more than a meaningless connection. A few drinks at the club, a short ride to his apartment.

For a few hours, it pushed the loneliness back a little. But the next day, when the alcohol buzz wore off and the woman left to go back to her own life, he was lonelier than ever before.

Those nights left him empty. Totally empty.

It was worse than no touch at all.

“I know what you mean,” he said. “It’s been so long since I’ve just watched television with a woman, or gone to the grocery store and argued over what we should eat for dinner.”

“No serious relationships recently?”

He shook his head. “Not since Officer Candidates School.”

“It’s been a long time for both of us.”

Something about the air in the room changed. It became tense, charged, like there were invisible sparks flickering between them. Maddie felt it. He saw it in her eyes.

She was fighting the attraction as hard as he was.

“With my job and Andrew, I just haven’t found the time to date.” It didn’t take a psychologist to hear the fear, the dread in her voice.

“There are lots of online dating sites. Several of the guys in my unit met their wives that way.”

Maddie shrugged. “Someday. Maybe.”

Her green eyes met his. The electrical current between them intensified.

He moved closer to her, put his hands on her shoulders and turned her so that she faced him. Her eyes held his without wavering. His muscles tightened, unsure of the moment. She looked so small, so vulnerable. He didn’t want a relationship based on mutual loss, but when Maddie leaned toward him he was unable to fight the magnetism. Her lips brushed his lightly. He was entranced by the taste of her—soft, flavored with sweet tea and powdered sugar. With every breath he drew in the smell of her, light and floral, like the smell of sunshine. As he moved to deepen the kiss, Maddie tensed and pulled back.

“We can’t do this,” she said.

She was right. It was a bad idea. All the way around.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s not you. It’s Andrew. He could walk in any second. I’m sharing the house with an impressionable fourth-grader.”

He’d been so intent on her, the kid hadn’t even crossed his mind. “I didn’t think about him either.”

“I think we’re safe. It might scar him forever to see his two football coaches kissing.”

“I guess I should be going anyway,” he said, yawning and rising from the sofa. “I know it’s only eight o’clock, but I didn’t get much sleep last night and five o’clock comes early. Friday night, same time, same place?”

She nodded. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

He stepped toward her and took both her hands in his. “I’m sorry about Frank,” he said.

“And I’m sorry you lost Robert,” she responded.

When she gazed into his eyes, he felt
it
. He couldn’t put his finger on exactly what
it
was, but it was something huge. Something that drew him toward her, nearly into her. It was deeper than the attraction he’d felt since the moment he saw her. Attraction had morphed into affinity. He dropped her hands as if they threatened to burn him.

Don’t complicate things. Maddie is a wonderful woman. She deserves more than you can give her. She’s already lost one marine.

“Callie will be home soon. Safe and sound.”

“I hope you’re right.”

...

Maddie watched his car disappear down the street and breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn’t meant to discuss Frank. She hadn’t meant to ask him about his brother. What was meant to be a light evening had quickly turned into something more intense.

It had taken all her strength not to cry when she remembered those dark days after Frank’s death. So many emotions were associated with him and that time in her life. Grief, heartbreak, injustice. Depression. And after eight years, they still had the power to paralyze her.

Regardless of what she told herself about acceptance.

She’d worked with enough clients to know that he was still in the first phase of grief. Even though it had been eight years since Robert’s death, he still hadn’t moved past it. Anger was usually one of the first emotions a patient had to work through. It was very common for a patient to look for something or someone to blame. His whole reason for becoming a marine was centered on one thing: vengeance. It was a common theme. Many of her patients sought it. Few made it their life’s work. It was part of Kubler-Ross’s second stage of grief. Eventually, the anger and need to place blame was replaced by bargaining and depression. Trading one negative emotion for another.

She’d wanted to ask more questions. But thankfully, she’d caught herself before she slipped too far into professional mode. It had been so long since she’d connected to anyone on a purely personal level, she’d nearly forgotten how to simply listen without trying to draw clinical conclusions.

He’s not a patient. He didn’t come here for your input. He came to help you coach a football team. For goodness sake, take off your counselor’s hat for a while.

He didn’t feel like a client. At all.

Maddie didn’t have time to think about why he didn’t feel like a patient. The last rays of the sun were sinking past the horizon, day quickly fading into evening. Time to get Andrew ready for bed.

“Andrew,” she called out the front door, “let’s go. Come on in and hit the shower.”

He shouted good-bye to his friends and scuffled up the front steps.

“Do I have to? I hate showers.”

“Yes. You smell like a locker room.”

He headed toward the bathroom and she walked down the hall to lay his pajamas out and turn down his bed.

She loved his room. When Callie had gotten her orders for deployment, the girls spent a weekend decorating a room for Andrew so that he would feel at home. They’d painted the room a soft blue and painted a gridiron in green and white on the floor. Callie had found a cache of football posters at a local thrift store. They’d framed them in cheap frames and now decades of the greats—like Dan Marino and Johnny Unitas—covered the walls.

She would miss him terribly when he moved back to Callie’s.

Andrew walked into the room in just his underwear. Spongebob briefs. She smiled. How could she not smile at such ridiculous marketing?

“Here are your pajamas.” She handed them to him. “Did you finish your homework?”

“Most of it, except my reading.”

“You can finish it up in bed,” she said, and pulled back the comforter. “Need a snack?”

“An apple?”

“I’ll slice one while you get comfortable.”

Andrew was engrossed in his book by the time she returned. She placed the snack on his nightstand. “I’ll be back to tuck you in later.”

Thirty minutes later, after Andrew brushed his teeth, Maddie pulled the covers up to his chin. “Good night. I love you and your mom loves you.” She kissed him lightly on the head and ruffled his hair with her hand. “Sleep tight.”

“Love you, too.”

She turned to leave the room when he called her back.

“Aunt Maddie?”

“What is it, kiddo?”

“Are you going to marry Lieutenant Sterling?”

Chapter Five

“Marry him?” Maddie asked. She narrowed her eyes. “Where did you get that idea?”

Andrew stared at the floor. Then she realized exactly where he’d gotten that idea. He’d seen them kissing.

“Were you, by any chance, spying on us earlier tonight?”

Guilt washed over his face. “I wasn’t spying. Honest. I wasn’t. I was just coming inside to grab a drink of water and when I got to the top of the steps and went to open the door, I saw you.”

Maddie sighed. “Sweetheart, just because people kiss, it doesn’t mean they’re getting married. I’ve only known him a few days. Who knows what might happen?”

There was no way she could explain to Andrew that the kiss was only physical attraction, shared grief. Nothing more. Nothing serious.

“I think you should marry him.”

“It’s not that simple. It takes a long time to know someone well enough to decide whether or not you want to spend your entire life with them. Lieutenant Sterling and I just met.”

There was no way she was going to explain the connection between David and his Uncle Frank, a man Andrew didn’t even remember. The only things he knew about him were things he’d been told.

“If Mom had married my dad, he might still be around.”

“Oh, Andrew,” Maddie said as she walked toward the bed. His eyes focused on the ceiling while he picked at a small thread on the comforter.

“Your mom wanted to marry your dad. It’s just that,” she hesitated, took a moment to get her words just right, “your dad wasn’t ready to marry anyone. I know it must be difficult to see all the other kids with their dads. And with your mom away, I’m sure it’s even harder. But what happened between your mom and dad was just one of those adult things that’s really complicated and hard to explain.”

Maddie’s heart shattered like glass when she saw the tears welling up in his brown puppy dog eyes. She sat down beside him and wrapped her arms around him. She didn’t know what else to say or do, so she simply held and rocked him while he cried.

When the worst of the tears passed, she moved away a little.

“Someday, either your mom or I will get married and you’ll have a man around that can play football with you and take you fishing and camping. I know it hurts, honey, but when you’re a little older, it’ll be easier to understand the things that happened between your mom and dad.”

She hated that “someday, when you’re older” bit, but in this case, it was true. Callie had been madly in love with Rex, Andrew’s dad, but they were so young. And Rex, son of the richest businessman in town, let his mother bully him into breaking up with Callie. Maddie never doubted Rex loved Callie as much as she loved him. He was just a coward when it came to his mother. Other than sending the occasional card or package, Rex had nothing to do with his son.

Andrew’s sniffling brought her back to the present.

“Want to snuggle for a little while?”

Andrew nodded and she kicked off her shoes. They both slipped under the covers and snuggled tightly together.

“Do you want me to tell you a story to take your mind off things?”

“Can there be dragons in it?”

“If you want dragons, then dragons you shall have. Now close your eyes.” She began in a quiet voice, “Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a young man who found a dragon hiding in the barn behind his house. It was a very small dragon…”

...

Every song on the radio—no matter how many times he switched the channel—was a sappy love song.

As much as he hated talk radio, with its trademark political venom, he was going to be forced to switch to it if the DJs didn’t give him a break soon.

David couldn’t stop thinking about Maddie. The coppery fire of her curls, the sugary taste of sweet tea on her lips, the way she furrowed her brow when she changed from woman to counselor.

He admired her restraint. When he’d been telling her about Robert, he’d seen her struggle with whether to treat him as a client or a friend. Thank God she’d opted for the latter. He couldn’t stand the idea of a counselor picking apart his feelings. He’d deal with his brother’s death in his own way.

Meeting Maddie hadn’t been part of the plan.

Being attracted to her was even further off the radar.

He hadn’t planned to kiss her last night. Before he knew what was happening, his lips were on hers and for a moment, a tiny sliver of time, he’d forgotten. Forgotten the overwhelming crush of pain, forgotten his self-hatred at losing two men under his command.

Forgotten that he was the reason Maddie was alone.

He’d forgotten everything but the taste of her lips, the smell of her hair. When he kissed Maddie, the only thing in the world was her.

He’d felt something, and that scared the hell out of him.

He unlocked the door of his apartment, hung the uniforms he’d picked up at the dry cleaner’s in the closet and poured himself a generous glass of bourbon.

...

On Friday
,
Tommy’s mom picked up Andrew. She was treating the boys to hamburgers and a matinee. Andrew wouldn’t be home until at least eight o’clock.

Maddie was a little nervous. After the kiss, she wished Andrew was going to be home to put a barrier between the two of them. It couldn’t happen again.

She wouldn’t let it.

With less than an hour before David arrived for lesson number two, she intended to look as unattractive as possible. After a quick shower, she applied only moisturizer. No makeup. She wound her unruly curls into a tight bun and removed the glittering heart necklace that brought attention to her breasts.

After thirty minutes in front of the bathroom mirror, a full ten minutes longer than it would have taken to apply her makeup if she were trying to look good, she hustled to her closet and tried to pick out the most unflattering thing she could find. She finally selected a loose cotton T-shirt spattered with a rainbow of paint stains and a pair of tattered cargo pants in olive drab
.

Nip the attraction in the bud. Once and for all.

She’d be doing him a favor. Not to mention herself.

Looking in the full-length mirror in her bedroom, she turned, checking to make sure the pants weren’t tight enough in the rump to draw any attention.

She might be able to live without makeup, but fragrance was another story. She was spraying her favorite perfume on her neck and wrists when the doorbell rang. After one last look in the bathroom mirror, she headed for the front door.

“Hey, there.”

“Come on in,” she said, stepping back from the door.

“I see you got all dressed up for me,” he said, looking her over. “How many houses have you painted in that shirt?”

“Just my comfortable clothes. No reason to get dressed up just to learn football.”

He winced, obviously disappointed. If she hadn’t been looking right at him, she would’ve missed it. “You wouldn’t have dressed like that on purpose to scare me off or anything, would you?”

Oops. Busted.

“What are you talking about? Of course not.” She laughed, hoping he didn’t hear the nervous edge.

“The flaw in your plan was the perfume.”

“What perfume?”

He laughed. “What’s it called?”

Maddie placed her hands on her hips. “It must just be my soap.”

He raised one eyebrow. “It’s not the soap.”

Maddie huffed. “It’s called Rosewilde. I’m surprised you noticed. I didn’t put on very much at all.”

“Noticed? A man would have to be dead not to pick up on a smell like that. I’m surprised you haven’t been approached by random men on the street.”

Maddie giggled. “Who says I haven’t?”

Something flashed across his face. It was tight, edgy. Could it be jealousy?

“That ridiculous outfit, which, by the way, looks like something Lucille Ball might wear to fool Ricky Ricardo. It was kind of a dead giveaway.”

“When I get ready for a new man in my life, I’ll wear something else.”

There. She’d said it. Made it plain. Nothing more was going to happen between them. Only football.

“Good to know.” He smiled. A tepid, fake half smile, half snarl.

She hoped he hadn’t taken her declaration as a challenge, but the look on his face told her it was a distinct possibility.

Whether he realized it or not, he wasn’t ready for a relationship either. Clinically speaking. He was too consumed by his brother’s death and the death of a man under his command. The first stages of grief had a way of turning a perfectly nice man into a terrible boyfriend. Maddie had seen it too many times to count in her work.

He wanted her. She could tell by the way he drank her up with his eyes, the way he stood close to her, assumed a very protective stance when he was standing beside her.

The silence was awkward.

“Point taken.” His smile was genuine and she liked the way his dimples weren’t perfectly symmetrical. The one on the left was deeper than the other. “Ready for some football?”

They settled on the couch and he cued up the game. Maddie dutifully picked her notebook up off the coffee table.

“Today we’re going to work on offense. Let’s talk about each position and what they’re responsible for during the game.”

As they talked, she kept good notes. She wanted to make this successful and she didn’t want to miss a single detail.

After nearly an hour of discussion, David asked, “Now, what players play on the offensive side of the ball? Those are the players that are trying to score with the ball.”

“Let’s see,” Maddie replied, looking at her notes. “Well, definitely the quarterback is an offensive player and then you have the offensive lineman, the center, the tight ends, the fullback, running backs, halfbacks…but what about guards and tackles? Couldn’t they be either?”

“Good job, Maddie. Both the offense and the defense have guards and tackles. Sometimes it’s the same guys, sometimes it’s not. Just depends on the team. How does the offense line up at the line of scrimmage?”

“Line of what? I know I’ve heard that word, but I’m not entirely sure what it means.”

“It only means the line where the play starts.”

“I’m not sure how they line up. But I did write down the numbers that are assigned to each position, so can you freeze a play so I can try to figure it out myself?”

“Sure.” He paused the game on a close-up shot of the team’s offense.

Maddie moved closer to the television, squinting to decipher the numbers on each of the jerseys. After a couple of minutes of scribbling down notes and mumbling to herself, she returned to the couch.

“Let me draw it for you.” In her excitement, she sat too close to him. Her right leg was touching his. She tried to keep her focus and ignore the iron firmness of his thigh. As much as she wanted to draw back quickly, she feared it would make the situation more awkward. Bending over the notebook, she drew out a line of circles which she labeled with positions. Finished, she looked over her drawing one last time before she passed the notebook to David.

“Perfect,” he said, once he’d checked her work.

She made a move to scoot to her right, firmly back onto her side of the couch but he placed one large hand on her thigh.

“I really admire your commitment to Andrew and this team.” His amber eyes sparkled and she felt those sparks again. She tried to ignore them but they were making her stomach feel strange. Bubbly.

“Callie would do the same for me,” Maddie said. “I know she would. We’re more than just sisters. We’re best friends.” As soon as the words tumbled out of her mouth, she regretted them. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was very insensitive of me.”

“It’s okay,” he said, patting her knee. “I’m glad you have Callie.”

“Me, too.”

The house was quiet. Too quiet. It was like being a teenager, alone in the house with a boy when you weren’t supposed to be. The silence grew. His hand was still on her knee and every skin cell on her body was conscious of his touch.

“We should probably get back to football. Sorry I didn’t bring any gold stars to reward you.”

“I can think of better rewards.”

Oh, no. Why did I say that? The sentence just tumbled out of my mouth. What the hell was I thinking? Not ten minutes ago I rationalized all the reasons we shouldn’t be together and now I’m flirting.

“Really? And what might those be?” he asked in his deep, husky voice. He raised one eyebrow and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

She had no idea what to say, where to take the conversation. With Andrew several houses away and not coming home anytime soon, she had to think of something. Fast. No more kissing. That was out. No more flirting.

Maddie was stuck with him as her assistant coach for the whole season.

The only thing she could think of was to put distance between them.

“Doughnuts,” she said, rising from the sofa. “I’ll get them.”

In the kitchen, she took her time putting them on a tray. To ease some of the tension, she shoved a powdered sugar doughnut in her mouth and chewed fast, then went back into the living room. The sugar rush smoothed the edges. A little, at least.

He was flipping through a magazine when she placed the tray on the coffee table. “Want me to refill your iced tea?”

He looked up at her and smiled. “You cheated.”

“What are you talking about?”

He rose so that he stood just a few inches from her. Maddie felt the heat coming off his body in waves. “You cheated,” he repeated. He ran his index finger along her cheek. “You ate a doughnut before you brought the rest out here. What if you ate the one I wanted?”

Damn the powdered sugar.

“I…”

He opened his arms and Maddie felt herself being drawn toward him, like her movements were controlled by some strange tide. He pulled her into the circle of his arms.

She relaxed against his chest, a wall of solid muscle.

He leaned into her and brushed her lips with his. His smell, distinctly his and 100 percent masculine, was like a powerful drug. He tasted like the cool, lemony iced tea. Every cell in her body vibrated with attraction and anticipation. The desires she’d held in check for so long, first because she couldn’t imagine being with anyone other than Frank, and then because she was afraid to ever feel passion again, flared to life with an intensity she’d never known. Like throwing a flaming match in a pool of lighter fluid.