Conviction (25 page)

Chapter 36 – Xander

Xander stalked his office and smiled, he knew by now that Kelly would have found the box that he had personally delivered to her apartment. And he knew that she wouldn’t be happy about it either.

She had five minutes to present herself to his office. If she didn’t show he would continue to reschedule until her fear wasn’t getting the better of her. She would show when she was ready.

The outfit he had chosen wasn’t done lightly. He had mulled over a dozen different choices, but in the end, he knew that as hard as it was going to be for her, this would set the tone for their meetings.

A small knock on his door interrupted his thoughts.

“Come in,” he called out once he was seated behind his desk.

The door opened almost silently and he watched as a trench coat clad redhead entered his office with her eyes cast down to the floor. She closed the door behind her and left her back to him. Opening and closing her fists, Xander let her work through her thoughts, knowing that this was one of the hardest things she had to do. She needed to remove that block from her head that told her that her body wasn’t beautiful.

The trench coat dropped from her shoulders and Xander couldn’t help but take in the pale skin and the tendrils of curly red hair that cascaded down her back to her shoulder blades. Damn, the woman was delectable. Her curves had returned after her initial weight loss during her recovery, her muscle tone and increased with all the working out that she did. Physical exercise had been her one constant during her therapy. The counsellors had thought it was a problem until they banned her from the gym for a week. It took them a month to gain her trust enough for her to speak to anyone. That was
after
she tried to take out the lady in the lunchroom.

“Turn around please, Kelly.” Xander said quietly, staying as still as he could. He didn’t need her bolting now. “You are doing so well, Little One. I am proud of you for coming this far.”

He watched a blush rise from her ass cheeks to the middle of her back where it faded away. He smirked, thinking that it had been the oddest blush he had ever encountered. But Kelly unfurled her fists took a deep breath and turned to face him. Her naked body, scars and all, on full display to him.

Xander watched her face. Kelly’s eyes were so tightly closed she had even bunched up her mouth a little.

“So beautiful.” Slowly he got up from his chair, making sure he made the chair scrape on the floor so that she would know he was moving. “Tell me what you see when you look in the mirror, Kelly.”

“No.” Her answer was fast and firm.

“No?”

“No.”

“Do you understand why you are here? Do you understand the terms of the agreement you signed?”

“Yes,” Kelly’s eyes flicked to his feet. Progress. “Yes, Master Xander, I understand.”

“I’m going to ask you one last time, if you disobey me again there will be a consequence.”

He waited a beat, letting the information sink in. “Tell me what you see when you look in the mirror, Kelly.”

“Scars, okay. Big angry red ones, like this one here, I see mangled skin, like these here,” she pointed at the puckered skin on her leg and the misshapen skin over her ribs before turning around so he was looking at her back. “I
feel
these with every step I take. I see ugly. I see pain. I see
him
.”

Xander let her tears fall, desperately wanting to hold her in his arms, or better yet, send her into James’. But he knew she wasn’t ready, for either of those options. So he waited until she had control over her breathing, and she wiped furiously at her eyes.

“Want to know what I see?”

“Yes please, Master Xander.” Kelly whispered.

“I see a glorious mane of red hair that thousands of women would kill for. That colour has been the bane of many a hair colouring company. It is fire and it is freedom. It is love and lust.” He stopped and stepped around her moving to one side. “I see skin the colour of pale moonlight, dotted with tiny freckles that only make it cuter.” He grinned when Kelly snorted at his use of the word ‘cute’. He heard the tears falling to the floor once again but continued with his observations of her body.

“I see a woman who has endured the fiercest of evil and survived. Your body tells me that. Your body shows me that you are a fighter. That you do not
ever
give up. Not on yourself, not on me. Not on
anyone
. I see beauty in every one of those scars, because whilst you didn’t deserve them, you endured them and you survived each and every one. You saved countless women from being tortured and killed. You did that. Not me, not James. You. You went back there and had the determination and the strength to look evil in the eyes for the second time.”

“Master Xander?”

“Yes, Little One,” he said quietly.

“I understand now.”

“What do you understand exactly, Kelly.” His voice was gentle but firm, a technique he had mastered over his years as an experienced dominant. Most women who walked through the clubs doors wanting to be submissive, despite popular belief, had never been hit, abused or raped in their lives. Many people believe that to be submissive you have to have had some kind of trauma in your life. People were ignorant. Sure, here was Kelly standing before him, with her traumatic past, but she was one in maybe fifty submissives who had a history of abuse.

“My scars…I
earned
them. They are as part of me as my hair colour. I wouldn’t be who I am today without them, just as I have my inner scars, the ones that made me stronger on the inside.”

“Beautifully said, Little One. I’m going to put my hands on your shoulders now, and then you will come and sit with me on the couch. On my lap.” He felt Kelly tense under his hands but she drew in a deep breath, let it out, and let herself be guided to the couch, sitting as directed on his lap. Xander pulled a blanket out from the back of the couch and covered Kelly, wrapping her up in his arms and tucking her into the crook of his neck.

“I’m so proud of you, Kelly. It’s good to have you back.”

Chapter 37 – Kelly

Six months. That’s how long she had been home for. She still laughed to think of her new place as
home
. But she hadn't expected to feel safe in her new apartment. It was her sanctuary, the first place she had gone once she was cleared to leave the treatment facility. That was after her stay in the hospital.

Her body had taken multiple surgeries and countless physical therapy sessions to get to the point where she was able to attend the mental health facility. Designed for victims of domestic abuse, it had been the first place that Xander had recommended to all the girls who had survived the escape from Devlin's compound.

She was working at Sarge’s gym four days a week. Sometimes doing his paperwork and other times helping out some of the new girls that had joined up. Sarge's had always been a male dominated gym, but boxing was on the rise with young girls and women, and so their new affordable membership attracted them.

Sarge had her teaching a teenager’s class once a week and she loved it. He wanted her to go back to school and get her personal training certificate. Kelly thought it was a great idea. It was good to have a new goal and some new perspective.

Sarge watched her like a hawk, waiting for any sign that she was about to lose it. So far, she had only cried when she was with Xander. In his brand of therapy she was learning about herself, her body and dealing with some of her demons that she had locked down in her mind. Even her top notch therapist hadn’t been able to draw some of them out of her.

Kelly felt safe with Xander. He had never touched her sexually. Something that he had been quite adamant about when she had approached him. He had told her that his friendship with James would never survive him being sexually involved with her. She had agreed readily, and had told him that she had wanted it this way as well.

Nightmares still plagued her and keeping busy during the day helped keep her mind off the dark shadows that chased her during her dreams. When she fell into bed exhausted she hoped that she would be tired enough to not dream, to be given the reprieve of one night without waking up covered in sweat and screaming. It hadn’t happened yet.

Xander had requested her to his office tonight at seven. It was unusual as they only met three nights a week and Friday wasn’t one of them. Had she done something wrong? She didn’t remember doing anything to upset him. He spanked her ass to a deep shade of red a week ago and if she sat the wrong way she could still feel the lingering effects. She’d called him a pompous control freak to deserve that one. She’d laughed at the first dozen smacks. Before he’d turned up the intensity of his hits. He had her crying out in no time before he made her count out the last twenty smacks.

But she was proud for not flipping out on him. Keeping herself in the moment and reminding herself and Xander as to why she was over his knee with her hair flooding over her face and cascading on to the floor.

Kelly slipped through the employee entrance at Momentum and knocked quietly on Xander’s door.

“Come in,” came his strong voice.

She stepped through the door and quietly shut it behind her before moving to take off her dress.

“Leave it on, Little One.” Kelly’s head shot up to look at Xander, her face a mixture of shock and disbelief. In the last three months every time they had met, she would close the door and strip down to nothing. Even if they were just going to talk. She stood stock still, unsure of what to do.

“I’ve taken you as far as I can, Kelly. The rest is up to you.” Xander cleared his throat and came around his desk, taking her smaller hands in his larger ones. Enveloping them and making her feel protected and safe.

“But I’m not ready, please…”

“You are more than ready, you need to trust in yourself and see just how far you’ve come since then.”

“But…”

“No, Little One. Our time is done, now come here and thank me properly.” He pulled Kelly into his arms and as she sighed the door opened.

“Xander, we need to talk.”

Kelly froze, she knew that voice.

“What the fuck, Xander? What the hell is this? First you tell me she doesn’t want to see me and now I catch you here, with her. You should be grateful she’s wrapped up in your arms right now or my fist would be in your face.” James turned around and stormed out, grabbing his helmet from his office on the way.

Chapter 38 - James

Fuck his shift, fuck the subs. They were on their own tonight.

“James! Wait! Please!” He knew that voice, that perfect voice that he had longed to hear for over a year. And he had found it, wrapped in the arms of his best friend. Why hadn’t he seen it earlier? The subversion and obvious lies. He’d known that Xander had been hiding something, but this? He hadn’t thought his best friend could betray him so completely.

James ignored Kelly’s pleas to stop and sat astride his bike, turning the key. At the last minute he looked up and saw her standing in front of the bike, her eyes the purest blue, her hair the perfect red and a mix of tangled curls and straight pieces. He wanted to wrap his hands around that hair and pull it close enough that she would feel his breath on her face.

“Please, James, just hear me out.” Kelly begged.

“Get on, if you want. If you don’t…I will understand and you’ll never have to see me again.”

Kelly didn’t hesitate she hiked her dress up revealing her porcelain legs and climbed on behind him. He handed her the helmet and she put it on without hesitation.

He paused for a moment as she wrapped her arms securely around his waist. Had he read the situation right? How could he have read it any other way? James kicked the bike into gear and took off into the evening traffic. This time, he made sure he looked before he rode out in to the streets. After all, he had precious cargo on board.

James rode until his fuel got too low to stray any further from home not wanting the ride to end, wanting Kelly's arms to stay wrapped around him where they belonged. He turned towards his house and when he pulled up he had to pry Kelly’s fingers from around his waist. Her fingers were locked tight enough to cut off their circulation.

Climbing off the bike he took off her helmet and took in her ashen face.

“Kelly? Are you okay?”

Kelly looked into his eyes and for a minute he worried that she was so scared of being at his home that she was going to run…or vomit. It was a close call.

“That was…that was the second most terrifying experience of my life and the most exhilarating!” Kelly squeaked and immediately the colour returned to her face.

“Jesus Kelly! I thought I’d scared the life out of you and you sit there telling me that you loved it?”

“Um…yes?”

“I should spank you for scaring the shit out of me.” James turned towards the house and when his foot hit the front step he heard words that he never thought would come out of his little fire cracker.
His
? Who was he kidding? She wasn’t his. She wasn’t anyone’s.
But she got on the bike
. Without turning around he said, “say that again, Precious.”

There was no hesitation in her voice as she repeated her words. “So spank me then.”

James whipped around and stalked towards her expecting her to cringe away, to retreat, when she didn’t he wrapped his hand in her hair at the base of her neck, tilting her head up to meet his gaze. When she moaned his resolve drained away and he kissed her. He put everything into the kiss. How much he had missed her over the last year and a bit. How much he regretted. How much he had failed her at the compound. How he had failed in her training. How sorry he was for all of it. But mostly he poured his heart and soul into her.

Their tongues clashed and as he tightened his grip on her hair she moaned into his mouth. When he finally pulled away they were both panting, he released her hair and leant his forehead against hers and wrapping his arms around her waist. He couldn’t speak. Nothing would come out. The feelings that he had for her had only grown stronger during the time she refused to see him. It didn’t help that he was so horny he wanted to take her right there, lean her over the bike and fuck her until she screamed his name.

“James, I need to tell you a few things…about Xander…”

He immediately pulled away and ran his hands through his hair, pacing the grass in front of the house.

“It’s not what you think…he’s been…” Kelly took a deep breathe closed her eyes and balled her fists before finding the courage to speak. “Master Xander has been training me.”

James was silent, but he at least stopped pacing. She saw the rage in him heighten and back pedalled.

“No! I mean, yes…God! This just isn’t coming out right! I can’t think straight around you!”

“And what were you thinking when you were with him? Really, Kelly? My best friend?”

James yelled at her before taking another step away from her. “I…I’ve waited until you were ready for me. You’ve refused to see me or even talk to me since the day you woke up in that god forsaken hospital bed broken and battered. But yet, you see him?”

Kelly let him yell at her, knowing that he needed to get it out of his system. She let the accusations fly over her, ignoring the angry jibes that he through in about both her and Xander. When he stopped his chest was heaving and sweat had beaded on his forehead.

“Are you done?”

“What the fuck, Kelly! I was in
love
with you and you betrayed me! With my best fucking friend!”

Kelly said nothing as she reached behind her and began to unzip her dress, her hands shaking so badly she fumbled several times before managing to manoeuvre it down. Slipping her arms she let the black material fall from her body and pool on the ground around her feet.

“What are you doing, Kelly? This isn’t the time for games. I think...I think you should leave.” James stared down at his feet unable to believe that the woman who had turned his life upside down had chosen his best friend over him and was now trying to...trying to what exactly? He was too angry to focus on exactly what Kelly was doing.

Kelly still said nothing as she unclasped her bra and let if fall to the ground at her feet. When she finally slipped her panties from her body she kicked the clothes to the side and turned around slowly in a circle until she faced him again.

“I’m not the same girl, James, you have to understand that. I have more scars, more nightmares and I haven’t lost that rebellious streak that you loved and hated.” Kelly slowly walked towards him. He didn’t speak as he took in her delicious curves, the ample swell of her breasts and her shaven pubic mound. He was hard. She could tell from the strain in his jeans. But she hadn’t won him over yet. Anger and something akin to shock lingered on his face and his fists were still balled at his sides.

Dropping to her knees, James stood his mouth open his body trembling from watching Kelly kneel for him. Looking down into her eyes, her face was serene and the corners of her mouth tilted up slightly. He couldn't help himself and grinned right back at her as a single tear fell from his face and landing on her forehead.

“This is what Master Xander was teaching me. I wanted…I wanted to be ready for you. To be able to give you what you need.”

“Kelly, I only need you. I…I love you. Yes, I like this part of who I am, but I don’t need it if I have you.”

Kelly pulled her arms behind her back forcing her breasts out to him. He groaned and leaned down and gently caressed a beaded nipple in between his thumb and forefinger. Kelly groaned almost forgetting the words she had practiced in her head for him. Kelly cleared her throat and focussed on the amazing man that stood before her. She needed him as much as he needed her. She could see it. And he’d just told her that he
loved
her.

“Sir, please accept my submission as an acknowledgement of my trust in you. I accept you as my Master and I wish to be yours.” Kelly reached over to her dress and pulled out a familiar silver collar with its filigree lock and key and raised it up above her head using both hands. There was no tremble as she lowered her head and waited.

“Kelly...I...” James couldn't think, his Little One, his little red head was on her knees for
him
. He had never imagined that this would ever happen. After everything that had happened to her, that
he
had put her through,
made
her do, she still trusted him.

Kelly waited. Her every nerve vibrating as she held her breath, waiting for James to accept or deny her offering. After a minute her arms began to tire and she started to shake. Another minute later and she dropped her arms completely as the first tear fell to the grass in front of her knees. She didn’t understand. He’d just told her he loved her, but now he didn’t
want
her. Not wanting to see the rejection in James’s face, she waited and cried her silent tears and kept her eyes on the ground. She could hear his breathing, heavy and stilted as he fought for the words to tell her that he didn't want her. She had thought this through until he couldn't deny herself any longer. The she needed this just as much as he did. That
this time
her submission was hers to give, not taken by force or by circumstances beyond both their control. She had chosen to give it to him. But he didn't want her, not this way, maybe not any way. Finally she took in a deep breath and looked up expecting to see him still standing above her.

To her surprise he was kneeling directly in front of her, his head bowed and his hands clasped behind his back.

“James?” She hadn’t even heard him move.

“No, Kelly, I offer you
my
submission as a sign of my
love
for you. I love you Kelly...I always will.”