Coldheart Canyon (13 page)

Ten minutes later a burly Latino appeared with a sleepy-eyed Dempsey, wrapped in his quilt. His ears pricked up just a little at the sight of Todd, enough for Todd to know that his holding the dog, and whispering to him, meant something.

“We’re going home, old guy,” Todd murmured to him, as he carried him down the steps into the street and round to the little parking lot behind the building, where Marco was backing out the car. “I know you didn’t like it in there. All those people you didn’t know with needles and shit.

Well, fuck them.” He put his nose into the cushion of baby fur behind Dempsey’s ear, which always smelled sweetest. “We’re going home.”

For the next few hours Dempsey slept in the quilt, which Todd had put on his big bed. Todd stayed beside him, though the need for sleep caught up with him several times, and he’d slide away into a few minutes of dreamland: fragments of things he’d seen from his bench in the waiting room, mostly. The box containing the dead guinea pig, that absurd poodle, nipping its own backside bloody; all just pieces of the day, coming and going. Then he’d wake and stroke Dempsey for a little while, talk to him, tell him everything was going to be okay.

There was a sudden rally in Dempsey’s energies about four o’clock, which was when he was usually fed, so Todd had Marco prepare a sick-bed version of his usual meal, with chicken instead of the chopped horse-flesh or whatever the hell it was in the cans, and some good gravy. Dempsey ate it all, though he had to be held up to do so, since his legs were unreliable.

He then drank a full bowl of water.

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“Good, good,” Todd said.

Dempsey attempted to wag his tail, but it had no more power in it than his legs had.

Todd carried him outside so he could shit and piss. A slight drizzle was coming down; not cool, but refreshing. He held on to the dog, waiting for the urge to take Dempsey, and he turned his face up to the rain, offering a quiet little prayer.

“Please don’t take him from me. He’s just a smelly old dog. You don’t need him and I do. Do you hear me? Please . . . hear me. Don’t take him.”

He looked back at Dempsey to find that the dog was looking back at him, apparently paying attention to every word. His ears were half-pricked, his eyes half-open.

“Do you think anyone’s listening?” Todd said.

By way of reply, Dempsey looked away from him, his head bobbing uneasily on his neck. Then he made a nasty sound deep in his belly and his whole body convulsed. Todd had never seen the term projectile vomit displayed with such force. A stream of chewed chicken, dog mix and water squirted out. As soon as it stopped, the dog began to make little whining sounds. Then ten seconds later, Dempsey repeated the whole spectacle, until every piece of nourishment and every drop of water he’d been given had been comprehensively ejected.

After the second burst of vomiting he didn’t even have the strength to whine. Todd wrapped the quilt around him and carried him back into the house. He had Marco bring some towels and dried him off where the rain had caught him.

“I don’t suppose you care what’s been going on all day, do you?” Marco said.

“Anything important?”

“Great foreign numbers on
Gallows
, particularly in France. Huge hit in France, apparently. Maxine wants to know if you’d like to do a piece about Dempsey’s health crisis for one of the women’s magazines.”

“No.”

“That’s what I told her. She said they’d eat it up, but I said—”

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“No! Fuck. Will these people never stop? No!”

“You got a call from Walter at DreamWorks about some charity thing he’s arranging, I told him you’d be back in circulation tomorrow.”

“That’s the phone.”

“Yeah. It is.”

Marco went to the nearest phone, which was in the master bathroom, while Todd went back to finish drying the dog.

“It’s Andrea Otis. From the hospital. I think it’s the nervous young woman you saw this morning.”

“Stay with him,” Todd said to Marco.

He went into the bathroom, which was cold. Picked up the phone.

“Mister Pickett?”

“Yes.”

“First, I want to say I owe you an apology for this morning—”

“No, that’s fine.”

“I knew who you were and that threw me off—”

“Dempsey.”

“—a little. I’m sorry.”

“Dempsey.”

“Yes. Well, we’ve got the X-ray results back and . . . I’m afraid the news isn’t very good.”

“Why not? What’s wrong with him?”

“He is riddled with cancer.”

Todd took a long moment to digest this unwelcome news. Then he said: “That’s impossible.”

“It’s in his spine. It’s in his colon—”

“But that can’t be.”

“And it’s now spreading to his brain, which is why we’ve only just discovered it. These motor and perception problems he’s having are all part of the same thing. The tumor’s spreading into his skull, and pushing on his brain.”

“Oh God.”

“So . . . I don’t know what you want to do.”

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“I want this not to be happening.”

“Well yes. But I’m afraid it is.”

“How long has he got?”

“His present condition is really as good as things are going to get for him.” She spoke as though she were reading the words from an idiot-board, careful to leave exactly the same amount of space between each one. “All that is really at issue is how quickly Dempsey becomes incapacitated.”

Todd looked through the open door at the pitiful shape shuddering beneath the quilt. It was obvious that Dempsey had already reached that point. Todd could be absurdly optimistic at times, but this wasn’t one of them.

“Is he in pain?” he asked the doctor.

“Well, I’d say it’s not so much pain we’re dealing with as anxiety. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him. And he doesn’t know why it’s happening. He’s just suffering, Mister Pickett. And it’s just going to get worse.”

“So you’re saying I should have him put down?”

“It’s not my place to tell you what to do with your dog, Mister Pickett.”

“But if he was your dog.”

“If he was my dog, and I loved him as you obviously love Dempsey, I wouldn’t want him suffering . . . Mister Pickett, are you there?”

“Here,” Todd said, trying to keep the sound of tears out of his voice.

“So really it’s up to you.”

Todd looked at Dempsey again, who was making a mournful sound in his sleep.

“If I bring him back over to the hospital?”

“Yes?”

“Would there be somebody there to put him to sleep?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll be here.”

“Then that’s what I want to do.”

“I’m so very sorry, Mister Pickett.”

“It’s not your fault.”

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•

•

“Come on, you,” he said, wrapping Dempsey tightly in the quilt, and lifting him up, “the sooner this is done the sooner you’re not an unhappy hound. Will you drive, Marco?”

It was four-thirty in the afternoon, and though the drizzle had ceased, the traffic was still horrendous. It took them fifty-five minutes to get down to the hospital, but this time—perhaps to make up for her unavailability the last time he’d been there—Doctor Otis was at the counter waiting for him. She opened the side door, to let him into the non-public area.

“You want me to come in, boss?” Marco asked.

“Nah, it’s okay. We’ll be fine.”

“He looks really out of it,” the doctor remarked.

Dempsey had barely opened his eyes at the sound of Todd’s voice.

“You know, I realize this may seem like a strange thing to say, but in a way we’re lucky that this caught him so fast. With some dogs it takes weeks and months . . .”

“In here?” Todd said.

“Yes.”

The doctor had opened a door into a room not more than eight by eight, painted in what was intended to be a soothing green. On one wall was a Monet reproduction and on another a piece of poetry that Todd couldn’t read through his assembling tears.

“I’ll just give you two some time,” Doctor Otis said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Todd sat down with Dempsey in his arms. “Damn,” he said softly.

“This isn’t fair.”

Dempsey had opened his eyes fully for the first time in several hours, probably because he’d heard the sound of Todd crying, which had always made him very attentive, even if the crying was fake. Todd could be rehearsing a sad scene from a picture, memorizing lines, and as soon as CC[001-347] 9/10/01 2:26 PM Page 93

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the first note of sadness crept into his voice Dempsey would be there, his paws on Todd’s knees, ready to give comfort. But this time the animal didn’t have the strength to help make the boss feel better. All he could do was stare up at Todd with a slight look of puzzlement on his face.

“Oh God, I hope I’m doing the right thing. I wish you could just tell me that this is what you want.” Todd kissed the dog, tears falling in Dempsey’s fur. “I know if I was you I wouldn’t want to be shitting everywhere and not able to stand up. That’s no life, huh?” He buried his face in the smell of the animal. For eleven years—whether Todd had had female company or not—Dempsey had slept on his bed; and more often than not been the one to wake him up, pressing his cold nose against Todd’s face, rubbing his neck on Todd’s chest.

“I love you, dog,” he said. “And I want you to be there when I get to Heaven, okay? I want you to be keeping a place for me. Will you do that?

Will you keep a place for me?”

There was a discreet knock on the door, and Todd’s stomach turned.

“Time’s up, buddy,” he said, kissing Dempsey’s burning-hot snout. Even now, he thought, I could say
no, I don’t want you to do this
. He could take Dempsey home for one more night in the big bed. But that was just selfishness. The dog had had enough, that was plain. He could barely raise his head. It was time to go.

“Come in,” he said.

The doctor came in, meeting Todd’s gaze for the first time. “I know how hard this is,” she said. “I have dogs myself, all mutts like Dempsey.”

“Dempsey, did you hear that?” Todd said, the tears refusing to abate.

“She called you a mutt.”

“They’re the best.”

“Yeah. They are.”

“Are you ready?”

Todd nodded, at which point she instantly transferred her loving attention to the dog. She lifted Dempsey out from Todd’s arms and put him on the steel table in the corner of the room, talking to him all the while.

“Hey there, Dempsey. This isn’t going to hurt at all. Just a little prick—”

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She pulled a syringe out of her pocket, and exposed the needle. At the back of Todd’s head that same irrational voice was screaming: “Tell her no! Knock it out of her hand! Quickly! Quickly!” He pushed the thoughts away, wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, because he didn’t want to be blinded by them when this happened. He wanted to see it all, even if it hurt like a knife. He owed that to Dempsey. He put his hand on Dempsey’s neck and rubbed his favorite place. The syringe went into Dempsey’s leg. He made a tiny little grunt of complaint.

“Good boy,” Doctor Otis said. “There. That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

Todd kept rubbing Dempsey’s neck.

The doctor put the top back on the syringe and pocketed it. “It’s all right,” she said. “You can stop rubbing. He’s gone.”

So quickly? Todd cleared away another wave of tears and looked down at the body on the table. Dempsey’s eye was still half-open, but it didn’t look back at him any longer. Where there’d been a sliver of bright life, where there’d been mischief and shared rituals—where, in short, there’d been Dempsey—there was nothing.

“I’m very sorry, Mister Pickett,” the doctor said, “I’m sure you loved him very much and speaking as a doctor, I
know
you did the right thing for him.”

Todd sniffed hard, and reached over to pluck a clump of tissues from the box. “What does that say?” he said, pointing to the framed poster on the wall. His tears made it incomprehensible.

“It’s a quote by Robert Louis Stevenson,” Andrea said. “You know, the man who wrote
Treasure Island
?”

“Yeah, I know . . .”

“It says:
‘Do you think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there
long before any of us.’
”

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S I X

He waited until he got home, and he’d governed his tears, to make arrangements for Dempsey’s cremation. He left a message with a firm that was recommended by the animal hospital for their discreet handling of these matters. They would pick Dempsey’s body up from the hospital mortuary, cremate him and transfer his ashes, guaranteeing that there was no mingling of “cremains”—as they described them—but that the ashes they delivered to the owner would be those of their pet. In other words they weren’t putting canaries, parrots, rats, dogs and guinea pigs in the oven for one big bonfire and dividing up the “cremains” (the word revolted Todd) in what looked to be the appropriate amounts. He also called his accountant at home and made arrangements for a ten-thousand-dollar donation to the hospital, the only attendant request being that five hundred of that money be spent on putting in a more comfortable bench for people to sit on while they waited.

He slept very well with the aid of several Ambien and a large scotch, until about four-thirty in the morning, when he woke up and felt Dempsey moving around at the bottom of the bed. The drugs made his thought processes muddy. It took him a few seconds of leaning over and putting the coverlet at the bottom of the bed to bring his consciousness up to speed. Dempsey wasn’t there.

Yet he’d felt the dog, he would have sworn to it on a stack of Bibles, getting up and walking around and around on the same spot, padding down the bed until it was comfortable for him.