Coalescence - SF3 (43 page)

"Just as well," Ryan agreed. "I’d lose face when you saw me get my ass kicked!"

"So tell me more about this role thing," Jamie inquired. "How were you with Tracy?"

"Mmm, I had to be a full-time adult with her. She was pretty serious, even though she had a decent sense of humor. Honestly, I don’t think she was really very into me," Ryan theorized. "I think she wanted to have sex with me, and when I played hard-to-get she took it as a challenge."

"I got the impression that you two were getting pretty close," Jamie said. "We had that talk about falling in love…"

"Yeah, but I learned that if you have to ask someone else’s opinion, you’re not in love. I just didn’t know how it was supposed to feel. I guess I’d say that we were getting pretty close, but there was a barrier there that we could not get past."

"What was it, Hon?" Jamie asked, very much wanting to know these details.

"I never felt like she wanted to know all of me. She seemed to like me quite a bit, but she wanted to know me just as I was…She wasn’t interested in how I got that way."

"Give me an example," Jamie requested.

"Okay. The first time I was going to bring her to the house, she asked a few questions first. She asked about my parents, and I said that my mother was dead. There was a pause, and she said she was sorry to hear that. That was the only time the topic came up. To this day, she doesn’t know when she died, or what she died of, or how her death affected me."

"Why didn’t you tell her?" Jamie asked, stunned that Ryan wouldn’t reveal the details of this momentous event in her life.

"That’s not my style," the dark head shook rapidly back and forth. "I tell people the bare minimum. If you want more, you’ve got to ask for it."

"You don’t do that with me," Jamie reminded her.

"I used to," Ryan insisted. "This is one of the primary reasons I fell in love with you, Babe. Early on, you made me feel like you were deeply interested in me. You wanted to know what made me tick. And I felt the same about you. That trust and openness went both ways. That had never happened with another woman."

"Now that you mention it, I guess I do remember you being pretty close-mouthed about a lot of things. But it didn’t seem to last too long."

"No, it didn’t," Ryan agreed. "I’m really very open with my family. It’s how I feel most comfortable. Maybe since I can be myself at home, it’s not a big deal to have a more reserved mask in public. But with you, I was able to take the mask off pretty quickly."

"I’m so glad that happened," Jamie replied, leaning over for a kiss. "I fell in love with your true self…not one small part of you."

"You get the whole quirky package," Ryan agreed. "Now, I’ve blathered on long enough. It’s your turn, Honey."

Jamie poured another glass of wine for each of them, taking a sip before she began to speak. "I’d have to say that one of the biggest ways you’ve changed my life is that you’ve given me another chance to be a child." Ryan smiled and squeezed her hand, encouraging her to continue. "I was thinking about this when we were running in the sprinklers and sliding across the grass. I never did that sort of thing when I was young. Elizabeth would not have stood for that type of frivolity! I got to play with other kids at the park, but if I got too rowdy we would go home…immediately. She didn’t like it when I yelled or ran around too much—said it wasn’t ladylike."

Ryan’s eyes were nearly bugging out of her head at this thought, but she held her tongue since Jamie seemed to have more to say on the topic. "I’ve got to admit, that was one of the things that most appealed to me about you. You just seemed so casual and free—like you weren’t listening to some inner voice telling you not to do things."

"No, I’m pretty free of inner voices," Ryan joked.

"Yeah, that comes across really clearly," Jamie nodded. "I remember when you broached the AIDS Ride to me for the first time—I thought you were nuts! It seemed absolutely fantastic that you would mistake me for someone who could do something like that. I doubted your sanity!" she laughed.

"That really wasn’t evident in the way you behaved," Ryan assured her. "You acted pretty happy-go-lucky."

"That was an act," Jamie declared decisively. "I always had some kind of tape playing in my head, telling me not to step outside of the rules."

"So why did you agree to do the ride with me?" Ryan asked.

Jamie thought of her answer for a moment, and then realized, "Because you assumed I could do it. You treated me like an adult, who could have a goal, work towards it, and accomplish it. I swear that you were the first person in my life who ever encouraged me in that fashion."

"Not even your grandfather?" Ryan gaped.

"No…not really. I think he was always very careful not to get too involved in voicing his opinion about a lot of things because he didn’t want to contradict my parents or Elizabeth. He was always loving and supportive, but he wouldn’t have encouraged me to be too independent."

"God, we could not have been raised more differently," Ryan mused. "It’s truly amazing."

"I think it’s amazing that our differences have allowed us to come together," Jamie said. "I can get a little dose of wildness from you, and you can hear the voice of reason from me."

"Yeah, I can use a little moderation every now and again," Ryan admitted with a big grin.

"So I guess I’m saying that, in a way, I think we give each other the same gift. You allow me to find that hidden child inside me and let her out. I allow you to be a child around me."

"You let me be vulnerable," Ryan added.

"You let me be wild," Jamie smiled.

"It’s a pretty sweet deal," Ryan concluded.

"Indeed." Jamie leaned over and expressed her appreciation by giving Ryan several tender, gentle kisses. "Now do we get to talk about the honeymoon?" she grinned.

"Go for it," Ryan murmured, looking like she could spend a lot more time on the kissing part of the discussion.

"I am amazed beyond description with how quickly this all felt absolutely normal to me," Jamie said. "I know I was a little freaked out on Tuesday morning, but since then, it’s been so easy. I swear I would never have believed it, but it really has been!"

"Tell me how you mean," Ryan urged.

"It’s hard to describe, Babe. When I was with Jack, sex was so much in my head! I thought about stuff the whole time—was this gonna work, was he enjoying himself, was I gonna have an orgasm. It was this constant running analysis. If I wasn’t having fun, my mind would just wander to school, or I’d think about my to-do list, or something like that. I know it sounds horrible, but I could disconnect really easily and just be in a whole different world—while he was actually inside of me!"

"Yikes!" Ryan grimaced, a sour look on her face. "I take it that you don’t do that now?"

"No! Just the opposite! I’m all about feeling now—it’s really weird, Honey. I just react to your touch, and I touch you with that same instinct. I don’t think about what you’re doing, or worry about what I’m going to do to you. It just happens. It feels so free and natural, Babe. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think I do," Ryan agreed. "I mean, sex has always felt like that to me—I’ve never spent a lot of time thinking in bed. But you’ve shown me a whole new facet of lovemaking that I didn’t expect."

"Tell me," Jamie urged, eyes shining.

Ryan took a sip of wine and let the amber liquid roll around on her tongue for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "Obviously, I’ve enjoyed having sex in the past," she began. "And some of those encounters were very fulfilling. But there is a whole new feeling I have when we’re together," she mused. "It’s hard to explain, but I’d have to say that my focus has changed."

"Focus?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah. My focus," Ryan decided. "I’m more generous and more giving now. Even though I love being touched more than I ever did, I feel like I also love touching more than ever before. I know I’ve told you that I loved touching women—it was a very big deal for me. But in retrospect, I was touching them more to fill myself up, than for them. In a way, it was a power trip. I liked to see what my touch could do…how I could make a woman respond." Taking another sip of wine, Ryan continued, "It’s not like that with you, Jamie. When I touch you, I’m trying to give you pleasure, and I’m trying to show you how I feel about you. It’s not a huge difference, but it’s a very important one."

"It’s important to me," the smaller woman murmured, tilting her head to kiss the wine-flavored lips. "I can feel how you put yourself into our lovemaking—it feels like you’re giving me everything you have, Sweetheart."

"I try to," Ryan agreed. "I’m always going to try to show my full self when we make love."

"I’ll try too," Jamie whispered, smiling as Ryan leaned down to kiss her several times. As the dark head lifted, Jamie asked, "So…is there anything you’re unhappy with about our honeymoon? Did you get everything on your list?"

"I did not have a list!" Ryan cried. After a pause she gave her partner a sly grin and revealed, "Well…maybe I had a short list." She laughed softly and added, "You fulfilled every wish on Monday afternoon."

"Tell me what was on the list," Jamie begged, eyes intent on her lover.

"Well…I’d say that my biggest wish was that by the end of the week we’d be comfortable with each other." She turned just a bit, lay on her side, and trailed her hand down her lover’s body. Starting at her collarbones, she traced a path that included every erogenous zone, and as she finished she looked up and said, "I think we’ve done pretty well on that score."

"That was all that you wanted?" the suspicious blonde asked.

"No, I desperately wanted you not to be afraid of me," Ryan admitted. "I thought you might have a very hard time being open to me." Leaning in for another kiss she added, "That didn’t happen either."

"Come on…there’s more," Jamie insisted.

"I hoped that we’d be able to talk about little problems and concerns that came up about sex," Ryan said. "And I think we did great on that issue."

"Yeah, we did, didn’t we?" Jamie smiled. "It’s actually been fun talking about sex…who knew?" After a short kissing break, Jamie asked, "What about the sex itself? Didn’t you have any expectations?"

"Mmm, not real specific ones. I mean, I did consider every possible permutation of how to touch you during these past weeks, but it wasn’t like it was a wish list."

"Well, no matter what was on that list, I’m sure we’ve done it," Jamie mused.

Ryan paused for a moment, expecting Jamie to laugh but when she didn’t her own laughter bubbled up from her chest. "Oh…that’s rich!" she cried. "Do you really believe that, Babe?"

"Well…um…yeah," the embarrassed blonde replied. "I mean, there are only so many things you can do, and it seems like we’ve done them all."

"Whoo! You’re in for a treat, Sweetness. We’ve just begun to explore each other!"

"Really?" Jamie asked, her voice now hesitant. "But…what…um…there are only so many…I mean…"

"Relax, Babe," Ryan soothed, wrapping her in a hug. "We’ve got all the time in the world."

"But Ryan," she complained, sitting up a little bit. "How much more can girls do?"

"Trust me," Ryan said, a crooked grin covering her face. "We have barely scratched the surface…but that isn’t what matters, Hon. What matters is how we make each other feel. And you are an expert at making me feel loved."

"Me too," Jamie assured her, snuggling into her arms.

They sat in front of the fireplace for a long while, sipping their wine, each lost in her own thoughts, and plans, and dreams. Some time later, empty wine bottle on the table next to them, they drifted off to sleep, holding each other in a warm, love-filled embrace.

At nine o’clock, the huge, black Dodge Ram crunched along the drive, pulling up to the rear entrance of the house. Conor hopped out and rang the bell, patiently waiting for his sister to answer. After a few minutes, he tilted his head and looked around the property, spotting the Boxster next to the garage.
They’ve got to be here
, he mused.
Probably passed out from too much sex!

He followed the path to the front door and rang again, now a little impatiently.
Come on, you two! I’ve gotta go to the bathroom!
After a few tries at rapping sharply, he kicked the door in frustration, and began to peer into every window that he could see into. No signs of life were apparent, so he placed his hands on his hips and started to look around the grounds.

The steppingstone path to the pool house was lit with graceful tulip-shaped verdigris metal lamps, and he followed the stones to the main door of the glass house. Conor’s big blue eyes scanned the space, stopping first on a pile of clothes dropped haphazardly onto the floor. Turning his gaze to the flickering fireplace the big blue eyes got even bigger when he spotted a blonde and a dark head—two figures reclining together on the wide chaise lounge.
Oh shit!
he cried.
I finally get to see Jamie naked, and my stupid sister is wrapped all around her! Doesn’t that just ruin everything!
He fought with his conscience for a moment, finally deciding that the pleasure of peeking at Jamie was not worth the guilt he would feel for spying on his sister.
Maybe I could create a diversion
, his always-mischievous mind mused.
Ryan would get up to see what the noise was, and then I could get a good look at Jamie.
He smiled evilly, but quickly quashed his plan.
It’s not the same anymore
, he had to admit.
Now that she’s with Ryan, it’s almost like I’ve got two sisters…just what I always wanted
, he groused.
There’s finally a hot woman in the house, and my sister gets to sleep with her!