Compromising Positions (26 page)

“Because I look like a flip-flopper…”

“Well, that, and many will question your dedication to the issue and your overall support of the party and pro-life issues.” Jeff raised his eyebrows. “Plus something else will come up.”

“What?”

“Your comment from yesterday about you and Jessie.”

“Oh. That.”

“Yes, that,” Jeff said with another with a wince. “If you completely change your position on the issue, a lot of people will talk.”

“I know. They’ll say Jessie and I really do have an influence on one another.”

“Yes, and some people will be less than forgiving. I could see some assholes saying that you’re pussy whipped.”

My mouth twitched at the thought. My masculinity didn’t like being belittled, and more importantly, I had to admit that it was true. I was questioning what to do because of my relationship with Jessie. I scowled. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.”

 Kicking back, Jeff placed his feet on the coffee table as his voice became reflective. “So, why is Jessie making this such a big deal? I know the issue is personal to her, but still…”

“I can’t answer that. Honestly, I don’t understand either.” I shrugged. “And I probably never will. I’ve never had an abortion. I’ve never needed health care. I look at this from a different perspective.”

“I just don’t see how you two can be independent legislators if you make choices about your work based on each other.”

“I agree in principle, but you know politicians make choices every day that are less than objective. We’re easily swayed by things far less than this.”

“The problem is that no matter what you do there will be media scrutiny as soon as they figure out you two will be on opposite sides. The media loves you two as a couple, and they’ll jump on any opportunity to see your relationship tested.”

“I know.”

“Unless Jessie is also out there repeating that the legislation has nothing to do with your relationship, eventually the media will notice there’s a problem. Can you get her to say that? Even if she says it just as an avoidance tactic, it would be helpful.”

“You’re right. I hope I can.” I closed my eyes and exhaled. “It just brings up my comment from yesterday, though.”

“I hate this issue,” said Jeff with bitterness in his tone.

“What I said yesterday?”

“No. Abortion. I’m to the right of you, but even I think we spend way too much damn time on it as a country and in Congress.”

“Both sides think they’re morally right.”

“And they are both right… in a way… but the majority of the American public sees a gray area. They want abortion legal, but not necessarily on demand. It should be safe, legal, and rare. That’s what they want.” Jeff sighed. “I honestly believe if we strengthened families and lifted more Americans out of poverty there would be fewer abortions.”

“Or better sex education in school and I know people like my mother wouldn’t support it, but free birth control to high school students. It’s not like they’re not doing it.”

Socially conservative Jeff fiddled with his tie, obviously not agreeing with what I’d said, but not wanting to fully contradict his boss. “I’m not sure I’d go that far, but I think we’re making the same point. The country is divided, but there are other ways to reduce abortions and save innocent lives without continuing to chase our tails on this stupid debate that only will ever nibble around the margins.”

“But that’s one of Jessie’s arguments. She says I’m taking a strident stand on an issue I’m actually conflicted on.”

“Every politician does that on occasion.”

“Exactly, but how often is his girlfriend on the other side?”

“You still want her to be your girlfriend after this mess? Don’t get me wrong, I like her, and I think you’re good for each other. This is a real test if you really have a future together.”

I looked away, but spoke from my heart. “The thing is… I don’t want her to be my girlfriend. I want her to be my wife.”

 “Well, until this conversation, I thought that’s where you two were heading, and it was going to happen pretty quickly.”

Turning to see Jeff’s reaction, I was glum. “I did, too.” 

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Jessie

I got no sleep the night Michael and I talked about the Planned Parenthood amendment. I tried to think about it in as simplistic terms as he did, but his logic seemed so flawed. How could anyone just discount all those women’s lives? The more I tried to see his side, the more I wondered what he really thought of women. It made me question our entire relationship.
How can I be with a man who thinks so little of women? If we had daughters together, would he think this way about them?

Yet, I loved him
.
He was warm and kind and made my heart sing. We had such a good time together. We shared so much. The sex was great. And until now, I had the utmost respect for him as a politician. There was actually a unifying force to his beliefs and votes.

So I tossed and turned and cried. I dreaded telling Trish. She’d come a long way with Michael over the last few months, even at one point making a joke that I’d better not put her in an ugly dress at my inevitable wedding. Now with Michael’s stupid pillow talk joke and then this… well, I knew I’d get an earful.

When Trish traipsed down to my apartment in the morning, she flinched and said, “What happened last night? You look like crap.”

My chest tightened as I laid it out there. “Michael and I had a fight.”

She took a seat at the kitchen table and picked up Severus, who was demanding attention. She petted him, saying, “Over his completely insensitive joke?”

“No, we’re well beyond that now…” I sat down and told her every last bit of my conversation with Michael. Her responses were short. She’d ask questions and then make general comments like “You’re kidding me, right? He’s not serious, is he? He’s setting up a disaster.”

At the end of my story, she placed Severus on the floor and clasped her hands like she was getting down to business. “Please tell me you’re not considering backing down.”

“No. Not at all.”

“Are you willing to break up with him over this?”

I knew she was going to ask that. It was so like her. I hadn’t even considered breaking up with Michael. I loved him, but maybe it was an outcome I had to face. Maybe he wouldn’t want to be with me either after all this. My hands began to shake as I took a drink of water.

“I don’t want to, but gosh, how do I reconcile all this? Does he really care so little about me?”

She slowly shook her head. “I don’t know… he’s a man. He’s not thinking of the emotions of it.”

I never expected Trish to be reflective about it. I’d expected her to have a knee-jerk reaction and tell me to ditch him ASAP because he was bad for me and my career. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“It’s not personal with him, and he doesn’t have the right anatomy to even really consider the issue.”

“Amen.”

“In the end, this is a woman’s choice, even if the country criminalized it. The man is not the decision maker because the woman can always go out and get an abortion against his wishes, even if it’s in a back alley with a coat hanger. Unless, of course, they locked up all pregnant women and never let them outside.” She chuckled. “I wish they’d just take men out of the discussion of abortion and let us women duke it out.”

I snorted. “We probably would come to a reasonable compromise.”

Tilting her head to the side, she said, “I don’t know how you get out of this one unless one of you capitulates.”

“That’s what I was thinking...” How could my most trusted advisor be providing me with no direction at all? I begged, “Do you have any advice?”

She rubbed her hands together in slow thought. “You know this is just as personal of an issue for me, and as your staffer, I think it would be a huge professional mistake to back down. But I’m not going to tell you what to do about your relationship. I’ve grown to like him, and I like you two together. Larry would be beside himself if he thought you were even remotely considering breaking up with Michael over this, but like I said before, Larry’s also got the wrong physical plumbing. He just doesn’t understand.”

“Well, neither do I.” I stared at my hands, feeling utterly helpless. I wondered what Michael thought would happen between us. Looking up again, I asked, “And what if Michael wants to break things off?”

“That won’t happen… I think.” Trish then rubbed her eyes in thought. “A few days ago, I’d say that would never happen, but I didn’t expect this. Resolving it seems fundamental to your moving forward together.”

As if my hand could calm my emotions, I touched my chest, trying to stop my heart from tearing in two. She was right. Michael and I had to get through this, if we were going to have a future. The vote was so soon, though. How were we supposed to resolve a problem that went to the integrity of our relationship in such a short period of time? If only we had some time, at least we’d know we’d given it our best shot.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Michael

After my meeting with Jeff in the morning, the dilemma weighed on me just as heavily as it had before I talked to him. Later that night, I was anxious as I made my way to Jessie’s apartment. We’d had an awkward conversation setting up a time to talk, and rather than the joy I usually felt at the prospect of seeing Jessie, my mind was riddled with unanswerable questions.

When she opened the door, she greeted me with a distraught expression that perfectly captured my own feelings. It surprised me when she stood on her toes to give me a kiss. “Hi, Babe.”

Happy that I’d at least received a lukewarm welcome, I smiled and touched her cheek. “Hi, beautiful.”

“Come on in,” she said with a smile.

We made pleasant small talk as Jessie retrieved beers from the kitchen, but when we finally sat on the sofa together, the somber mood came over the room once again. I noticed her eyes were bright green because the whites were bloodshot. Was she tired or had she been crying? They looked sadder than I had ever seen them. “I don’t want to break up over this,” she said.

“I don’t either.” I grasped her hand, hoping she’d had second thoughts.

“Have you thought any more about it?”

“Of course, it’s all I can think of.” I leaned over and brought her to me. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t
ever
want to lose you.”

“Good,” she said, exhaling into my chest. “I don’t ever want to lose you either.”

I basked in the warmth of her breath against my body. “I’m glad we have that settled.”

“But, I’m sorry.” She pulled away, and her body became rigid. “I have to lead this fight. Fighting for health care and abortion rights is why I came here. Can you understand that?”

“I do.” Dread came over me as I realized all my hopes were being dashed. Given her posture and the specific words she’d spoken, I needed to be as forthright with her as she was with me. “But you’re asking a lot of me, and you are fundamentally changing our relationship, both personally and professionally, and the media will pick up on the fact I’ve changed positions because of you.”

“I know.” Her pleading eyes stared at me. “That’s why I’m asking that you just don’t fight me on the floor.”

“What do you mean?”

“You can vote however you want, but please don’t stand there and speak against me. Don’t publicly say you’re opposed to what I’m doing or that you support that… that stupid, not even germane legislation in the bill.”

“That’s your compromise?” I felt a rush to the head, knowing another argument was starting.

“Yes.”

“I think I give up a whole lot more than you do in that situation.”

In a flash, Jessie’s expression changed as did her voice. Jessie the hard-ass legislative negotiator spoke, “Given your lack of firm conviction on the issue, I’d say you have much more ground to give than I do. Besides, at least I’ve offered a compromise.”

I rubbed the stubble on my chin that was always forming by that time of the day. “So we’re back at this again? Because my personal views vary slightly from my voting record, I have to change, even though there are plenty of issues where you’re in the exact same quandary.”

“What’s your compromise, then?”

“I was hoping we could both simply back down. We’d both vote as we always would, but neither one would take the lead on the legislation. We’d maintain a low profile on the matter and get on with our lives.”

“And you realize that, under that scenario, I give away a hell of a lot more than you ever do?”

“I admit it’s not perfect, but we can both achieve our goals and avoid any media scrutiny.”

Jessie squinted as if she thought she might be able to understand me better. “But my goal isn’t just to score points with my party and have the right voting record, regardless of how things turn out. Those seem to be
your
goals. My goal is to do whatever I can to defeat this thing.”

“I understand that, but there’s no good answer, Jessie. That’s why my suggestion makes the most sense.”

Remaining silent, Jessie stood up and extended her hand. “Then I think we both need more time to think about this.”

Her hand was held out to me as an offering, but I felt like she’d punched me in the gut. It was the second time I was being shown out of her apartment. What was I to do though? Cross my arms and say I’m not leaving? I took her hand and rose from the sofa, muttering, “I’ll see what I can do.”

She turned her back on me and walked away. “I’ll call you if I think of something. You do the same for me.”

When we reached the door, I thought I’d see the spitfire in her eyes that she’d just displayed as she debated me. Instead, I saw tears beginning to well, and as I stared at her, she blubbered, “I’m just a wreck. I need some time. Maybe we just need to take a break for a while.”

“A break?” The words alone made me panic, and when I envisioned what that might be, my heart felt like it was already breaking. I thought twice about it and wondered if maybe she only meant a breather, not a break.