Read Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, the Bad, and the Scary Online

Authors: Jill Smokler

Tags: #Parenting, #Humor, #Motherhood, #Marriage & Family, #General, #Topic, #Family & Relationships

Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, the Bad, and the Scary

BOOK: Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, the Bad, and the Scary
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STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS!

I SHALL REMEMBER
that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me.

I SHALL NOT PREACH
to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business.

I SHALL MAINTAIN
a sense of humor about all things motherhood.

“A
NY MOTHER WHO DOESN’T STIFLE A MILLION KNOWING LAUGHS WHILE READING
C
ONFESSIONS OF A
S
CARY MOMMY NEEDS
TO MAKE SURE HER FUNNY BONE WASN’T ACCIDENTALLY SUCKED INTO THE DIAPER GENIE.

—J
ULIE
K
LAM
,
N
EW
Y
ORK
T
IMES
BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF
Y
OU
H
AD
M
E AT
W
OOF

“J
ILL OFFERS UP THE PERFECT ANTIDOTE TO OVERLY EARNEST PARENTING GUIDES.
I
T’S LIKE COMFORT FOOD FOR ANXIOUS MOMS, SERVED WITH A SIDE OF SNARK.

—C
YNTHIA
C
OPELAND, AUTHOR OF
T
HE
D
IAPER
D
IARIES
AND
R
EALLY
I
MPORTANT
S
TUFF
M
Y
K
IDS
H
AVE
T
AUGHT
M
E

Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood?

S
OMETIMES
I
JUST LET MY
CHILDREN FALL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF THE
TV.

In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t.

I
F
I
CAN’T SURVIVE MY DAUGHTER AS A TODDLER, HOW THE HELL AM
I
GOING TO GET THROUGH THE TEENAGE YEARS
?

When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere.

I
END UP DOING MY SON’S HOMEWORK.
I
T’S WRONG, BUT SO MUCH EASIER.

Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection.

M
Y EIGHTEEN MONTH OLD STILL CAN’T SAY
“M
OMMY” BUT USED THE WORD “SHIT” IN PERFECT CONTEXT.

But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation.

I
PRETEND TO BE HAPPY BUT
I
CRY EVERY NIGHT IN THE SHOWER.

The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization.

I
CLOCK OUT OF MOTHERHOOD AT
8
P.M. AND HIDE IN THE BASEMENT WITH MY LAPTOP AND A BEER.

If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club.

I
KNOW WHY SOME ANIMALS EAT THEIR YOUNG
.

In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?),
Confessions of a Scary Mommy
combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions.

S
OMETIMES
I
WISH MY SON WAS STILL LITTLE—THEN I HEAR KIDS SCREAMING AT THE STORE.

As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.”

J
ILL
S
MOKLER’S
candor about the underbelly of marriage and parenting has made her an unlikely hero among a new generation of women. Married to her college sweetheart, Jeff, she lives in Baltimore with her three children and a golden retriever.

MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT
SimonandSchuster.com
• THE SOURCE FOR READING GROUPS •
Facebook.com/GalleryBooks
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AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH © JOHN WAIRE
COPYRIGHT © SIMON & SCHUSTER

BOOK: Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, the Bad, and the Scary
7.15Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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