Convincing Landon (9 page)

“Yeah, well, I try.” Kendall didn’t want to talk about his health concerns. He forced himself to relax so he could focus on their conversation. He couldn’t wait to find out what Landon had been up to. “Let’s get back to why we’re here. Tell me what you’ve been up to and why you’re here in Riverside. You said this afternoon it was temporary?”

“You’re still not one to beat around the bush. I must admit I always liked that about you.” Landon grinned. “Nothing much has changed for me professionally. After getting my degree in sociology, I took a few extra courses and got licensed as a social worker. Promises Kept had always been good to me while I was a student, and I liked their way of working, so I applied for a full-time job once I had my qualifications. Not much else to tell, really. I’ve been working hard to make Houston a safer place for homeless youth and never really thought of returning to Riverside until last week.”

“What changed?” Kendall watched the waiter bring their drinks and downed half his water in one go.

“My father died in a car accident, so I came back for the funeral.” Landon looked lost for a moment.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Kendall was embarrassed, not knowing what to say.

“It wasn’t as if we were close.” Landon shrugged and took another sip of his beer. “In fact, we haven’t spoken since my mother died.”

“But he was still your father.” Kendall couldn’t imagine losing his parents. He’d always got along with them, although he suspected that might change if he ever told them he was gay. Not that this would stop him, but it was a consideration. The point was moot until he had a boyfriend to bring home, anyway.

“Yes, he was.” Landon nodded. “And it did hit me harder than I expected, but, luckily, my brother Greg was there to help me through it. We pretty much supported each other.”

“What about Ray? Did he finally come around?” Kendall vaguely remembered Ray not being a very nice brother, but things could have changed over the years. He was also curious about Greg, his one-time high school sports coach.

“Ray is still the same old asshole he used to be when we grew up.” Landon laughed, but it was a strained sound. “He ended up inheriting the ranch, just like he wanted. Dad left Greg and I nothing. Not that we wanted anything, but it’s still a strange feeling to be so obviously excluded.”

“I bet it was!” Kendall shook his head. “It’s not really fair, either. You stuck around for so long, you should have got something.”

“The point is that I didn’t want anything. Neither did Greg. Our father ignored us while he was alive, there’s no reason why we should expect this to change now that he’s dead. Ray is welcome to the ranch. Neither Greg nor I want anything to do with it.” Landon finished his first beer and put the bottle aside for the waiter to pick up.

“So you just made a clean break?” Kendall liked that. It took courage to stick with your convictions, especially when money was involved. He frowned. Shit, he wanted to be like that, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to let go of his well-paying job if it meant doing what was right. And didn’t that make him feel like he’d sold out to the establishment?

“Yep, sure did. And it feels right.” Landon breathed a sigh of relief when the waiter walked up to their table and deposited their starters in front of them.

The next few minutes were spent quietly eating. Kendall munched his salad, almost regretting he hadn’t ordered something more substantial.

“You want some of these?” Landon pointed at his cheese-covered nachos. “I can’t imagine that salad to be very filling.”

“It isn’t, you’re right. I didn’t order it to be filling, though. I
am
trying not to gain weight.” And why had he blurted that out? His cheeks heated with embarrassment when Landon grinned.

“Aren’t we all? But you look too hungry to stick with your principles. And I promise not to tell anyone.” Landon winked and shoved the half-full plate towards Kendall. “Come on, live a little.”

“Why not?” He could always go for a run in the morning. Right now, nothing seemed more important than showing Landon he wasn’t a complete stick-in-the-mud.

The nachos tasted better than he’d thought possible. He had a hard time suppressing his moan when the cheesy goodness flooded his taste buds before sliding down his throat and filling his stomach much more effectively than the salad had.

Landon just grinned and kept pushing the plate back towards him every time he tried to return it. Their main courses soon followed and it was his turn to talk about what had happened in the last several years. He was embarrassed by how little there was to tell. Other than finishing his degree, getting a good job and his first major promotion, nothing had happened in his life. Though he didn’t tell Landon in so many words, the difference between Landon really helping people who needed the support and Kendall’s attempts to make money staggered him.

Landon didn’t seem to mind and hung on his every word. The subject soon changed, and they were talking about current events, music and what they were reading. It was almost as if nothing had changed. When Landon’s knee bumped his leg and the other man didn’t move away, shivers of excitement travelled up Kendall’s spine. He’d known that he was still attracted to Landon, but was it possible it went both ways?

It would be so easy to fall back into old patterns of behaviour, but Kendall was determined not to let that happen. He didn’t want to be hurt again, and there was no way this could end well. As tempting as it was to give in to Landon’s more than obvious attempts at flirting, he couldn’t give in. Not only were they on opposing sides of the table in their professional lives, Landon was planning to return to Houston once the project was over and Kendall would be left behind.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Landon’s gaze was intense.

“Um, sorry, I guess I’m tired.” Kendall pushed his empty plate away and forced himself to stop his lustful thoughts.

“I’m sorry to have kept you.” Landon’s shoulders slumped. “It was just so good talking to you again. Much better even than I had imagined. And I’ve spent a lot of time imagining this, and more, over the years.”

“What?” Kendall’s heart started beating faster and his stupid cock perked up. Was it possible that his dream was about to come true? He could practically sense his brain switching off and his heart taking over.

“Yeah, I’m interested in getting back together. I’ve missed you like crazy and wish I’d never let go of you. I made a big, stupid mistake and I’ve regretted it ever since. I’m more sorry than I can say and will do anything if you could just give me another chance. I want to pick up where we left off and see where we can go together, as a couple.” Landon held out his hand, palm up. “Please?”

Kendall was shaken to his core. He’d dreamt of hearing these words, but now that Landon had spoken them, he didn’t know what to do. After a few moments, his hand seemed to move towards Landon’s almost of its own accord—as though he was on autopilot. The warm skin to skin contact made him sigh. Nothing had ever felt as good as Landon touching him. How could he possibly say no?

Landon held his breath. He’d just laid it all on the line, despite the many obstacles he knew they’d face. Somehow, none of them were as important as feeling Kendall’s skin against his own, seeing the other man look at him with admiration again. Hell, at this stage, he’d take friendship rather than the professional detachment of the last few hours.

“But…” Kendall‘s voice broke and his hand in Landon’s trembled. Kendall still hadn’t moved other than to speak that word.

Not even the deer-in-the-headlights expression managed to make Kendall less attractive, though. He hadn’t grown much in height—was still just under six feet tall—but his shoulders were a little broader than they had been. His skin was as pale as ever and the freckles Landon had loved so much were still as prominent as he remembered. Added to the high forehead, it gave Kendall that look of ‘strong nerd’ that Landon found irresistible—the one he had looked for in all his meaningless encounters with anonymous men over the years, but never quite found.

Kendall looked at him with his deep green eyes, and he was a goner. They were pools of emotion, the proverbial window to the other man’s soul, and Landon wanted to drown in them. If what he saw there was true, he might stand a chance.

“I’ll beg, if that helps.” Landon would go down on his knees if he had to. He’d made few mistakes in his life, and none that he regretted as much as being an ass about his relationship with Kendall.

“I just…” Kendall took a deep breath and stilled his shaking hand, but didn’t pull back. “Okay, I admit I don’t get it. Aside from the professional obstacles, which we could probably work around, and the fact that we haven’t even spoken to each other in almost eight years, what about the reason why we couldn’t be together? Has that suddenly gone away?”

Landon flinched. He’d been such a monumental idiot.

“Yes, the bit about not being able to be openly gay because you’re a social worker.” Kendall’s lips twitched and his eyes were suspiciously bright.

Landon stopped breathing for a moment. Regret for what he’d done to this wonderful man overwhelmed him. If Kendall still looked so hurt after all these years, Landon couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like in the beginning.

“I was stupid.” Landon swallowed.

“You mean you were wrong?” Kendall’s eyes widened.

“No, that isn’t what I mean.” How was he going to explain this? How did anyone ever explain utter stupidity and short-sightedness? “Well, not totally. I was right about saying that it was a big risk, definitely more so back then than it is now. Coming out is still likely to cause problems, but two things have changed since then. One is that I have a good job with a decent employer who has an openly inclusive employment policy. The second difference is that, even if that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t care. I had convinced myself that I had no choice, but it was really more about my fear than reality.”

“Wow.” Kendall blinked.

“Is that a good wow or a bad wow?” Landon held his breath.

“This is really important to you, isn’t it?” Kendall shook his head a little, as if to clear it. “I’m sorry, but I’m having a little trouble adjusting to this new situation.”

“I understand.” If Kendall needed time to think about it, Landon would give it to him. Anything to avoid a ‘no’ from the man he was beginning to realise could very well be the one he loved. Scratch that…he knew he loved Kendall. He’d tried to ignore it for so long, it was hard to change tracks all of a sudden. But seeing him again had broken through the walls he’d put up to protect his heart.

“Do you?” Kendall tilted his head.

“I’m not saying I understand how you feel, I couldn’t possibly know that. But I do understand that this is all very sudden and that you may need some time to adjust. Hell, it’ll take me a while to let it all sink in…you know, that it’s real now and not a dream.” Landon squeezed Kendall’s hand. “As long as you don’t turn me down, I’ll be patient.”

“I don’t think I could turn you down, even if I wanted to try.” Kendall ducked his head. “I probably shouldn’t have told you this, but I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“I’m glad you told me. My heart has just started beating again.” Landon sent a quick prayer of thanks to whoever was listening. It looked as though he’d get his second chance.

“Oh, good.” Kendall looked up, the cutest little grin on his face. “Wouldn’t want you to expire now that we’re finally back together again.”

“We are?” It was his turn to do the ‘deer-in–headlights’ impersonation.

“I’ve been dreaming about this moment for too long not to give us a chance.” Kendall smiled. “Nobody knows I’m gay yet, but I have no problem with coming out…now that I have a reason.”

“You don’t have to, not on my account.” Landon was more than willing to give Kendall time to see what happened and think this through. He may have been sure about his feelings, but that didn’t mean Kendall was.

“Yes, I do!” Kendall’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared. “Unless you want to keep us a secret?”

“No way. I’m ready to tell the world. But I’ll do whatever you think is right. I’ve made one monumental mistake regarding our relationship already. I figure it’s time to let you take the lead. And even if that means being quiet about our relationship for a while, until you’re sure, that would be fine, too.” Landon was about to let go of Kendall’s hand as the waiter approached to clear the table, when he realised what he was doing and forced himself not to move. The ball was in Kendall’s court now.

Kendall grinned and entwined their fingers. The waiter raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything. Moments later, the used dishes and silverware were stacked and the waiter was ready to leave.

“Would you like coffee or a dessert?” The waiter’s tone was polite, if a little less friendly than before.

“No, I’m fine, thanks.” Landon turned to a beaming Kendall. Seeing that look on his hopefully soon-to-be lover’s face was worth any effort. “What about you?”

“Nothing, I’m fine as well, thank you.” Kendall grinned.

Landon asked for the check and the waiter promised to be right back. They sat in silence as they waited. It was a good silence, full of promise. After Landon paid, they got up and he regretfully let go of Kendall’s hand. Even as happy as he was with Kendall’s reaction, there was no need to provoke anyone by holding hands or other gestures that were too obvious. He was ready to come out, but he wasn’t ready to behave stupidly and risk everything.