Collateral Damage (19 page)

He hissed in a breath and tended to her other nipple, half-crazy with the need to come. Right then he wanted to strip those shorts off and pound into her so badly, remind her what they’d been missing out on all this time, but he knew he needed something else even more.

He wanted her total surrender. Wanted to pin her beneath him and reduce her to her most vulnerable state, make her want him until she was begging for release before he satisfied her and listened to her call out his name.

Desire swirled through him, fueling his need. He wanted her to fucking
crave
him, remind her of how good it was between them so this moment would be burned into her mind forever, then drive her over the peak while he watched.

When he released her nipple and raised his head, the sheer desire in her heavy-lidded eyes took his breath away. “More,” she urged. “Hurry.” Her hands reached for his shirt and dragged it over his head.

Liam pulled hers off and tugged her shorts over her hips as she grabbed his waistband and undid his pants. He rolled to the side and shucked them along with his underwear while she slid her shorts off.

The sweet scent of her arousal hit him, the sight of those coppery curls between her thighs making it impossible to think. With a low groan he gripped her upper thighs and pushed them up and outward, exposing the tender pink flesh of her sex. Her hands flew to his shoulders and squeezed, the muscles in her thighs and belly tensing as he stared at her with unabashed hunger. She was breathing fast and shallow, burning for him.

One slender hand slid to the back of his head and pulled as she raised her hips in a silent plea. “Taste me,” she whispered unevenly.

God, he needed to. Liam eased down between her open thighs, captivated by the sight of her so aroused and needy for him. Holding her legs captive, he settled his mouth against her core. At the first touch of his lips Honor cried out and twisted in his grip, her fingers clenching in his hair.

So fucking sweet, he thought as he circled her clit with his tongue, slow and soft, just the way she loved it. He knew every single one of her sweet spots and planned to hit all of them before he was done. Making Honor writhe and beg, then scream in release, was something he’d once lived for and he wanted to do it again now. Maybe this time more than ever.

Liam held her thighs in place, enjoying every second of this. Licking and nibbling at her most sensitive flesh, he continued to tease her over and over until she was mewling and panting for breath. Only when she was gasping for breath did he dip down and plunge his tongue inside her.

Her fractured cry echoed through the room. He couldn’t control the guttural sound that rumbled up from his chest, a sense of deep satisfaction flowing through him as he finally tasted her the way he’d been longing to. Burying his tongue inside her warmth was primal, deeply intimate. It’d been so long.

He hadn’t been with anyone since her. He’d had the opportunity and just hadn’t been interested. She’d ruined him for any other woman and her sweet, familiar taste was so damn good, making her incoherent with pleasure the ultimate high.

Her body arched. Honor writhed against his mouth, making little pleading noises but he didn’t stop tormenting her, using every trick he knew to take her right to the edge before moving up and closing his lips around her swollen clit. Her long, throaty moan stroked over his heated skin like a caress. He flicked his tongue gently as he sucked at the tender bud, pulling more of those beautiful, helpless sounds from her.

She had both hands in his hair now, her grip urgent, hips rocking against his tongue, utterly lost in her need. Fucking gorgeous. “Please, now,” she panted, gazing down at him with pleasure-drugged eyes.

Triumph roared through him, along with that familiar rush of territorial protectiveness she always brought out in him.
He’d
put that sensual look on her face.
He’d
made her so hot and desperate she was begging for release, and only he would satisfy her now.

Moving fast, Liam pulled back and reached for his discarded pants, grabbing the condom he’d brought with him from his pocket. Before he could rip it open, her hands wrapped around the length of his aching cock.

The breath halted in his throat. Liam shuddered at her knowing, confident grip, his head falling back as she began to stroke him, wrenching a groan from his lips. He looked down to watch those slender hands slide over him, the pleasure streaking through his body so intense it made him tremble. Before he could move, she got to her knees and bent to take him in her mouth.

Liam shuddered and bit back a strangled moan as her lips wrapped around the swollen head. Both his hands slid into her hair, his fingers contracting around the sleek red-gold strands. His heart pounded out of control, his breathing shallow. It was so hot, so perfect, her soft little tongue caressing the sensitive underside of the head while she sucked on him.

More.
He guided her head down farther, forcing her to take more of him before backing off, waiting until she’d almost released him before repeating the motion. Slow and easy, letting the sensation burn up his shaft, boil in his balls and belly. One of her hands smoothed over the shrapnel scars on his left hip, the side of his thigh.

The touch should have been soothing, healing, but it only ramped him up higher. Then her eyes lifted to his, and the sight of her sucking him off while she gazed up at him like that nearly did him in.

“Stop,” he managed hoarsely, tugging on her hair to still her. He pulled out of her mouth and rolled the condom on with shaking hands. Without hesitation Honor lay back and reached for him. Her arms wound tight around his back, her legs coming up to encircle his waist as she pulled him down into her embrace.

Pure need pounded through him. He propped his weight onto his elbows and paused, his cock sliding against her slick mound. Then he made the mistake of looking into her eyes and froze.

Her expression was so open, so full of tenderness and longing as well as heat that he almost balked. This was supposed to be about closure, about having the goodbye they’d never gotten last time. How was he supposed to leave after if she gave herself to him this completely?

Her hand came up to cradle the side of his face, her thumb stroking back and forth across his jaw, her touch gentle and loving. “Need you,” she murmured, rocking her pelvis against him.

For the life of him, he couldn’t pull away.

Unable to refuse her or himself, he braced over her and slowly sank into her warmth. Honor’s eyes fluttered closed at the slow penetration, her mouth parting in a soundless cry of pleasure that set off a warning buzz at the base of his spine. The feel of her slick heat surrounding him, squeezing him tight, was indescribable.

And in that moment, he realized he’d made a colossal tactical error.

What was supposed to be just sex and getting her out of his system had become a thousand times more meaningful. Emotion poured through him: grief, longing and a deep-seated tenderness he couldn’t shut off.

“Don’t stop,” she begged, her voice tight with unfulfilled desire.

Fuck.
Heart pounding, back and chest slick with sweat, he pushed deeper.

God, it was good. Even better than he remembered. Liam buried his face in the side of her neck and sucked in a breath, struggling to hang on.

Being cradled in Honor’s arms, buried to the hilt inside her while she opened her body and heart to him was the most incredible thing in the world. How the fuck was he going to walk away later?

Without warning his eyes began to sting.

As though she sensed how close he was to coming unglued, Honor murmured to him and pressed kisses to the side of his face, her hand urging his head to turn toward her. Liam shook his head, unable to bear that final level of intimacy when he knew this was their last time.

Keeping his face in her neck he fought back the swell of emotion and began to move, a slow, shallow rocking motion that was more profound than words could ever be. He loved her. Would always love her, but it wasn’t enough because some things couldn’t be undone and he just couldn’t let her in the way he had before. All they had left was this bittersweet farewell, and he was going to make it memorable.

He shifted the angle of his hips to hit her sweet spot and Honor gasped, holding him tighter, moaning as she lifted into his rhythm. He drove deeper, a little harder now that her body had adjusted to him. A lump settled in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut, torn between the excruciating pleasure swelling inside him and the need to see her face as he took her this last time.

In the end, his heart won out.

Powerless to stop himself, he lifted his head and looked down at her. Anguish sliced through his chest when he saw the tears glistening in her beautiful eyes.

Don’t. Don’t cry.
Shit, he didn’t want either of them to hurt anymore. He was sick of hurting. That’s why he was ending it all tonight.

With a low sound of regret he covered her mouth with his, his tongue sliding against hers as he took her. Honor kissed him back deep and slow, the steady friction between their bodies pushing them both closer and closer to the edge. Liam reached one hand down to stroke her clit gently as he pumped into her.

Her answering whimper of pleasure and need made his protectiveness rise to the surface. Cupping her cheek with his free hand he gave her everything he had left to give, allowing his emotional shields to drop for these final moments.

She tightened around him, her inner muscles squeezing his cock as she met every stroke of his tongue. Hunger took over. It burned through everything else, leaving both of them defenseless.

Together they strained toward the peak. He drove into her over and over as the pressure built and her moans turned to cries of pure ecstasy. More perfect than he’d remembered.

Breaking the kiss as she neared the edge, Liam stared down into her face, drinking in the sight of her, cheeks flushed, lips swollen and parted, lost in what he was making her feel. Her inner walls contracted around him and then her cries of release filled the air.

Liam fused his mouth with hers and drank them down, driving into her deeper, faster. His own orgasm barreled at him through her silky contractions and he went after it with single-minded intensity. Sensation burned through him like fire, gathering low in his belly and spreading outward. With one last thrust he buried himself deep inside her and exploded.

He threw his head back, teeth bared as a raw groan tore free. The climax blasted throughout his entire body, wiping out thought and sound. When it faded at last he sagged on his forearms, panting for breath. Honor made a murmuring sound and gathered him close, and he was too weak in that moment to pull away.

Utterly destroyed, he lay atop her with his face resting against the side of her neck, her sweet, clean scent invading his senses. She ran her fingertips up and down his back in a soothing motion, her body limp and pliant beneath his, legs still wrapped around him.

And all of a sudden he felt like crying.

He felt too much, was in too deep again.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Liam pushed out a hard exhalation and allowed himself to rest in her arms a while longer, dreading what was coming. Silence settled over them as their breathing returned to normal, an ominous quiet filling the room. Gradually he felt the subtle tension taking hold of her body.

Though it felt like he was peeling his own skin away to pull out of her arms, he made himself roll off her and sit up, his back to her. Honor stayed quiet until he reached for his clothes and began pulling them on, steeling himself for what he was about to do.

“So that’s it?” she asked in a flat kind of resignation that made it feel like his heart was being crushed in an invisible vise.

Knowing he shouldn’t, he risked a glance at her anyway. She was sitting up, wearing his T-shirt again, watching him with desolate blue eyes.

“I gotta go to work,” he muttered, and stood, shaken by the emotional upheaval inside him. He’d tossed his boots at the side of the bed. He put them on, the enveloping silence going from uncomfortable to suffocating in the space of a few seconds. Shit, he didn’t know what to say to make this any easier. After what they’d just shared he was more conflicted than ever about what to do.

“I’ll miss you,” she murmured, and he caught the slight catch in her voice.

Ah, fuck.

He gritted his teeth. It would be so much easier if they could just hate each other. For a moment he considered saying something to make her do exactly that, but couldn’t. Even he wasn’t enough of an asshole to end things that way.

And that look on her face…

Against his better judgment, Liam sat back down on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms with a ragged sigh. Honor went willingly into his embrace, pressing her face to his chest as she hugged him tight in return.

“I’ll miss you too.” His own voice was rough with regret as he rubbed a hand over her back. Dammit, he should never have come here tonight. “I wish it could be different, but I just… I can’t do this anymore.”
I’ll always love you but I can’t afford to let you back in again.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. She held the power to destroy him, almost had the first time around.

No. Never again.

Except that didn’t seem like a good enough reason to keep his distance anymore. In fact, right now it sounded like a sorry-ass excuse.

Honor sucked in a ragged breath and managed a nod, as though she either understood or had expected his response.

Her bravery in the face of his rejection almost killed him. And dragging this out any longer would just be fucking cruel, to both of them. He had to be strong and do what needed to be done, no matter how hard it was. Even if the fear of going through life without her made him feel cold and empty inside, and even if he was starting to doubt his decision about this.

Releasing her, he stood and headed for the door, his chest full of concrete. He removed the chair from under the knob and paused with his hand on it. When he looked back at her she wiped her face and gave him a brave, wobbly smile that broke his heart all over again. And dammit, as he stood there he could feel himself caving, on the verge of blurting that he wanted to try and make it work again.