Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (2 page)

I tied my hair into a messy bun before brushing my teeth. On my way into my room, I pulled off my pajama shorts and tank top. I crawled into bed and snuggled into my flavor of the week.

It's not as if what I'm doing was horribly wrong. I mean I like sex. Who doesn't like to be woken up with sex? It's a great way to start the day.

He was lying on his back so nestling into him just the right way didn't take much. I started to run my fingers up and down his chest while letting my lips explore his neck until settling on an earlobe. I gave it a gentle bite then slid my tongue down around his jaw line to get him to turn his face towards me. He rolled to his side bringing his muscular arm around my waist. As my body inched to his, there was no doubt he was ready by the hardness pressing into me. A soft moan found its way out when his lips captured mine as his hands slid over my breasts. What started as a slow kiss quickly became an intense exploration of each other's mouths.

He pulled back and rolled me onto my back giving my jaw tender kisses as he made his way down my throat to my breasts. He picked up with the wicked suckling and biting that he had done last night knowing how much it turned me on. I shifted my hands from his ass down to his hard length and gently stroked him.

He certainly does know how to use his hands well. Pity I can't remember his name.

While his lips tormented my breasts, he slid his other hand between my legs letting his fingers settle into a rhythm on my hot spot. Eager to move this along, I pushed him back onto the mattress positioning myself on top of him. He grinned with satisfaction as he grabbed a condom sliding it over him. He entered slowly and dropped his elbows to the bed.

He started to rock satisfying the hunger flowing through me. He kept it to a pace that was slow but I urged him with my hips to go faster. His eyes burned into mine with more care than I preferred during casual sex. I closed my eyes as his body pressed on making me moan. As the beads of sweat increased between us, he switched it up rolling onto his back to put me on top. I took over grinding faster and he met me with each thrust. I resorted to running my lips down his neck to keep down the moans. As our lips traveled across one another and our bodies moved together at a relentless pace, we reached our climax.

Just for a moment, the numbness faded from me. It probably made me a horrible person to use someone else like that but I just didn't have it in me to care anymore. After everything over the course of the last year, I stopped opening myself up. I was numb all the time and preferred it that way. I sought out sex to feel something physically enough to ease the deadness temporarily.

When we caught our breath, I kissed him lightly on the cheek. He gave me a shy smile running a finger delicately above my eyebrow to rid it of sweat. It was far too intimate of a touch for me. "As much as I would love to do this all day, I have to get ready for a meeting I have this afternoon." I said, rolling on to my back.

His smile faded as his eyes looked for more from me than I could ever offer him. "I guess I better get going. Thanks for inviting me to your party. I had fun last night."

I smirked at the tone in his voice because he made no effort to hide his amusement. "Well, you didn't seem to mind too much once we were upstairs."

He grabbed his shirt from the end of the bed and slipped it on with a wide grin. "You have a way of making everything else fade away. Can I call you this week and maybe we grab dinner?"

I sat up and tossed on my clothes. "Ah...let me give you a call. If this meeting turns into something, my current schedule could change," I replied, forcing a smile.

He finished dressing and waited for me to exit with him. As he headed down the stairs, it hit me that I should let him call me so that I could figure out if he was Brandon or Braden.

Shit
.
Oh well, next time.

I turned to go to my bedroom. A slam of the door followed by an irritated huff made me stop. I peered around knowing exactly who was behind me. Bri leaned against the door having no reservations about displaying her disappointment in me.

"Don't think that I didn't overhear that exchange."

I gave her an exaggerated roll of the eyes. "It's early. Do you want to get into this now?"

She folded her arms across her chest narrowing her eyes. I rested against the wall bracing myself for the debate to come. I stifled a laugh taking in her morning attire. She had on Trey's boxers and T-shirt with her clothes presumably strewn across his bedroom floor.

"Stop being stupid and I'll quit being a bitch about it."

"What in particular am I being stupid about this time? I don't think you're one to talk considering you have slept with Trey again. He has yet to declare that you two are in a relationship with each other."

"I may not have a definition to whatever this is," Bri shot back, gesturing her hands in the air. "But at least I've been sleeping with the same person and not a different guy every week."

"It's not like it's hundreds of guys. I'm seeing a few guys at the same time. Why is that a crime? Guys get away with doing it all the time," I grumbled.

Bri stared at me unmistakably annoyed. "They aren't running from their feelings. You are. It's to keep everyone out because of what happened with Micah."

"Don't go there. We're not getting into that shit this early. I'm enjoying having no strings. There's no shame in that and it's not like I'm not safe about it," I snapped, glaring at her until she backed off.

Her shoulders sagged on her way to her bedroom. Stopping short of her door, she wheeled around visibly concerned. "That isn't what I was implying. You aren't being honest with these guys or yourself. You've got to start letting people back at some point."

My face flushed and my next words flew out with more bitterness than I intended. "Just stop. I have my meeting later today. This is the last thing I want to discuss. I let you in so I'm not shutting everyone out."

I pushed off from the wall heading for my room. Bri shook her head but her eyes became more sympathetic as she followed me into my bedroom.

"It's not my intention to make you feel like shit. I just worry about you."

"I know. Let's put that worry to good use. Come help me find something to wear."

We scanned through my clothes for a few minutes before I turned to her with a grin.

"It was your turn to keep Jackson and Shane in line so that they didn't trash the place. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you're going to have your hands full after class."

"How bad is it?" Bri asked.

Her head shot out of the closet as her eyes grew in alarm.

"Let's just say it gives seeing red a whole new meaning," I teased.

She grimaced before focusing back on my wardrobe. I scanned the clothes in front of me. My eyes zeroed in to my black pleated mini skirt and low cut red V-neck halter-top.

"You're going to help me right?"

I smiled. "You know I will. We have to stick together with these crazy boys. This one is going to take forever. I wouldn't be opposed to hiring someone to clean for us."

She groaned grabbing the clothes that I was just considering and tossed them to me.

"Yup, this is the outfit for today. I know you're nervous. This will definitely help."

I cocked an eyebrow. I wasn't sure how showing a hell of a lot of skin would help me.

Bri rolled her eyes. "You really don't get how hot you can make yourself."

I shook my head in disagreement. I went for another outfit to piece together. Not liking that one either I let out an agitated huff. It wasn't the clothes that had me irritated in the least. "It's going to be weird to be back on campus today," I admitted.

Bri nodded as the sympathetic look from earlier emerged in her eyes. "Do you have any clue what your advisor wants to talk to you about? I mean they expelled you with no eligibility to return. So what gives?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. Academically, I'm pretty much ruined but maybe he has something that I can take that will get a toe towards journalism."

Bri gave me a slight smile but I could tell that she didn't want me to get my hopes up. "I don't understand your field but you know I try."

"I know and I appreciate it. All the in-depth conversations on the topic are for Jackson," I said, stifling my amusement. Her forehead wrinkled with her wheels spinning. "What?"

"What's going on with you two? We've all noticed the amount of time you're spending with each other these days," Bri pried.

She flopped onto the bed lying on her stomach. My back remained in her direction mostly so she couldn't see the aggravation on my face.

"I'm getting to know him better now that we all live together. We've been friends for ages but being roommates is different," I said while fumbling around with my shirts.

"He's a playboy. He doesn't do the girlfriend thing. I don't want to see you get hurt again," Bri cautioned.

"You know that I'm not in the market for a boyfriend. I know who he is. Half our conversations are joking around about all his women. What's the big deal if we hang out more now? I hear that's what roommates do across America when they get along. What the hell Bri?"

I pulled away from my clothes to face her feeling my neck flush as my temper started to climb. Taking a huge breath, she sat up. "I don't want to fight about this with you. I'm just making sure you know what you're doing because I know how crappy things have been for you after what Micah did to you."

"If you don't want to fight, then stop pushing things that aren't issues. First, it was about whom I was kicking out of my bed this morning. Now, it's about how much time I'm spending with Jackson. Do you realize how judgmental you're being?" I bit back.

Bri scooted to the edge of the bed with her eyes on her magenta painted toes. She shifted her gaze back to me with a half-smile. "Maybe I'm being a little too hard on you. I can't watch you fall apart again. Mia, I know that you were hurting but it tore me up to witness it," she said quietly.

"You're looking out for me. I get it. I need you to understand that there's nothing there with Jackson. Is he attractive? Of course. Do we flirt? Yes. I enjoy his company, his friendship, but I don't want to be with him."

Bri tried to maintain her smile but the uneasiness stretched across her face. I sat down next to her giving her shoulder a nudge to ease the tension. She grabbed the outfit that she had selected earlier. "This is the outfit hun. It's smart and sexy all in one package and you rock in it. If you want help with your hair and makeup, I'm all yours," she offered.

I grinned. "Yea, it would be great if you could help me get all girly. It's one skill I never acquired being around so many boys growing up."

She shuffled to the doorway. "True. I'll meet you in the bathroom in twenty."

I had to give Bri credit. If you wanted a makeover, she was the person to see. Bri could take the ugliest person and make them drop dead gorgeous. She weaved intricate braids in my hair and tied them all back into a sophisticated bun. She gave me a final touch with smoky eyes and mascara. By the time Bri finished, I felt a lot more confident. I strolled into my room and over to my desk to finish off my ensemble. I rarely changed my diamond earrings. I picked up my long silver necklace and clasped it around my neck. I went with my black leather studded cuff sliding it over the scar on my right wrist that always remained covered.

CHAPTER TWO

I was a nervous wreck getting into my car. It had been close to nine months since I had set foot on that campus. I almost dropped the phone the day my advisor, Derrick, called and asked if I had time to meet with him. My expulsion from school after being set up with falsified information was the second most painful thing I had ever experienced. Finding out that it was none other than my boyfriend that did it to me slid into first place. I backed out of the driveway and drove through the side streets heading to the interstate towards campus. Flying down the interstate, I wondered what he had for me and why he didn't fill me in over the phone. It seemed a little odd to be taking a meeting with him on campus but whatever. Given the circumstances, I couldn't be picky about his lack of details.

I started going through my portfolio in my head. I had done plenty of great work my first three years of college. My writing always hit with my target audiences. Before that, I had been editor of our school paper in high school. I was grateful to have this meeting with him. Journalism was a huge part of my life. I needed to get that part of me back.

Before I knew it, the exit for campus was upon me. I steered over to the side of campus that housed all the journalism buildings to park my car. As I walked towards the building housing his office, the stares from students didn't go unnoticed. A few people stopped when I went by them. My stomach churned the entire walk. People were gawking from all angles. It was like being on exhibit at the damn zoo.

I'm still the big gossip around here. Fan-fucking-tastic
.

I picked up my pace to get into the building. Thankfully, his office was on the first floor. I swiftly opened the door and greeted the elderly receptionist that handled all the appointments for the advisors.

"Hello, I'm here for an appointment at two with Mr. Smith."

She gave me a bored glance. "Name?"

"Mia Ryan."

She gasped. "Oh yes, here you are. I have to admit that it surprised me to see your name on the calendar."

Yea, I'm sure you were.

"Derrick is running a bit behind in his schedule today," she said, motioning to take a seat.

I went over to the old wooden chairs that lined the wall by the door and sat down praying to relax. My entire body was on edge with my nerves leading the pack of feelings swarming through me. I thought about my decision to attend Eckman University. It was a brilliant school for those wanting to pursue a career in journalism. It was elite in its ranking and one of the best private schools in the country. There was also the added benefit that it was a smaller college making it easier to develop relationships with the students and faculty.