Consumed (28 page)

“Yeah, I mean, I was going to at some point.” I step toward her. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

“I’ve known your dad since I was a little girl. He’s important to me, too.”

She’s right—one hundred percent right. “I’m sorry...it just never came up in conversation and I don’t want him to know I came here for him, not Seth.”

She drops into the maroon couch. Her long, thin fingers comb through her straightened hair. “You think I’d tell him?”

I raise my eyebrows accusingly because I
know
she’d tell him. Selena repeats everything to everyone. She doesn’t mean any harm by it, but it’s always at the most inappropriate times. Her green eyes roll in their sockets. She knows very well that she has a loose tongue.

“What are you going to do? You can’t follow him around forever.”

“I can keep an eye on him when he’s around Seth and the boys. The rest of the time Mom will look out for him. I’m sure she has some kind of plan.”

She plays with the ends of her shiny, blonde hair, like she’s deep in thought.

“Are you and Jackson together?” I ask, throwing her question back at her.

Selena shrugs and a smile pulls at her lips. “For the moment we’re just having fun, but we’ve spoken about it. We want to wait until Seth’s tournament is out of the way and we can spend more time together.”

I can’t help but feel jealous. Selena and Jackson have spent less time together than Seth and I and they’re already contemplating becoming official... what the hell am I doing wrong?
Nothing.
I assure myself. I’m not even sure I want to be in another relationship. It’s too early, isn’t it?

“I’m going to go to Jackson’s room. I didn’t bring any dresses so this is what I’m going to have to wear to the bar.” She tugs on her white cardigan and cringes. “I’ll see you later.”

She squeezes my arm and leaves the room. I grab my dress by the base and tug it off over my head. After tonight, the only thing that is going to help me sleep is a cold shower.

Chapter Thirteen

It’s very late by the time Dad and Seth come back and I hear them long before they make it to the door. Their voices are low and their laughs melodious. The sound of their deep tones meshing together is music to my ears. I swing my legs over the edge of the couch and drop my book on the coffee table. I glance at the cover, I’m never going to finish Atonement and it’s a shame because it’s really good so far. I rush to the door and manage to get it open before Dad gains access with his key card. They’re both smiling and their eyes are glistening with evidence of their happiness. Seth takes in my black sweat pants and tank top with a subtle pout. He seems disappointed I’m no longer in my dress.

“How was it?” I ask Dad as I step aside to let them into the suite. 

They both slip out of their shoes and line them neatly against the wall.

“Well, Seth won by a long shot.”

“But your dad gave me a run for my money.” Seth adds, kissing my forehead as he passes me. The action makes me blush. Lately, his actions come across as 'coupley'. 

“You didn’t go out?” 

I shake my head, closing the door. “I had no need to.”

Dad pours himself a glass of water from the bar fridge and clears his throat. “I’m going to have a shower and then I’m going to bed. Thanks again, Seth.”

“Anytime.” Seth strolls over to the couches and sits down as Dad waves us both off and disappears into his room.

I slowly make my way over to the couches and Seth watches me closely. When my eyes meet his, a brilliant, playful smile creeps across his face and when I sit down next to him, he leans closer, his warmth enveloping me.

“How’d you like the fight?” He asks me after an elongated silence.

“I didn’t.”

He smiles wider, obviously thrilled by my response. He plants his hand firmly on my upper thigh, igniting the fire I thought I extinguished with the cold shower. He caresses me up and down and we sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

“I thought the guy was going to die.” I add, feeling the need to have a reason for my displeasure.

Seth laughs loudly and the thought of provoking such a beautiful sound from such a beautiful man intrigues me. I want to do it again and again. He reaches for me, pulling me in closer and I try desperately to keep breathing. “No one would have let him die.”

“Still... it was horrifying.”

“What did Don want?” He asks, changing the subject abruptly. His smile is still in place, although now it seems forced.

“Revenge sex, apparently.”

Seth scoffs, his smile fading and his eyes thinning into slits. “Can you believe the fucking balls on that guy?”

I cringe. The last thing I want to do is picture Don Russell’s balls. “I could never have sex with him...” I reply, feeling like I should reassure him. “He’s creepy and his dragon tattoo freaks me out.”

I’m distracted by his gaze. It’s fixated on a small ball of fluff on my pants. He picks at it, trying to pull it off, but his fingers are too thick.

“I’ve never really cared about my actions... until recently.” He confesses, bringing his attention back to my face. His eyes are cloudy with regret and I’m lost, unsure of what he’s talking about. “Mason and now Don. It’s all coming back to bite me in the ass and now that I finally have something I care about... I’m afraid it’s going to be taken from me. I don’t care what happens to me... but I care what happens to you. I don’t want my past behaviors to reflect negatively upon you. You’re good and I don’t want to taint that.”

Surely he doesn’t still think I’m good? Especially after all of the naughty stuff we’ve done? I push the thought to the back of my mind. It’s not important right now. I reach out and rub my thumb along the apple of his cheek and then press a tender kiss to his lips. I know for certain now that he has feelings for me and I want to nurture them. I want to make him feel secure and sure that I would never hurt him like that.

“I’ve done a lot of shit, O. Who knows what’s going to pop up next.”

“I don’t care.”

“You say that now.”

“Seth, I mean it. I don’t care. I know exactly what kind of person you are. I knew the moment I saw you.”

His sexiness isn’t exactly subtle. Of course girls want him—hell—boys probably want him, too. 

I slide onto him, grabbing his face between my hands. I don’t know why, but whenever I see him so conflicted. I want to help. I want to make him happy.

“So you’ve had sex with tons of women, big deal. So you fight people for a living, who cares? It doesn’t mean you don't deserve me. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve anything good.”

He shrugs. “I want to be with you—actually with you, not this friend’s with benefits crap.”

“But?” 

A sad smile pulls at his lips. “You can’t lose what you don’t have, right?”

I frown. “Yes you can. We can’t be like this forever. There are things that I want in life like marriage and children—”
Shit
. “Not that I’m asking that of you.” I recover quickly. “And as much as I enjoy the sex and spending time with you, I can’t wait around for you to decide if you deserve me or not. I need to restart my life...and the sooner the better.”

He nods slowly, avoiding my eyes. Underneath me, I can feel him tense and become uncomfortable. I exhale and slide off him. 

“So that’s it?”

Nothing. 

“How do you ever expect to be happy when you won’t allow yourself to have the things you want?”

I have no idea what I’m saying... am I trying to pressure him into a relationship I’m not sure I’m ready for?

“I’m scared.” He says finally. “I’m scared that once I let you in, you’ll run the other way.”

I try all I can to keep my expression calm, but I laugh once at his comment. “I think I’ve seen the worst of it by now.”

“You haven’t. My world is messed up, Olivia. The part of my world that you’re experiencing is the good part. The other part is fucking complicated.”

I exhale. Ending the conversation here is probably my best option. If I push any further, it’ll do more damage than good. 

“Okay.” I say, resigning. “I won’t pressure you.”

His fingers curl around my hand and he pulls me closer. I’m starting to feel like we’re playing an annoying game of tug of war with each other. He’s so close I can feel his breath on my cheek and his dark eyes seem to bore into me, as if he’s trying to understand something.

“You need answers and I’ll give them to you, I promise, but it has to be on my terms and when I’m ready.”

His words scare me. What exactly goes on his world that is so bad he can’t tell me? I know I should see it as a warning sign, but I’m compelled to know his story. I want to know him because I like him—more than like him—and I want to help. I want him to be happy.

Seth sets his hands low on my hips and pulls me onto him. Another round of fire pulses through me, melting me. He dips his head, placing kisses on my neck and I let out a small moan as I reach for his hair, letting the strands slip between my fingers.

“I want you so bad.” He groans.

Five words are all it takes to completely soak my underwear and I’m good to go. I need him and if I don’t get him I just know I’m going to be sitting in the bathroom under the cold shower all night.

“Let’s go to my room.” I suggest, my voice quiet and husky.

I slide off of him and tug on his hand. His dark eyes flicker to my father’s bedroom door and then back to my face. “We can’t.”

“He won’t know. We’ll be quiet and you can leave straight after, I promise.”

Seth’s gaze drags back to my father’s door and then back to my face. I tug on his arm a little harder and he rises to his feet. “Fine, but if we get busted I’m the victim.”

“Deal.”

He follows closely behind me and into my room. I flick the light switch on, revealing my big, mahogany double bed and dark paneled walls. On the floor is a chocolate brown rug and I think it’s meant to replicate bear fur, but I can’t tell. I spent a good twenty minutes this morning caressing it with my toes. The room gives off a cabin in the mountains kind of feel—it’s romantic, really. All that’s missing is a fireplace and a giant tiger rug—fake tiger, obviously.

“Thanks for the room.” I say, diming the lights and approaching my bed. “It’s very cozy.”

I feel him press against my back and I close my eyes. Even so little contact brings me crazy amounts of pleasure.

“We’re not having sex on the bed.” He states, grasping my hips and urging me toward the fluffy rug. I don’t know how I feel about having sex on a rug. A bed has been the only place I’ve had sex... with the exclusion of tonight’s teaser on the bench in Seth’s room.

“You’re bad for me.” I chuckle as he kneels down, bringing me with him.

He grins at me, charmingly and shuffles closer bringing his chest flush against mine. His cocky stare grows dark and seductive as he angles his head and leans nearer. Heat builds inside me, smoldering relentlessly in the pit of my stomach. Only when he presses his lips to mine, it isn’t wild and passionate like it was in the room before the fight. It’s soft... almost loving. Sensations slide smoothly through my body, warming everything and I tense. He pulls back, smiling. “What?”

I shake my head, unable to hide my own smile. His dark, chocolate eyes watch my face as his hands sweep slowly underneath my shirt and across every inch of my stomach. The warmth of his fingertips against my already over-heated skin is a propellant to my actions, and I yank my t-shirt over my head. The rough pads of his hands feel good and I want to feel them all over me. They continue to explore the curve of my waist before moving south over my hips. His thumbs hook under my pants and he drags them down, exposing me completely. The feel of his calloused hands against my body drives me into a near-frenzy, and I can’t fight the moan that escapes me when he presses his full lips to my collar bone. His tongue glides against my flesh and I bite down on my lip to prevent a whimper from escaping. Seth wraps an arm around my waist and he eases me onto my back—the fur rug feels as amazing on my back as it did on my feet. The appreciation of the rug is short lived as Seth freeing the rest of my legs from my pants takes precedence. I watch his face, suddenly nervous as his eyes move gradually up my body. They linger on my breasts, then my lips and finally my eyes. I feel my wetness, leaking warm and slick between my thighs. I’ve never been admired so carefully before. I’ve never started sex off on such a kind, slow note and it saddens me. Why had I continued with Blade for so long? His touch has never been caring, not like Seth’s is right now. Seth shrugs out of his black hoodie and pulls his own shirt off, showing off his beautiful body. I ogle him shamelessly as I allow my vision to trace the chiseled lines of his torso. His hand caresses my ankles then along the straight edge of my shin bone, across the rises and dips of my knee, up the front of my thighs—causing me to shiver—until they finally settle on my hip. He lies next to me, pulling on me and forcing my front against his. I swallow thickly as his fingertips draw small circles on my bare hip.