Coming Home (Only Time Will Tell #1) (36 page)

That’s it. My stomach can’t handle it, the bile begins rising as I make an unsteady dash for the bathroom, just making it to the toilet in time.

It feels like I’m retching for an eternity. I never wanted him to find out like this.

The outcome might still be the same regardless of how he was told, but I wanted him to know properly.

When I’ve finished I wash my face and rinse my mouth at, the grotesque taste icky and making me want to do it all again. Part of me wants to hide in here until he comes and finds me, but I need to man up and try and salvage what I can. I pat my face dry before taking a slow walk back into the lounge, unsure if he’ll even still be there.

Stepping out the room, I can see Kyle staring out the window with his back to me, his hands splayed against the window with his head bowed. Pulling at the hem of the shirt I’m wearing I try and find my voice, but it comes out uneven and croaky. “K.C., has she gone?”

His head slowly rises but he doesn’t turn around.

“Kyle? Will you talk to me, please?”

He stays still for a moment and I can’t bear to move any further than the end of the hallway. I don’t know what to do or say. Where do you start?

After a while, he pushes himself away and slowly turns to look at me, crossing his arms over his chest, his legs parted and I feel so small and useless. “She was telling the truth, wasn’t she?” his tone snipped, but it was better than him screaming at me.

Looking at him, I can’t bear to say it so I just nod.

He runs his hands over his face and through his hair. “Why? Why did you lie to me? I thought I could trust you, of all people.”

“I wanted to tell you, I just couldn’t. There never seemed to be a right time.”

“Cat, I’m not stupid. I could have handled the thought of you being with someone else. You have, so why lie and tell me that you had only been with me? There was no need for it.”

She may have told him the start of the story, but she’d left the hard part for me. “I haven’t. That was the truth.”

He shakes his head in disgust. “How can you say that? What do you want me to believe, that it happened by some biblical miracle?”

“Kyle…” I say, my tone soft and apologetic, hoping that he’ll stop and think for a moment.

He continues looking at me a few more moments and then, “No. No. You’re serious? It was mine?” he says shaking his head and pacing the floor, his hands interlocked behind his head. “Cat, please tell me you’re joking.”

“Joking?” I scoff. “Why the hell would I do that? And for the record, never call a child an
it!”
 

He stops in his tracks and looks my way. “Did you not think to tell me before you moved back here? Like when it happened?”

Throwing my hands in the air in disbelief I try and gather my mouth and think about my tone before I start launching into a rant. “Think? I tried, every way I possibly could. I emailed and sent letters and left messages on your cell and home phone. What more could I do?”

He stares at the ceiling; maybe the sight of me right now is too much. “I never got a damn thing.”

“I’m aware, but I know your Mom knew. She made it clear every time I’ve come into contact to her. You need to stop believing that she’s the perfect Mother and believe that she stopped you from finding out. She hates me Kyle and would—and will—do anything to stop me ‘dragging you down.’ How else would Josie know?”

“I can’t believe this,” he repeats, slowly getting louder and louder. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“When?” I scream. “When you have a hooker on your lap, or when you’re in bed with another woman or maybe when you rescue me after I’ve been attacked? It’s not something you just throw out into an everyday conversation. It’s important.”

His fist connects with the closest wall, and I brace myself for another but he just screams, filling the room with an anguished wale. Once he’s calmed down a bit, he asks, “What happened? Did you keep the baby?” And then back tracks, shaking his head. “Of course you didn’t. If you had, you’ve done a great job at hiding a child.”

I lean against the wall and slump to the floor, knowing that the hardest part is yet to come. “Of course I did. Do you really think I’d give up the one thing I had left of you? I know I may have thought you didn’t love me and didn’t care, but I wouldn’t get rid of our child.”

He stares at me over his arm, his eyes looking red and his arms clenched so tight he’s at risk of tearing the shirt. “Did you give it up for adoption?”

“What did I tell you? He was not an
it,
he was a boy, your son! I had him, carried him for nine months, alone, wondering where the hell I’d gone wrong and why you hated me so much.”
 

He pushes back off the wall, turning and slumping into a heap on the floor, knocking his head back against it. “Does he live with your parents?” he asks and I know that I can’t delay this part any more.

Before I even open my mouth, my eyes start streaming just thinking about that morning. “No. Kyle, he died…when he was a few weeks old. If you had gotten the letters, you’d have known. I told you everything, poured my heart out to you just so you could know how amazing he was.”

I wait for a response but I get nothing. I can’t begin to imagine what is going through his head right now. In less than twenty minutes he’s found out he’s a Dad and lost someone he never got to meet, thanks to one person who should have helped him.

Eventually, he glances my way, even with the distance between us, I can see he’s crying too. He gulps a few times, wincing each time. “I feel sick. I’m shaking all over,” he moans. “How do you even process this?”

“I don’t know,” I mutter. “For me it was different; sure I was shocked, scared and emotionally empty at one point, but I got there in the end.”

His eyebrows furrow at me. “Empty? How? Why?”

“Because I thought you didn’t want to know. It killed me, I tortured myself everyday. My Mom had to verbally slap me around the face to make me realize that I wasn’t doing the baby any good. Regardless of whether you wanted to know, I had to remember that I had a life growing inside of me and I had to concentrate on him. It was hard and I always wanted you to share that with me, but no matter how many pictures I sent or scans, I couldn’t get you to talk to me.”

He blinks at me. “You sent all of that?

“Sure I did, you had a right to see it. I even wrote and told you about the funeral. I relived it in a letter even though you didn’t get back to me. I wanted you to know. I wanted you beside me and no matter what, I always talked to him about you. I told him you loved him even though I thought you didn’t.”

His hand clutches at his shirt over his heart and I can feel his pain “What was his name?”

“His name
is
Kody. Regardless of if he’s alive or not, his name isn’t going to change.”
 

His eyes widen. “Kody? Was that who that album was for?”

“Yes. And can you remember what the last words you said to me were? You told me to, ‘Go and find Kody and hold him. Tell him how special he is’. You have no idea how much you broke me saying that. If I could have done it, I would have. That’s the reason I went back to England. I needed to be close to him.”

“Fuck!” he shouts, slamming his hand against the floor. “And you think my Mom knew?”

“If Josie knows…she’s got to have found out from someone. Someone told her. I’ve not told anyone, not even Nod. I wanted you to know first.”

He gets up from the floor and marches over my way. He sniffles as he stands at my feet and holds out his hand.

I take it cautiously and let him lift me from the ground. “I know you might hate me, but you have to believe I didn’t keep it from you to hurt you.”

He surprises me by wrapping his arms around me and hugs me so tight I can’t breathe. After kissing my head he pulls away and wipes away both our tears, before cupping my face in his big, warm hands. “I want you to know that I love you, no matter what.” He starts, leaning down so he’s at eye level. “I just need to go out for a while and clear my head, but I’ll be back soon. Just promise me, you won’t leave while I’m gone, okay?”

“Where are you going?” I sniffle.

“To see my Mom. I don’t hate you and I believe you. I’m just pissed off that you’ve gone through all of this on your own. We need to talk about this properly, though,” he says, his voice squeaking as more tears start rolling down his cheeks. “I just need to do this. Thanks to her, I have let you unintentionally deal with this. It’s not nothing, you carried and lost our son. She can’t get away with that. If I stay here, I’m scared that I’ll lose this battle within me to fight her over it. I’m so angry inside because of her, that I need her to see it.”

My heart breaks as he pulls away from me. “I’m going to call Ryan to ask him and Nod to come over, is that okay? The last thing I want to do is leave you alone after all of this.”

I nod at him after he releases my cheeks and grabs his phone from his pocket, making that call.

They must agree, from what I can tell from his half of the conversation as he paces the lounge. I still can’t move. I feel helpless. “I could come with you, if you’d like?” I ask as he hangs up.

He paces back over and I can see he’s holding back on his emotions. “No. I’m not giving her the opportunity to attack you after everything,” he responds, wrapping his arms back around me, clinging to me and peppering kisses on the top of my head. “Besides, I don’t think you’ll feel safe around me once I’m done with that evil bitch,” he bites. “I’m scaring myself right now.”

After a while, he takes my hand and pulls me towards the couch, dragging us both onto it, wrapping himself around me so that I can’t move. It’s like he thinks I’m going to vanish if he leaves me alone for too long. “When did you want to talk about it?” I ask meekly, kissing his arm.

“I’m not sure,” he whispers. “Tomorrow, maybe.” Resting his chin on the top of my head.

“Okay. Whenever you’re ready. Do you think you’ll be long?”

“Not if I can help it. But, I’m planning on going over everything. I just can’t believe she’d do this. I know you said she hated you, but to get Josie to do all of this and for her to keep something like that away from me…It’s just, wrong. Regardless of her
stupid
feelings towards you, he was her grandson. She’s missed out on that too, so has my Dad. I just never realized she could be this evil.”
 

“It’s been a real eye opener,” I mutter. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“I understand. But, we have a lot of making up to do. I want to know everything,” he says as his phone begins ringing.

He squirms around, getting it out and answering. He tells either Ryan or Nod the elevator code and then hangs up. “They’re here. I promise I’ll be as quick as possible. I just want to get this over with. I want to come back here and catch up on something that I should have been a part of. I want to start living a life with you that’s equal. Put everything behind us that has happened and I want to make up for the time that I missed out on knowing my son. I want to feel like I knew him. It’s tearing me up inside knowing I never will.”

I hug him as tightly as I can by wrapping my arms around his. “I promise I will tell you everything. I will show you everything, some of it might not be the easiest, but you deserve to know.” I tell him just as the elevator pings. I wipe at my cheeks realizing that I had been crying again. I don’t know if it’s from pain or from the fact that he doesn’t hate me now that he knows. I would have loved for him to have found out differently, though.

“Is everything okay?” Nod asks as she runs over looking beside herself.

I nod, trying to smile and squirm free. “Yes, thanks for coming over.”

“We were worried sick, again.” Ryan says looking over me and straight at Kyle.

Kyle shifts and gets up, making me feel empty. “Nadine, is it okay if I kidnap you for a while. I don’t think I can drive, and I haven’t even thought about ringing the driver. Besides, I’d rather Ryan stay here with, Cat.”

Ryan and Nod give each other a suspicious look before agreeing that it’s okay. Kyle walks off, heading for his room, coming back with his jacket and then comes to sit beside me. “I love you, so much,” he says, grabbing my head between his hands, pulling me closer and kissing me. Even if he didn’t tell me, I’d have felt it. His kiss sends tingles to my toes. Fills me with so much warmth I feel like I could burst into flames. I just want him back.

“I love you, too.”

He gets up and nods from Nadine towards the elevator. “Ryan,” he shouts. “There’s a key at the side of the bed. Make sure you lock this thing down, I don’t want Josie getting back in here.”

Ryan nods at him, heading straight there. Me, I can’t take my eyes off Kyle, standing in the elevator, ready to fight one of the biggest battles in his life. The elevator doors ping, hiding Kyle’s face.

I can’t believe he’s going out there to fight our demon. This should be ours to fight together, and yet I’m letting him do this alone. For the three of us.

Born and raised in a small mining town in Derbyshire, Caroline has always battled with a huge imagination.