Colin and the Magic Bookmark (6 page)

Louis was red in the face with rage. “That way! No, that way, you fools!”

They ran hither and thither along the narrow streets in all directions, peering frantically into the shadows, but they did not find Colin. Of course they did not know that Colin, just like Robin and the other outlaws, had arrived safely home.

 

Colin was sitting in his favourite armchair with his favourite book on his lap. Sammy was there too. The bookmark still glowed warmly.

“What an adventure!” said Colin, patting his pockets. Yes, the bookmark was there. Then he looked down at the pages of the book and suddenly noticed something new. There on the pages open in front of him were two large, beautiful colour photographs. One showed the Sheriff of Nottingham and his wife in the room at the castle and in the background Louis Leloup scowling as usual. The other showed Marion holding Sammy and standing next to Robin with the rest of the outlaws ranged around them. “Well, Sammy, no one would believe me, if I told them who those people are,” Colin said. “Hmm. The bookmark must have acted like a mobile phone camera. I remember it pulsed and I thought I saw a flash, but it was maybe just the fire flaring up.” Another thought occurred to him. “I should say these are probably the earliest photos ever taken! It all happened about 800 years ago! Hmm, they are terrific souvenirs though.” He sat thinking a little longer. Then he decided it was time to go to bed, because he had to go to work in the morning. He was about to stand up, when his hand brushed against something soft on the arm of the chair, and he realised that he was still wearing the beautiful red cloak.

 

 

 

Mr. Jellysox was in a good mood. In fact Mr. Jellysox was in a
very
good mood. This was rather strange, as he seemed to be in the story that Colin had just found at random in his special book. The bookmark though glowed reassuringly in his pocket.

“What are you doing here, Mr. Jellysox?” asked Colin.

“Well, I'm on holiday like you. Just a short weekend break. Oh, hello, Sammy.” He bent down to pat the little dog.

Colin was puzzled. He checked to see what he was wearing, just to make sure that he wasn't in a heavy, old-fashioned, diving-suit or some sort of uniform. No, he was wearing his usual sweater and jeans. Then he looked around him. It was a dark evening and they all seemed to be standing outside the large, solid, wooden front door of a quite sinister looking building. It was huge with grey brickwork. Looking up at the roof, he could see a number of turrets towering above the black slates. There were few lights visible in the many windows, and it was deathly quiet. Suddenly an owl hooted.

“Don't you think we should ring the bell?” asked Mr. Jellysox.

“I can't see a bell-push or a knocker,” replied Colin.

“What about this rope here?” asked Mr. Jellysox, and he gave it a sharp tug. A bell clanged hollowly somewhere nearby. Sammy barked once. Colin and Mr. Jellysox heard footsteps approaching quite slowly and deliberately. The footsteps stopped and the door creaked open, revealing a huge man dressed all in black in a strange 19
th
century style suit. He had steely grey hair, beetling black eyebrows and frightening dark eyes.

“Good evening, gentlemen. Welcome to Castle Zorn.” The voice matched his sinister look. It was very deep and yet seemed oddly and genuinely welcoming. “We were expecting you. Come in. Come in!”

Colin noticed that, like Mr. Jellysox, he was holding a small suitcase in his right hand. So this really was going to be some sort of holiday!

They followed the giant butler down a short corridor into an enormous reception room.

“Don't worry about the cobwebs and spiders,” he boomed. “Most of them are artificial. They are supposed to provide atmosphere. Wait here please.”

Whilst Sammy was sniffing at something interesting near the large reception desk, Colin looked all around. Attached to the high ceiling was a crystal chandelier in which a few guttering candles cast a feeble light. “I suppose that's for the atmosphere too,” he said, pointing up at it.

“Yes,” Mr. Jellysox agreed. “This is one of those new-fangled theme hotels.”

“More like
old
-fangled!” laughed Colin.

“Oh, yes. I like that!” said Mr. Jellysox with a grin. “I thought I was being a bit adventurous, choosing this. You see, I' m really not very brave, and, you know, I wanted to test myself. This is advertised as a scary holiday. So far I've been quite calm. I don't think I'm going to be afraid at all!”

 

The bookmark throbbed once in Colin's pocket. “I wonder. We'll see,” he thought.

At that moment the butler returned with a distinguished-looking old man, who had a disturbingly pale face.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” he said in a firm, pleasant voice. “I understand Fungus has already welcomed you here. The castle has belonged to my family for many centuries, but it became so expensive to run that I was forced to turn it into a hotel. By the way, I am Drac, the thirteenth Count of Castle Zorn. I hope you will be thrilled by your visit. At the moment we do not have a lot of guests. Oh, and enjoy the facilities. They are most unusual. They are designed to be a little macabre. For example, if you would like it, there is thunder available in every room, but it can be turned down or switched off completely so that it will not frighten your little dog.”

Sammy gave a contemptuous little snarl, but the Count didn't seem to notice.

With a little wave as he disappeared into his office, he remarked, “Perhaps we'll meet later and I'll introduce you to the Countess.”

“Dinner is served at seven o'clock,” boomed Fungus. “May I show you to your rooms?”

 

And so it was that Colin and Mr. Jellysox were escorted down a long gloomy corridor. The rooms did not have numbers. They had names instead. Mr. Jellysox was in one called ‘Group A' and Colin was in ‘Group O'.

Inside the room was very strange with black walls, black ceiling and even black sheets and pillows on the bed. The bathroom and toilet were also in black, but with silver taps and fittings. The lights were adjustable and shone through the nose- and eye-holes of various artificial skulls littered around the walls and furniture. What Sammy did not like though was the mobile above the bed. He snarled at it. It was a full-size witch, riding on a broomstick.

“It's all right, boy,” said Colin. “It's quite funny really and the room is surprisingly comfortable. I hope the food is as good. I'm glad they let me keep you in my room. I'm beginning to enjoy this.”

 

A little while later he was not so sure. He had arranged to meet Mr. Jellysox in the hotel restaurant just before seven o'clock. As he walked in, he spotted someone he knew, someone he hoped never to see again. His brain went, “Neaaargh! No! No! No!” It was Mrs. Biggle, sitting at a table with all her family! Mr. Biggle, however, was for once looking cheerful. He raised his glass, smiled at Colin and walked over. Mrs. Biggle on the contrary stared straight through Colin in her usual unfriendly manner.

“What are you doing here?” asked Mr. Biggle.

“I don't really know. I seem to be on a weekend holiday break.”

“I love it here,” said Mr. Biggle. “You know, all that horror movie stuff. They use this place for the Castle Zorn films, and I persuaded my wife to come here and try it.”

Colin thought to himself, “
She
certainly matches the atmosphere!” But he did not wish to offend Mr. Biggle, whom he quite liked, and so he said nothing.

“She only agreed to come here though,” went on Mr. Biggle, “because the Luvvy Duvvy Wuvvies are staying here. They are filming next week. Personally I can't stand them. Anyway, nice to see you.” With a friendly wave he went back to his table.

“Oh no!” thought Colin. “First Mrs. Biggle, now the Luvvy Duvvy Wuvvies! I don't think I can stand it either!”

Just as Mr. Jellysox joined Colin, the tall, thin head-waiter, also dressed in black, and who looked like a younger brother of Fungus, appeared and showed them to their table. They were soon reading through the strange menu.

“What on earth's a Frankensteinburger? Does it have a steel bolt through it?” asked Colin.

“I've no idea. And what about a Dracula Salad?” chuckled Mr. Jellysox.

“Even the soup's called Cream of Venison Congealed .!”

“Well, how about a Scary Lasagne? Does it bite you back?”

“Someone has gone to a lot of trouble to think up these names.”

“Someone with a weird imagination,” added Mr. Jellysox.

 

In fact the meal was very good. The Foxtail Soup was different. They enjoyed their Vampire Steak (Rare) with Potato Fangs, followed by Fruitbat Trifle and all washed down with a bottle of Dragon's Blood Wine.

They were just about to leave their table, when the Count approached them.

“Gentlemen, allow me to introduce my wife, the Countess Anaesthesia,” he said.

A rather frightening looking woman with an extremely pale face and pointed teeth stepped forward to shake hands or rather the tips of her fingers with them. She peered at them through a lorgnette in a rather strange way, almost thirstily. Her smile was quite chilling.

“Yes,” thought Colin, “she's definitely here to increase the atmosphere!”

Meanwhile the Countess was murmuring, “How delicious, … er…how sweet to meet you.”

Mr. Jellysox seemed dumbstruck. His legs were trembling.

Colin, however, just laughed and said, “Delighted to meet you, ma'am.”

Suddenly all the lights went out, and Fungus' voice boomed out. “Don't be afraid now, ladies and gentlemen. That comes later, if you wish to join me on the Ghost Walk round the castle. It begins in five minutes. I will be your guide. Meet me in reception please.”

“Ooh! Lovely!” squealed Mrs. Biggle. “How exciting!”

“Interested?” Colin asked Mr. Jellysox.

“Why not?” was the reply.

In fact everyone enjoyed the Ghost Walk, even the ghosts, who were hotel staff dressed up in long robes, wigs, skeleton costumes with gruesome masks and red eyes that lit up from battery packs at the press of a button. These weird creatures would hide, then leap out and startle the guests and make bloodcurdling howls and hissing noises. Sammy was not impressed. He just trotted round happily sniffing everything. Mrs. Biggle shrieked and giggled throughout. Colin and Mr. Jellysox had not heard her laugh before. It seemed most unnatural to them. However, about halfway into the walk, when Fungus said they were to beware of any ghostly animals they saw and upsetting them might bring bad luck, Mrs. Biggle seemed to shiver and was quiet for nearly twenty seconds. Mr. Jellysox had taken a lot of photos on his digital camera on their way round the castle. He even took some of the Count and his wife. There was a good one of Fungus looking seriously malignant, but none of Mrs. Biggle. At the end of the tour everyone thanked Fungus for making it such terrifying fun. They had all laughed a lot, pretending to be really frightened. This gave Colin an idea.

“Can I ask you a favour, Mr. Jellysox?” he asked.

“Of course. What is it?”

“Would you take a special photograph of Sammy and me?”

“Certainly. My pleasure, I'm sure.”

“But first I need to get some things I found in the room.”

“O.K. No problem. I'll come with you.”

They went back to Group O and Colin said, “Look.” He held out some joke false vampire teeth. If I wear these, and if Sammy will let me put these small ones in his mouth, it would make a brilliant photo.”

“Hmm. O.K.” said Mr. Jellysox.

Sammy did not need much persuading. He realised it was some sort of game. He gripped the false teeth firmly in his mouth and looked immediately like a grinning vampire dog. Colin popped his own set of horrible fangs into his own mouth. He too looked the part, possibly Count Dracula's little brother. Mr. Jellysox took a picture of them both. The camera flashed. The bookmark throbbed once in Colin's pocket. The digital screen showed an excellent photo.

Then Mr. Jellysox had a wicked idea. He snapped his fingers in delight and was jumping up and down excitedly as he told Colin, who immediately grinned and said, “Good idea! Let's do it!”

 

Mr. Jellysox went to borrow a couple of cloaks from the staff, who had played the ghosts and ghouls in the Ghost Walk. When he came back, he popped another set of false vampire teeth into his mouth. Both he and Colin found it was not easy talking while they were wearing these false dentures, but they could make some strange noises and gurgles. They practised one or two and couldn't stop giggling. They had to calm down before they put on their cloaks and Colin clipped Sammy's lead to his collar. Then all three of them slipped out of the room and went in search of a certain person, whom they soon located making a lot of noise and fuss in the hotel lounge-bar. Mrs. Biggle had worked herself up into a frenzy of excitement because she had drunk one or two too many gin and tonics and was now at last speaking in person to her favourite T.V. celebrities, the Luvvy Duvvy Wuvvies. These were four actors, two men Josh and Steve, and two women, Anna and Emily, who played Molly and Apollo Swallow and Abel and Goldie Finch in several series of over the top stories called The Love Birds, stories in which they were always excruciatingly madly in love and giving each other absurd presents such as a full-size chocolate motor-car or a remote controlled luminous golf-bag for use at night, or else they had raging rows, involving throwing ridiculous things at each other such as sculptures of Martian spacemen, hot-water bottles (without stoppers) filled with tomato-ketchup or giant cushions shaped like jellyfish and other sea creatures. This all took place in two very posh neighbouring houses in Kensington. Mrs. Biggle, being rather naïve, believed it all, as if each story had really happened. By this time the actors were looking thoroughly fed up, as admiring, flattering words gushed forth from Mrs. Biggle in an unending flow, all drunken nonsense. The Luvvy Duvvy Wuvvies were too polite to interrupt. Mr. Biggle, looking equally as embarrassed as the others, sat nursing a glass of beer, but he did not dare to intervene. His wife waved her large glass of gin and tonic around, unaware that she was splashing everyone with her drink. Josh, Steve, Anna and Emily seemed hypnotised by her retelling of all the episodes of The Love Birds that she had watched.