Code Name: Kayla's Fire (13 page)

“Kayla.”

“No,” she breathed.
Even the small word was an agonizing chore. Her lips and face were numb. Blood
filled her mouth. She didn’t want to wake up. “Leave me.”

“I gave up on you. I’m
so sorry, Kayla.”

“Don’t…want…to…live,
Greg. Let go.”

“Sweetheart, it’s not
Greg. Open your eyes,” the gentle command prompting her to focus.

The room was dark. Cool
sheets twisted in her hands. Sweat covered her skin, instead of blood. The
smell of pine was gone, replaced with a light salty breeze that blew across her
hot body. Where was she? Hands pried the fabric from her fingers.

“Kayla, it’s over,
you’re safe.”

Mace—the here and now
crashed into her, and a breaking wave of sadness engulfed her. A tremble
radiated in her chin, and then her entire body. She tried to curl into a ball,
but arms circled her chest, and strong legs curled tightly around her legs. She
realized she was lying on a bed of muscles, the skin a little tacky, and the
smell of alcohol surrounded her. “Mace, he’s with Carrie.” Her body buckled
shaking with a sob. “Please Mace.” She reached for him, even though she
couldn’t see him. “Take me to the docks.”

“Jesus. Kayla, I’m not
going to leave you for the Shark like some fucking leashed goat pegged to the
ground.” A hand ran down her arm. “Open your eyes, Snow White.”

Mace knelt on the bed
in front of her. He gave her a sweet, but sad smile, and threaded his fingers
through her hair. She focused, and realized who she was lying against and
lurched forward intending to crawl on her hands and knees if she had to.

“Mace, give us a
second,” Thane said, restraining her.

She shook her head
rapidly. Mace rested a hand on her shoulder. “If you want me, I’m just down the
hall, but I think you need to listen to what he has to say. Really listen.”
Mace backed away, and she began to shake with fear. Fear of hearing the truth.
Fear of seeing the disgust in his eyes. She tried to rally her thoughts,
instill some separation between memory and the now. “No, I can’t.” Thane
released her, and she lunged for Mace. Her friend. Giant sobs racked her body,
and she cried so hard she couldn’t breathe.

“Fuck, you rip me raw,”
Thane whispered, and she knew she wasn’t the only one crying.

“Jesus, you both are
fuckin’ stupid,” Mace growled. “I’m calling a time out. Come here, Kayla.” He
shifted her so he was sitting on the edge of the bed with her cradled in his
lap.

She wasn’t going to let
go of Mace, and buried her face in his neck.

“Just breathe, okay.
Both of you.” Mace kissed her head, and rocked her, taking a deep breath
himself. “How fuckin’ drunk are you, Captain?”

“I ran three clicks.”

“Yeah, looks like you
used your knees.”

She glanced across
Mace’s shoulder. Thane’s jeans were thrashed.

“I might have gone down
a couple times,” Thane said, running his hands through his hair, and then he
curled forward, forking his fingers through hers.

“No.” She yanked away,
and circled Mace’s neck with a death grip. “It’s time to get the Shark. Time to
end this. I want to do it now.”

“Quiet,” Mace said
sharply. He twisted to look at Thane. “How did you know she was here? I called
everyone.”

“I—I paged everyone in
the team, and called her condo. You were the only one who didn’t answer.”

A hard pounding on the
front door had Thane on his feet.

“Don’t open that door,”
Mace said sharply.

Thane disappeared, and
within two heartbeats, she heard the front door opening, and Greg saying,
“Where is—” The sound of fist against flesh and bone, reached the bedroom. A
grunt of pain. A body falling to the ground. Was it Thane or Greg? The question
was answered with the slamming of the door that must have shaken two stories
above and below their floor.

A massive shadow
appeared in the doorway. “He can’t fucking have you,” Thane roared. “Because I
love you, Kayla.”

She jumped, and Mace
held her tighter. “Nice, Captain,” Mace barked. “You tell her this now, in
anger.”

Thane’s voice quieted.
“I’m not angry, Mace. I’m scared.”

The air in the room
stilled like slack water, the lack of motion giving way to change and a new
direction.

“I am.” He kneeled on the
bed, leaning toward her. “Please don’t leave me. If you do, we’ll both die.
Everything will be all right, sweetheart. We’ll heal together,” he begged.

It wasn’t possible to
curl any tighter into Mace’s comforting arms, but she tried. Her face pressed against
his warm skin, his favorite aftershave easing her pulse. How many times had she
forgiven and trusted gentle words asking her to believe.
No more
. She shook her head.

“Captain, I think you
should stand down,” Mace suggested, his voice rumbling in his chest and against
her heart. “Kayla, will you lie down for me?”

She wove her hand into
his. “I don’t want to sleep. I’m leaving, come with me, Mace.”

He lifted her chin, and
squared an imploring look at her. “Remember when I told you about my sister?
The one who died last year?”

She did. She and Mace
had both grieved that night.

“I couldn’t do anything
to help her.” Tears filled his eyes. “She’s gone, but when I look at you, I see
the same caring, strong spirit. Your illness is from the scars life left on your
soul, but they’re not fatal. I will not allow you to give in to them. We are
who we are, and do what we do, because we’re stronger, surer—but we’re human.
We all falter. I won’t, nor will anyone on the team, let you forfeit your life
to the Shark.”

Thane cleared the
thickness in his throat. “He’s right, Kayla.” He hadn’t fallen back, just
repositioned himself by the door. “You have been healing me since the moment
you arrived. The day we breathed the same air, I stopped falling into the
endless cycle of tempting death. I woke up, but you haven’t yet.”

She straightened and
Mace slid her from his lap.

“Captain, I don’t think
you should—”

“Yes. Now.”

A knock, a normal
knock, fell on the front door. Thane didn’t move this time.

“I’ll deal with it,”
Mace said, and leaned over, giving her a quick kiss. He stalled in front of
Thane. They didn’t say anything to each other, but Mace nodded, and then
carried on.

The room closed in on
her as Thane approached. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he said, “I’ll stay
here, but the only place I want to be is over there.”

It was time to say her
piece, and when it was done, she would walk out of here, fight if she had to. However,
it wasn’t her feelings for him she’d share.

With a raw voice, she
said, “We’ve been the Ghost and Snow White for too long.” She kneeled on the
bed, and leaned over. Gently, she followed the scar on his cheek running ragged
down to his jaw with a slow glide. The angry reminder somehow made his eyes
even brighter, his features more masculine, dangerous and sexy. “I don’t even
know how you got this. We don’t know each other, other than the fact I’m a
fucking nutcase.” Thane flinched. “In the snippets of time we’ve spent
together, we’ve enjoyed each other, but it was only skin deep, and it will
never be deeper.” She dropped her hand, but he caught it midway. “Some days I
feel a hundred years old, Thane. My scars will never heal.” She fought to stave
off more tears. Enough had been shed. “Captain, because of who you are, you
think everyone can be saved. I can’t change what happened to me. I cope,
unfortunately, you’ve seen how bad I am at that sometimes. I got too close to
all of you, and I wish now I hadn’t.”

Her heart squeezed
tight watching his expression. She walked to the window, gripping the ledge. “I’ll
disappear into the mists of the West Coast as you suggested.” How could she
explain this in as few words as possible? “I never expected to wake up ten
years ago. When Daniel drove the knife into my back, I thought my suffering was
over. God must have been on a coffee break when my soul snuck through heaven.”
Wrapping her arms around herself, she looked out the window and across the
buildings on the base. “I’m not going to run any more, and you all need to
stand clear.” Thane sat on the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands.
“I’m so sorry, Captain Austen. I’m going to fix this, but I can’t fix me.”

Chapter Twelve

Thane swallowed her words like a horse pill with no water. He could
set her free, like he’d promised to do months ago. Cut the lines he felt
securely fastened between their lives, and within days, maybe even hours, she’d
be dead.

 
“So…what you’re saying is you
won’t even try?” He swallowed. “Is that what you want me to believe?”

“Captain Austen, you are the epitome of strength walking on two legs.
We have always been mismatched pieces.” Regret trembled in her voice. “That’s
the truth.”

“No, it’s not.” He took both her hands in his. Kayla remained still,
her portrait-perfect features motionless.

“May twenty-ninth. My muscles ached beyond reason. I was tired, but
content another mission was complete without one of my men coming home in the
belly of the plane. I had the phone number of some redhead in my pocket. I was
going to kick back, and have a few drinks. Before leaving, Red wanted to
introduce you, Gord and Barry. All I wanted was a damn shower to wash off the
jungle sweat, and bury myself in some woman whose face I could barely remember.

“For twenty years, I lived hard, screwed anyone who was willing to
open her legs, and was prepared to die by the sword. The rush of being a SEAL
is what I lived for. I fed off it as much as it fed off me. It gave me a sense
of worth, and challenged me.” A tight laugh escaped him as he twined his fingers
with hers. “I stopped being afraid years ago, but what really happened is I became
a junkie, needing the next mission like a fix. I was never going to stop until
God decided it was time, but it never happened. I must have found the same
passageway through heaven you did.”

He caressed her fingers, they were warm, and they felt so right in
his. She’d always felt right to him, even before he’d ever touched her. “It was
a Tuesday. Zero nine zero eight hours—exactly—when time stopped for me.” He
traced a line across her delicate jaw, and his heart clenched, thinking about
the pictures of her in the hospital. Anger started to spin in his gut, thinking
of Daniel’s fists as they connected with her dainty features. “I remember
everything around me became peaceful, and in that moment, almost too perfect, I
came face to face with someone so beautiful I instantly wanted to protect her. The
chains I’d wrapped around my heart, snapped. I was utterly helpless for the
first time I can remember. It was the moment I walked through the darkness, and
saw you.”

“That is the moment I will remember more than any other in my life.” Nina’s
voice cut through the air, and Mace quieted her. Footsteps and the hiss of the
leather couch as they sat down in Mace’s living room told him he was keeping
her clear. “Your face didn’t blur, it kept getting sharper in my mind. I looked
for it everywhere, hoping to see you. When I realized what my heart was trying
to tell me, I distanced myself, but a continent wasn’t even enough to keep you
away, because I carried you with me. Remember when I came to the center to say
goodbye at two in the morning?

She nodded. He smiled remembering how he’d brushed her finger with his
when he took the note. In that second, he’d wanted to draw her into his arms,
and never let go, but instead he’d only allowed the smallest touch, just to
make sure she was real. For hours after, he’d felt the tingle radiate through
him.

“I had to see you. I thought maybe you were some kind of sign I wasn’t
going to make it home, because something kept telling me I’d finally found a
reason
to
come home.”

Kayla swallowed slowly.

He lifted Kayla’s hands to his mouth and kissed them. “I didn’t want
to go. For the first time in all those years, I wanted to make an excuse and
stay. Any second I could steal with you, I’d take.”

“In Arizona, when I saw your beautiful body bare in front of me, I was
lost. Your teardrop breasts, the sway of your waist flowing to perfect full
hips, broke every wall I’d convinced myself to build to keep you away. You are
my golden ratio. I can close my eyes, and see every beautiful angle of you, the
swell and ebb that fits so perfectly to me.”

He reached for her, wondering whether she would stop him, but she
didn’t, and he caressed the nape of her neck. Leaning forward—slowly, he kissed
her. His heart changed pitch, the fear pushed back by a tiny ember of hope.
“From this moment forward, when your mind tells you I couldn’t want you, my
heart has one answer.” A single finger grazed across his lips, but nothing
outside of a bomb dropping on their building would stop him from saying what he
should have told her months ago. “I love you more than my own life, more than
any life. I want you to stand beside me until we take our last breath.”
P
ushing himself up, he gazed down into her eyes
seeing fear flickering in them. “Life broke us both in half, but together we’re
whole. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you with my actions. You’re my
forever, Kayla.”

“You called Carrie,” her body jerked with a residual sob.

“Kayla, I called her earlier this morning, and told her to drop off
some files. I couldn’t, nor would I ever touch her.” He palmed her cheeks and caressed
her lips with his finger. “I love you. Till my heart stops beating, I will love
you. You’re right, I can’t give up, but it’s not because I need to save you,
it’s because I love you so much. Don’t give up on me. Don’t leave me. Don’t
abandon ship.”

“Captain…”

A gust of air escaped him.

“It’s habit,” she argued.

“I get that, baby, but I hate it. Thane Herbert Austen, that’s who I
am.”

Her breath hitched, and unbelievably, she snorted and quickly covered
her mouth. “Herbert?”

“I know it’s a stupid fucking middle name, that’s why I don’t use it.”

“Herbert?” she said again, and this time a bark of laughter escaped,
followed by a fit of giggles, and it was the best sound in the world.

“Oh, give me a break, woman,” and he started to chuckle, just because
she was. “Herbert was the name of my great to the power of ten, grandfather,
who came over on the Mayflower.”

Whether their minds had finally broken from the stress or whether the
heavens decided they needed a break, they laughed. The more she laughed the
funnier it got. A huge snort escaped her, and she clutched her chest and fell
over.

Two shadows appeared at the door.

“Certifiable,” Nina said, shaking her head.

“Totally,” Mace drawled.

“Herbert,” Kayla squealed out, followed by a shriek of laughter.

“Who the hell is that?” Nina asked, panning a look at Mace.

“Hell if I know. Let’s leave the crazy ranking folks to work it out,”
Mace suggested, sliding his arm around Nina’s slender waist. “Dinner?”

“You buying?” she asked, grinning at him.

“
Mais oui, Mademoiselle
.”

Nina gave a quick wave as they backed out, and Mace quietly closed the
door.

“Laugh now, sweetheart, but it’s tradition for the first born male in
my family to have that middle name.”

“God, no,” she said, raising her hand, still chuckling as she lay on
her back. He leaned over her, and let his gaze trace every shadow, every
beautiful angle of her face. She reached up and drew him down with a gentle
pull, but as he hovered over her lips, a restrained rush of chuckles reached
him before her soft kiss. “Sorry.”

“You will be.”

“Captain?”

“Hmm,” he nudged his nose against hers.

“You stink.”

He couldn’t argue with that. “Sweetheart, lay down.” He covered her,
and tucked the sheets in. She needed sleep. He hid the deep wound her words
gouged in him, when she begged Mace to offer her, like some sacrifice. He’d
always seen the haunted look in her eyes, but he’d never heard her voice her
demons. “I’m going to take a shower. I’ll be right back.”

He wandered into the living room, hearing Nina and Mace. Nina shot to
her feet. “How many of these episodes has she had?”

“One is too many, but several in varying degrees.”

Mace crossed his arms. “Actually four in the last few days. She had
one last night, and the night before. She was sleeping, but it was just as
violent. I didn’t know what to do, and you wouldn’t answer your damn phone,” he
said angrily. “She scared the shit out of me.”

Thane sat down on the couch and covered his face. “How long did it
last?”

“Not as long as tonight. She only woke up for a minute, and then she
fell asleep again. Sir, she needs to see that doc.”

Sitting up with a jolt, realizing yesterday was her appointment, he
said, “Didn’t she go yesterday?”

Mace shook his head. “She said she wasn’t feeling good, and then she
slipped out. I found her downstairs by the pool.” He crossed his arms and leaned
against the couch. “Want us to bring you back something? Fridge is a little
bare.”

After three days of drinking, and finally sobering up, the hangover
was well on its way to remind him he needed a bottle of painkillers, not food.
“No, thanks.”

Nina pulled her cell, viewing the message.

“Everything okay at home?” Mace asked, sitting down across from her.
She held her phone up so he could read it. “Oh.”

Nina thumbed a response to the text she’d received.

“What is it Nina?” Thane asked, sensing her tenseness.

“Nothing.”

“Nina—”

She bit her lip. “Just Greg, he’s at the hospital.”

He darted a look at Mace.

“I’m not taking the rap for that,” Mace said defensively.

“How bad is it?” he asked, not really giving a shit.

“Fractured jaw and broken nose,” Nina said, peering at Mace. She
juggled the phone between her hands nervously.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” Thane asked.

“Yes, but I don’t know what to do.” Her sharp brows scrunched
together. “It’s Daniel. I didn’t want to tell Kayla in case it upset her.” She
bowed her head. “Apparently he’s changed, from what I’ve heard.” She flashed a
quick look his way, and paused for a moment. “Daniel told me he wants to see
her.”

“No,” he said sharply. He centered a no bullshit look on her. “Did he
say what he wanted?”

Nina’s cheeks puckered into an apologetic expression. “He said,” She shrugged.
“Well, he said to tell Kayla he still loved her and wants to talk.”

A groan worked its way up his throat. It was bad enough the brother
wanted her, now the ex was sniffing around her ankles. He slapped his thighs, then
rose to his feet. “Not going to happen.”

“But—”

“Nina, she is vulnerable right now. She needs to put her concentration
on healing, not on being emotionally manipulated by her ex.”

Scanning the room and settling on Mace, she asked, “Would you mind if
we dropped by to see Greg?”

Mace nodded.

“You’re a sweetheart. Thank you.” She opened the door and waited for
Mace. “Sir, Greg has always been there for Kayla. She hasn’t even been on a
date in ten years. Any time some guy took interest, Greg always chased them
away, but Kayla doesn’t know that. Thanks for not abandoning her like all the
rest.”

* * * *

Thane let the shower run hot until it ran cold. For a SEAL, water,
whether it was salt or fresh, was rejuvenating. The spray
almost
washed days of gut-wrenching emotions down the drain.
Stepping out and grabbing the fresh towel he’d pulled from the closet, he
turned, knocking something off the tiny vanity. He leaned over, and saw Mace’s
shaver had landed in the garbage can.

Reaching down he plucked it up, and placed it on the counter, but he
hovered, bent over the trash. He blinked, and then pinched the box it had
landed on between his thumb and index finger, straightening up. The towel
forgotten, it pooled around his feet. The small shake in his hand, shunted
something inside the cardboard, and he slowly opened the end, tipping it up. A
plastic rectangle dropped into his palm. Turning it over with one finger, he
stared down at it. This didn’t belong to Mace, that was for sure. His world
rocked as if he was staring at the Arc of the Covenant. Quickly, he flipped the
box over, and had to draw it a little closer to read the tiny writing. What the
hell did red mean? He scanned the instructions quickly until he got to the
results.

“Positive,” the hushed word escaped his lips. For the second time in
his life, time stood still.

He took a wobbly step back. The effects of the alcohol were gone, at
least most of them. “Are you…kidding…me?” He flipped the box again.
Ninety-nine percent accurate.
Lightning
bolts of realization struck him. “I’m a—” His legs gave out, and he landed
lopsided on the toilet seat.

He felt like he was going to explode with happiness, then panic, then
he felt—how the hell did he feel? Unbelievable, un-fucking-believable. He felt
like a goddamn king. “A baby.” The little words were like a miracle falling
from his lips. “We’re—we’re going to have a baby.” His heart raced staring at
the little window with the red stripe. Red didn’t mean death. It meant life.