Conklin's Blueprints (13 page)

~

It didn’t take us long to get to my condo and confidence was streaming through me.  I wanted to pull him to my bed and yank his shirt off.  Every time I was flush against him I could feel his muscles, I couldn’t wait to see what his bare skin looked like.  The elevator seemed to take forever to get up to my condo.  The second I finally punched in the correct combo to open the door, Tyler had his hands gripping my hips pushing me forward into the front entryway.  I flipped around and threw myself at him as he kicked the door closed.  His hands gripped my hips and pulled me up to carry me, finding the nearest wall he slammed me into it, aggressively kissing me, his tongue invading me while his fingers dug into my hips.  He threw me into the wall so hard I gasped.  He was moaning into my mouth and tugging at his belt, still pinning me to the wall with his body.  I started to feel nerves wash over me.  This scene was far too familiar.  His aggressiveness and eagerness, how he was jumping right to taking his pants off.  He was going to take me right then and there, and it wasn’t how I was picturing the night to go.  I started to have trouble breathing and brought my hands up to push his shoulders back.  He didn’t move.  I pushed harder, and he still didn’t move.  He only groaned louder into my mouth.  Panic surged over me.  I wouldn’t be able to move him; he could do whatever he wanted to me right now.  I kept picturing that awful night in Florida when I was almost raped, but there wasn’t anyone to save me this time.  I rapidly started to hit my fists on his shoulders and turned my head away from his kiss, “Tyler, Tyler, stop… STOP!”

He pulled back immediately gently putting my legs down.  I fell to the floor and hugged my knees, burying my face into them.  His breathing was ragged as he dropped down to my level.

“Becca, I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.  I’m so sorry, are you okay?”  He didn’t touch me, he was afraid to.  My whole body was trembling.  I kept thinking about that night in Florida and what could have happened.  It could have happened tonight.  I was being stupid.  I wasn’t going to sleep with random guys anymore, and here I was, pinned up to a wall with a man I barely knew.  A man who wouldn’t date me for some unknown reason, whether he was ashamed of me or if it was something else.  I sobbed harder into my legs.  I was so disgusted with myself.

Tyler sat across from me crossing his legs.  When I finally looked up at him, he looked distraught, torn, like he was disgusted with himself.  His eyes were glassy.  “Becca, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have come onto you so strong like that.  I just got carried away.  I didn’t realize you were trying to push me off of you at first.  I’m so sorry.”

I wiped my eyes and sniffed, “It’s not your fault, I practically threw myself at you.” 

Tyler shook his head, “No, I was the one who picked you up and slammed you into the wall.”

A small giggle escaped my mouth.  Now was the most inappropriate time for a giggle, but by the way he said it I couldn’t help myself.  Tyler dropped his head to my eye level.  “Something amusing you?”

I shook my head, “You’re right, I shouldn’t laugh.  It just sparked a really bad memory …” I trailed off, remembering the strength of the man who wasn’t going to take no for an answer in Florida.

“What point in your life?  Was Connor, your ex, was he rough with you?” He was suddenly serious, glaring his eyes in that protective way.  It threw me off that he immediately thought of Connor.  Connor never would have forced me to do anything I didn’t want to. 

“No!” I gasped, “Connor would never do that.”  I started to shake again, squeezing my knees tighter.

“Then what did it trigger?  You are clearly shaken up, and I think there’s more to your story.”  He was very sincere.  He wanted me to tell him because he cared, not because of guilt.

I huffed, not wanting to open up my past to this beautiful, flawless man sitting on his knees in front of me.  His eyes urged me to share.  I tried to think of how I could do it without revealing too much, but then again, once I started talking, I was bound to tell him everything.  He had that effect on me.

“Becca, please talk to me.  I feel awful,” he pleaded.

A long moment of silence swept across from us as I tried to find the courage to talk to him.  “After college, Jamie and I decided to take a year off and just live… freely.” I gulped, resituating to sit cross legged on the floor.  Tyler stared intently into my eyes.  “I was all messed up; between school and the whole Ashlynn/Connor thing… I wasn’t ready to grow up.  So we got an apartment in Florida and basic jobs and partied for a year.  Our lives consisted of going to the gym, drinking, and partying.” I glanced up at him, scared of his reaction.  His face was blank, not giving anything away.  He nodded his head to me, urging me to keep talking.

“Jamie and I met these guys one night at a bar.  We were both pretty drunk.  We decided to invite them over.  We both went into separate rooms.  It was probably my fault.  I’m sure I led him on, but his demeanor changed once we got into my room.”

My eyes started to water as I kept reliving my past to Tyler.

“I remember him grabbing me really tight and his eyes getting so cold.  It was like he was a different person.  I tried to laugh it off, tell him I wanted to go get a drink, but he wouldn’t listen.  I started to panic.  All I wanted was to get out of my room.  This guy was twice my size, drunk, and clearly wanted more from me.  I started to yell for Jamie, but he covered my mouth mid scream.”  A tear escaped my eye.  Tyler was fidgeting, I could tell he wanted to reach out to me, but he was frightened to touch me.  I took a deep breath and continued on.

“He pushed me so hard on the bed that it banged into the wall when he landed on me.  I kept trying to fight him off but he was so much stronger than me.  Jamie and the guy she was with must have heard me, because they came bursting through my bedroom door.”

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, suddenly feeling embarrassed.  I couldn’t bear to look at Tyler.

“Oh, Becca… I’m so sorry,” his voice broke.  He leaned in closer to me, slowly lifting his hands to touch mine.

“I freaked out after his friend dragged him off me.  I remember crying uncontrollably and being so appalled with myself.  I made a vow that I would never be promiscuous again.”

He tilted his head, trying to meet my eyes, “We are different.  You know that right?”

“How?  We aren’t dating.  You are afraid to be seen with me,” I croaked.  I wiped more tears from my eyes.  The alcohol was making me more emotional.

Tyler’s eyes furrowed, “Yeah, I obviously don’t want to be seen with you, considering I danced with you in a very public place, cuddled with you on a couch in front of my brother, and left the bar with you.  That sure seems like I am afraid to be seen with you,” he spat.

I looked at his hands gripping mine.  He did interact intimately in front of his brothers, and made it clear he was taking me home.  Nathan didn’t seem upset with our interactions, so was it his mother?  Father?

“I don’t get it, why don’t you want to date me?” Tears flooded down my cheeks.  He let go of my hands and leaned backwards.

“I would love to date you, but it’s complicated.  I really don’t want to get into it right now; besides, I don’t think you will remember my explanation.”

He was curling away from me again.  I was so afraid of him leaving me alone in that condo by myself.  I was scared of being alone.  I was drunk and paranoid now, with the thought of someone stronger than me taking control of my body.

Tyler started to sit up.  “I should get going,” he muffled.

My eyes got big.  “No!  Please… don’t leave me,” I squeaked.  His facial expression relaxed as he held his hand out to me.  I cautiously took it and stood next to him.  I forgot how drunk I was as I stumbled a bit, right into his chest.  He smelled so good and felt so safe.  I wanted him to lift me and carry me to bed.

He leaned his head into mine, gently moving his fingertips along my arms.  Bravely, I wrapped my arms around his waist.  He took a sharp inhale of breath then relaxed into me.  After a few minutes, Tyler finally broke our tranquility, “Let’s get you to bed.  Where is your room?” 

I took his hand, stumbling a bit as I tried to walk.  He wrapped his arm around my waist to help me lead the way.  Once I set eyes on my bed, I became dog tired.  Tyler slowly helped me sit down on my bed.  It took every ounce of me to not flop backwards instantly.  Not thinking, I started tugging at my shirt attempting to take it off.  I giggled when my arm got stuck.  As I tried to wiggle my way out of it, I fell backwards on the bed, giggling harder.  I heard an exasperated breath and then felt the bed cave next to me.  Tyler’s hands were gently on my free arm, tugging me to sit back up.  I felt his soft hands touch the skin on my back, trying to hold me in place and making sure I wasn’t going to fall back again.

“I sure hope you weren’t like this when you were drinking wine in the tub,” he chuckled.

“Nope,” I dragged out the word popping my lips, causing myself to snicker again.  He shook his head and helped me take my shirt off.  He had to release his hand from my back to do so, I wanted to pout because his hands felt so nice on my hot skin, but my lips were too numb.  I guess the walk hadn’t sobered me up as much as I thought it did, nor the breakdown I had in front of him, which I would be totally embarrassed about tomorrow morning.

Tyler cautiously stood wanting to make sure I was stable enough to not fall over again.  “Where are your shirts?” His eyes were everywhere but on me. 

I slowly pointed to my dresser.  “Bottom drawer,” I slurred.  He quickly grabbed the first T-shirt he found.  It was gray with the Detroit Tigers logo.

He huffed, “the Tigers… what am I going to do with you?”

I could think of a few things…

My mind followed my train of thought, slowly cocking my head to the side as I tried to look seductively at him.  He stifled a smile and knelt down in front of the bed, putting the T-shirt over my head, helping me bring my arms through the short sleeves.  The softness of the cotton caused my head to drift into another thought, and I remembered just how tired I was.  My eyes butterflied closed.  I felt Tyler’s hands suddenly grasp my shoulders and then gently lay me down on the bed before I collapsed.  He pulled me up so my head would be on a pillow.

“Please, don’t leave,” the words came muffling out of my mouth.

“I’m just going to go find a blanket to cover you with and then I will be right back,” his voice was soft and tender.

Feeling as though something was digging into my hips, I attempted to regain comfort and take my belt off.  My fingers were numb, and my eyes were too tired to open and look and see what I needed to do.

As I fumbled with my belt, I heard a gentle laugh.  The bed dipped down again, and Tyler’s hand was on mine.  I froze again at his touch.  “Would you like me to help you with this?”  I nodded my head, not opening my eyes.  He moved my hand to the side and began to undo the belt.  He gently pulled it through the loops.  “Better?” he asked.  I shook my head no.  I wanted my jeans off too.  I heard him sigh, as though he was apprehensive to take them off.  I raised my hand to try and find the button on my jeans, but ended up finding his thigh on the way, slowly tracing my fingers down towards his knee.  He quickly grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, grazing my knuckles.  Fluttering my eyes open, he was slowly shaking his head back and forth.  “You… are very drunk,” he smirked.  Tenderly kissing my hand, he put it back down by my side, and started to undo my pants.  I tried to focus on his face, gauging his reaction the best I could, even though I had no sense of judgment at the moment.  He seemed amused.  His eyes quickly changed as he pulled down my jeans.  I forgot I was wearing some very expensive lacy black panties.  I smirked, enjoying watching his reaction.  If I weren’t so drunk, I would make a move on him, but unfortunately my arms were too heavy and numb to lift.  Once the jeans were off, he quickly covered me with a blanket while letting out a deep breath.

I curled to my side while he snuggled the blanket around me. “Ty, please… don’t leave.  I don’t want to stay here alone,” I begged nearly incoherently.

He sat very still for a moment, then let out another breath of air.  He was fumbling around, and then I felt the bed dip more next to me.  Vaguely opening my eyes, Tyler was lying on his side, arm under a pillow, looking at me with a caring gentleness I had never seen on his face.

My body relaxed even more, if that were possible, as I let out a giant sigh.  “Thank you,” I whispered, emerging my hand from the blanket to set it next to him.  I wanted to reach up and touch his face, but I was too tired.  I heard him sigh again and felt his hand lace with mine.

“Oh Becca, I’m not… used to this.”

My brain was way too foggy and my lips were too tired to ask him what the hell he was talking about.

Chapter 8

I woke up disoriented, attempting to open my eyes.  I squinted throwing my hand over my face.  I must have forgotten to put the blinds down yesterday.  I slowly sat up on my bed.  Why wasn’t I under my covers?  Rubbing my forehead, I felt the urge to pee.  I stood up facing my bathroom and stumbled to the doorway.  I could barely open my eyes and was literally feeling my way into the bathroom.  Finally finding the toilet, I sat down in relief. Getting out of the bright morning light, I could open my eyes.  What the hell happened last night?  I tried to piece together what had happened.  I remembered going out with Jamie and seeing Sean then dancing on the dance floor, and… oh no… Tyler.

Memories came flooding back to me, but I couldn’t piece them in order.  Sitting next to him on a couch with Nathan watching us, his very drunk other brother, Mitch, taking Tyler to dance on the dance floor… I can’t believe I did that!  How would I face him at work?  I sluggishly sat up and went to the sink.  Looking in the mirror I looked awful, like I had been crying.  I closed my eyes again as more memories flooded back to me.  Tyler walking me home, stopping and kissing him by the river, him pinning me against the wall.  I took in a sharp breath of air.   Did I sleep with him?  I shook my head no; I would have remembered that.  I turned on the faucet to wipe away the makeup from my face.  Gosh my head was aching.  After wiping off the makeup, I fumbled through the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol.  More memories came back to me, taking off my shirt in front of him.  I gasped at the thought; he totally saw me with only my hot pink bra on!  And the horror I felt wash over me as I remembered him taking off my pants.  The image of his wide eyes as he pulled them off, oh my gosh, he probably saw the stretch marks on my hips!  I shook my head and leaned on the counter.  Then, the worst memory came, me begging him to stay.  I froze in my spot, afraid to look past the bathroom door that I just so happened to leave open.