Controlling the Dead (8 page)

My stuff is still in Rudy’s room, and I’m conveniently waiting for a time when he won’t be there to go get it. I let Reece and Glinda know I’ll be back and set out to do this last errand. Then I can surely avoid anyone I want, whenever I want.

Opening Rudy’s door, I turn on a light and start putting my things in a box. That’s when I find it. A folded piece of paper catches my attention like a beacon. I pull it out, sit cross-legged on the floor and stare at the piece of paper for a long minute before opening it.

Sunshine,

I can’t say a lot in this note in case someone else finds it. I hope you find it. I know what you went through, and I know you didn’t leave. I talked to Rudy when I got back, but I had to leave. Just know my reasons are good. I’m doing this against the Coalition’s wishes, and if they find out I’m not here, I can’t come back, ever. I hope you can forgive me for everything I kept from you.

Love,

Mac

“Way to be cryptic, Mac.” I mutter and reread it about ten times. I don’t know who I’m pissed off at more. Rudy for not telling me he talked to Mac, or Mac for putting me in this situation where I have to keep a secret from everyone. Reece can’t ask Dalton about Mac because Dalton doesn’t know he’s gone. This will come back to bite me in the ass.

I toss the note in the box and pick up the laptop to boot it up. While waiting for the start up, I set the painted canvas on the bed after freeing it of dust.

Looking at the laptop, I don’t think it’ll start, but eventually the operating system logo pops up. Thank the computer gods. I freeze when the desktop screen flashes in my face as a picture rolls down from the slow start up. Little memos pop up all over the two faces on the desktop picture. Malachi and me. This picture was at a barbeque a week before our fateful trip to the carnival. The sun was in my eyes, so I had been squinting and smiling at the camera. Malachi looked at me in a sideways glance with a slight smile, but his eyes were lit up in that way.

My stomach dips as this reminds me of another set of eyes that look at me in the exact same way.

“I love it when you smile like that.” I startle and turn to see Rudy over my shoulder. How long has he been standing there?

Leaning against the doorframe, he flinches when he sees me close the laptop and put it in the box.

“You’re still angry, so you’re leaving.” He says it like a fact and not a question.

I shake my head, “Just moving rooms.”

Blowing out a frustrated breath, he continues to watch me.

“Do you know where Mac might be?” I ask.

He levels his gaze at me before glancing up and down the hall, closing the door. “No. He was here, but kept it under wraps. He needed to do something, but he’ll be back. I just don’t know when.” All of this comes out of him with wariness so thick I’m almost sorry I asked. Almost.

I nod. “He left a cryptic note.”

Rudy’s hazel eyes study me. “What are you doing for the space?” The change of subject doesn’t surprise me.

“Looting when Guido needs it. Making rounds. Stuff like that.”

“Let me carry your box.”

“Thanks, but I got it.” His large hand grabs my wrist to stop me. He takes off my sunglasses and meets my gaze.

“We make a good team, Kan.” He has managed to momentarily stun me. A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as his thumb glides across my wrist. “I keep thinking about the day I picked you up piggy back. When we were running from famished?”

Why would he be thinking about that? All I remember is being incredibly weak and ashamed he had to carry me.

The smile touches his eyes. “We apparently remember it for different things. Do you remember what you did?”

“I fell down on one knee from dizziness.”

“You were really sick, Kan, but we were a mere millimeter of a second from getting taken down by famished. You and your handy machete saved us, Darlin’.”

I shook my head, “I was zombie bait. You saved my life that day when you could have left me behind. I would have.”

“You’re saying you’d have left me?”

“No, I—” I blow out a breath. He’s right. Putting down the box, I wrap my arms around his neck. His body tenses in surprise, but returns my embrace.

“What’s this for?” he asks.

“For the pep talk. For being you. Because we do make a good team.”

He lets go and puts my shades on. “You should get some rest.”

Grabbing the box, I leave the room, not knowing if I’m happy or what, but he said what I needed to hear. I turn and see him watching me from his doorway. Smiling, I wave.

“There it is,” he says as his face lights up.

“What?”

“Your smile.”

*

The first thing I do when I get back is show Reece the note. “What the hell could he be doing?” Reece wonders aloud, rolling a joint. Glinda dishes out food for us.

I shrug. “I don’t know, but it better be mighty important, and telling Dalton that Mac is missing might not be wise. The best thing you can do is talk to Rudy.” Rudy might be telling me less than he knows, but he might tell Reece.

Reece studies me inconspicuously. Glinda hands me a corn-cake and a bowl of mashed apples. We eat in silence. Eventually, Reece clears his throat. “If Rudy is covering for Mac, you really think he’s going to let me know where Dalton is stationed?”

I shoot him a glare.

“You’re stubborn and bullheaded,” he snorts and lights his rolled goody. We all sit in silence as Reece tokes and blows out smoke, his eyes never leaving me.

Glinda chimes in, looking at me but talking to Reece. “Leave it alone, sweets.”

I give her a grateful smile and reach out for the joint Reece is hogging. “Puff, puff, pass.”

We all laugh, easing some tension. “Better than alcohol, I guess.” Reece says as he hands it to me.

Later, they get up to go to Reece’s room after Reece tells me he’ll talk to Rudy about the cult. Glinda moved in with him when she stopped working for Guido. I’m glad they found each other. I’m happy they are happy.

*

The next morning a couple of Guido’s guys are in and out working an electric line through, so I decide to go to the archery targets. I meet Sam and Ty out there. Both of them are improving their weapons skills.

“What up, Kan?” Ty says. The toboggan hat on his head is bumpy with his little dreads. Even though his skill is flipping and throwing butterfly knives, he pulls back the bowstring and shoots the bulls eye right on target.

“Not much,” I reply, eyeing the target. “You guys know what we need?” They look at me expectantly. I smile and point to the roofs, “Moving targets.”

They both laugh. After we kill the targets, we move to the roof of the bachelor building with nothing but the overcast sky above our heads. A group of zombies scratch and claw on one side of the Clap Trap, trying to get in.

“Where are Guido’s guys?” Two of them are putting electricity in my loft, but usually they take care of the famished quickly, if they aren’t using them for recreation purposes. The zombies aren’t in frenzy, but mosey toward our building looking up at us.

Sam shrugs, “More for us.” He shoots the first one. It’s rather newly turned and fat. It slumps to the ground and blood seeps onto the road.

“Shit!” I jump away from edge when I see the face.

“What up?” They say together.

I swallow and feel a stirring of satisfaction. “T-that’s Jeremiah.” They stare at the fat man in confusion. “Jeremiah’s the man who kidnapped me, and who let his sons, Joshua and Joseph, turn on each other in a screwed up game. Joshua ended up shooting Joseph in the face. They used my revolver,” I explain, never taking my eyes from the fat piece of shit.

The remaining zombie’s groans cut through the silence, breaking my trance. Sam and Ty both stare at me.

“That’s super fucked up,” Ty grumbles, watching the zombie.

“Sucks to be him,” Sam announces. I laugh at this, more than I intend. It sounds like I’m waking Frankenstein’s monster.

I barely register the looks Sam and Ty give me.

“Yo Kan, you okay, girl? You soundin’ all loony and shit.” Ty looks truly concerned for my mental health, so I tone it down a notch.

“Fucking perfect,” I tell them when I finally stop. I wipe my face of tears, and go about killing the rest of the famished. Maybe I’ll dream of Joseph’s blown-off head a little less.

C
HAPTER
N
INE

When it crosses my mind what this means for the people under Jeremiah’s care, I go to find Reece.

“We’ll go now and scope it out. They might really need help. Dalton could be infected,” Reece informs me. We are standing at the bottom of the loft escape. “Meet me in about a half hour at the van.”

“You know where it is?”

“Talked to Rudy last night. About a lot of things. Actually, he gets a loose tongue when he’s spitting drunk,” he says, amused at something. “He thinks whatever Mac is doing, he’s doing for the Coalition.”

My sharp glance makes him take a step back. “Why would he think that?”

Reece shakes his head. “Because Rudy’s used to Mac doing things in secret. They’ve been friends a long time.”

“You didn’t tell him what was in the note?”

“No. I figured if Mac wanted him to know, he would know.”

I kick my foot in the dormant grass. “I’ll tell him. About everything, but we should check it out first.”

Reece smiles and it’s smug as hell. “Good. We leave in a half hour.”

My heart picks up speed. I need to get somewhere out of sight for what I feel coming on. “Okay, meet you in a few.” I run up the stairs and slam my door open, dropping to the floor. I have a feeling I’m going to see Joshua again. A tremble starts in my body. My heart booms in my chest as my breath comes on rapidly. I don’t know if it’s Joshua himself, or all the things I’d experienced within that week making it all run together.

I try to focus on a grain of wood. Sucking in air, blood rushes to my head, and my heart wants to beat out of my chest. My throat hurts as I make it to my knees to crawl to my bed, but my muscles are so tense, I can barely move. I’m beyond feeling anything when my loft goes dark.

*

“Kan?” Someone yells at me in a panicked wail, but it sounds too far away. I try to focus on it, but all I hear is my pounding heartbeat. The floor gets farther away.

“—fucking pale! Can you hear me? Kansas?” I realize I can hear, and my breathing slows. Someone’s shaking me. Wide eyes check me over, bright with dismay, but swirling with greens and hints of brown reminding me of a forest landscape.

“Your eyes.”

He blinks and breathes a relieved puff of breath on my face. “Did you faint?”

“Uh, I believe so. Panic attack.” I rub my head from a dull throb. “That’s never happened before.”

“What the hell am I going to do with you?”

The floor suddenly has my attention because I don’t know how to answer that. “Thanks for getting me off the floor. How long was I there?”

“I don’t know. An eternity. I tried looking for a brown paper bag but…” He starts looking around as if he can find one now that he doesn’t need it. “You can’t stay up here by yourself, Kan.” He studies me, “What triggered it?”

I sit up, even though all I want to do is lie down and sleep. “Nothing. I don’t know. I was talking to Reece and had to get away.” I make sure my heart and breathing are normal before I stand up to get my pack ready. I’m probably late. “Rudy, I gotta go. We’ll talk later, okay?” I look back and notice he shaved. “Thank you, but I’ll be fine.”

He shakes his head. “Where are you going?”

I hate lying, but I don’t have time to explain something he’s against. “A loot job.”

Crossing his arms, his eyes narrow. “You were talking to Reece, huh? I talked to him last night. What are you looting?”

I take a little too long to reply, and Rudy starts to smirk.

Reece bursts in. “Let’s go, Kan. This is your shin-dig, after all,” he blurts, and then notices Rudy standing next to the bed. Rudy’s neck turns bright red, reaching to his ears as he figures out what’s going on. Yeah, we’re busted.

*

I sit in the back of the van with Reece driving and Glinda in the passenger seat. We are following Rudy in his armored truck. After telling Rudy the truth about the trip, I think he has his own agenda, and after finding out about Jeremiah, he has no reservations about going.

“What was he doing in my loft, anyway? And how did he know where I’m staying?” I muse out loud.

“I told him. The least we can hope for is for him not to murder anyone,” Reece mutters.

“He doesn’t know who Joshua is, and Sam got Hungry Jeremiah this morning.”

Reece looks at me through the rearview mirror. “Ty and Sam told me how that went down. Then, you have a panic attack, which is the reason Rudy will be on a warpath. You shouldn’t even be going.”

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “We’re just scoping the place out. Everyone could be dead already for all we know. As long as I stay busy, I’ll be fine.”

“If it was four years ago, you would need to see a shrink for all you’ve been through.”

Now I do roll my eyes. “Then that would be true for everyone.”

“Everyone didn’t shoot their significant others while they were still coherent! Fuck knows what else happened to you, because you won’t talk about it,” he spits out. He’s right. I haven’t told them everything. Maybe if I do, they’ll stay off my back. No, I’d rather them be this way than have pity on me. I ignore it.

“Reece!” Glinda chides him. She turns to me. “Don’t listen to him, Suga. He’s bein’ too harsh,” she spits right back at him.

I glance out the window. When I told him about Malachi, I was drunk in New Orleans one night. He took it in stride then, but apparently thinks I’m a little off my rocker. Maybe that’s true, but I don’t want it thrown in my face.

I decide to let it go. “It’s all right, Glin. Reece is just worried about me. I have a weird way of dealing with things. Sorry, Reece.”