Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You) (15 page)

I stopped breathing altogether when she slowly straddled my lap and murmured close to my ear, “Please… don’t leave me.”

Fuck.
 

This was bad, really fucking bad. And I knew I should push her away, make her stop because what she was doing was only bringing us a little closer to the edge. She held on to the chair behind me, her warm body pressed into mine. There was no chance she wasn’t feeling just how much I wanted her.

“What are you doing, Aly?” My hands went to her slender hips with the intention of edging her off my lap. Instead my fingers dug into the soft skin.

A shudder sped up my spine when she trembled above me.

Wetting my lips, I tried to move her back but only managed to brush up against her farther. Her expression was severe but soft, her movements shaky but sure. She searched my face, her eyes burning a path as she left me utterly exposed. And I could smell her, and the memory of the way she tasted, the way she felt, overwhelmed every last one of my senses. She didn’t even have to move, and she was already touching me everywhere.

She swallowed, then spoke. “Did you want to kiss me last night?”

“Last night was a mistake, Aly. I – ”

Her hands went to my face, and she held me there, forcing me to look up at her. “I didn’t ask you if it was a mistake. I asked if you wanted to.”

A frustrated sound worked its way free of my throat, and I shifted again, which only brought her closer. Right then I knew there was not a fucking thing I could do because nothing else mattered in the world except for the way she felt pressed up tight against me. My fingers dug farther into her hips, and we were nose-to-nose, Aly’s hands firm on my face. I realized we were moving, our bodies subtly rocking.

I groaned. “I’ve wanted to kiss you every single second of every single day since the moment I opened my eyes to find you standing over me, Aly. But you know we can’t do this.” My voice cracked. “I don’t get to have this. I already told you… you deserve someone who can love you, someone who will be good for you, and you know that’s not me.”

I hoped maybe she’d listen to reason, but instead she crushed her chest to mine and dipped her head to the side. Her mouth came urgent against my neck, and she kissed at a sensitive spot under my jaw that very nearly made me jump out of my skin because it felt so fucking good. And she was sucking and moving and touching and… fuck.

Making her way up my neck, she kissed along my jaw, then lifted her soft lips to mine as she murmured, “Then tell me you don’t want me.”

Pleasure rocked through my body when she ground herself against me. A growl clanged around in my chest and rumbled up my throat. “Aly… ”

And she did it again, holding me close as if she were hanging on to life. “I said… tell me you don’t want me.”

“You know that would be a lie.” My eyelids closed with the admission, and I knew I shouldn’t say it, but I needed her to know. “God, I want you so bad, Aly. So bad.”

I could feel the affection in her touch as she slowly slid her hands down my chest and over my stomach. Her deep green eyes never released mine when she sat back a little to take hold of the bottom of her tank. Slowly she drew it up, inch by excruciating inch. And I was frozen, everything except for my eyes that trailed her movements as I took in the lush flesh she exposed.

Aly wasn’t wearing a bra, and I thought maybe somewhere in my subconscious I already knew that, but this… this was shocking, too much, and I sucked in a fortifying breath because I had no idea how I was ever going to get out of this.

I didn’t want to.

Aly’s hair fell in a tangled mess around her shoulders as she finally lifted the shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor.

And I was trembling, my body losing all control as my attention shot between her face and her full breasts.

What the hell did she think she was doing to me? This was almost as cruel as making me watch her splash around with Dickhead in that fucking pool last night. Although neither time had there been anything callous in her movements, nothing meant to taunt, and tonight it was clear this was spurred by the same need spinning through her that was spinning through me.

“Touch me,” she commanded, her voice low. There was something in the demand, a hidden shyness that only affirmed the goodness I found in her.

“Aly… damn it… you need to stop.”

“Please,” she begged.

My fingers worked deeper into her hips, and Aly sat back, her hands on my shoulders as she bared herself to me. This girl was so unbelievably gorgeous, her skin a creamy color that seemed to glow in the dim light. So soft. Perfect.

My fingers moved, slowly trailing up her sides, dipping into the faint divots between each of her ribs. “Aleena” quietly slipped from my mouth like a prayer.

With my touch, goose bumps pebbled over the expanse of her skin and the rosy buds of her breasts tightened. Her head listed just to the side as she drew in a shaky breath, her dark hair falling all over one shoulder, a silent whimper falling from her trembling lips.

“Aly, I… ” I looked up at her, unable to understand why someone like her wanted to give herself to someone like me.

“Shh,” she begged. “Don’t, Jared. I need you… want you. I don’t care about anything outside my door. Here, it’s just the two of us.”

Gentle fingers swept down my chest and teased under the hem of my shirt. Warm palms flattened on my bare skin, and she slowly skimmed them up my stomach, dragging my shirt with it, pressing harder as she passed over my ribs. She splayed her fingers wide as her hands moved over my shoulders.

I shook, but I was powerless, so I let her take control. In surrender, I lifted my arms so she could tug the shirt over my head. She tossed it to the floor on top of hers.

Aly sat back to take me in. She’d seen me without my shirt on before. I mean, I’d even let her
touch
me. But never in my life had I felt as exposed as I did right then. Her fingertips softened as they traced along the outline of my sins, as she caressed the markings of every mistake I’d ever made as if this girl somehow found some kind of beauty in them. She explored, caressed down my chest, back up my sides, and over my shoulders.

She should be repulsed because I was every time I looked in the mirror.

But she was gazing at me, touching me like maybe she really did understand, like she wasn’t humoring me with some kind of bullshit pity party. She leaned down and kissed the dying rose at the center of my chest.

A tremor coursed through my body.

I knew it wasn’t feigned. I could feel it. Aly understood me.

And again I was thinking that maybe she and I did fit because she was fucking perfect and good and every kind of beautiful, and I was corrupted and impure and vile, and just maybe piecing two people together so contrary meant we could somehow create a whole.

That kind of thinking, though, was all just a painful delusion. But right then, I didn’t fucking care. I’d be happy to die in this deception.

“You are so beautiful,” Aly murmured as she reached out to touch my face with nothing but sincerity in her words, and I knew she would be happy to live in this illusion, too.

I folded my arms around her waist and lifted her up as I stood from the chair. She hooked her legs over my hips, locking herself to me, and I was kissing her as I walked her to the bed. She cupped my face in her hands, smiling against my lips, kissing me hard and soft and everything in between, and then she was pressing these little kisses to my chin and my cheeks and my nose.

Something that almost felt like joy rose up from the inside and pushed against my ribs.

Another delusion, but I’d take it.

Because right then, taking felt right.

One of my knees hit the bed, and I crawled up with her still clinging to me. I untangled her from my neck and waist and gently set her on her twisted sheets. I edged back to standing, looking down on this girl who I should be running from instead of running toward.

She lay there wearing nothing but her sleep shorts, her feet flat on the mattress with her knees parted and bent. Her bare chest heaved as she stared up at me staring down at her. A faint smile curved her lips while her eyes continued to explore every inch of my skin.

For the first time in years, I didn’t mind.

“Jared,” she said, her hand fluttering up to beckon me forward. “Please.”

I leaned down to unlace my boots, watching her while she watched me. I stood and kicked them off. Slowly I began to work through the buttons on my fly.

Part of me was praying she’d stop me, that she’d finally grasp reality and see me for exactly what I was. But the rest of me screamed for her. It was like I could feel her spirit sinking under my skin, slipping through my veins, taking hold.

A blink of fear shot through my heart.

No. I don’t get to have this
.

I shoved the feeling off.

Pushing my jeans down to the floor, I shrugged them aside and stood at the edge of her bed in my underwear while I took in every inch of the girl who had some kind of insane hold over me.

Light filtered in from the window above her. Her stomach was flat and her breasts were full, her legs so fucking long and slender and strong. She lay there with her arms draped out to the side, rocking a little side to side as if she were just as impatient for me as I was for her. The muscles in my chest and arms twitched and flexed as I slowly climbed onto her bed. I nudged her knees farther apart. With one hand I supported my weight and hovered a foot over her while I touched her face and ran my fingers through her hair.

“Look at you,” I said as I cupped her cheek. My gaze rushed all over her face, along her chin and her delicate neck, down the curves and the lines that I was dying to touch. “Aly, you are so incredibly beautiful. Do you know that? Do you have any idea how perfect you are?”

Redness flushed along her skin. She drew her shoulders up and crushed her chest to mine as she splayed her hands across my back, like an embrace that greeted me body and soul, and I couldn’t imagine feeling closer to anyone until the second she covered my mouth with hers. This kiss was slow, just a gentle caress of her lips on mine, a soft breath of air from her nose.

She pulled back. Meaningfully, she gazed up at me. “I’m not perfect, Jared. No one is.”

A pensive smile formed on my mouth as she wrapped me in undeserved kindness. I wanted to dispute her claim because to me, that’s what she was. This girl who’d shaken me. I wanted to tell her she was wrong because I knew inside that pure heart of hers she believed the two of us were just the same.

Maybe her soul burned so bright she couldn’t see the blackness in mine.

Fingertips trailed along my jaw and wound in the hairs at the nape of my neck.

With a harsh shake of my head, I asked her the same question I’d been asking myself for the last month. “What are we doing, Aly?”

She tightened her hold and whispered along my jaw, “Whatever feels right.”

I released the air from my lungs and gave in. Devoured her mouth. I sucked her bottom lip between both of mine. Her jaw slackened as she fully succumbed to my kiss. Colors flashed behind my eyes as I let my weight cover her, chest to chest, breath to breath. I caged her, her tiny body pinned below mine as our mouths collided, reckless, hard, and demanding.

Heat blanketed us, flames and fire and need. I’d never wanted anyone like this, had never ached to bury myself in someone this way. I wanted to lose myself there, disappearing forever in this blissful delusion.

Aly was panting when I pulled away. She gasped and clutched my head when I dipped down and took the rosy bud of her breast in my mouth. “Oh my God… Jared,” she breathed, her words shooting straight through me.

Writhing, she moaned, and I lifted my weight to my knees so I could drag my flattened palms down her sides. Her muscles jumped and ticked, and she arched as I sucked at her. Almost frantic, her hands tugged at my hair.

I eased, gently kissed along the underside of her breast, then ran my nose back up over the sensitive skin. Her hands loosened and she sighed as she massaged her fingers at the back of my scalp. My kiss traveled the valley of her chest, and I took the opposite breast in my mouth.

Her hands fisted in my hair again. This time, Aly begged, “Please.”

Shit
.

And again I was asking, “What are we doing?” because I was hard and straining and so was Aly and all of this seemed so fucking crazy. Because I wanted her. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life, this consuming need that made my head spin and heart pound.

Slipping my hands under her back, I ran them all the way down to cup her perfect round ass and pressed her a little harder into me.

Aly whimpered, a frenzy alight in the depths of her green eyes. She rocked against me, purposed and strong. “Please.”

That was all the confirmation I needed, and I was pushing those little shorts and the black panties hidden underneath over her hips, revealing every inch of this beautiful girl. My chest felt too full, and my stomach tightened as I lowered them down her thighs.

Jerking back, I rested on my knees and tugged her shorts free from her legs.

Fully exposed, Aly stared up at me. Shadows danced in her eyes, her expression tense, and a little mewl slipped from her mouth as she nervously pressed her knees together. In it, I heard so many things, a whimper, a cry, need, and maybe something that sounded like fear.

Caressing her skin, I slowly spread her knees apart. Under my touch, she trembled, her legs shaking as they fell open and her naked body was completely exposed to me. Never before had I witnessed a more perfect sight.

“Shit… Aly… you’re fucking gorgeous.” Maybe it was crass, but damn, she was.

I watched as Aly’s tongue darted out to wet her lips, her hair all tangled around her face. Anxious green eyes stared up at me. Her expression was both intense and shy, shifting with desire and apprehension and lust.

A lick of fear lashed at me again. Squeezing my eyes closed, I swallowed hard and fought for control. This was wrong. So wrong. Yet I just opened my eyes and let my hands wander back down her legs, my palms firm as I ran them up the inside of her thighs. I shifted forward and captured her mouth.