Coletti Warlords: Reality Bites (5 page)

“It dilutes the smell.”

He smeared the vapor rub under his nose. “It is somewhat effective.”

Wrinkling my nose, I stuffed the jar in my backpack. “What did you do? Roll in the stuff?”

“I attempted to disarm your device.”

A grin tugged at my mouth. “My gadgets are tamper proof.”

“As I soon discovered. Who taught you to make bombs?”

“Pops.” I winced as dozens of fire ants tromped across my mind. “Tai-Kok raiders are closing fast. We need to get to a shelter before they use their stun ray.”

“Too late.” Wulf locked a big arm around me and pulled his laser pistol.

A blinding red light flashed across the sky.

The world went dark for a few seconds. I shook my head to clear my vision. “Why am I still upright?”

“My battle suit projects an energy field that rapidly neutralizes the effects of the stun ray.”

No wonder Jaylan didn’t stay down when I stunned him. “I’ve got to get me one of those.” I drew my pistol. “Bad guys at twelve o’clock.”

An onyx-hulled shuttle landed in the bakery parking lot.

I tensed as the hatch slid open. Eight Tai-Kok raiders dressed in their bloodred battle suits poured out of the ship.

“Now would be a good time to teleport us out of here.”

“They have placed an energy barrier around this complex.” Wulf shoved me behind him.

The wind shifted and blew the noxious stench at the alien invaders.

The Tai-Koks came to a sudden halt. With eerie, honking cries, they started puking their guts out.

“I’ll be damned.” I grabbed a skunk bomb from my backpack, set the timer, and threw it at them.

Wulf teleported us inside the bakery.

BANG!
A cloud of skunk spray enveloped the Tai-Kok.

Violent seizures immediately shook the monsters. An instant later, a thick, white fluid spewed from every orifice. Honking like demented ducks, they fell to the asphalt and literally melted into puddles of goo. Their metal teeth glittered brightly in the sunlight.

“That’s something you don’t see every day,” Granny remarked through her gas mask.

“Gotta say, I’m a bit surprised myself.”

“A most unexpected result,” Wulf added.

Jaylan dropped a hard mental kiss on my mouth.
“You are the perfect mate.”

“Gee, I can’t tell ya how happy that makes me.”

A beam of incandescent red sliced through the bakery, missing us by a good foot.

“I think we pissed them off a bit.”

“You think?” Granny hit a button, and a trapdoor opened in the floor. “Git.”

Another laser beam struck. The roof cracked ominously.

We bolted down the stairs and sprinted down a narrow tunnel. The building collapsed violently above us.

A mournful sigh escaped me. All that wonderful chocolate was gone.

Granny stomped into the emergency bunker. “Those motherfuckers are going to be sorry they messed with me.” She picked up a rocket launcher.

Someone was in serious need of some hormone replacement. I carefully eased the barrel aside. “That’ll do a fair bit of damage, but it won’t bring down their ships. How about we kill all of the murdering bastards?”

That caught Wulf’s attention. “How?”

“You teleport me back to my base, and we transport a shitload of skunk bombs onboard their ships.”

Wulf bared his fangs in a predator’s smile. “The Commander chose wisely.”

“Be still my heart.” I linked with Jaylan.
“Honey bunny, can you take down the shields on their ships?”

“I am Coletti.”

I guess that was a yes.

Wrapping his arms around me, Wulf teleported us back to our emergency base, where a bunch of really stinky warriors waited.

I smiled brightly, trying to ignore their menacing growls and nice sharp fangs. “Okay, how about we get some power to this joint?” And just like that, the power came back on. Coletti technology was amazing.

“Great.” Taking out the bombs I had with me, I set them on the platform and turned to Wulf. “If we skunk the bridge of each Tai-Kok ship, it should take out their command structure.”

“You think like a Coletti.”

Yay me. I jumped a good foot when the warriors howled their battle cries in approval. Holy crap. I could see why their enemies surrendered so quickly. That was just plain damned scary.

His mind still firmly entrenched in mine, the warlord announced,
“Their shields are down.”

“Let the fun begin.”
I typed the coordinates for the Tai-Kok ships into the transporter console and hit the Send button. On the monitors, I watched as Coletti warbirds pounded the shit out of the Tai-Kok ships.

One by one, the skunk bombs were delivered. I waited anxiously until the monsters’ battle cruisers began to detonate in glittering balls of debris. Only one ship remained. Its deadly laser cannons hammered Jaylan’s warbird.

My temper flared to life. No one hurt my guy.
My guy?
Oh dear God, I was so screwed.

Another volley hit Jaylan’s ship.

Time for them to die. Retrieving another skunk bomb from the armory, I placed it on the platform and sent it to the weapons-control section of the remaining Tai-Kok battle cruiser.

A satisfied smile curved my mouth when their cannons stopped firing. The ship quickly exploded in a nimbus of flames.
“Good shooting, honey bunny.”

A growl sounded in my head.
“You will not call me honey bunny, numb nuts, or chuckles again. Is that clear?”

What had my cousin Sarah said Zoey called Jaylan? Oh yeah.
“Okay, Skippy, you do know you have a whole shitload of marauders heading your way?”

“I am aware of the enemy ships.”

Several squadrons of the Colettis’ deadly Talon fighters erupted from the warbirds’ launch bays.

“Sic’em, boys.”

The blackness of space was filled with ribbons of dazzling energy as the Tai-Kok marauders and Talon fighters battled it out. It was like the Fourth of July. Brilliant billows of orange and yellow flames erupted from the disintegrating spacecrafts.

Color me impressed. In a very short time, the Colettis had destroyed all of the Tai-Kok ships.

On another monitor, a modified Central Command Tomahawk missile slammed into the monster’s slaughter ship. It shook violently and blew into a million pieces. Blazing metal debris rained down on Tucson, causing fires to break out.

Lucky for us, the warlords had the technology to minimize damage to the infrastructure of conquered planets. The sky turned a brilliant green. Thirty seconds later, the flames were gone.

Picking up my backpack, I stuffed a few more skunk bombs in it and frowned at a sudden tingling sensation. My eyes widened in surprise as a glittering blue light blossomed around me.

Chapter Four

Jaylan’s roar of fury reverberated in my skull.
“You cannot escape me.”

“I didn’t do this.”
The transporter beam vanished. “What the—” I slammed into a platform.
Ouch!
That smarted a bit. I sat up and rubbed my bruised elbow. The operator obviously didn’t know what he was doing. I mean, c’mon. Materializing people in midair? How lame was that?

One funky-looking cyborg wearing the tattered remains of a red battle suit stood at the controls. Pitted, badly rusted metal covered half his skull. Two of his cyborg’s eyes had been replaced with telephoto lens that continually zoomed in and out. The right arm was a moldy piece of red metal with a clawed hand, and a stump made from wood replaced his lower left leg.

My jaw dropped, and I shot to my feet. Holy hell, the cyborg had once been a Tai-Kok. Did his metal parts keep the skunk scent from melting him?

I felt Jaylan’s stunned disbelief.
“Mog.”

“That’s Mog the Merciless? The legendary Tai-Kok high commander?”

“Yes.”

“Looks like he had a run in with a shark.”

“He did. I fed him to the sand sharks on Joroco.”

“Oh, so it’s safe to say Mog’s lookin’ for a little payback.”

The cyborg spat a bunch of angry, quacking gibberish and pointed a laser pistol at me. An instant later, a wheezy mechanical voice commanded, “Drop your weapon.”

Using two fingers, I eased my pistol out of its holster and placed it on the floor. “If I were you, I’d fire the crappy mechanic who did that to you.”

The telephoto lens zoomed in on me, and vicious quacking noises emanated from Mog. “You are the warlord’s mate.”

“Me?” I laughed hysterically. “Sorry, buddy, but you’ve got the wrong girl.”

Mog started quacking like a rabid duck on meth, and the mechanical voice translated his gobbledygook. “There is no mistake. The warlord will surrender to me, or I will eat you, piece by piece.”

I eyed the two metal teeth Mog had left. He kinda reminded me of a bucktooth beaver. “Since you’re dentally challenged, that might take a while.”

“While I tear into your flesh, I will buck you.”

“Buck?”

Mog opened his pants. A wormy black metal penis whirled around and around like a Roto-Rooter.

Good God, that was just wrong. “You must be so proud.”

A thick drool running down his chin, Mog moved toward me with his penis spinning madly. Step.
Thump.
Step.
Thump.

I watched the drool splash the floor. He was close enough. Why wasn’t he vomiting like the others?

Step.
Thump.
Step.
Thump.
A long red tongue slid suggestively over Mog’s scabby lips.

Okeydokey. Time for Plan B. Summoning my telekinesis, I grabbed his penis with my mind and yanked.

SNAP!
It ricocheted off the wall behind me.
THUNK!
The twirling metal drilled into the forehead of a five-hundred-pound teddy bear who had the bad luck to step through the transporter room door. The bear’s eyes rolled back, and he fell to the floor, deader than a doornail. Well, what do you know? Mog had teamed up with the Hus Pings. The scavengers of the galaxy. Which explained his icky man parts.

“Guess that shot your wad.”

A bunch of weird honking quacks broke from Mog, and he fired his weapon.

A crackling red energy storm engulfed me, and agony seared every nerve ending. A scream tore from me as violent muscle spasms contorted my body. My arms and legs slammed repeatedly against the icy floor. I fought to stay conscious. That metallic creep wasn’t touching me.

A horrific battle cry echoed around the room.

Mog crashed face-first into the transporter platform. A big dent creased his metal head.

A seriously pissed-off warlord was standing over him.

I blinked in disbelief. Was I hallucinating?
“Honey…bunny?”

“I am not a harmless furry creature.”
Jaylan picked Mog up and hurled him across the room. He hit the wall with a loud
thwack!

“Uh…okay.”
I clenched my teeth as another wave of spasms tore through me. The aftereffects of being stunned sucked.
“Can you…make it…stop?”

“Yes.”
Jaylan crouched down beside me and ran a medical scanner over my twitching body. “
You are lucky he didn’t have his stun beam on full power.”

“Yay me.”

He pulled a pressure injector from the med kit and pushed it against my neck.

There was a sharp prick, and the pain vanished. I took a shuddering breath of relief as the muscle spasms stopped.
“If I could feel my lips, I’d kiss you.”

Mog squawked loudly.

The sensation of sudden, overwhelming danger hit me.
“It’s a trap!”

Terrifying roars filled the transporter room as eight monstrous teddy bears charged in and attacked Jaylan.

His sword flashing in the dim light, Jaylan hacked his way through the bears, but as each one fell, another took its place.

“Forget the stupid sword; use your laser pistol!”

“My sword is all I need to kill them.”

“Sure it is, Skippy.”

And right on cue, Mog fired his laser pistol at the enraged warlord.

Jaylan whipped his sword up. The laser beam bounced off the blade and struck Mog’s spiffy metal arm. It glowed brightly and vanished.

“I will eat you piece by piece,” Mog howled.

“Slick move, honey bunny.”

“Do not call me that ridiculous name.”

A bear’s claw caught the side of Jaylan’s face, ripping the flesh.

“Where are your troops? You can’t take them on all by yourself.”

“I am Coletti.”
Blood pouring down the right side of his face, the warlord catapulted himself straight into the air. His fangs bared in a feral snarl, he swung his sword and beheaded two of the hairy, ten-foot-tall creatures.

“A Coletti who is about to get his ass handed to him.”
Fighting against the numbing effects of the stun beam, I hooked a leg over my backpack and dragged it to me.

A Hus Ping grabbed Jaylan’s arm and flung him into a wall. The impact knocked the sword out his grip.

“Dammit, shoot ’em!”

My stubborn warlord shot to his feet, blocked a blow with his left arm, and drove his fist into a furry face.

The bear’s head snapped back, and he toppled over like a poleaxed steer.

“Kill him, you fools!” Mog shouted.

The warlord’s knives seemed to magically appear in his hands. With a quick flick of his wrists, Jaylan took out two more Hus Pings.

“For God’s sake, teleport out of here before they kill you,”
I snapped, flinching as claws missed his face by inches.

“Energy field,”
Jaylan snapped back.

Roaring their fury, three more bears jumped him and pinned him against the wall. Their massive fists hammered Jaylan over and over again until he sagged limply in their grip.

With a furious honk, Mog thumped over to Jaylan and ripped a chunk of flesh from his neck. The cyborg smiled gleefully, his mouth a bloody mess.

A black rage exploded inside me. Now they died. Drawing on my telekinesis, I seized the fallen sword and beheaded the three bears. Goldilocks I wasn’t.

Jaylan dropped to the cold metal floor. Blood rapidly pooled beneath his body.

A ripple of panic cramped my stomach. He was bleeding out.