Consumed (41 page)

He pulls me in tighter as he rises to his feet. I feel heavy, but Seth carries me without a strain. I keep my face buried into his neck to avoid people’s eyes when we’re outside of the room. I can hear people talk and whisper—they’re probably staring too. I cling harder to Seth and his thumb strokes my lower back. I hear Darryl and Jackson ask Seth what’s wrong with me and he only shakes his head. Darryl and Jackson help clear everybody out of our way and it feels like an eternity later that we reach the car. Seth pushes me into the backseat and climbs in after me, pulling me back onto his lap. Tears silently fall from me and I keep my eyes shut as his lips press firmly against my head.

“I’ll drive you two back to the hotel. Darryl is going to stay and take care of the interviews.” Jackson says as he climbs into the front seat.

I rock gently as the car drives us out of the center and through the streets of Boston. Seth drops the window a little, letting cool air hit my face. It lifts strands of hair that cling to my cheeks and dries my face.

I don’t know how long we drive for, but it feels like only seconds later I’m being pulled out of the car by Seth. I wonder what the other residents are thinking, seeing Seth carry me into the hotel like this
again
. I’m almost certain the hotel will ban us soon. Jackson doesn’t follow us up into our room, thank God, and I open my eyes when Seth lies me down on our bed and I hear the shower start up. A few seconds later, Seth leans over me. “Will you let me take care of you before you go?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer. He scoops me up again, bringing me into the bathroom. I hate that he has to see me like this and has to care for me. He pulls the hem of my dress, tugging the fabric up over my head. He folds it and sets it nicely on the sink behind me. I watch him bleary eyed as his fingers curl around the band of my underwear and he slides them down the full length of my legs. I kick them off as they pool around my feet. Seth’s hands caress my ankles and then up the back of my calves, over my knees and up the sides of my thighs. I let out a sob, unable to suppress it and he flinches. I’m upsetting him by being so distraught, but he understands. He’s been through this before. I wonder if he had anyone to caress him when his dad died? His arms surround me and I rest my head against his chest as he unclips my bra and it falls to the floor between us. He holds me for a little while longer, letting me cry on his shoulder. Then, he ushers me toward the shower and I stand directly underneath it, letting the water cascade over my head and down the rest of my body. Seth joins me, neglecting to take off his own pants. He reaches for the body wash and lathers up his hands. I step out of the flow of water, and press the palms of my hand against the cold tiles, giving him better access to my back. He drapes my hair over one of my shoulders and slowly massages soap into my skin. I drop my head and his fingers slide up the back of my neck to my hair line. I close my eyes, trying to block out the pain, but it’s not working. The more I try the deeper it cuts.

His soapy hands run under my armpits and down my sides. My body shakes a little as I try to suppress the sobs cramping in my throat. Seth steps closer, pressing his front against my back. He stops washing to hold me and I’m glad he’s here with me. It doesn’t do much to ease the pain, but it’s helping me deal with it. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. He twists me around so I face him and his hand slides into the nape of my neck, pulling my head forward so our noses are touching. I open my eyes and his lips twitch sympathetically at me.

“It’ll get better.” He says, “I promise you.”

He kisses me softly—comfortingly. Right now, I can’t imagine it getting any better. My dad is gone. My brother and I are without a father. My mother is without a husband and what’s going to happen to the gym? A new onslaught of tears stream from my eyes and Seth presses me firmly against him. My mom is all alone right now. Who’s there to comfort her?

“Can you call Selena, please?” I sob, wiping my eyes because they sting from the running mascara. “I need to go home.”

He nods his head and I step back under the stream of water, letting it beat down on my back. Seth leaves to make the call and I feel worse without his presence. I have no reason to stop myself from completely breaking down, but thankfully I hit a ‘numb’ spot and the tears stopped flowing completely, leaving me feeling... empty.

Seth opens the door to the shower. A towel his wrapped loosely around his hips. “Selena is on her way.”

I shut the tap off and step out. He grabs a purple towel and wraps it around my shoulders. His arms rub up and down, drying me. “Seth—”

“Please... just let me take care of you.” The thin, golden honey rivers in his irises flash desperately and so I lift my arms. He dries my torso quickly and softly before starting on my lower half. I close my eyes and his lips brush over the skin of my hips after he dries it with a towel, making me shiver. He drops the towel and leads me into the bedroom. He flicks the light on and then dims it to its lowest setting. He slips into a pair of black track pants and I notice a set of clothes are laid out on the bed—the pair of drawstring pants I wore last night included.

“I want you to be comfortable tonight.”

He slides a t-shirt bra over my arms and clips it behind my back. He reaches for my underwear and kneels before me, holding them out around my feet. I step into them and he pulls them all the way up, kissing my navel as his face hovers in front of it. I run my fingers through his wet hair to let him know he’s doing well. I don’t want to shut him off completely. I slide into the pants and he ties them tightly, preventing them from falling down. Finally, he pulls a pink t-shirt over my head and smiles at me. I do feel comfortable. I hear a low murmuring of voices down stairs and my comfort slips out the window. I hate crying in front of people and there’s no way I can pretend not to be completely devastated.

“Darryl and Jackson are here.” He points to his lip. “They want to check out my cuts. You don’t have to come down. Stay here and I’ll be back.”

I fall onto the bed, hugging a pillow between my legs and my arms. I feel sick and I want my mom. I don’t care how childish it sounds. I want her to hold me, to be brave for me because God knows I’m a fucking mess and it’s only going to get worse. I should have stayed in Portland. Dad wanted me to go to Boston and I didn’t think twice about it. I called him a few times this week and every time he told me he felt fine and he was happy. I don’t know much about heart attacks. Do they all ‘just happen’ or are there a lot of symptoms you can go off before it hits? There’s so much I should have researched about it... I should have stayed.

I lie on the bed for a while, thinking about Mom and Chase. Does he even know? Will they give him time to come back for his father’s funeral? I hope so.

“Where is she?” I hear a female voice ask. Not a second later, heels click rapidly up the stairs. Have I been laying here for two hours already? I shoot up in the bed as Selena tears through the door, her eyes glistening with tears. “O?” She whispers.

Seeing her brings memories of home and I break down all over again. She rushes over to me, drawing me into her arms. I cry into her chest, getting tears all over her satin t-shirt.

“I can’t believe it.” She cries with me. “I’m so sorry.”

Her fingers brush through my hair as her body shakes with her own tears.

“He’s gone.” I sob. “And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Let’s get you home.” She holds me for a little while longer, until I manage to stem the flow of tears and pull away.

“I’ll gather a few things and meet you downstairs.”

She leaves the room and I wobble to my feet. I feel so weak, like I’ve cried all of the energy from my body. I enter the bathroom and pick up all of my clothes. I stuff them into my suitcase and zip it up as Seth’s frame appears in the door. “Are you ready?”

I nod. “I think so.”

He steps forward and I see his eyebrow is appropriately bandaged and his lip gleams with some kind of clear cream. “Can I walk you out?”

His question makes me smile, even if it is just a twitch of my lip. “Of course you can.”

He grabs the handle of my suitcase and pulls it from my hand. I follow closely behind him and squint as we step out of the room and into the brightness of the lounge. I walk down the stairs one by one. There is an awkwardness to the atmosphere and I know Darryl and Jackson are trying hard not to look at me. Are they afraid I’ll freak out and break down?

“All set?” Selena asks, as she slips out of Jackson’s embrace. When I step from the stairs and onto the carpet she wraps and arm around my waist.

Darryl wrings a cap in his hand and steps toward me. “I’m really sorry to hear about your dad...”

My throat constricts and I swallow hard.
I’m not going to cry, not while someone is giving their condolences.
I don’t want to make it anymore uncomfortable for them. “He was a really great guy and I’m honored I got to meet Rick. The team won’t be the same without him.”

It hurt to smile, but I managed to force one. “Thank you.”

Jackson didn’t say anything. Instead, he grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. When he steps away from me, he gives me a tight smile and turns to Selena. She releases my waist and wraps her arms around him. Seth and I walk to the front door and wait in the hallway while Selena and Jackson kiss, hug, talk and whatever else they’re doing.

“I’m going to miss you, you know.” Seth says, caressing my arm with his index finger.

“You’ll call me?” I ask, missing his voice already.

“Every day.” He glances awkwardly over to the others.

Selena and Jackson are locked in some kind of epic battle with their tongues and Darryl has his back to them, looking out the window into the city.

When Jackson releases her, Selena straightens her purple satin blouse, with the ruffles on the front, and walks toward us. She takes my suitcase from Seth and walks a head of us, giving us as much privacy as she can. His thick fingers entwine with mine and it feels amazing. I don't want to go to the lobby. I don't want to leave him behind.

The lobby is as busy as ever—how convenient. People—especially women—stare at Seth's naked upper half. Some flush, others look away in fear at the sight of his busted lip and eyebrow. He looks a little rough with his cuts and his tattoos, not to mention his hard muscles, but he’s definitely a softy. The same hands that clench and slam into flesh are the same hands that carried me home, undressed me and massaged soap into my skin. I stop Seth as Selena exits the hotel. I want to talk to him alone.

“I’m so sorry I ruined your big night.”

“You’re sorry my night was ruined?” He shakes his head. “Always selfless.”

I step closer and reach up, pressing a kiss to his lips. He runs his cool fingers underneath my shirt and along my stomach. I’m going to miss his touch so much and his smile. He cups my face, running his thumbs over my cheeks. “I’ll be home as soon as this thing is over.”

I stare into his brown eyes and they glimmer with so much emotion that I can’t pinpoint what exactly. I press my lips to his one more time and attempt to turn away, but he snags my arm and pulls me back into him, making me gasp.

He exhales heavily and moistens his lips. “I wasn’t going to say anything, not yet, but in light of what’s happened, I feel like it’s something you should hear right now...” he pauses, staring directly into my eyes and smiles a little. “Fuck. I’m such a mess. I’ve never had to do this before.”

Do what? I lean back a little, eyeing him cautiously. What does he want to say? I’ve read enough romance novels to rightfully assume he’s setting up for an ‘I love you’ but that’s surely not what he’s going to sa—.

“I love you.”

My mouth drops slightly, my stomach following suit. That’s exactly what he was setting up for. Surely I misheard him... He watches my face, waiting for a reaction—or anything at all. He seems tense, like he’s expecting me to run.

“You love me?” I ask slowly, sounding completely dumbstruck.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

My emotions are already all over the place and I don’t know how to register what he just confessed to me. I try to say something, but only a gust of useless air comes out.

“I—”
Oh God
. I can feel a buildup of tears threatening.

The harder I try not to cry, the more I blink and the more I blink, the more my eyes water. Seth’s eyes widen a fraction before crushing me to his chest.

“To be honest, I expected you to slap me, not cry.”

I choke out a laugh. “I know, I’m sorry. You caught me off guard...I-I love you, too, so much.”

He pulls away, catching my face in his hands again. “You don’t have to say it back now. I know your emotional and—”

I shake my head. “I knew I loved you before tonight—long before tonight.”

“When were you going to tell me? Never?”

I shrug. “You’re a very intimidating guy.”

He laughs and I love the sound. It’s music to my ears and medicine to my heart. For the last time he yanks me into him, pulling my feet off the floor and squeezing firmly. A little too firmly and my ribs ache.

“Well, now that the hard part is over we can say it all we like.” He breathes into the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. “I love you, God, I love you so much!”