Coming Home (Only Time Will Tell #1) (5 page)

“Sorry.”

Leaning back against the counter, I cross my arms across my stomach, staring at him and trying to figure this out. Why the hell is he here? My plan to avoid him is swan diving out the window right now.

“Kyle, what do you want? You’re not telling me that you searched my address out and brought me breakfast just for the fun of it.”

He starts spinning the cup like he did the beer bottle last night, staring at it intently as if it will give him the answers. “Seriously, I was out running, was close by and thought you might need it.”

“And you didn't think I might need some sleep, too?” I ask after checking the clock on my iPod docking station to see it's only eight-fifteen.

“I didn't really think about the time,” he mumbles.

“Are you done?” I ask, pointing to the coffee cup. He nods and hands it over, my fingers brushing his slightly but causing an electric bolt straight up my arm. My hands start to shake as I grab my cup and throw them both in the trash.

This is starting to feel a bit awkward. I have no idea what to say to him now. I don't really know him anymore.

Taking my seat beside him, I think of something that’s common ground. “How do you know Ryan?”

Kyle releases a huge breath that makes his cheeks puff out. “Through Nadine, he was her plus one at an event my Uncle threw and we both got talking. He's a good guy, we have a lot in common.”

“That's nice. How did he know where she'd be last night? It was really sweet that he surprised her.”

“Me,” he says as he splays his hands on the island, pushing them forward and stretching them out. “Ryan had text me earlier in the day, asking me to find out what she had planned for the night. That’s why I came up to, ‘see my Uncle,’ then he asked me to tag along because he didn't think he could handle you two ‘drunken idiots’…His words not mine.”

“I'm sure your Uncle would love to know that you had no interest in seeing him,” I laugh as I watch him sit back up straight.

Okay, I've realized that I've been unable to take my eyes off of him. It's been too long, and I can’t help hating myself for doing it, either.

“You okay?” he asks, snapping me out of it when I realize I've been caught out.

I nod my head and give him a tight lipped smile, “Mmm hmm.”

“You seem spaced out. You sure?”

“Yeah I'm good. Anyway, thanks for breakfast, but I have things to do today.”

He frowns at me then shakes his head like he can't believe that I'm actually trying to get rid of him. He's probably not used to a woman doing this, not if they’re all competing for his attention. I smile again, trying to act normal. “Can you make sure the door is locked, don't want every waif and stray coming in.” I say heading towards the bedroom.

As I walk past him, I hear the creak of the stool so I know he's gotten up, but I assume he's leaving. I was not expecting him to grab me by the elbow—again.

“Really? You’re just going to carry on with this?” he almost shouts.

I look at his hand then at his face confused, and really kind of speechless. “Getting dressed?” I stutter.

“No,” he grits out through his teeth. “This,” as he’s waves his free hand between the both of us.

I try and play dumb, content with carrying on like we have. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Kyle practically grimaces when he says, “You sounded so British when you said that, makes me feel like I don't know you.”

My heart is now beating ten times faster than it was this morning. I can feel the blood pumping through my head. “What? Do you want me to act like we used to? You’re the one who’s met me, ‘briefly.’ You’re the one who can’t even acknowledge who I am. I mean nothing to you, so why would I jump back in to your arms?”

“Bullshit!” He shouts, releasing my arm and running his hands through his sweaty, messy hair. “That's complete bullshit C.J., and you know it.”

Tears start to prick at my eyes; it’s like reigning in fireballs. “Explain to me, how is that bullshit? You could have said something to me yesterday or last night. I wasn’t expecting you to jump for joy, but you could have at least acted like I wasn’t a stranger.”

“Me?” He shouts. “You could have done the same! You could have done all that too, but you didn’t. As far I can see, I mean and meant nothing to you. That fucking hurts, Cat!”

I slap my hand against my mouth as he finishes. I can’t believe he’d even think that. No, I didn’t like that he cut me out and abandoned me, but he has never meant nothing to me. “Now who’s talking bullshit?” I ask stepping up to him and pushing my hands into his chest giving him one, huge, shove. “You meant everything to me! Besides, when did you want me to bring it up? When you have Josie screeching at you, or Mandy whining at you? And I know I got her name wrong, but I don’t give a shit! You cut me out of your life and forgot me, Kyle. You said we’d never leave each other and then you erased me out of your life!”

“Me? That was you. The last I heard was you were sick and then nothing. Every email I sent bounced back. I sent you letters and got nothing again. So, don’t stand there and tell me that I cut you out.”

I remember that day like it was yesterday, like many other days since then. I thought at the time that I was sick.

I was pregnant. Little did I know as I sent that email that I was experiencing morning sickness. A couple of days after that, I sent an email to him and told him after I’d done a test and the email bounced back. I tried plenty more after that, that day and in the few days after, hoping it was a glitch. When I couldn’t get a single one to send, I tried calling and left messages on the machine and eventually decided to send him a letter. I’d hoped that he’d get back in touch, but he never did.

“Kyle…” I start, my tone softening and my voice quivering as realization hits me. “I didn’t cut you out. I tried, I honestly did and I never got your letters. I did the same, didn’t you get mine?”

“No. And stop fucking calling me Kyle!”

He's right, of course, we never did call each other Catalina James and Kyle Cooper. We were always C.J. and K.C. Those two spoken letters always turning me into a melting mess.

“Cat, I promise you that I never gave up on you or cut you out. I loved you. I sent dozens of letters a month just to try and get you to talk to me, but nothing. Even when my Mom tried to convince me to give up, I couldn’t.”

Well, she would do that.
“She hated me Kyle, she’s bound to try and make you give up on me.” I spit.
 

“She. Did. Not. If anything, she was just sick of mailing all the letters.”

The penny drops in slow motion. I can’t imagine her ever mailing the letters to me, she’d do anything to stop me and him happening. Even though there’s an ocean between us, it’s not enough. If we never got each others letters, messages or emails… he never knew.

My heart starts to break for him. Looking at him as he’s standing there completely clueless to what’s happened and yet, I can’t bring myself to tell him, not yet anyway. It isn’t something you just drop out in a conversation.

“Kyle? Do you hate me?”

He shakes his head at me, before digging around in a back pocket of his shorts and pulling out his wallet. I look on confused at him until he takes something out and shoves it in my hand. Looking at it I want to cry and smile all at once. It’s a picture of us sitting in the school field. We look so young and happy. We’re both carrying the biggest smiles on the planet. I’m sat between his legs wearing his hoodie and aviators. He has my hands in his as he crossed our arms over my stomach. I didn’t want the picture taken to start with and refused to smile so he started placing kisses over my cheek and neck, everywhere he could reach, knowing I’d give up and smile. I’m glad he did because I loved this picture. I gave mine up, but I’m surprised he still has it, never mind carries it with him.

“No, C.J. I don’t hate you. As stupid as it sounds, whenever I’m pissed off and regardless of how things ended with us, you’re still a piece of sunshine to me. I can’t help taking that picture out daily and looking at it just to see your perfect smile.”

“Did you get yours?” Nod asks as I walk into the office. She's bouncing around in her chair waving a piece of paper around in the air.

I look at her puzzled as I head to my desk, until I see a little blue envelope on it. I sit and quickly open it.

My eyes scan the invitation. “A charity event?” I ask, checking the location, date and time.

She leans forward over her desk. “Yes! Saturday. Please tell me you’re coming.”

“I don't know, I might have plans.” It's a blatant lie and she'll know it, I never have plans if they don't include her.

“Plans? Really? Like what?”

Shit
. “I'm not sure, I'm positive there's something in my diary,” I say looking up at her, checking her reaction. She's scowling. “I'll check and let you know, though. Besides, isn’t Saturday a bit soon?” I say with a half-hearted smile.
 

“It’s always the last Saturday in June, we just don’t get the invitations till late.” She clasps her hands together and juts out her bottom lip. “Please! I'm begging you. It's your first one, you can't miss it.”

“Does this have something to do with a shopping trip?”

She gets the biggest smile across her face, swaying from side to side. “Maybe.”

“What happened to saving for a house?”

She rolls her eyes at me like I'm being dumb, even though I know I'm not. She makes it very clear on a regular basis that she's saving. “I have a separate fund for ‘special occasions’ like this.”

I can't help but laugh. “You really do make me laugh at times. You’re always checking the price tag on day-to-day things, yet you'll spend a fortune on one dress for one night?”

“I never said it was logical.”

That's true.

I spend the rest of Monday up and down in my seat, going around to check out all the dresses she's found, and shoes, and accessories. I get a mini work out, puffing and panting, just being in the office. Obviously, not just that, I also got the delights of her weekend over dinner. Her telling me all the sordid details-positions and locations that her and Ryan had experienced this weekend. I swear anyone that overheard her would have thought she was in the porn industry. It just wasn't normal conversation, but I still listened, and laughed.

My weekend was obviously on the list, which I filled her in on, minus the Kyle part. I knew if I mentioned that I knew him, she'd want to know, and I wasn't prepared to give her the details, especially when the most important person didn’t know them.

“So I take it you loved the surprise visit on Friday then?” I asked as I took a sip of my latte. Starbucks coffee is the best coffee around, in my opinion.

“Mmm.” she mumbles and nods with a mouthful. “I seriously wasn't expecting him, it's the last time I tell Kyle my plans. It could have gone wrong if I'd lied and gone out with another man.”

I look at her with my mouth gaping. “You wouldn't, would you?”

“No, don't be stupid, I was just being hypothetical.”

“Good. Because I'd kick you into next month if you screwed this up. You and Ryan are, like, perfect for each other. You’re so cute together.”

“I think someone needs a man of their own, keep you from checking up on mine every five seconds.” she says raising an eyebrow.

“Not a chance, I'm fine on my own thanks. I'm just keeping tabs, I want some nieces or nephews in the next couple of years-that's all.”

“So this isn't about us two staying in love, it's about me popping babies out to make you happy?”

The thought of her having a loving family, running around her ankles, stings in my chest. I wanted that with Kyle, always imagined it happening, but not now. Plastering on a fake smile I tell her, “That's right.”

She laughs and shakes her head at me, oblivious to my pain. “We had better get back to the office, Mr. Johnson wanted to see me about something after lunch,” she says checking the time and dragging herself out the brown comfy leather tub chair.

I do the same, the surrounding world finally penetrating my eardrums, the sound of the coffee machine and people chatting actually coming into focus. It's strange how you can tune out the outside world so easily.

We make it back to work and I carry on dealing with my workload, feeling like the mountain isn't getting any smaller. Nadine is in her meeting and for a change I can actually get some work done. When she's here, we just chat about nothing, and I like that in a friendship, the ability to make something out of nothing, the simple and stupid conversation.

At around five, as usual, I clear everything away and head out, my mind ticking over about important matters. What shall I have for dinner and what flavor ice cream shall I buy? It says something when those are the important decisions in life.

I hail a cab and head to the grocery store that's a couple of blocks away from the apartment.

I'm in no rush, so I take a slow casual walk around the store picking up and checking everything that I'll need to make a cottage pie. My Mom made the best, and I miss her cooking.

When I've paid, I quickly walk home, before the ice cream melts.