Conversations With Mr. Prain (25 page)

I saw his eyes shift, fighting something. “You’re joking,” he said. Then he added, “You’ll return to London within a month.”

“Perhaps I will. Perhaps I won’t.” I felt solemn. “It was you that put the thought into my head.”

“Did I? Why on earth did I do that? What did I say?”

“About my ‘New Zealandisms.’ You said I should drop them or go back to the mountains and All Blacks. I know you were being sarcastic.”

“Yes, exactly. I—”

“But I must go back. It’s time I left London.”

“You’ll be bored. I can’t imagine you—” He broke off. A train pulled into the platform. He ignored it and continued, “What about your bookstall at Camden?”

“I’ll sell up. That’ll give me the money for the ticket.”

“A return ticket.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. There’s something I’ve learnt from you, I think, and from Monique—that England is not my place. I’m gorging on a feast here, but I have to create brilliant recipes of my own, and there’s something I need back home, some essential ingredients.” I found myself amused by the food image. We’d talked about things like this before. I realised I felt better.

“Yes, but you’ll come back.” People got out and in the train. Doors slammed. He managed to smile very slightly, and looked at me again. “Monique will be pleased about your decision to model.”

Then he leant back in his seat and looked straight ahead, trying to take things in. I looked at his profile, and the line of his dark hair. The world had changed, I thought. He is different from the man I met yesterday. And I am not the same woman who arrived at Banbury Station. I am someone else. The other woman was foolish, and frightened, and not herself. This woman now was—what?

“You won’t come out to Walton Hall during the week, will you?” I asked.

“It would be difficult,” he said.

“Then we don’t need to see each other again.”

“You’ll leave me with Monique’s sculpture, and that’s all,” he said, ruefully.

“Which is what you wanted.”

He thought for a moment. “No. It’s what I thought I wanted. As I said, it wouldn’t mean the same to me now.”

I remembered then the little boy I had imagined in the drawing room, unappreciated, alone. I thought again of our kisses in the night, and all those other beautiful things. So was I now judging him to be totally irredeemable?

The train pulled out of the station, bound for London.

He stared ahead, emptily, and looked rather ashen. I thought he might be feeling ill. “Are you all right?” I asked, concerned.

“Quite all right,” he said. “Or … perhaps not.” He breathed deeply in and out. Then he reached over, took my right hand between his, clasped firmly, and said, “I’m in love with you.”

That was already what Monique had told me, and the poem had stated it plain enough. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. But it struck me like a clanging gong. I did not think he would say this out loud. And what about me, after everything? How did I feel now?

I looked down at my hand, between his, locked there, and then at my free left hand with that paper still held. Did he think he would destroy me by his love? Or was it only destructive when it was dark and secret? What was Blake’s point?

“Well, you’re a man of business,” I said, quietly. “You anticipate, you make decisions, you strategise, and you get results. If in the end you don’t like the results you get, then you have to work out another process. Only, with matters of the heart, you have to be careful to be true every step of the way. Take it from me. I’m a writer. I know.”

He smiled, his inscrutable smile, at my words.

It could not but make me pause.

1. Stella and Edward often discuss the question: What is the purpose of writing and art? What various reasons do they each give? What does this reveal about their characters? Do you agree with them?
   
2. Should art make money? How does Stella resolve this question in her own life? How do you think Edward and Monique view this question?
   
3. How does Stella view herself as a woman? How does she view herself as a writer? Are these distinctions kept separate or do they blur together? Throughout the novel, are her motives driven by her desires as a woman, or her desires as a writer?
   
4. Edward says that one of the biggest problems facing writers is that there are “too many good stories” and “too many good writers.” To what extent do you agree or disagree?
   
5. Both Stella and Monique have moved from their respective homelands to England. What effect does this cultural displacement have on them? What effect does it have on their art?
   
6. Does Stella change over the course of the novel? If so, how is she changed and what changes her?
   
7. Stella says, “My desire to write about the world paralleled my interest in participating in it, and whilst participating in it, you cannot write”. Do you think that art comes from life? Is it necessary to participate in the world in order to make art? What resolution can you think of for this conflict?
   
8. Are Monique and Stella alike in some ways? In what ways are they different? What does Edward see in both of them?
   
9. Edward is often shown as a lone figure, both living and working alone. What are his motives for his actions throughout the novel? Is Edward a powerful man?
   
10. Discuss the role of class in the novel. How does Edward’s wealth affect his relationship with Stella?
    
11. Edward is a man who acts as a patron to female artists. Do you feel that gender roles are at odds with one another at times in the novel? How do Edward, Stella and Monique address this imbalance? How do you view this in light of Edward’s desire for Stella as an artistic object in both the photograph and in the proposed sculpture of her?
    
12. Stella found it impossible to gain access to the publishing world, until she met Edward. Do you think the novel could be read as a critique of the publishing industry?
    
13. The novel is full of images of games. What is the significance of the games as a theme in the novel? How does the game imagery conceal and reveal the story?
    
14. How do you interpret Stella’s reaction on discovering that Edward genuinely likes her novel? How could he have acted differently?
    
15. At the end of the novel, what do you think will become of Stella’s writing career and her relationship with Edward?