Contessa (21 page)

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I hedge with a smile.
“
I kind of have a boyfriend.
”
Camille throws her arm around my shoulders, already aware of the news I
’
d delivered to her before our first period class today.

“
Nuh-uh,
”
Clara says.
“
How could you? You can
’
t date until your sixteen! And you just turned sixteen today!
”

“
He
’
s a guy I
’
ve known from the Art Room for a few years.
”

“
Is he a mentor?
”
Lexi asks.

“
No, he was a student,
”
I explain.
“
Until last year.
”

My cousins both look at me curiously. They both know that the foundation is for children of low-income families.

“
He
’
s poor?
”
Clara asks.

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I tell them, knowing that he is.
“
It doesn
’
t really matter.
”

“
Really?
”
Clara follows up.
“
What does your dad think about that?
”

“
He likes him.
”

“
He
’
s not suspicious of his intentions at all?
”
Lexi asks.
“
I mean, I know your dad. He
’
s very careful that way.
”

“
He doesn
’
t need to be suspicious. Jon loves me.
”

“
His name
’
s Jon?
”
Lexi asks.

“
He loves you?
”
Clara adds.
“
Did he tell you that?
”

“
Yeah,
”
I tell them with a blush.
“
He told me last night.
”

“
Really?
”
Lexi asks, getting excited for me.

“
Yeah, he gave me this,
”
I tell them as I pull out the necklace from under the sweater I
’
d worn. I show off the pendant. Lexi leans across to read the word.

“
Choisie
,
”
she says with a beautiful French accent.
“
It
’
s pretty.
”
I nod at her, knowing that she speaks fluent French and already knows what it means without any explanation.

“
Let me see,
”
Clara says as she gets up and comes to my side of the table to take a closer look. She holds the charm between her fingers and tries to repeat what Lexi already said.
“
Shwazee,
”
she says.
“
What
’
s it mean?
”

Before I can answer, I hear my dad
’
s voice.
“
Chosen.
”

I look beyond Clara and see him standing behind her, looking at the necklace. I had purposefully hidden the meaningful birthday present from my parents, and hadn
’
t wanted them to see it. I tuck it back beneath my sweater, watching his expression.

“
Did Jon give you that?
”
he asks.

“
Yeah, for my birthday.
”

“
That was a very thoughtful gift,
”
he says, his tone even. His expression is one of worry.

“
It looks cheap,
”
Clara says with a shrug.

“
C
’
est trés cher
,
”
Lexi says in response.

“
What
’
s that mean?
”
Clara asks.

“
It can mean two things,
”
my dad explains.
“
Very expensive,
”
he starts,
“
or very dear.
”
He smiles at Lexi and repeats her sentiment.
“
Trés cher
, indeed. Has your mom seen that?
”
he asks me. I shake my head, and now it feels like I
’
m hiding it from them. I regret it immediately, as I can see him trying to read into the reasoning behind my secrecy. I look away from him, feeling guilty.

From behind me, my dad clinks a knife against his wine glass to get the attention of my family. I take a deep breath and turn around in my chair, anxious to hear his toast.

He clears his throat and pauses, looking at my mom. She nods at him, urging him to go on.

“
I want to thank everyone for coming out tonight to celebrate the birthday of my little princess, Livvy. Mom and Dad, it means a lot that you
’
d fly in for this brief weekend here, and I know the kids love having you here. We wish you
’
d visit more often.
”

“
Likewise,
”
my grandmother says to him.

“
Understood,
”
my dad says with a smile.
“
And as for the rest of you, I hope you enjoy your free meal.
”
He jokes with my aunts, uncles and cousins who all live relatively close by. My uncle Matty was the only sibling of my parents who couldn
’
t make it. He
’
s a set designer for a traveling
Broadway
show, and has an impossible schedule. He loves his work, though, even if it was responsible for ending the ten-year relationship he
’
d had with his partner.

“
Twelve short years ago, after ten months of cautiously loving this little girl that came into our lives unexpectedly one Christmas eve, we were able to finalize the adoption of Olivia Sophia. She completed a family that Emi and I never thought we could have.
”

He walks over to my brother and puts a hand on his shoulder, but Trey really isn
’
t paying attention to my father
’
s speech.
“
When Jackson came along six years later, that was just icing on the cake,
”
Dad says off-handedly with a smile.

“
It was Livvy here who made me into a father. Without her, I
’
d just be a man wandering the earth with little purpose. I
’
d try to be the best husband to my beautiful wife, but I never felt whole until I held my daughter in my arms that day outside the courtroom; when I heard her call me
‘
Daddy
’
for the first time; when she fell asleep between Emi and me the first night she was officially a Holland.

“
Even though we
’
d missed out on the first few years of her life, we got to witness so many special moments with her. Her first day of school. Her first A+ on her report card.
”
He smiles at me, and then speaks to the rest of my family.
“
It won
’
t surprise you to learn that she earned that A+ in art.

“
We were there for her first trip to the beach, and to Disney World. We took her on her first airplane ride, and her first pony ride. We took off her training wheels, and watched her first bike ride around the block. Her first sleepover: first, the one we hosted at our house. It was her second sleepover that Camille
’
s mom called us at eleven o
’
clock at night to ask us to pick up our homesick little girl.

“
Emi and I were so relieved. We were unable to sleep that night, too, until she was safely nestled in her bed with Teddy in one arm and Kitty clutched in the other.

“
Some things we experienced with her weren
’
t
her
firsts, but they were ours. Our first Christmas morning, waking up to the gifts that Santa left for her. St. Nick had elicited my help very early in the morning to build a very intricate dollhouse. Daddy should have been too tired to get up at five o
’
clock that morning when a little girl in footed pajamas crashed through the bedroom door, but I couldn
’
t wait to see the look of sheer joy on my daughter
’
s face when she saw the present next to the tree.

“
I still cherish the pictures of the first time we watched her make a secret wish, and blow out candles on a birthday cake. She had on a yellow dress that Anna had given her. I think she would have worn that dress every day if she could have.

“
That led to the first real temper tantrum,
”
my dad says, garnering a laugh from everyone in the room. I roll my eyes, but smile at him.
“
And over time, we had to see firsts we never looked forward to seeing. Her first skinned knee, and even worse, her first broken bone.
”

“
Was that when you broke your leg in Seattle?
”
Clara asks.

“
Yes, the first trip to the emergency room in Seattle.
”
My dad answers my cousin
’
s question.
“
And later we
’
d see Livvy
’
s first D on her report card–in History. It was the only D, though,
”
he adds as an aside.
“
We saw the tears that came from the first fight with her best friend. We heard the screams from the first fight with us.

“
When they
’
re little, you can never prepare yourself for the gut-wrenching things they
’
ll say later in life. They can be hurtful.
”
My dad looks at me with watery eyes, and I can feel a lump in my throat forming that
’
s making it impossible to hold back tears.
“
But the humble apologies that follow, and the sweet
‘
I love you, Daddy
’
s
’
they mumble against your shirt as you wipe away their tears. Those are the moments that stick with you. To this day, I don
’
t remember what that first fight was about. I just remember that after it was over, my daughter and I had a new understanding of one another, and it seemed like the bond we had formed since we
’
d met when she was three was more tightly woven; that there was more substance to what we were, as father and daughter.
”

He takes out a handkerchief and wipes his eyes. I hear my mom sniffle, too, as Lexi passes me a clean napkin to wipe the streaming tears from my cheeks.

“
Contessa,
”
he says as he turns to me,
“
I used to ask your mother if there was any way that we could keep you young–to keep you that little girl with wide eyes and a million questions who loved us unconditionally. The thought of you growing up was hard to grapple with. It still is. If I think about where you
’
ll be tomorrow, or next week, or next year, I get a little pain in my chest, knowing that every day takes you one step further away from the little four-year-old girl we adopted.

“
But Livvy,
”
he says, then takes a deep breath and sighs.
“
Every day I
’
ve watched you grow up has been a day of growth for me, too. Every day, you give me one more thing, teach me one more lesson, share with me one more experience that transforms me into a different man, a better father. You
’
ve taught me things I
’
d never have learned without you in my life.