Counting to D (25 page)

“You still miss her, don’t you?” Nate’s fingers cupped my chin and lifted my head up so he could look into my eyes.

“Of course. She’s my best friend. But it didn’t take me all that long after I moved here to find you.”

He smiled ruefully, and I continued. “From the first time I saw you, I thought you were cute. And making out with you is really fun. I do like you in all the normal girl-likes-boy sort of ways. But that first time I saw your bedroom — that I saw all those books — it was like I suddenly remembered how to breathe. I know I should want other things, and I kind of do, but all I really want is — ”

“For me to read you a story.”

I buried my head in his chest, and he held me tight. “I’m sorry. I’m the worst girlfriend ever.”

“It’s okay. I love books too. I understand. Someday, you will be able to read them to yourself. You’re already starting to. But until then, I’d be happy to read them to you.”

“I don’t only love books. I love you too.”

“I know.” He jostled his knee, and I unfolded from his lap. “Come on, let’s go to Powell’s.”

I slid my hand into his and headed toward the door. “Maybe while we’re there, we could pick up a trashy romance novel.”

“You like those?”

“Not really, but it could be fun reading one together.”

He squeezed my hand, and a flock of butterflies lifted inside my stomach.

Sunlight spilled into Ms. Chatman’s room through an open window, where Yesenia and I sat together in our regular corner. Ms. Chatman sat between us and asked, “Yesenia, is it okay if Samantha takes a break from reading with you today?”

Yesenia didn’t respond. I figured that was her version of no, but I turned my attention to Ms. Chatman anyway. “What did you want to do today instead?”

“AP exams are next week. Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “They’re all Scantron, and I can do multiple choice. There’s no spelling.”

“There will be a lot of reading, especially on the history exam. Have you reconsidered taking them in here untimed? You know your IEP covers that.”

“I don’t want more time.” I knew I’d pass the calc test. And I’d probably do well on the science exams, even if they did involve reading, because there would be diagrams and numbers in the questions too. “If I don’t finish the history test, then I don’t get college credit for it. Big deal. The only reason I’m taking AP US History is ’cause I couldn’t get the non-AP sophomore history textbook in audio. If I have to take a class or two again when I get to college, it won’t be the end of the world.”

Ms. Chatman’s eyes lit up. “You’re so level-headed. I knew I liked having you as a student for a reason.”

“I aim to please.”

She set a copy of my history textbook on the table in front of me. “I know you’ve memorized this entire thing. But just for the sake of exam preparedness, can we try reading a little bit of it anyway?”

“Sure.” Long before I met Ms. Chatman, I knew this was what I needed to study. And now that I was actually doing it, there was a chance I might actually pass my AP exams. “Give me a list of dead guys, and I’ll try to sound out their names.”

Ms. Chatman made flash cards of important people and places that would appear on both my AP History test next week and my final the week after. I figured as long as there weren’t any questions comparing President Jefferson to President Johnson, I’d probably be okay.

Just then, Ms. Sterling’s voice came over the intercom, interrupting our studying. “I’d like to announce the results of the associated student body elections…”

M
s. Sterling’s tinny voice came through the intercom. She read off the names of a bunch of people I didn’t know, who would be leading the rising sophomore class. Then she came to the juniors. Junior class president — Kaitlyn Banks. Junior class vice president — Nolan Phillips. Junior class secretary — Gretchen Kerning. Junior class treasurer — Samantha Wilson…”

I stopped listening. “I won. I actually won.”

Yesenia banged her hands on the table. She might not have been able to talk, but she could listen, and she was proud of me. Several of the other special ed kids started cheering too. I was one of them, and I was junior class treasurer. It was a good day for all of us. Except maybe Logan. “Hooray for you.” Logan sneered from across the room. “Let’s all bow down and worship the honorable Samantha.”

Ms. Chatman shot Logan a dirty look before returning her attention to me. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

Ms. Chatman smiled. She really was proud of me. She was proud of Logan too. And she should be. He was a way better reader than I was. And I’d glanced at the math worksheets he normally worked on. They weren’t quite as advanced as the stuff Eli was doing, but he was making improvements, just like me.

I looked past Ms. Chatman at her bright, sunny room filled with hardworking students and readable books. “Speaking of next year, can I come back? I mean, Yesenia is going to be a junior next year too, and I think there are some books we should probably be reading together.”

“If you want to, I’m sure we could arrange that.”

“I do. Next year my schedule will again be filled with advanced placement classes and even harder Spanish. I don’t expect to be able to read any of my textbooks or anything, but I feel like I should at least try. I don’t want to give up on myself yet.”

“I don’t want to give up on you either. And I know Yesenia here isn’t giving up on you.”

Yesenia banged her fist, and I felt like I’d won the election all over again.

“So, in addition to being junior class treasurer and reading with Yesenia and me, what’s the rest of your schedule going to be next year?”

“AP Art History, AP Western Civ, AP Biology, Spanish 2, junior English, and one other class I haven’t totally decided on yet.”

“Clearly, you’re thinking about it, though. I see that look in your eyes.”

I didn’t know what my eyes looked like, but Ms. Chatman narrowed hers like she was studying me.

“I could take differential equations at Portland Community College. That’s what I thought I’d do all along. But there’s no reason why any sixteen-year-old girl would ever need to know differential equations. So lately I’ve been thinking I could take a break from math for a little while and maybe try a beginning art class instead.”

“I think an art class sounds like a brilliant idea.”

I felt myself blush. “Yeah? My dad’s an artist. I might actually be good at it.”

“You might be, or you might not. Nobody expects you to be exactly like your parents, but you shouldn’t be afraid of them either. You’re going to go far, Samantha. You’re already a great listener and a great mathematician. In time, you’ll become a great reader. And maybe, just maybe, a great painter.”

“A true Renaissant.”

Ms. Chatman’s eyebrows rose. “Many people believe Leonardo da Vinci had dyslexia. Don’t set your self-expectations too low.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. First I’m going to ace all my AP tests. Then I’m going to take over the world.”

Eli and I met in the library the afternoon before his algebra final. “You’ve got this. Just get a good night’s sleep tonight, and you’ll be fine.”

He pushed back his plastic folding chair and stood up to hug me. “Thank you so much, for everything. I never thought I’d say these words, but after three months of working with you, I actually think math is kind of fun.”

“Only kind of?”

He smiled, showing off his perfectly straight, white teeth. “Okay, math
is
fun. But don’t tell anyone I said that. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

“Your secret’s safe with me. I promise.”

A wash of pink and blond swooped into the library. “Ooo, secrets. I love secrets.”

Eli slid his hand into Sophie’s back pocket and pulled her toward him. “If we told you, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore.”

Sophie stuck out her bottom lip in a total puppy-dog pout. “You’re no fun.”

It was still hard for me to believe that Eli was willing to be seen in public with me. And it was even harder to believe that Sophie would be in the same room as me. She was even more popular than Kaitlyn, but she’d helped make posters when I ran for class treasurer. These guys were my friends.

“Your boyfriend’s a smarty pants,” I whispered. “Shh, don’t tell anyone.”

Sophie playfully hit Eli’s chest and leaned even closer to him. “Oh, I already knew that. I thought you had something good.”

“I’ll see you guys later.” I headed for the door, not wanting to stick around to watch the sophomore class’s cutest couple make out in the library.

Sophie extricated herself from Eli’s embrace and chased after me. “Oh, Sam, wait up. I actually came to see you, not Eli.”

I didn’t believe that for a second, but I turned around anyway. “What’s up?”

“I’m having a party on Saturday night, and I was hoping you could come.”

“Saturday’s graduation.”

She nodded. “I know all your real friends are seniors. But won’t they all be trapped on a boat for the senior party?”

Nate had told me about the school-sponsored activity. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“So that means you’ll be free, right? My party’s not a big deal or anything. I’m just having over a bunch of girls from our class for a sleepover. We’ll give each other makeovers and watch girly movies, and generally get excited about finally being upperclassman.” Eli walked up behind Sophie, and she swatted him in the arm. “Strictly no boys allowed.”

“A girls’ night sounds really fun. I’ll be there.”

“You will?” Her bright blue eyes widened as her entire face erupted in a smile. “Yay! We’re going to have so much fun.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you Saturday, I guess.”

Sophie was nothing like Gabby or Arden. I’d never been friends with a girly girl before. I had no idea what we’d do at her party. But I wasn’t scared. I was excited.

When I moved to Portland, I thought my own chances at a
normal
life required me to lie about who I really was. Now all my lies had fallen away. Everyone knew I was the dyslexic whiz kid, and nobody cared. Maybe it isn’t
normal
to date the valedictorian, take special ed, tutor the star basketball player, and win student body elections, but maybe I didn’t want to be normal anymore. I liked my life. And I liked the fact that people like Sophie were a part of it.

Nate posed for yet another photo op in front of the rosebushes by the school’s main entrance. A braided gold rope draped around his neck and hung over his black graduation robe, reminding everyone of his impeccable grades. A black mortarboard sat crookedly on top of his uncombed hair. Mrs. Larson dabbed at her eyes while Mr. Larson snapped another round of pictures.

“Oh, Samantha.” Mrs. Larson spotted me and waved me over. “Come get your picture taken with Nate.”

I dutifully posed next to him by the rosebush. I wasn’t graduating, but I guessed I was kind of an important part of Nate’s high school experience. Once we’d finished having our pictures taken, I handed Nate a thin rectangle wrapped in blue paper.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” He smiled and took the package.

“You’re the valedictorian. That seems suitably giftworthy.”

“Thanks.” He tore away the paper to reveal a hardbound picture book. “
Oh, the Places You’ll Go?
”

“Dr. Seuss went to Dartmouth. It seemed fitting.”

“I love it.” He flipped through the book while his dad snapped more pictures.

“So are you excited about graduating?”

Nate took my hand and led me away from his parents. I knew he communicated with his mom and dad far more than the average teenager, but it felt good knowing there were things he wanted to say to me and not them. “I don’t know. It’s weird.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“I always thought I hated high school. I mean, I was borderline suicidal for most of my freshman year, but the last few months have been pretty great. It’s scary to think about leaving and starting all over again.”

“Sometimes starting over can be good. I was more than a little bit nervous when I found out I was moving here. But it hasn’t been
too
awful.” I bumped my hip against his and took his hand. “I think you’re going to love Dartmouth.”

He squeezed my fingers. “Dr. Seuss really went there?”

“He graduated in 1925, so don’t expect to have him as a classmate or anything.”

“How do you even know that?”

I shrugged. “I heard it somewhere sometime. I’ve got a pretty good memory.”

“God, I’m going to miss you.”

“You know, there’s this magic invention called a phone.”

He nodded. “Video chats too.”

“Plus, I’m getting way better at reading. We could probably email.”

Nate smiled, like my ability to write letters was a total joke. “I’m going to be busy with college classes, and you expect me to try to decode your spelling too?”

“Aren’t you planning on majoring in linguistics? Learning to read my writing can be like one more foreign language to add to your arsenal.” I lowered my voice to impersonate him. “
Yes, I’m fluent in Icelandic, Latin, Arabic, and Dyslexic.
”

Nate laughed, but there was still sadness in his eyes. I was sure I looked the same way. Saying goodbye was never easy.

Ms. Sterling worked her way around the school grounds, ushering people toward the building. I gave Nate a good-luck kiss and headed inside. I thought about sitting by Mr. and Mrs. Larson, but Kaitlyn clutched my arm shortly after I walked through the door and dragged me toward an uncomfortable folding chair.

After the graduation march, Nate got up on stage and gave a typically sappy graduation speech. He talked about the struggles they had all faced during the past four years, the sense of accomplishment they could feel at achieving their goals, and the excitement involved in looking ahead. It didn’t sound anything like Nate, and I wondered if he’d Googled cliché graduation speeches or something.

Everyone smiled and applauded when he was done, and many of the parents sitting around me had tears in their eyes. Ms. Sterling gave an equally sappy speech after Nate returned to his seat. I thought about Nate and the truth behind his title as valedictorian and wondered what an honest speech would sound like: