Cold (18 page)

"You were hurt?" Jo was holding onto Rocky now with desperation, almost feeling the girl reliving something she probably hadn't spoken of in years.

"Someone found me and called an ambulance." The pain pills were making her tired, and she fought to stay awake. "I wanted to tell them where they were. But I was so tired. My head hurt. They put this thing on my face, and I couldn't talk. I tried to tell them."

"I know you did." Rocky was becoming more upset, and Jo held her close. "Sssh, now."

"It was my fault."

"It was not your fault, don't say that." She pulled the trembling body back against her own. "Rest now."

"They were the only people who loved me." Rocky's voice trailed off. The pain pills and the effort of reliving the moment she lost her beloved parents were finally getting the better of her.

"Not the only people," Jo whispered into soft blonde hair. "Not any more."

Jo held Rocky as the blonde drifted into a troubled sleep. She listened to the sounds of discomfort coming from the woman in her arms, and debated waking her. But she thought not; she would let Rocky sleep.

She thought back to her own childhood, and tried to imagine losing her parents. Her life would have differed greatly from that of her friend's. Her parents tended to show their love with material things. Though she was not neglected, she never knew the kind of love that Rocky had described. But not knowing that life could be any different, she was happy with the attention she got from her parents.

Rocky started talking in her sleep. "Please." The word came out as a gasp; the pain behind it and the tension in the body in her arms scared her.

"Oh, God." Rocky's head was moving from side to side; her free arm came up to protect her face. "No, no more."

"Rocky," Jo said gently, her mouth very close to the blonde's ear. "It's Jo; it's alright."

"Not again," gasped the blonde, the pain in her voice evident.

"You're safe here. Rocky, you're not there anymore." She gently pulled the small hand to her lips, kissing the palm. But it was wrenched from her grasp as the small woman tried to sit up.

Rocky screamed in anger and pain when she was held in strong arms.

"Rocky, no! You're safe here. Don't go back to that place." She held on, burying her face in soft hair, wrapping her arms around the trembling body. "Rocky, come back to me now. Wake up."

Rocky's fight continued; she pushed back against the body behind her.

"Please, Rocky, wake up."

Slowly the struggling calmed, and the blonde lay in Jo's arms, dragging air into her lungs as if she'd been pulled from a raging sea.

"I'm okay," Rocky said in a shaky voice as she came to full awareness. "Let me sit up."

Jo reluctantly released her hold on the blonde and sat back watching as Rocky moved away from her, wiping away her tears with a shaking hand.

"How long was I asleep?" She turned glazed green eyes on the stunned looking woman.

"Not even half an hour." Jo moved a little closer, rubbing the trembling back gently. "Are you okay now?"

"It takes a while." She was now rubbing her forehead with the heel of her hand. "I'll be fine in a minute."

"Does this happen often?"

Rocky turned to regard her.

Jo held her hand up. "Sorry."

"No." Rocky sighed. "Don't be. I think talking about it tonight brought back some bad memories. Things I've tried not to relive for a while."

"I shouldn't have made you...."

Rocky looked at the stricken face, her guts twisting as she realised Jo was taking the blame for her nightmares. She turned on the sofa, and lying on her right side, lay her head on Jo's lap, feeling a tentative hand come to rest on her head. She felt the hand start to smooth her hair, and looked up into concerned blue eyes.

"It felt good to tell you," she said quietly. "I need to remember them. They were everything to me."

"Will you tell me what happened next?"

Rocky closed her eyes, revelling for a moment in the feel of the hand, gentle on her scalp. Jo's other hand found her free one, and held on.

"I woke up a couple of days later in hospital. I'd had a small operation to relieve pressure on my brain." She paused, seemingly collecting herself for the next part. "They'd found the car and had identified me by that.... They found my parents' bodies the day I woke up... I was alone in the hospital for over a week."

Jo looked down at the strained face, and pushed blonde hair away from closed eyes. "Is that why you don't like hospitals now?"

"Yeah. I was terrified. I thought I was going to be there forever." Rocky snuggled closer, relieved when Jo's grip on her tightened.

"Why wasn't someone informed earlier? Your parents had family didn't they?"

"Oh they were informed. My mother's sister had moved to Leicester when she married someone from that part of the country. They had some checks made to find out first if there was anyone else who could take me on." She looked up at the woman holding her, seeing more compassion in those blue eyes than she'd felt in the many years since her parents' death. She'd kept the pain inside, allowing only Edna a tiny glimpse of it.

But she finally felt she could unburden some of the crippling weight of her torment. She looked away from the eyes which urged her on, focussing on the material close to her face that covered Jo's stomach.

"They took me up to Leicester a month after the accident. They sold the house, and took me to that place. I loved living there, and they took me away." She looked up again. "Have you ever been to Leicester?"

Jo shook her head, not trusting her voice. She wanted to remain strong for Rocky, but never in her life had she felt the pain that she was feeling now. And it was for someone she'd known only a few days. But how she wished she could turn the clock back. She wanted to be there on that riverbank, holding the injured and confused girl. She felt an irrational feeling of guilt, and then anger.

"Jo?"

Jo managed to unclench her jaw.

"You okay?" asked Rocky, struggling to sit up. Jo helped her, and then sat back against the arm of the sofa.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just getting a little angry that you were alone for so long." She shrugged and rubbed her face vigorously, screwing her eyes shut.

"Don't get angry because of me; it's past now," said the blonde, reaching out a tentative hand and closing it around Jo's. She felt the tension in her friend, amazed that this woman would feel anger for something she could have had no control over. "There was nothing you could do. Nothing anyone could do."

"But why did you end up here, living on the streets?" That was it; that was the question Jo had wanted to ask since she first saw the picture in the gallery. "What could be so awful, that you would choose to live with nothing?"

Rocky opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came. Nobody had ever asked her that question before, and though the answer was easily within her grasp she found she couldn't speak the words. Her voice when she found it was small, broken. "I can't," she said simply.

And Jo accepted it, shifting across the sofa to take the blonde in her arms. She knew that Rocky had revealed more to her in an afternoon than she had to anyone else in the past five years. And she knew that the toll taken upon the girl had been great. She felt the small body sag against her, and did her best to show that she was strong, and would be strong for as long as Rocky needed her to be.

"Are you tired?" Jo asked, feeling Rocky's fatigue.

"Yeah," was the simple answer.

"You want to lie down?"

Rocky's head nodded against her chest, so Jo stood, pulling the blonde with her.

She led Rocky up to the bedroom, and helped her out of the sweatpants, leaving her in the tee shirt. She pulled the quilt back and gestured for the blonde to get in.

Rocky climbed in, and caught Jo's hand as she tried to leave. "Stay with me?"

"Okay." Jo sat on the edge of the bed.

"No, in here." Rocky held back the quilt.

Jo contemplated for a moment, in truth wanting nothing more than to lie down and just close her eyes for a while. "Are you sure?"

Rocky nodded, and watched as Jo took off her sweats and carefully eased into the bed beside the blonde.

"Would you hold me?" The question tore at Jo's heart, so she merely held out her arm and let the blonde head rest on her shoulder. Then she wrapped her arm around Rocky's back being sure to support the injured limb.

Rocky said nothing more, and Jo listened to her breathing as it changed, became deeper, and then evened out in sleep.

The dark-haired woman stared at the ceiling, and prayed to anyone who might be listening to give her the strength that this woman obviously thought she had. Because if she hadn't the strength, she wouldn't be able to handle failing Rocky.

And if she failed her she could lose her.

And if she lost her, she would not survive.

Not now.

Jo was not familiar with the feeling of another body in her bed. True, she had entertained many women in that very spot, but they usually knew to slip out of the bed quietly when Jo turned over and presented them with her back.

She was comfortable in the knowledge that she always satisfied her guests, and she herself was rarely dissatisfied with her choice of partner for the evening.

So it didn't take much movement from the woman lying half on top of her to wake her from her pleasant slumber. The past few days had taken a lot out of her, however, and the heavy weight of sleep wouldn't immediately relinquish its grip.

"Jo?" The word pierced through the veil of sleep, and the pain behind the word nudged her out of its depths a little further.

"Mmm?" she mumbled, pulling the body closer, her foggy mind not hearing the gasp of pain as she did so.

"Jo," the voice said again. "It hurts."

She felt the body pull away, and heard the gasp that the movement induced. "'S okay," she said, and rolled over, nearly falling when the edge of the bed appeared before she expected.

She somehow managed to get to the bottom of the stairs, without fully opening her eyes. She found a glass and then the fridge. Up to that point she hadn't turned a light on in the house, and she squinted against the light the fridge produced when the door was opened. She poured a glass of orange juice, taking a sip herself before refilling it.

Then she collected the small pot of painkillers from the table and made her way back up the stairs. She stumbled through the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed beside the blonde.

Rocky felt a hand behind her, lifting her. She sat up, and felt a pill being pressed to her lips. Then she felt the cold rim of the glass, and it was tipped gently. She swallowed the juice and the pill and heard the glass set down on the bedside cabinet. Then she listened as Jo padded around the bottom of the bed and slipped under the covers beside her. She rolled over and resumed her position, using the taller woman's shoulder as a pillow. Rocky felt the long arm gently fold across her shoulders, and heard Jo's breathing immediately even out. A smile crossed the blonde's features, and she wondered at the fact that her new friend could do what she just did whilst apparently asleep.

They hadn't moved at all when Jo woke up next. The weight on her arm was comfortable, and she looked down at the face of the girl sharing her bed. She had a vague memory of being woken in the night, but the memory skittered away in the reality of the here and now.

Rocky was deeply asleep, not stirring even as Jo eased her arm from its place as the girl's pillow and slipped out of bed. With a long lingering glance at the sleeping girl, she made her way downstairs.

The phone began ringing as she sat on the sofa with a cup of tea she'd just made. She picked it up. "Yeah?" she said, as she placed the mug on the low coffee table.

"Really, dear," said her mother. "Is that the most appropriate way to answer the telephone?"

"For me? Yeah." Mother baiting is such an underestimated sport.

A loud sigh from the receiver.

"Was there something you wanted?" asked Jo.

"I was just wondering if you'd be flying up to Cumbria with your father and I?"

Jo closed her eyes, covering her face with her hand. "Um."

"I didn't catch that, dear. You know I'd prefer it if you would fly with us; I don't like you driving all the way up there."

"I'm not sure..."

"Not sure, dear? I would rather you got up there a little earlier than Christmas Eve. Last year you could barely stay awake during the service on Christmas morning."

"I'm not sure I can get there this year, Mother." Jo waited for the outburst she knew was about to come. It was a tradition passed down through the generations, and no member of the family had missed a Christmas at Collingford Manor in centuries. Even her sister would arrive from across the Atlantic rather than suffer the wrath of her mother.

"Joanna, I shall be there in half an hour." The voice was replaced by the dialling tone.

Joanna stared at the phone in her hand, and then placed it gently on the cradle. "How d'you forget about Christmas?" she whispered to herself.

It was actually twenty-three minutes before Jo's doorbell rang - a new record for her mother. She knew who it was by the insistent ringing, so she pressed the entry button and resumed her seat on the sofa, awaiting her fate.

Marianna Holbrook-Sutherland was pulling off her gloves as she entered the lounge. "Joanna dear, you look dreadful."

Jo stood and embraced her mother. "Thanks, Mother, love you too."

"First the episode in the gallery, and now I find you looking like you haven't slept for days. You really should take more care of yourself." She folded herself elegantly onto the armchair, regarding her daughter's slumped form. "Now, what's this about you not coming up to Collingford?"

"I have a problem here." Jo curled up on the sofa, hugging a cushion to her chest.

"And this problem can't be solved in little over a week?"

"I don't think so."

Marianna was being uncommonly reasonable, and it unnerved her daughter. "Can you tell me what the problem is?"