Coincidences (9 page)

‘Mum, I got you these roses.’
She handed the flowers to Stephanie.

‘Thank you, sweetie. They’re lovely.
My favourite.’

‘What a thoughtful girl,’
commented Rita.

Alice couldn’t help feeling
tension in the air. She had walked in when they were discussing something, and
she had stopped them mid flow.

Stephanie began arranging the
roses in a glass vase.

Alice sat down next to Rita,
feeling slightly awkward.

‘Er... would you like a cup of
tea, Alice?’ asked her mother.

‘Um... okay.’ 

Her mother filled the glass vase
with water and put it on the kitchen bench. She then took a cup from the
cabinet and poured Alice some tea from the pot on the table.

Alice was only too aware of the
silence in the room. Her mother and Rita had been chatting away together before
she’d walked in. It was as if they were waiting for her to leave so they could
continue; at least it felt that way to Alice.

‘You were only a baby when I
left London,’ said Rita, breaking the silence.

‘Yes, my mum told me,’ said
Alice, smiling.

‘Your mother and I were just
catching up on old times. We’ve been out of touch for over twenty years.’

‘That’s a long time,’ said
Alice.

‘Darling, how’s your arm? Did
you go to the doctor?’

Alice was sure that her mother
had interrupted to try to change the subject. She remembered Rita’s words just
before she’d dropped her keys:
‘Alice... has a right to know.’

‘My arm’s fine. Nothing to worry
about.’

‘Good.’ Her mother smiled, then
asked: ‘So, have you been at work today?’

‘Yes, I was there in the
morning.’

‘Have you had lunch?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good.’

Again there was silence. Then
Stephanie looked at Rita. ‘Have you kept in touch with Helen and Gordon?’

‘No, I haven’t seen them since I
left London. What are they doing these days?’

‘I’m not sure. I did hear they
had three children and one of them became a doctor.’

‘Oh, that’s nice,’ said Rita. ‘I
always liked Helen.’

Alice began to feel a bit out of
place as her mother continued to discuss old times with her friend. When there
was a break in the conversation, she stood up and said, ‘I’d better be going.
It was lovely to see you again, Rita.’

‘I’ll call you tonight, love,’
said Stephanie.

‘Okay.’ With that, Alice left
the room. She was tempted to hang around in the hallway to see whether her
mother and Rita would continue the conversation they’d been having before she’d
interrupted them, but as if able to read her mind, Stephanie followed her out
of the kitchen and saw her out of the front door.

Stephanie returned to the kitchen table after seeing
Alice out.

‘She seems like such a lovely
girl,’ said Rita.

‘Yes, she is.’

‘So much like Roger. It was
almost like having him in the room with us.’

‘Hmm... not quite.’ Stephanie
laughed dryly. ‘Roger is not a nice person, whereas my Alice is lovely.’

Rita frowned. After taking a sip
of tea, she looked at Stephanie, and said, ‘You seem to be harbouring a lot of
hate towards him still.’

‘I just don’t like the way he
left us and never kept in touch with Alice.’

‘So, what are you going to do
about the fact that she’s now interested in finding him?’

‘I’m going to try to dissuade
her.’

‘Is that wise?’

Stephanie broke a biscuit in two
and began to nibble it. Then, sighing, she said, ‘I don’t know what else to do.
If she finds him, he might tell her about the surrogacy. I wouldn’t want her to
find out about it from him.’

‘That’s why you should tell
her.’

‘But... No. I can’t.’ Stephanie
fingered the lace tablecloth, nervously, looking towards the yellow roses as if
they would hold the answer.

‘What choice do you have? If
Alice finds Roger and he tells her, she’ll be upset that you’ve lied to her for
so many years.’

‘It wasn’t lying.’

‘Well, what else is it? She
thinks you’re her mum.’

‘I am her mum. Miranda wasn’t
there to change her nappies, feed her, bath her, play with her, comfort her
when she was crying—’

‘I know, but Alice won’t see it
like that. She has a right to know who her real mother is.’

‘Why? She never wanted her. Is
she going to feel better if I tell her that her real mother wanted money in
exchange for her child? Wouldn’t she feel worse knowing that?’

‘It’s not going to be easy to
explain it, but... If I recall rightly, didn’t you and Roger say at the time
that you were going to explain it all to her when she was old enough to
understand?’

‘Yes, we did.’ Stephanie
frowned. ‘Things changed. If Roger and I had stayed together then maybe we
would have told her. But when he left, I couldn’t do it to her. How could I
tell her that not only had her dad left her, but her mother had sold her at
birth?’

‘You and I know that the
surrogacy agreement wasn’t really like a sale. I mean, if you and Roger hadn’t
wanted a child, she wouldn’t have been born. She
was
wanted. You and
Roger wanted her. Miranda was just helping you to have the child you’d always
wanted. If you explained it to her like that —’

‘I can’t.’

‘All I’m saying is, it would be
better coming from you than coming from Roger.’

‘I just can’t understand why she
wants to find Roger now. She’s hardly mentioned him before.’

‘It was bound to happen, Steph.’
Rita looked at the clock. ‘I’m going to have to go, but if you need to talk
about this again, let me know. You’ve got my number. I can help you tell Alice
if you want.’

‘No,’ said Stephanie. ‘I’m not
planning on telling her. I’m just going to see what happens. Chances are, Roger
won’t want to know her anyway. I’ve warned her about that.’

‘People change, Steph. He isn’t
necessarily the same person he was twenty years ago. He’s older now. He might
want to know his daughter. He might have other children.’

Stephanie stood up and started
clearing away the tea cups and saucers. ‘Thanks for coming over, Rita. It was
great to see you after so many years.’ She looked at the table as she spoke.

‘Yes. Yes... it was good to meet
up, and we must meet up again soon. Let’s not lose touch now.’

Stephanie sighed and looked at
her friend. ‘I think it would be best if you didn’t come here anymore. I don’t
want Alice to start asking you questions. She might ask you something about
Roger.’

‘I...’

‘I’m not saying I don’t want to
keep in touch. We can meet at your house, or elsewhere, but just not here. I
don’t want to risk Alice making you feel uncomfortable.’

‘I still think you should tell
her everything. It’s best out in the open.’

‘I need to think about it,’ said
Stephanie, as she walked out of the kitchen towards the front door. She looked
behind her, waiting for Rita to follow.

‘Okay, you’re the only one who can
decide, Steph.’ Rita smiled sympathetically as she left the flat.

Once alone, Stephanie sighed
deeply as she realised how easy it would have been for Alice to have overheard
them talking about her today. For years, she had planned to keep this information
from Alice for ever, thinking it was for the best. Now, her control over the
matter was slipping away bit by bit. Alice wanted to know about Roger, and Rita
had come back into her life bringing with her memories of the surrogacy. As
much as she wanted to ignore it, Stephanie could see that time was almost
running out on her secret.

***

Ever since returning from her mother’s flat, Alice had
wandered around in a state of unease.
‘You should tell Alice. She has a
right to know,’
Rita had said.
Know what?
Alice had pondered that
all day. It was definitely something about her father, she felt sure; after
all, Rita had known her father.

Her mind would give her no
peace. So, that evening, she decided to phone her mother.

‘Oh, hello darling,’ said
Stephanie. She hoped that Alice would not be able to tell from her voice that
she had been crying.

‘Mum, I couldn’t really talk to
you earlier because Rita was there, but the reason I came to see you was to say
sorry about asking about my dad. I know I upset you. I was just curious.’

Stephanie could hardly contain
her sense of relief. She covered the mouthpiece of the telephone and took a
deep breath. Could this mean Alice would forget about trying to find Roger?
‘Oh, I knew you’d see sense,’ she said, on a sigh. ‘You’ve made the right
decision. It would have been foolish to try to find him after all these years,
I’m so relieved.’

‘But Mum—’ Alice tried to
interrupt.

Stephanie spoke over her:
‘Thanks so much for those roses, darling. They brighten up the kitchen.’

‘I know how much you like yellow
roses.’

‘We’re happy together you and
me, aren’t we, darling? We don’t need anyone else. Please try to understand
that if I thought it would be a good idea for you to meet your father I would
help you. I only want what’s best for you.’ 

Alice’s heart sank. Why was her
mother so against the idea? Surely, it made sense that a girl would want to
know who her father is, even if just to satisfy her curiosity? Alice still felt
a desire to meet him, but now she knew that she would have to go behind her
mother’s back.

‘How’s your arm?’ asked
Stephanie, interrupting her musings.

‘It’s fine.’

‘Have you been to see the
doctor? What did he say?’

‘He said it’s nothing.’

‘Hmm... maybe you should get a
second opinion.’

‘Mum?’

‘Yes, dear.’

‘About my dad, I still want to
find him. I know you don’t want to be involved, but it’s important to me to
meet him.’

Stephanie felt a familiar panic
wash over her. ‘But... Alice, think about it... If your father wanted to find
you, he knows where we live; it would be easy for him. I don’t want you to be
disappointed.’

Alice thought about that for a
moment and began to feel that her mother could have a point. What if she went
to meet him and he shut the door in her face and totally rejected her? Would
that be worse than this in-between place of not knowing? She sighed and said,
‘I have questions about him, and I want to know if he has other children. I
might have brothers or sisters that I don’t know about.’

‘It’s just curiosity, darling.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Even if he does have children,
they might not want to know you. Rita and her brother had a falling out nearly
twenty years ago and they never see each other. Family is not all it’s cracked
up to be. Me and you, we’re happy. Why can’t you just let sleeping dogs lie?’
Frustration crept over Stephanie's brow and creased the lines closer together.
She tried to hold in the anger that rose steadily and threatened to take over.
The height of her emotions surprised her, but all she could recall in her mind
was the cold way Roger had left her all those years ago and his indifference to
Alice who was then a helpless child. Everything inside her was screaming at the
injustice that he should be able to have a relationship with the daughter he so
cruelly rejected, just because they had some overrated blood-tie.

Alice rolled her eyes. ‘Mum,
it’s important to me. Okay, maybe I might meet him and be disappointed, but I
don’t want to live my life wondering “what if?”. Remember that plane crash?
When you saw the picture of the girl in the paper, you said she reminded you of
me. Well, the next day, I saw her picture in the paper and I was shocked. She
does look a lot like me. Her surname is Forester, just like my dad’s. It has
stirred up all these feelings. I’ve been feeling like there are missing pieces
to my puzzle—like I’m incomplete—and all of this searching for my dad, it’s to
try to piece everything together.’

‘Your father walked out on us
both. He’s a cold man. You should forget all of this.’

‘Do you know something about my
dad that you’re not telling me?’

‘Like what?’

‘Well, do you know if that girl
in the paper is related to him?’

‘Oh, Alice, you’re getting
carried away with some fantasy. I have not seen or heard anything from your
father for many years and I hope to never see or hear from him again.’

‘If you could give me his last
known address, I could take it from there. You don’t have to be involved in the
search.’

‘You still want to go ahead with
looking for him, even after all I’ve said?’

‘Mum, just because I’m going to
look for him, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. This is just something I have
to do for myself.’

‘You’re making a mistake.’

‘I’m willing to make a mistake,
I just don’t want to be wondering about it for ever and wishing I’d looked him
up.’

‘Take a bit of time, and think
about it. I really don’t think you should look for him.’ Stephanie wondered
whether the desperation in her voice was too obvious. Her mind was spinning.
What
will happen if she finds him? What will he say about me? What if she finds out
about the surrogacy?

‘Do you have his last known
address?’

‘No. I don’t.’

‘You’re not just hiding it from
me, are you? Please—’

‘I didn’t hear a thing from your
father after he left, except when he contacted me through solicitors for a
divorce. I have no idea where he was living and I really couldn’t care less.’

‘Does Rita know where he was
living?’

‘How would Rita know? She left
London before your father and I split up.’

‘It’s just that when I came to
the flat today, I heard her saying “Alice has a right to know”. What was she
talking about?’

Stephanie tensed, worrying
whether Alice had heard anything about the surrogacy agreement; whether she had
heard enough to put two and two together. ‘Um... I think I mentioned that you
wanted to find your father, and Rita just said you had a right to know him. I
didn’t agree, and I still don’t agree with that. He messed up my life and he’d
do the same to yours given half a chance.’