Confessions of a Backup Dancer (7 page)

I am so tired I can't tell my ass from my elbow anymore. I've met more people in two days than I'd ever met before in my life, dancers, backup singers, managers, agents, drivers, bodyguards … it's insane. I'm exhausted, where do I begin?

for starters, eileen told me yesterday that I had to change my name.

so from now on i'm officially K.K. Darcy and everyone thinks K.K. sounds more “REAL” than Kelly. I guess the fact that it's not my real name doesn't really matter.

I'm still not sure if that means I'm K.K. Kimball or just K.K. I guess I'll have to check the program.

whatever, i'm cool with it, most of the dancers seem to have nicknames, I probably would have picked
something else, but what am I going to do, argue about it and lose the job?

so after getting up at 8 (we each share a room with another dancer but I have a room to myself because I'm new, I guess), all the dancers did a stretching class for an hour, then a pilates/core strength class for an hour. I didn't realize that stuff could be so tough, I was ready for a break.

except we didn't get one. darcy emerged from her suite at 10:30
AM
, and we started rehearsing. and we didn't finish until 11
PM
.

no one was really MEAN to me, but no one was really NICE to me either. I mean, i'm not sure exactly how I did (everything went so fast), and every routine was totally 100% new to me so I never got THERE (or anywhere near it), but at least I don't remember totally embarrassing myself anywhere along the way. I guess. I don't know. And like I said, there were plenty of stares. But no glares, at least. There is a difference.

darcy barely spoke to me once. in fact she barely spoke to anyone at all. not in a mean way or anything, just like it was all work. Everything they say about her working seriously hard is true. I didn't notice it so much at the audition, but when she does speak, it's in this like texas but valley girl kind of accent. kinda low but still really young. like, “omylordy y'all! I'm gagging” and stuff like that. it was kind of weird when I realized that she doesn't talk to anyone, especially considering how nice she was
the other day at my audition, but I guess the pro in her is all about work.

I don't know what is going on with the rest of the dancers. you always see like Janet Jackson and people like that on tv talking about how they're all best friends with their dancers and how everyone's like some kind of big happy family or whatever. but it sure didn't seem that way. part of me assumed it was just me that didn't fit in. but by the end of today it started to look like no one was really getting along.

I am SO missing tito right now. he'd know what to do to break the ice. and if he couldn't break the ice at least we'd be able to bug out together.

my best bet for a friend looks like the choreographer, Rashid. he's really really cool. he told me I have excellent instincts but also a big job ahead of me. he said he'd help me out after hours and stuff if I needed it. he was asking me all about my body, about injuries I've had, what my strengths are as a dancer, what my weaknesses are, stuff like that. he seems like he really cares about all the dancers a lot, and he knows EVERYTHING about them. he winked when he said “everything.”

After rehearsals one of the Men in Black took all the dancers to Mas Macho Taco, hardly anyone talked to me, it was weird. I felt like the new kid at school or something, but I guess everyone was really tired and everything, plus i was too busy shoving Macho Burritos with green sauce in my mouth. I had never been so hungry in my life. I
had two but ¡felt like I could have had fourteen more.

now, of course, I feel like I could hurl.

the house we're all staying in is really cool. there are at least 10 bedrooms. some of the dancers live here, three of the Men in Black (one of them is actually a woman in black but whatever), and darla, and a guest room for when darcy's dad and kid brother Danny come to visit.

oh yeah and this weird burnout Hawaiian wannabe surfer guy named Walter who runs the kitchen, but he's always in board shorts and surfer tees and he wears pooka shells every day. I think he might be pretty much stoned all the time. I'm definitely going to get to know waiter cause he seems like he completely rules.

I'm living on the same floor as darcy and we share a bathroom, which is totally weird. I mean, hi, I'm sharing a bathroom with DARCY BARNES. I'm practically too afraid to go in there.

I keep looking around for Jesse Nixon, that VJ. All day I kept hearing that he was just here or he's coming or whatever. I want to see him already! I wonder if my crush will hold up when I meet him in person? (Notice I said when not if.)

there's a huge living room/kitchen/hangout space downstairs (they call it The Pit) where everyone chills all the time. it's got a massive flat-screen TV, a big fish tank, and a dartboard with Pashmina's face in the middle. oh and there's a big ol' pool out back with a diving board
and there are all these intercoms and stuff all through the house. the basement is all like laundry and stuff. there's a basketball net out front and the yard is all trees and pathways and water features. it's so amazing. I've never even been in a house like this to visit, let alone live. we just don't have it like this down in san diego.

it's all very Real World, very tricked out in every way. I wonder how much it all costs??

I'm exhausted. thank god I get my own room even though it's next door to Darcy's and I can hear Darcy and some guy playing playstation through the wall. at least I think that's what they're doing. they seem to be getting pretty active about it though, my headboard is against that wall and I swear it just moved.

thank god for this laptop.

SlipKnotRules933111:
you there?

KellyKelSoCal321:
HEY!!!! want to come up this weekend? I have Sunday off so maybe we could go to a show on Saturday or something. I think cradle of filth might be playing. you can stay in my room.

SlipKnotRules933111:
I'll ask mom.

KellyKelSoCal321:
don't ask mom. just tell her you're coming, get the bus schedule off the greyhound website. I'll pay you back for the ticket. and BRING MILKY WAYS. lots of them. i'm starving to death. promise??

SlipKnotRules933111:
did you watch Cops last night?

WEDNESDAY JUNE 5

D-ZONE, 11:30
PM

Outfit:
cotton terry robe darcy gave me. see below.

Hair:
it's official, i'm blonder now. I had it done (but not as blond as HER).

Mood:
I never knew what tired meant before. not to mention starving to death! darla's a food nazi.

Fortune:
Your life is happening now.

ok, these people work way harder than I ever imagined. I mean, I watched Popstars. I watched Making the Band. I've seen every Diary and Behind the Music they've ever made. but I had NO IDEA that preparing for a tour was this much work! I thought yesterday was just an especially difficult day, but apparently every day is. here's what we did today:

8
AM
—alarm goes off.

8:30
AM
—breakfast in the van with the other dancers. all we got was a nonfat yogurt and a piece of fruit because I found out later that someone (I think it was darcy's mom darla) thought we all looked fat yesterday and found out we went to mas macho taco last night so she ordered yogurt and fruit and that's it. maybe I'm fatter than the other dancers. I mean sure some of them are freaks of nature with 0% body fat but I'm not, like, FAT. am I? now I'm paranoid. great.

8:45
AM
—van drops us off at gym. weight training. (thank god I got to skip this today. instead I spent the whole time at the gym talking with this Woman in Black who had to put me on the payroll and give me all these forms to send home and everything. good thing I remembered my social security number. I get like $2,000 a week after taxes! I'm LOADED. but I'm not spending it. they're direct depositing it and I'm not taking ANY out. EVER!! I swear.

9:45
AM
—van dropped us off at this photo studio where we had to pose in the background for the cover of some magazine Darcy's gonna be on. which means so am I!! so are all the backups, i'm PSYCHED, tito's gonna give me so much crap tho. I thought we were gonna be waiting around all day, sitting there, bored, like they always are on all those Fashion TV behind-the-scenes shows. but we were in and out of there in less than 1 hour. I guess Eileen Wang had called and said that's all darcy could spare. darcy looked amazing even without all that much makeup and stuff on. and her chin zit went away. Was that just last Saturday? Jeez …

11
AM
—van dropped us off at rehearsal studio (luckily it wasn't that two-way mirror one). an hour of warm-up. a half-hour review of what we did yesterday. everyone's really good. even darcy. I mean yeah she's a little stiff like she can be on tv and stuff but she's so focused and works so hard. it's totally obvious that I'm waaaay behind. but no one's complaining about that or saying anything, at least not to my face. I mean they're not
going out of their way or anything but at least no one's like all over my case. and no, I haven't figured out who's doing who or anything like that, not yet.

12:30
PM
—lunch. they brought a tray of turkey cold cuts and skinless chicken breasts into the studio. plus like a ton of cut-up vegetables and some pasta salad. I really wanted southern deep-fried chicken and maybe some ice cream. but hey, whatever. I wasn't gonna complain. oh and Gatorade. I had like three. they gave us 15 minutes to chill out. Today the dancers talked more to one another. everyone else was gossiping about the other tours they'd been on and everything. it seems like everyone knows everyone else on the backup dancer circuit, except me of course. so all I did was stuff my face.

I realized some of the girls were staring at me, watching me eat my second bowl of pasta salad. Which I don't even think is all that much for a full day of dancing. Still, of course my first thought was: They think I'm eating too much. They must think I'm fat. Maybe I am fat? How could I not have noticed? (Channel Tito: Girl, you are not fat. Please.)

1:15
PM
—breathing exercises, and the first time since getting here that I really chatted with Darcy. she sat next to me. “Hey K.K.!” for a second I was like “omigod DARCY BARNES is sitting next to me!!” but then I was like, be professional, be professional. stay cool. she told me all about how she's really into yoga (“I just loved that movie where Madonna was a yoga teacher”) and how learning how to breathe right can totally make all the
difference in fitness and everything. she was like “especially for me, as a singer” and I was like “I sing too!” and she kind of looked at me funny. she goes “but anyway breathing is all about posture and spirituality and stuff. it's so eastern. I love eastern stuff. my friend jesse got me into it. you're going to love it!” and I really wanted to be like “jesse?? what do you mean jesse?? Jesse Nixon? are you going out with him or what??” I mean it's like everyone would want to know that, right? Not just cause I have a crush on him. but i played it cool, being just like “awesome! I'm really into eastern stuff too!” and she was like “i'm coloring my hair later. my hair chick Shaundree's coming over to lighten it. want to do yours too?” I was like “sure!” mostly cause I didn't know what else to say. I was freaking just a little. I noticed two of the other dancers, both guys, looking at me and whispering. they turned away when I caught their eyes, had I just done something wrong?

darcy was right, too. the breathing exercises were awesome. I had so much energy afterward.

2:00
PM
—rehearsal. all the chitchat stopped, the flicker of friendliness stopped, and it was down to serious, game-faced business, things started out ok and i've got two numbers down solid already, but I was having a really hard time with this one sequence that ties the two together. there are no breaks in the 2-plus-hour show … we're dancing hard the whole entire time. I blew it like four times in a row when Rashid called for a break. we all had powerbars and chilled out for 10 minutes. I'd
just closed my eyes for some breathing exercises when I suddenly heard this supershrill woman's voice above me going “K.K.? K.K.?” At first I was like, am I imagining that voice? I was surprised the mirrors weren't cracking, this voice could shatter glass. anyway I opened my eyes and there was darla barnes. WAY scary. she goes: “so, you're K.K., right?” I sat up and was like “yeah” and she goes “I hope you like your new nickname. everyone gets one. Except Darcy of course. I mean, she is the one and only star of the show, so she doesn't need a nickname, everyone knows her name.” then darla looked down at my powerbar or whatever it was and goes “is that one of the low-carb ones?” and I go “I don't know” and darla goes “here, give it to me. I'll get you one of the low-carb ones. it's more appropriate for your, um, fitness level.” she walked off with my powerbar and never came back, not even with a lo-carb bar.