Confessions of a Tax Collector (45 page)

I did not hesitate. The time for agonizing over Laura Marsh had come to an end. Finally, we were at the terminus of our journey together. She was done and so was I.

I carried the seizure file to the shredder, and fed the culmination of three years’ hard work into the ancient grinding maw of the machine. I returned to my desk and in five minutes prepared Form 53, Report of Currently-Not-Collectible Taxes.

Feed the beast, indeed.

Four hours after faxing my hardship request to Jim Neyland, my phone rang. I didn’t answer. I knew it was Neyland and I was busy typing a memo to the division chief, accusing Jim Neyland of making threats against me and Annie, accusing Inspection of launching a campaign of intimidation and harassment based on my relationship to Annie, and accusing the employees of my POD of creating a hostile work environment because of my relationship with Annie. I informed the division office I would be submitting a Freedom of Information Act request to obtain the secret file and would be reporting Neyland’s conduct to Inspection. I was faxing this memo when Bonny handed me the message from Jim Neyland to call him ASAP.

“What the hell is this?” he shouted at me.

“My hardship request.”

“You’re telling me you and Annie DeFlorio are
engaged
?”

“That’s what I’m telling you.”

“Maybe I’ll just see what Annie has to say.”

“Maybe you should read the memo first.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m holding the friggin‘ memo.”

“Not that memo. The other memo.”

“What other memo?”

“The memo I just faxed to the division chief. I’m sending you a copy, by regular mail.”

There was a silence.

“What’s it say?”

“I don’t feel comfortable telling you that.”

“You don’t feel comfortable telling me that? Jesus! Well, let me tell you what I feel comfortable telling you, Rick. There is no way in hell I’m signing off on this hardship. It’s bullshit. Pure bullshit.”

“I don’t care.”

“You don’t care!”

“The division chief has the final authority over hardship requests. You know that, Jim.”

“And what the hell do you think the division chief is going to say after I tell him what I know about you two?”

“I think he’ll base his answer on the facts.”

Jim Neyland laughed. “The facts? Look, kid, people are going to talk. They’re going to believe the worst because that’s what people do. People will always believe the worst. Always. You go through with this and it’s over for both of you. It’s professional suicide, Rick. Your careers are
over.”

“I was referring to the facts in my memo.”

“This memo?”

“The other memo.”

“The other memo?”

“The memo to the division chief.”

“You can’t just write a memo and send it directly to the chief.”

“I just did.”

“Well, you can’t. It isn’t standard procedure.”

“Oops.”

“What’s it say?”

“That’s the second time you asked me that.”

“And this time you’re gonna give me an answer or I’ll fire you for insubordination.”

“It’s the chief’s memo, Jim. If he wants you to see it, I suppose he’ll show it to you.”

“Okay, well, I see where this is going. I guess you think you’re pretty clever, huh?”

“Whatever I am, Mr. Neyland, you made me.”

I hung up. Three days later I received by fax the division chiefs response. It was a copy of my memo, with this scrawled in the margin: “Ain’t no secret file. Ain’t no campaign. Am working on your hardship now.” I laughed when I read it. I could picture Jim Neyland stomping around the office, cursing my name.

Now all I had to do was propose.

· · ·

I called the vet’s, since the vet had not called me.

“You’ll be happy to know they picked up the dog.”

“I know,” I said. “The dog sent me a card.”

He laughed. “The dog sent you a card?”

“Don’t misconstrue me here, Doc, but if there’s anything you need tax-wise, just let me know.”

“Sure will, Rick. Thanks. Oh, and I had Angie send you a copy of the bill.”

“I got it.” $783.43. I had laughed aloud when I opened the envelope. I had gotten off cheap.

I rented a Ryder truck, the smallest available, because I did not have many things available to put in it. I hitched my car to the back and sat the bird in its cage beside me for the seven-hundred-mile journey north into the mountains.

“Well, bird,” I said. I had given up on finding a name for it. “Let’s go.”

In 1998, as any CPA, tax attorney, or conscientious taxpayer will tell you, the world of taxes and tax collecting suffered a seismic shift. The job of the revenue officer changed forever with the passage of the Revenue Restructuring Act of 1998 (RRA ‘98), which redefined the mission of the Service, making the incidents that are described here nearly impossible to repeat. Included in that legislation is a section referred to inside the Service as the “Ten Deadly Sins,” violations of the Code for which termination is the only remedy. One section deals with harassment and intimidation of taxpayers. It is hardly surprising, then, that seizures, liens, and levies are at an all-time low.

As a result, today’s new-hires will not suffer as my class did in the early ‘90s. There won’t be the unrelenting pressure to collect dollars, to conduct seizures, and to close cases. There won’t be the “cowboy” attitude of the old days, so seductive because it was so effortless. Many of the old hands retired or left the Service after RRA ’98 became law. Now, revenue officers are a dying breed. When I was hired in 1991, there were over nine thousand revenue officers. Today there are fewer than thirty-five hundred. There is legislation in Congress to contract out many collection functions to the private sector. There was even a movement to change the official title, from “revenue officer” to something like “compliance assistor.”

I have left the Service to write this book, but the Service has not left me. It will always be a part of me. What I experienced within the fortified walls of Byzantium has gone too deep to be exorcised. Yet I am grateful. I am grateful to the Service for the skills it taught me and the lifestyle it granted to me and my family. It was within the Service, after all, that I discovered what Culpepper called “the greatest power in the universe.” It was within the Service, after all, that I found love.

I style this as a confession, but it is no apology. I leave proud to have served, for I turned a corner in the Service. I might have ended up like Culpepper, gnawing the dried bones of my ambition. Instead, the Service brought me to a place where I could see what truly matters in life. That is the ultimate irony of my experience: The Service woke things inside of me that only being in the Service could redeem. It brought me to the edge of the chasm so I could step over to the other side. Without the Service, I would not have been able to “save the dog.”

And as for the rest…

Of the five trainees hired in 1991, only Caroline remains with the Service.

Allison eventually earned her CPA and now works in the private sector.

Rachel quit during the training year. Dee left the Service five years later.

Gina sends me Christmas cards and calls me occasionally to catch up. She is still employed by the IRS.

Jim Neyland took an assignment to teach tax administration to Third World countries.

Byron White retired and now represents taxpayers before the Service.

Jenny Duncan left the Service on a disability discharge.

Beth and Melissa are managers in what is now called “The Small Business/Self-Employed Division (SB/SE),” the Service’s new name for Collection.

Toby, Henry, Cindy Sandifer, Sam Mason, and Larry Simon remain with the Service as revenue officers.

William Culpepper’s whereabouts are unknown.

Laura Marsh closed her day-care business to take a job as a substitute kindergarten teacher.

Annie married me.

[1]
Position Classification Standard for Internal Revenue Officer, Series GS-1169,” Office of Personnel Management, 1993.

[2]
Publication I: Your Rights as a Taxpayer.

[3]
Notice of Federal Lien

[4]
Posts-of-Duty.

[5]
Currently-Not-Collectible.

[6]
Special Procedures function: technical wizards in district headquarters consisting of experts in various subject matters.

[7]
Automated Collection Service.

[8]
Potentially Dangerous Taxpayer.

[9]
Clause, Cure, Compliance.

[10]
Form 433B, Collection Information Statement for Business.

[11]
Delinquent Inventory Account Listing, a printout of a revenue officer’s inventory: taxpayer name, identifying number, tax periods owing, and amounts due.

[12]
Taxpayer Delinquency Account.

[13]
Shorthand for “consent-to-enter.” Under the Fourth Amendment, the Service cannot seize assets in “private areas” without the written permission of the taxpayer.

[14]
Taxpayer Delinquency Investigation: a “warrant” to collect unfiled tax returns.

[15]
Form 433-D, Installment Agreement.

[16]
Integrated Data Retrieval System: the computerized means by which all taxpayer data is organized and retrieved.

[17]
To “carry a bag” refers to revenue officers lugging their briefcases to the field.

[18]
The IDRS Command Code LEVYS: payer information on taxpayers extracted from wage income documents sent to the Service.

[19]
Application for Taxpayer Assistance Order, or Form 911.

[20]
Potentially Dangerous Taxpayer.

[21]
Managers' grade levels, in all divisions of Service, are determined by the grade levels of their employees. Gina was a Grade 13 manager, since she was supervising Grade 12 revenue officers. Annie DeFlorio was a Grade 12 manager, because no one in her group ranked over Grade 7.

[22]
The form used to seize assets. Referred to as a “B” by revenue officers.

[23]
Although the definition changes with each administration, generally cases that have been in the field longer than one year.

[24]
Profit-and-Loss statement.

[25]
Form 668-B, Levy.

[26]
Also called WOEA (whoa-E-ah): Warned of Enforcement Action.

[27]
A type of lock that fits over a doorknob.

[28]
Notice that may be used to tag moveable assets; resembles a “toe-tag.”

[29]
Form 795, also called a “daily,” completed by every revenue officer each day, recording cases worked, money and returns collected, closures, type of contact (office or field).

[30]
Doing-business-as," a common abbreviation within the Service, which tends to abbreviate everything. A sole proprietorship is called a "sole prop." A corporation is called a "corp."
 
Delinquent returns are "del. rets" and assessments are "bal. dues." Group managers are "GMs." Revenue officers are, of course, "ROs." The only job title not abbreviated is that of the Commissioner of the IRS. He or she is always "the Commissioner."

[31]
Translation: "[The] taxpayer's wife called in responding to Letter 1058 [Notice of Intent to Levy]. [I] advised [her that I] couldn't discuss [the] case with her. [She] must have [a] power-of-attorney or [the taxpayer must be] present [at the time we speak]. Secured [a] levy source. The taxpayer's wife advises [she] handles all [the] bookkeeping for [the] taxpayer and didn't have [the] funds to full-pay.  Plan-of-action: levy [the] bank account if no full-payment [is received] at end of [the] notice period."

[32]
Reference to Form 53, used to report outstanding tax liabilities as "currently-not-collectible," with the emphasis on "currently."

[33]
A real estate seizure can be made through the mail if necessary, unlike other assets, which must be inventoried at the time of seizure. A personal residence seizure, as noted, is more difficult; it requires four levels of approval (group manager, branch chief, division chief, and district director) and is arguably the one enforcement tool (an IRS phrase) that has the greatest impact upon the taxpayer.

[34]
Health and Rehabilitative Services, the state agency charged with child protection.

[35]
Illegal Tax Protestors.

[36]
Writ of Entry, a court order to enter a private area to seize assets.

[37]
District Counsel, the legal arm of the IRS that represents Collection in the courts.

[38]
Return Compliance Program, term for special projects outside the normal range of day-to-day collection.

[39]
Form W-4, provided by wage earners to their employers, for computation of the amount to withhold for federal income taxes.

[40]
Special repository of cases that are waiting assignment to a revenue officer.

[41]
Section 6020(b) of the Internal Revenue Code provides that the Service may file a return on behalf of a taxpayer if the taxpayer neglects or refuses to file voluntarily.

[42]
Form 2434-B, Notice of Encumbrances, required by Gina before seizure approval.

[43]
Taxpayer Identification Number, or SSN.

[44]
Vehicle Identification Number.

[45]
A trash can.

[46]
IDRS command code that cross-references names to Social Security numbers.

[47]
Legal term for someone who holds an asset "in name only."

[48]
That is, selling the accounts receivable to a third party to raise cash quickly.

[49]
Group manager.

[50]
The Trust Fund Recovery Penalty, called the "100%" Penalty then, a means by which the Service collects payroll taxes from responsible individuals within corporations. The penalty assessed under the individual's Social Security number is equal to 100 percent of the taxes withheld from the corporation's employees.

[51]
Special Procedures function, technical advisers in district headquarters.

[52]
In-Business Installment Agreements.

[53]
The average American receives the total amount paid over his or her lifetime into the Social Security system within three years of retirement, plus all interest. The rest is funded through current workers' contributions.

[54]
Under the Code, the IRS, as well as other creditors, are prohibited from taking collection action outside the auspices of the bankruptcy court. If a taxpayer files for bankruptcy, the Collection Division passes the case on to the attorneys and the Bankruptcy Advisory Section in district headquarters.

[55]
Actually, "polite" is from the Latin, polire, meaning to polish. "Politics" is from the Latin, politicus, meaning political.

[56]
An agency-approved transfer to another post-of-duty based on dire circumstances of the employee.

[57]
Whenever a supervisor—or one of her employees—changes jobs, the Service requires a performance rating be completed for the benefit of the new supervisor.

[58]
Employee Performance Folder, containing reviews, memos, copies of evaluations, awards, commendations, reprimands, and nationally mandated forms such as acknowledgments of receipt of official documents.