Confessions of a Window Cleaner (20 page)

Read Confessions of a Window Cleaner Online

Authors: Timothy Lea

BOOK: Confessions of a Window Cleaner

6.55Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

I pick out Elizabeth’s window and go over to one of the flowerbeds for a handful of earth. As I bend down, a cat glides silently along the wall above me and my eye follows it up to the small shed at the end of the garden. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I think I can see a light glowing in the darkness. Perhaps Elizabeth’s old man has forgotten to turn off the lamp he uses in there. As a future son-in-law it is my duty to protect his property so I slope off to see what I can do.

When I get nearer I can see a line of light around the door and am amazed to hear someone talking in a low voice. Even more amazed when I recognise who it is.

“Oh, that was wonderful,” sighs the girl. “I’d no idea it could be like that. You are clever. You’re so clever.”

An ice cold current of electricity surges through my stomach and I try to make myself believe that this is not happening to me. I must be drunk, or dreaming – or anything!

“It’s easy when it’s with you,” the other voice is also known to me and the pain becomes unbearable. “I could go on doing it all night. I don’t know what it is, but you really turn me on—”

“Oh Sid.”

“Liz.”

Now, if I had any sense I’d bite my lip and tiptoe quietly away writing it all down to experience. Sid has done me a favour really. Better now than when we’ve got hitched. God, how bloody stupid can you get? There I was, deciding to give it all up and settle down with this quiet, demure little girl who would make me a good wife and mother, and all the time the dirty little slut is having it away with Sid. There’s no justice in the world, is there? No wonder blokes go off the rails. ‘I’d no idea it could be like that.’ Bloody hell!

“Sid!”

“Oh Liz.”

Bloody hell!!! My howl of rage must be heard the other side of Tooting Bec Common. I go through the door like it’s wet tissue paper and there is Elizabeth lying on her back on the workbench with Sid standing between her legs.

“You bastard!”

“Hey, what the—”

“Oh, no!”

There’s no point in describing it in detail, and I can’t remember exactly what happened anyway. All I know is that when I leave that shed, it is through a gap in the plywood walls which has been made by Sid’s body. Every light in the neighbourhood is on and Elizabeth’s screams suggest a big future in grand opera – provided she can get the fish glue out of her hair – both sets.

I step over Sid and stride away down the garden. Some blokes would probably be able to think of something comforting and profound at a moment like this, but I’m buggered if I can.

Also available in the Confessions Ebook Series:

Confessions from a Haunted House

Confessions from a Holiday Camp

Confessions of a Milkman

Confessions of a Travelling Salesman

And, coming soon:

Confessions from a Health Farm

Confessions from a Hotel

Confessions from a Luxury Liner

Confessions from a Nudist Colony

Confessions from a Package Tour

Confessions from an Escort Agency

Confessions from the Clink

Confessions from the Pop Scene

Confessions from the Shop Floor

Confessions of a Baby Sitter

Confessions of a Driving Instructor

Confessions of a Film Extra

Confessions of a Gym Mistress

Confessions of a Lady Courier

Confessions of a Long Distance Lorry Driver

Confessions of a Night Nurse

Confessions of a Personal Secretary

Confessions of a Physical Wrac

Confessions of a Plumber’s Mate

Confessions of a Private Soldier

Confessions of a Private Dick

Confessions of an Ice Cream Man

Copyright

The Friday Project

An imprint of HarperCollins
Publishers

77–85 Fulham Palace Road

Hammersmith, London W6 8JB

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain in 1971 by Sphere Books Ltd

This ebook edition first published by The Friday Project in 2013

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

Ebook Edition © ISBN: 9780007516018

About the Publisher