Conviction (27 page)

I thought clutching my hands together might keep them from shaking a little, but it only made them worse. I was only grateful that neither of us had been spotted, at least not yet. Still, I needed to get Tyler back to the house where he would be relatively safe. The seconds ticked by as the two men talked to themselves and I smelled cigarettes. I gradually became more terrified that Tyler might cough, or start singing, or just stand up and wander into view. At least for the moment he seemed oblivious to the dangerous strangers, but that wouldn’t last long. I knew I needed a distraction, something to get them to look away from the house. I wondered if they were there to watch anyone coming in or out, if so, they were probably focusing on the front door, and if I made a run for Tyler, they would definitely see me.

If I knew how to throw my voice this would be easier. If I had one of Polo’s knockers this would be cake. But I didn’t, and had only a few seconds before we were both done for. My fingers shook as I searched the sand around me. I picked up the largest rock within reach and peered over the boulder quickly and quietly. They both had dark eyes and hair, smoking cigarettes, one of them threw the butt into the lake. I ducked back down quickly and geared myself up as quickly as I could. On the breeze I could hear Tyler start humming just a little.

I threw the rock as hard as I could into the lake, and though it only went a couple of yards, it made the water splash loudly. Worst case scenario they thought it was a fish, best case scenario they were bored and went to check on it anyway.

I heard someone get shoved, then saw shadows move past the headlights. I didn’t think anymore, just moved, crawling as quickly as I could to get to Tyler.

At first he was startled to see me, instantly assuming he was in trouble. But I just hugged him, immediately assessing for injuring, and kissed his forehead. He giggled.

“Silly.” He wiped his forehead.

“Tyler, we have to go inside now.” I tried to smile and seem playful, but as I picked him up, he struggled. “No. Play.”

“No, Tyler. Mommy is very worried and bad guys are coming. Let’s go.” Instead of debating, I picked him up and ran as quickly as my shaking legs allowed, but a few steps forward, I heard the shouting, what I could only presume to be swearing in Russian coming from behind me. A shot was fired above, a warning maybe. Tyler screamed, and just like with his mother, when I reached the front door, I shoved him inside. “Go find Mommy,” I screamed.

The last thing I felt before being knocked down was relief that he finally listened and scampered away. The largest one, who had hit me just above the knee, was aiming to do it again. And while my body wanted to dwell in the pain of it, there was that brief acknowledgement between the two thugs that the younger one should go seek out Tyler. As he tried to step over me, I grabbed his ankle with both hands and bit into him as hard as I could.

The older thug laughed at his colleague, making him, perhaps, even angrier. Though before he kicked me in the face, I’m pretty sure he called me something even Reid would have blushed at.

It was probably when he limped away that he dropped his weapon. Or maybe he lost it earlier when I grabbed his ankle. Either way, the only real advantage I had was their underestimation of me, and I knew that even before I reached for it. I also knew the likelihood of hitting anything, of even successfully grabbing the gun altogether was low. Because while the revolver was closer to my hands than theirs, the yard swirled with moonlight, and maybe it was the concussion, but I was somewhat sure the security lights were no longer on.

In my mind I was at the shore again, the depths of Sonoma County with Charlie at my back. I pulled the safety back and pointed straight ahead. There was the hard tug back, but I was unprepared for it this time. There was a wrenching pain in my shoulder just as the sound came, a demolishing force through the soft.

And again, it could have been the concussion, but I was relieved that both of them were dragging me out to the lake instead of just the one. In my mind, it meant I must have hurt at least one of them. I thought maybe I was having double vision, though. I prayed Tyler and Elise found each other. That the guys found each other. That Charlie was okay.

Still, I guess I should have expected the water.

But I didn’t.

Instinctively, I went to inhale, but gulped down lake water instead. I thrashed, pulling towards the surface, but something held me under, a set of hands, warm and rough. I clawed at them, stabbing my nails into them, but it did nothing. I couldn’t see anything and swallowed more water without meaning to. Strangely, when the dizziness overtook the panic, I thought about my childhood daydreams about being a mermaid. Underneath the water, I kicked like it mattered, but the dark water became even darker. I screamed at my limbs to keep going, to keep moving, but around that time my lungs decided to fill with pain, and between the two, my mind didn’t know how to cope.

So it shut down altogether.

Chapter 21

Once again, the nothingness had put me on its shelf, the oblivious and fixed indifference I had wanted for so long flushed over me, taking both fears and joys into a void. There were no cares, no deficits, or defects, thrills or delights. I floated into density.

But then voices broke through, calling and pushing. Something tried to shake me.

Nevertheless, I clung to it, not wanting to leave and not understanding why I was being hit, shaken and hit, again and again. Voices seeped through the cracks of the nothingness, some crying, some cursing but none of them tempted me enough.

Not until I heard him.

“No,” he cried.

I knew that voice. Heard it in my best and worst of dreams. It called out for me now, a devil and angel, all the same. My chest hurt when I heard him sob, though I knew it wasn’t just because water ballooned there. Why was there water there again? Voices towered above me, but he told them they were wrong, and then I was being hit in the chest again, shaken and begged.

He sobbed. “Open your eyes, okay?” 

I wanted to open my eyes for him. I did, I really did. All the same, I had been in the nothingness for too long. Instinctively, I knew it. In the same way that I tried to claw my way out now, was the same way that I tried to claw myself out of the water, only this time it wasn’t temporary, but permanent. An element that I had no choice but to commit to.

So the nothingness wasn’t so empty, so nothing while I listened to him cry for me, the not-so-silent mourning.

“You promised…”

I did, didn’t I? I had sworn to be his no matter what, and we had just been as close to an earthly hell together as two people could go. Was I really going to let death stop us from being together? I pushed a little harder to get to him.

What if I couldn’t get out and Charlie tried to hurt himself again?

I shoved towards him even more.

What if Dad and Robbie blamed Charlie?

I crawled my way through the hurt.

It was hard to be aware of any one thing in particular. The gravel sand was scratching my lower back and hands. I was soaked by more than just the lake water, the warm blood on my face, the tears on my cheeks, though they were not my own. Pain was fresh in many places though I couldn’t identify anywhere specific. The sounds were different though, and became clearer by the second: Elise crying in the distance, an engine, metal hitting metal, Charlie…

“Just come back to me,” he begged.

My eyes opened to a starry night. It was strangely calm. Charlie held me cradled in his arms as he cried softly into my neck, his fingers twisted up in my hair. I put my hand out for him but my brain wasn’t working with the rest of me, so I had to try again.

“Just come back. Come back. Come back…”

I finally got my hand to him, but he startled, almost flinched away like had experienced the surprise of a lifetime.

Instinctively, I rolled to my side, coughing up half the lake and taking in desperate breaths that made the pain pulse in my torso and vibrate in my lungs. My nose and mouth begged for more air than there seemed to be available. My head fell back into Charlie’s arms and I struggled to keep my eyes open with a new exhaustion.

“Addie?”

“Hi.”

My throat burned with the sounds but I felt validated saying them anyway.

He cradled me closer. I could smell sweat, blood, and the sand. “You came back.”

I coughed again. “Of course.”

He laughed and pulled me to him. I wanted to return the affection, but sleep called for me instead.

When you wake up from a long sleep, your body is detached from the rest of you. When I woke up, my foot was asleep and the taste of lake water was still in my mouth. Funny, I thought, considering how thirsty I was, how badly my chest hurt.

And when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t be sure they were really open because I still saw the same dark that was inside my eyelids, felt the same achiness. Luckily, as everything did start to reconnect, I became aware of the arms around me, the familiar warmth I missed.

Everything rushed back to me in a haze and I immediately tried to look over my shoulder at Charlie, but my neck was stinging like a fresh burn and I winced, turning back to my original position. If Elise and Tyler weren’t okay, there was no way Charlie would be sleeping so soundly, right? His snore wouldn’t be so hypnotic if the guys were hurt, would it?

I loosened my grip around Charlie’s wrist, not having known when it happened, but realizing his cast was no longer there. I rotated the rest of myself in his arms, trying not to wake him up.

It was too dark to make out anything beyond Charlie, so there was a lack of awareness about where we were exactly, but we were only separated by spare articles of clothing, and even that seemed like too much. I squirmed my arm from his hold and put my hand to my lip. There was swelling and a scab there, which explained the tenderness. My head hurt but that wasn’t so bad. My nostrils felt swollen and I tasted blood, partially explaining why breathing through my nose hurt the most. And though I did my best to hold it back, I coughed violently gagging back on my dry throat.

“Addie.” He moved away to give me some air. “Are you okay?”

I inhaled, coughed some more. I tried to will the coughing away, only to end up gagging some more.

“I was hopin’ you were done with that by now.”

“Tyler?”

“He’s okay, everybody’s okay.”

I tried to drink water but something about the idea of it made me queasy, so I tried shutting my eyes again instead.

“H-how long was I out?”

“Almost fifteen hours now.”

I almost spat the water back out like a bad movie take. I knew I had slept, but I didn’t think it had been for nearly that long. “W-what?”

Charlie chuckled in the dark, pulling away from me again and reached out in the dark for something my eyes hadn’t adjusted to. I blinked against the light that erupted in the cabin, taking the massive black away. I recognized the bed, as small as it was, the four walls that lacked a window. “Take it easy, Vicious. You’re all right.”

He backed off the bed entirely, giving me that much more space, but it only made the light blind me that much more. “You are all right, right?”

I shook my hair out of my face, but that only hurt my neck again, and I could remember being grabbed like a bad dog, held, and dunked under.

“Charlie, what…?”

“Maybe you should lay back down, Vicious.”

“But are you okay?”

His laugh was warm, soft in my ear. “Am I okay? Am I…” I felt him shake his head against my shoulder. “You gotta be the craziest person on this ship.”

“S-so we are where I think we are?”

He smiled at me softly. “Right in the heart of hell.”

I woke up again not long after that, not long after to light and laughter, some closer than others. Tyler’s laughter sounded strange on the ship, a high-pitched giggle echoing from pipes and hollow metal. Automatically, I reached for Charlie, feeling my stiff back and neck but more alarmed that he wasn’t next to me or even in the cabin. I didn’t panic, though. His smell was fresh on the blanket around me, a dark brown hair on the pillow we shared.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stretched, tuning in to the giggling.

“Hey! Hey! Get back here!”

A second later, the pitter-pattering of little feet followed.

“Keep it down,” Yuri whispered. “The girls are still out for the count.”

I sat up as I smiled; listening to what I thought was the sound of a newspaper against someone’s head and stomping boots. Though I was certain this was Charlie’s cabin, with the lead pencil stain against the walls and the broken sliding closet door, there was a sort of army chest there now, replacing the plastic crate that once held his things. I slipped off the bed, losing my balance but regaining it quickly, eager to take a peek inside. There were a few items of clothing that I recognized, a newish laptop, some sketchbooks…more interesting than that were the things that obviously weren’t Charlie’s, some random pieces of newly bought women’s clothing, tags still attached and in French. I cursed Elise and picked up something before quietly making my way from the cabin to the showers. And though I struggled slightly, I did my best to ignore my bruised knee.

I showered and dressed quickly. And though I wanted to pull my hair up, I thought the bruises on the back of my neck might upset Charlie so I skipped it. In truth, they somewhat upset me, deep, dark finger marks that would probably stick with me for days. I got over it quickly however, thinking, better me than Tyler.

My sneakers were mostly dry, but had that stink that comes from wading in natural bodies of water where humans shouldn’t necessarily tread. Regardless, I figured without a better alternative they’d have to do. I checked them for leeches and forced them on, curious but not brave enough to ask where my socks had gotten to. And other than my occasional swearing and the sound of seagulls laughing from somewhere above, it was quiet, much quieter than my last visit here.

I cautiously began walking down the hall towards the galley. If anyone would be anywhere, it would be there. Almost immediately there was the stand-still of time that I had felt when last on the
Diyu
, the sense that day and night were one and the same, making your senses that much more useless. Maybe it wasn’t so creepy when you got used to it, but what happened when you had to return to real time? When you had to go back to places separated by light and dark?

From the galley window I could see Yuri and Ben Walden discussing something serious over empty plates. Tyler was wearing an oversized lifejacket and chewing on its strings, pulling on Ben’s leg. I heard Polo shout as I walked in.

“Ty want some noodles?”

“Oodles!”

“OODLES!”

I raised my hand and stood in the doorway. “I’d like some oodles.”

“Hi!” Tyler shouted.

I awkwardly shuffled to the stove while everyone looked up at me, disappointed that none of those eyes belonged to Charlie.

“Hey, Addie!”

“Um, hey, Polo.” I gave a little wave to Ben and Yuri, expecting the same greeting, and feeling strange that instead they both got up, smiling, enthusiastic even.

“Well, well, looks like the freaking hero
is
alive and well,” Yuri said.

Tyler ran past all of them and straight into my legs, his lifejacket acting as a propelling device that knocked him straight on his bottom. We all looked down simultaneously but he just giggled louder and pushed himself back up to do it again.

Elise picked him up and swore as she walked into the room. She must have been right behind me. “You have to stop hanging out with this one.” Her thumb pointed at Polo and I became the center of attention again.

“Addie, are you all right?” Ben seemed genuinely concerned with the way he leaned against the counter. Frankly, it wasn’t a comfort, just weird. It would have been more normal if he were making veiled threats against my life. “The doctor in Churchill said after near-drownings, people occasionally lose consciousness—”

“Churchill?”

“Canada,” Yuri added. “We only left port there an hour ago.”

I nodded.

“Addie? Addie? Hey, Addie? You want some spaghetti? I made some spaghetti.”

“Don’t feed her that garbage.” Yuri put down Tyler and started shooting his hand away from the pot he was scraping noodles from. “Big baddie heroes get real food.”

“Huh?”

I watched Yuri jump the counter while Polo tried to grab at him, Yuri dodged him and leaped, going for something else entirely and disappearing to the pantry, Polo inches behind.

“Kids.” Ben laughed.

“Yeah.” I giggled nervously. “Kids…”

Fixing his posture, Ben Walden put his hands in his pockets. His smile never faltered. “Speaking of kids…”

We glanced at Tyler, who ran around one of the tables, giggling and clapping.

“We owe you—”

I was never good with compliments, favors, accepting gratitude that didn’t come with a tip. I couldn’t see myself getting any more gracious with these things as I continued to age, either. And though maybe I had done something good, I didn’t really see it that way. After all, what was I supposed to have done, leave some kid out there by himself, defenseless? I loved Tyler, and even if I didn’t, there weren’t a whole lot of options.

“Don’t. Okay? Considering everything you did for Charlie—we’re even, okay?”

He nodded, rubbed the end of his chin. “I suspected there was a good reason to keep you around.”

I attempted to scrape some pasta from the bottom of the pot. As hungry as I was, even the burnt noodles didn’t appeal to me. I just wanted something to do, to keep my hands busy while I said what I needed to say.

“Right, ah, about that—what do you say to a truce on the whole ‘you trying to kill me’ thing?”