Confessions (5 page)

“Well, good then. We should have some money left over this month in our joint checking.”

What money? I dropped my eyes before he could see the look of panic. I spent the last of the money getting my hair and nails done. “We've got more than enough money in our savings to buy a house.”

“Uh-uh. We're not touching that unless we have to.”

We had close to a hundred thousand in savings that he wouldn't let me touch. Said he was saving it for a rainy day. Well, guess what? Pressure was raining on my ass to move.

“You come up with the earnest money and all our closing costs, and I'll let you use some of our savings for the down payment.”

Let?
I had to bite my tongue. Who did he think he was talking to? Okay, I'll admit, he contributed more than 97 percent of our savings, but so what? There's no
I
in marriage, only
us
. “Sure, sweetheart, that sounds like a plan.” I just needed to figure out how to come up with the money. I wasn't about to tell Leon my personal checking account was overdrawn. I'd find the way to get the money. One thing about Trinette Meyers-Montgomery, she knows how to get what she wants.

The last place I wanted to be was on the air, but I wasn't about to mess up one of the only good things I had going for me. I seriously needed this job to help keep me going, otherwise I'd spend another evening thumbing through photographs of what my life used to be while feeling sorry for myself.

I glanced over into the control room just in time to see Tristan wave his hand in the air, trying to get my attention. We were about to go back on the air in four…three…two…one…

“We're back from break, and if you missed the first half of the night, you missed a whole lotta
drama,
” I sang. “But don't fret, because we're about to kick off the second half of the evening. For all of you who are just tuning in, tonight's topic is breakups. Sometimes we split up and get back together. Others just sit around hoping and waiting for that phone call saying, I'm sorry. Tonight, I wanna know what it took for you to finally know it was over. That you had been kicked to the curb. So, let's hear it, listeners. Spill your guts even if the truth hurts! Call me at 832-HURT. All the phone lines are open.”

I looked down at the phone and every light was lit. Damn, the show tonight was going to be hot. After a dozen calls, the rush was over, and I finally blew out a long, hot breath. “Well, listeners, there you have it. Love can sometimes be a painful lesson to us all. This is Nikki Truth with Hot 97 WJPC. Good night.”

I hit the switch, removed the headphones from my ears and leaned back in the chair. My head was pounding.

“You okay?”

I looked up at the concern in Tristan's face. I was hurting. There was no doubt about that. “Yeah, I'll be okay.”

He squeezed my shoulder, trying to provide me comfort. “You know, Donovan's gonna regret his decision. You just wait and see. The second he gets back from Iraq he's gonna come begging for you to take his ass back.”

“I doubt that. It's over between us, and I'm finally coming to terms with that. Just listening to all our callers tonight, talking about holding on and not letting go, made me realize I need to get on with my life. My marriage to Donovan is over.”

“You okay with that?”

“I don't have a choice. But yeah, I'm fine.”

I left the radio station and rode around, and realized I wasn't ready to go home yet. My phone rang. I looked down and was shocked to see it was Trinette. She should be curled up under the covers with Leon.

“Hey, I heard your show tonight. What the hell's wrong with you?”

“I'll have to tell you when I see you,” I mumbled as I made a right at the next corner.

“Why don't you come over now? I'm just sitting studying for a test.”

“Where's Leon?”

She clicked her tongue. “I put his ass to sleep.”

I laughed, glad to be able to have something to chuckle about, because my life was far from amusing.

“Come on over. I'll get the wineglasses out.”

I hung up with a smile on my face and hit the highway toward Kirkwood, where the bougie folks lived, and my girl was definitely bougie. As soon as I parked my car in the driveway, she came to the door to greet me. Thank goodness. The temperature had dropped and it was definitely cold outside. Typical Midwest January weather.

Trinette was standing there in a short pink robe and matching slippers. “Hurry up and get in here. I'll be so glad when this weather is over!”

“Me too.” I followed her through the condo to the family room behind the kitchen. A couple of years ago Trinette hired an interior designer who had come in and made the place a showcase. Everything was new and state of the art. I took a seat on a rose-colored couch that looked fabulous with pinks and cream. I told her the house was too damn feminine for a married woman. Trinette was quick to point out no one lived in the condo but her, so she got to decide how it looked.

Trinette took a seat on a mauve recliner across from me. Since I was the closest to the coffee table, I reached for the bottle and poured two glasses. We both loved Moscato.

“So talk to me, Nikki. What's going on with you? You sounded like you were ready to kick somebody's ass,” she said, and reached for a glass.

I took a couple of sips before answering. “Donovan sent me a letter.”

Her eyes widened. “That's good, isn't it? Well, what did he say?”

It took a moment for me to put my words together. “He told me it was time for us to move on.” My voice cracked at the end, and I took another drink because my throat was suddenly dry.

“Oh, no! You've got to be kidding.” I hate when people say that like I would really joke about something like that.

“He sent the letter to the bookstore instead of the house. Why would he do that?” I looked at her, hoping she had an explanation.

“I have no idea,” she said, looking as if she was barely able to get the words out, she was so shocked.

“Obviously, the fool forgot where we live.” I reached inside my purse and handed her the letter to read. I already had it memorized.

Trinette took her time reading it, then released a heavy sigh. “You said you thought something was wrong.”

“I know, but that doesn't make it any easier. Something has been wrong for a long time, even before Mimi…” My voice trailed off. There was no way I was about to go there.

“I can't believe he dumped you in a letter,” Trinette snapped, and handed me the tear-stained paper.

“I-I guess that was the only way he knew how. We've been having problems just talking to each other for a long time.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I knew this…this day was coming. I just wasn't prepared. But are we ever really prepared?”

Leaning back in her chair, she shook her head in bewilderment. “Nikki…this is some shit. I'm so sorry, girlfriend. I used to envy the two of you.”

I gave her a weird look. “Envy us?”

“Hell, yeah. The two of you have been together since junior high. You knew someday you would get married. And as far as I know he's the only man you've ever fucked. Now
that's
amazing.”

“I guess for
you
it is.”

Trinette started laughing, and I laughed along with her until she pressed a finger to her lips.

“Oh, shit!” I whispered. “I forgot Leon's home.”

Trinette gave me a dismissive wave. “Don't worry. He's out like a light.”

Maybe she wasn't worried, but I was. “Girl, my bad. The last thing I need is for Leon to hear.” I looked around to make sure he wasn't about to walk in the room. “Enough about me, what did he say about buying another car?”

Her lips curved mischievously. What was her ass up to now? “I decided I want another house instead.”

“What?” I gave her a weird look. Her announcement had come out of nowhere. “A new house? Uhhh, uhhh…I thought you wanted a new car?” I decided to play along. “Where at?”

She had a shit-eating grin on her face. “In Webster Grove.”

I frowned. Bougieville USA. “How much?”

Trinette took a long sip while looking quite pleased with herself. “About four hundred.”

Goodness, there was no way I could even dream of spending that much. “What about your condo?” It was hard keeping the envy out of my voice.

“I'm gonna put it on the market and try to sell it.”

I nodded. “With the housing market the way it is, you might wanna do that first. I know too many people having a helluva time trying to sell their homes. Not to mention the value has dropped tremendously.”

She gave me a shrug that said she wasn't worried. “I'm sure I won't have a problem selling this place.”

“And what does Leon say about that?” I pressed.

“There was a little resistance…but I used the power of persuasion on him…a.k.a. Ms. Kitty.” She purred, then tilted her glass to her lips.

I sat there shaking my head. “You are too much.”

“Yeah…I know. Leon will let me take money outta the account for a down payment, but the earnest money, inspections, etcetera, all have to come outta my own pocket.”

My brow rose. “And how you hope to do that?”

Trinette frowned as if she didn't have a clue what I was talking about. “What do you mean? I work.”

I sat there with my arms folded against my chest. Who was Trinette trying to fool? “Yep…you work. I also know your entire check is spent on your credit cards and supporting your expensive shop habit.”

“Not all of it,” she retorted with major attitude.

“Uh-huh…whatever. I bet you Leon thinks you've been saving money, right?”

Trinette pursed her lips. She hates when I'm right. “True, but I can get around that.”

“Really? And where are you planning to get the money?”

She stuck out her tongue. “You know I have my way.”

I leaned back on the couch and shook my head. Trinette was playing a dangerous game. “I just bet you do. I ain't mad. If you can buy your dream home, then I'm happy for you.”

“Now that's what I'm talking about. Everyone else is always trying to hate on my ass.”

“I wonder why,” I mumbled. Trinette is one of those women you either love or hate. There is no in between. I reached for the bottle and poured us both another glass, and for the longest time I just sat there sipping my wine.

“Why you need a new house if you're planning to move to Richmond?”

She gave me a hard look, then finished her drink. “I'll worry about that later.”

What she was really saying was she had no intentions of moving to Richmond. Silence fell between us. Finally she changed the subject.

“Are you gonna try to contact Donovan?”

“For what? So he can stick the knife farther in my chest?”

She looked at me as if I was the one being ridiculous. “No, so you can decide if it's really something you both want.”

I took a moment to think about what she said, but eventually I shook my head. “I'm not gonna lie. It's not at all what I want, but I'm not gonna beg someone to be with me when he obviously doesn't want me anymore.”

Trinette actually managed to look sympathetic. “I just hate that things are ending without the two of you talking.”

“Trinette, I love that man. The last thing I want is a divorce.” And then I couldn't help it. I started bawling my ass off. Trinette put her glass down on the coffee table and moved over and took a seat beside me.

“Uhhh-uhhh…there'll be none of that.” She reached for a box of tissues and handed me a few.

I wiped my eyes. “Bitch, don't try to act like you ain't never cried over a man. You know I know better.”

“Shhh! And if you ever tell anybody I'm gonna deny that shit,” she said with a sympathetic smile, then wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. I needed that.

I smiled at my crazy friend. One minute she could be a selfish bitch, the next she could be the most caring person in the world. “We've been friends for life. You know I know you better than your own mother.”

She frowned. “You ain't never lied.”

Trinette and her mother hadn't gotten along in years. I knew the reason why, but like I told Trinette, it's long overdue for forgive and forget. Darlene had been clean for almost three years and had given her life to Christ.

“Maybe you should try getting in touch with Donovan,” she suggested.

“Donovan and I don't have anything else to talk about. He's right. It's over.” I reached for the bottle and poured myself another glass. “Just last week you were saying I needed to quit sitting around and get on with my life…. Well…that's what I'm tryna do.”

Trinette hesitated. “I know…but I hate seeing you so down. I miss you smiling and having a good time. So if you're sure this is what you wanna do…then don't get mad when I remind yo ass what you said tonight.”

“It's over, Trinette.” I held up my glass. “Let's make a toast.”

She gave me a reluctant look before she reached for her glass and raised it in front of her. “What are we toasting?”

“Here's to new beginnings.”

She smirked. “And
new
dick. Girl, you just don't know what you've been missing!”

I brought the glass to my lips. “Well, I guess I'm about to find out.”

I knew I needed to keep my behind out of the mall, but I couldn't help it. I liked to shop even though I knew I needed to be saving up money for my new house.

Anyway, I was at Saks Fifth Avenue and spotted this chocolate diamond ring I had to have. I wanted to wear it with this cream suit I was planning to wear to the Black MBA Association Ball. Unfortunately, it had a twelve hundred dollar price tag. My credit cards were maxed, and if I withdrew more than five hundred from our joint account, Leon would receive an e-mail alert. Nope. I was going to have to earn that puppy on my own. Besides, why should I spend my own money if I don't have to?

I pulled into the circle driveway in front of Smooth's. Happy hour was in effect, and with a thirty and older age minimum, kids and thugs weren't up in the house. With live music and drinks starting at twenty dollars, only men with money were inside, and that was exactly what Ms. Netta was looking for. I needed a sponsor, to sponsor the purchase of my diamond ring. I had already tried it on, so I knew how good it looked on my finger. Folks were gonna be hating.

I climbed out and sashayed around my car and handed the keys to the valet, then went inside. I walked in and a tall, honey-colored brotha was onstage, blowing on a saxophone. Damn, I love me some jazz.

There was a light crowd. A few desperate-looking chicks were sitting at some of the tables. As soon as I walked in, heads snapped in my direction. None of them could hold a torch to me. I was looking fabulous in a short skirt and matching pink blazer. Did I mention how good I look in pink? The color makes my caramel skin glow and my hazel eyes luminous. While in my car, I undid the top two buttons of a cream blouse to give my double Ds a little breathing room, and every man in the house turned my way. I looked good, and I wasn't the only one who knew it. All eyes were on me! I sashayed into the lounge in a pair of fuchsia Manolos. Sistah girl was fierce!

I moved over to the bar and took a seat on an empty stool. Beneath my mascara lashes, I saw those heffas sitting in the corner hating on me. I simply pursed my magenta-painted lips and gave them a fabulous smile, then rolled my eyes and focused on the handsome man behind the bar. Light skinned, thick mustache, tall, hard build. Brotha was fine as hell. Unfortunately, he was standing on the wrong side of the bar. The side that said his ass was broke and definitely couldn't afford me.

“What up, sexy? What can I get you this evening?” he asked with a panty-dropping grin.

I pursed my lips and gave him a once-over. If I wasn't on a mission I might be giving him some serious consideration, but after that mess with Cory, I needed to keep reminding myself dick ain't everything. “I'll take an apple martini with Grey Goose.”

“Coming right up.”

I pulled my cell phone out my purse and dialed Nikki. While pretending to be making a serious call, I glanced around the club looking for a new sponsor. I needed a high roller, 'cause Ms. Netta needed a ring and a new house.

I'd been doing this a long time, and it didn't take me long to pick the perfect victim in the corner. Salt and pepper hair. Peanut butter brown. Slightly overweight. Oh, yeah. I love a man with a little extra meat on his bones, because those were the ones desperate enough to give me anything I wanted. He was perfect. And sure enough, it wasn't long before he looked my way. I met his piercing dark eyes, then looked away. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I was interested in him. One thing Ms. Netta never does is make the first move.

“Hello? Hello? Trinette?”

Damn, I forgot I called Nikki. “Hey, gurl.”

“What's all that loud music? Where you at?”

“I'm at Smooth's.” I stole a glance across the bar at the handsome stranger and smiled as I spoke. He followed my lips and hung on every word. Grinning, I crossed my legs, and my skirt rose up past the middle of my smooth caramel thigh. By the look on his face, he was definitely a thigh man.

“Ugh! What you doing in that stuck-up place?”

Sometimes I wonder how Nikki and I are such good friends because we're so different. But they say opposites attract. “Girl, it's some fine men up in here. You need to go home, put on something cute and come over here.” Mr. Sexy winked from across the room. I winked back.

“Nah, I just got a big shipment in and I wanna check inventory before I get outta here this evening.”

“Nikki, that shit will be there tomorrow. Bring yo ass down here! Remember you said you were ready to get on with your life?…Well…it's that time.”

She hesitated, then replied, “Maybe next time.”

Mr. Sexy had turned in his chair and was giving me his undivided attention. Did he really think it was going to be that easy? Hell, no. I swung around on the stool and gave him my back. “Whatever you say, Nikki. I'm not even about to argue with you. We're still on for Saturday, right? You're going…even if I have to drag your ass out the house.”

She breathed heavily in the phone. “Yeah, I'm going.”

“Good. We'll talk later.” I hung up and put my phone back into my purse, anxious to get back to business. I reached for my drink, and I took a sip. It was good. The lights dimmed slightly and I focused on the man onstage. As the musician performed, I hummed along and sipped my drink. I knew Mr. Sexy was still watching, and I swayed my hips on the stool, giving him something to look at. When the performance ended, I didn't have to turn around to know Mr. Sexy was on his way over to the bar. I smelled the Armani on his skin before I felt his presence by my side.

“May I buy you a drink?” he offered in a deep baritone voice.

I gave him a quick glance, then shook my head and turned away. “No, thank you.”

“You mind if I take a seat?” he asked, pointing at the stool beside me.

I playfully rolled my eyes. “Sure. It's not my club. You can sit wherever you want.”

He gave a deep, robust laugh. “Well, that's good to hear, considering I
am
the owner.”

Owner!
Hell, yes! Ms. Netta hit the lottery for real this time. I tried to hide my excitement as he lowered on the stool beside me, but I was already trying to figure out how much this man was worth. “So you're Smooth, huh?”

“Yep, that's what they call me.” He slid his seat closer. “What brings a beautiful woman out all by herself?”

I sat there sizing him up, wondering how much I might be able to get before the night was over. I was going to have to put in some work, but from the stories I'd heard about Smooth, he was worth the sweat. He owned clubs from here to the east side and even had a couple of chicken and waffle joints. Yep. With this one I was going to have to give him Ms. Netta's deluxe package. “I just got off work and thought I'd drop in for a drink before heading home.”

“You married?” he asked.

I gave him a piercing stare. “Aren't we all?”

Smooth chuckled, and I watched as that slick mothafucka slipped his hands inside his pants pockets. When he put them back on the counter, his wedding ring just happened to have magically disappeared. Give me a break. Didn't he know, tricks are for kids? Maybe not, so I guess it's up to me to show him how it's really done. I leaned in close. “Let's just skip the small talk. It's obvious you like what you see.”

He sucked his teeth while his eyes traveled the length of me. “I most definitely do.”

I leaned in even closer and watched as his eyes dropped to my breasts. “What do you wanna do about it?”

Reluctantly, he forced his eyes back to my face. “I'd like to leave here and spend some quiet time with you alone…if that's possible.”

I reached for my drink and spun on the barstool. “You ain't ready for me. I'm nothing like these chicken-head women up in here.” I took a sip. “I have needs and wants, and I don't think…you can afford me.”

“Let me be the judge of that. Anything worth having is worth spending my money on.”

“My thoughts exactly.” I let my tongue run across my bottom lip. “Let's go.”

Smooth rose from the stool, then went and said good-bye to his friends at his table. While I finished my drink, I watched as some skank tried to push up on him. I saw her turn and look my way, then frown as he headed back over to the bar, where he tossed a twenty on the counter. I grinned in her direction and took his proffered hand. I don't know why she thought she had a chance. Once I walked in, I shut it down!

“Wanna ride with me?” he offered.

Immediately I shook my head. Ms. Netta was having none of that. “Nah. I don't want to leave my car down here.” The last thing I need is to be waiting for someone to get around to taking me home.

“Okay, just follow me.”

We waited together for the valet to bring my Benz and his brand-new emerald green Jaguar. I walked to the front of his car and took a picture of the license plate with my cell phone.

Smooth looked amused. “What you do that for?”

I gave him a serious look. “You can never be too careful. I'm sending this to my best friend. If I come up missing tomorrow, you're the first person she'll come looking for.”

He chuckled, and I watched his big stomach jiggle like Jell-O. “Believe me. You're safe with me.”

“That's what they all say.” I turned on my heels and moved to my car. He held the door open, then shook his head as he stared down at my thighs. “Damn, you're thick.”

“Boo-boo, you ain't seen nothing yet.” Before the night was over I planned to have the money I needed for not only the chocolate diamond but my new house as well.