Concealing Grace (The Grace Series Book 1) (19 page)

He was late returning from his outing. Jessica waited in the dining room, where Ruth had already set out the serving dishes for their dinner. She stood up from her chair and accepted Jon’s hug and tender kiss. While they ate, she waited again, wondering if he would mention going out to speak with the servants. He talked of mundane things, the weather and a minor problem he had with a horse buyer, but he didn’t say anything about her school.

They were eating dessert—angel food cake with strawberries—when Jon said, “I hate to do this, Sweetheart, but I have to go out again tonight. There is a meeting in town I must attend. Fortunately it won’t take long. I should be back in time to tuck you in.” His insinuation was clear.

Jessica smiled faintly, but she had a difficult time looking at him. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him stop eating. His concern, when he spoke, was clear. “Is something wrong, Sweetheart?”

“I have a headache.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Why didn’t you say something? I’ve been sitting here prattling on…” He took her hand and caressed the back of it gently with his thumb. “I wish I didn’t have to go out tonight.”

“I think I just need to lie down for a while,” she said.

Before he departed, he brushed a soft kiss on her forehead. “Rest and feel better, my love. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Jessica was in bed, but still awake when Jon came to her in the darkness.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” he said as he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her lightly.

For the first time since their wedding, Jessica didn’t want to make love. At the same time she was afraid to refuse. She was afraid how he would react if she did, and she was afraid what it would mean for her future as his wife.

To her surprise, he propped himself up on his elbow and tenderly began rubbing his fingertips in small circles at her temples. It was almost impossible to keep her eyes open under his gentle ministrations.

“I hate to see you hurting, Sweetheart,” he murmured.

Jessica’s tears threatened. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“What on earth for?”

“I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Oh, my dear Jess, Sweetheart, I’m not disappointed. I could never be disappointed in you. Making love with you is fantastic, incredible. I love making love with you, but that’s not why I love you.” He was staring deeply into her eyes. “Don’t you know, Sweetheart? It’s your wonderful heart and your amazing mind I’m in love with.”

His earnest remarks caused Jessica’s tears to fall. Tenderly he wiped them away. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered as he drew her close. “I hope you feel better, Sweetheart. I love you very much.”

It wasn’t his fault he forgot about her school, Jessica told herself. He had so much already on his mind. He would do anything for her. He’d already proven that, time and time again. In the morning she was unable to keep her hands, or her mouth, off of him.

* * *

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear, but it was unusually nippy. Wrapped in her new shawl, Jessica took Jon’s hand to assist her down from the buggy. She was glad the ride to the church wasn’t far. As was typical, before the service began, many people were gathered on the lawn in front of the isolated, steepled building. Jessica and Jon joined her father, Trent and William Hughes.

While the men rambled on about nothing in particular, Jessica tried to hide her shivers. She hoped one of them would suggest they go in out of the wind, but it didn’t happen. William Hughes, she noticed, was repeatedly glancing toward the road. Although he said nothing and no one else seemed to be aware, Jessica looked over her shoulder to see what was capturing his attention.

A dozen or so colored men and women were walking up the road. The man in front of the group was huge, very dark, and wore the collar of a minister. At first it didn’t occur to Jessica that their destination was her church. She assumed they would walk on by. But then, as they slowed, she began to wonder. To her knowledge, this would be the only time colored people had stepped foot in this church.

The bells jingled on the church doors and Reverend Nash came through them. As usual he was perfectly coiffed and dressed in a black suit with clerical collar in place. He smiled and stopped to shake a hand or two, but his ultimate destination soon became apparent. It didn’t take long for him to cross the lawn and meet up with the colored people.

“Holy son of a bitch!” William Hughes muttered harshly. “Look what that damn Yankee has gone and done now!”

Jessica jumped at William Hughes’s tone. She’d never heard him speak with such fury. Jon’s fingers tightened around hers.

By their friendly manner, it was evident the colored people and Reverend Nash were already acquainted. He spoke with them for a minute, and then the entire group, with Reverend Nash in the middle, headed toward the doors of the church.

Jessica looked around at the other parishioners. All of them watched the reverend, many with their mouths agape. Within seconds handfuls of people began returning to their buggies. One man loudly barked, “I’m not going to church with no niggers! Come along, Bess!”

Another exclaimed, “What does he think he’s doing?”

William Hughes shook his head. “Damn if I’m going to let a bunch of niggers kick me out of my church! Let’s go find our seats before they sit in them and infest them!”

For the second time, Jessica was appalled by the normally soft spoken William Hughes. Jon’s hand tightened on hers yet again. She felt the muscles in his arm tensing, too, but he didn’t say anything.

The next thing she noticed was Emily’s family pulling into the parking lot, but as soon as Emily’s father saw what was happening, he turned their buggy around. Jessica didn’t see Stephanie in church that morning either.

Inside the church, Reverend Nash urged the colored people to move closer to the front, but they wouldn’t. They sat by the doors, in the very last pew. Her family and William Hughes sat in their normal place, midway down the aisle on the left.

Right away, even before the hymns were sung, Reverend Nash commented on the colored peoples’ presence. He said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I know how much this church means to you. It is a place of peace, a place where you can more closely connect with your Lord. How would you feel if this church—your church… for many of you the only church you’ve ever attended—were to be burned to the ground? What would you do? Where would you go to be with your God?” He paused, scanning the room, looking from person to person. “I believe we all agree that harmony in our society is important. We have all had enough war. We have all had enough poverty. We have all suffered. It is time to open our minds and our hearts. It is time to remember how Jesus taught us to live, loving our neighbors. It is time to stand together to help those who have lost.”

Regardless of the reverend’s sincere explanation, throughout the service Jessica noticed parishioners glancing back. They acted like they expected the colored people to pull out guns and start shooting. It made her angry, and she was deeply ashamed on their behalf.

At the end of the service, as he always did, Reverend Nash walked down the center aisle. By the time Jessica and her family were out of their pew, with the exception of the man wearing the minister’s collar, the rest of the colored people were long gone. She watched the colored minister as the congregation shuffled passed. He didn’t look at any of them. He just sat there with his head bowed and his hands folded in front of him.

As they neared Reverend Nash, she overheard other parishioners express disagreement with what he’d done by inviting the colored people. No matter how disparaging the remarks, Reverend Nash remained calm, never raising his voice. To one of the men who was more outspoken, he said, “I understand your concerns. I will think about what you’ve said, just as I hope you will take some time this week to think about God’s message.”

Trent was the first of her family to shake hands with the reverend. He nodded briefly, but said nothing. Her father didn’t say anything either.

William Hughes was next. “Reverend, watch yourself,” he said.

Reverend Nash replied, “Thank you. I always do.”

Jessica almost giggled. William Hughes’s remark was clearly a threat. Although it didn’t sound like the reverend acknowledged it, Jessica could hear the sarcasm in his response. Reverend Nash wasn’t intimidated in the slightest, and William didn’t notice.

Jessica was next. Reverend Nash took her hand and held it between both of his. “How are you, Jessica?” he asked.

She glanced back toward her husband. Seeing that he was distracted by the people behind him in line, she whispered, “I think you did a good thing.”

Reverend Nash’s expression didn’t change, but he winked at her.

Raising her voice somewhat, Jessica said, “I’m doing well, thank you.”

While staring deeply into her eyes, very quietly, the reverend made the same comment he’d made at her wedding reception, “Remember, if you need a friend, I am here for you.”

Jessica nodded.

Reverend Nash released her hand and turned his attention to Jon, who was no longer distracted. “Captain, it is good to see you.”

They shook hands and Jon said, “Be careful, Reverend.”

Like William Hughes, it sounded as if Jon was posing a threat. Without waiting for her husband, Jessica pressed through the doors. Behind her she heard Reverend Nash reply, “I will be.”

As Jon drove their buggy away from the church, Jessica peered out around the side. Reverend Nash was standing on the church stoop staring after them. When their eyes met, he nodded briefly. Jessica watched him turn back into the church and close the door behind him.

The colored minister was still inside.

* * *

That night, while lying curled against Jon in bed, Jessica finally dared to broach the subject that had been at the forefront of her mind ever since they left the church. She withheld mentioning it throughout the day, hoping Jon would bring it up, but he didn’t. “Church was interesting today,” she said.

“Yes.”

“It didn’t bother me that the colored people were there,” she told him.

Jon raised himself up onto his elbow so he was looking down at her. The anxiety in his expression surprised her as did the severity of his next words. “Jessica, Sweetheart, I want you to be very careful who you tell about your school. It would be best not to say anything to anyone. Including Reverend Nash. Including your father and Trent.”

At first Jessica was taken aback, but as she recalled the reactions of the people at church, she saw the wisdom in what he said. If her father or Trent, or even Reverend Nash, happened to mention her school to others in passing, it could cause trouble, especially with the Sovereign Sons of the South, or whatever the Ku Klux Klan called themselves now. She nodded in agreement.

Jon lay down and drew her close to him. “It’s getting cold. I don’t like winter.”

“I don’t either,” she murmured contentedly. “I’m very excited about tomorrow, but I am a little nervous. I’ve never tried to teach anyone to read before. I hope I can do it.”

“You can do anything.” Jon squeezed his arms around her. “You are the most intelligent woman I’ve ever known.”

Jessica giggled. “I highly doubt that, but thank you anyway.”

“You’ve spent a lot of time with the children these last couple weeks,” he said. “They like you very much.”

Reminded of her daily interactions with them, Jessica laughed. In addition to having them with her in the parlor either listening to her music or reading to them, she’d gone out to the orchard several times to play their skeebee game.

“I wish Martha and Ruth liked me,” she commented.

“They do.” Jon sounded surprised. “They think you’re wonderful. They are delighted by the attention you pay to the children and they’re glad about the opportunity you’re giving them by starting the school.”

“I don’t think so. They act like they’re afraid of me. Martha is better than she used to be, but…” Jessica shrugged.

“That’s just the way they are. Don’t let it upset you, Sweetheart.”

“Doesn’t it bother you that they’re afraid of you?” she asked. “They won’t even look at you.”

She felt Jon’s shrug. “I don’t think about it.”

How did he know, she wondered? How did he know whether the children liked her, whether Martha and Ruth liked her? He didn’t speak to them other than to give them orders. He couldn’t possibly know how they felt. He didn’t care how they felt. The threat he made to Reverend Nash came to mind. Still, he was so wonderful, so kind and so generous to her. He was so gentle and patient with his horses. She had to admit, too, she was quite addicted to his love making. Thinking of being with him intimately made it easy to overcome her sorrow.

“You forgot your knee pillow.” She sat up and crawled to the foot of the bed where the pillow had been tossed. As she turned back, Jon was staring at her, slack jawed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as she slinked beneath the blankets and slid the pillow under his knee.

“Do you have any idea how amazing you are?” he said.

“Tell me in French,” she teased.

Listening to him, Jessica was able to catch a few words she recognized, but she didn’t really try to understand him. She just loved hearing him speak. He ended his short speech by leaning over to brush her lips with his.