Courage (18 page)

Still recharging, Aerigo thought a moment. “Our emotions are linked to our power.” That much he understood but he’d never given it much thought.

“Right. They glow only when we’re pissed off, scared witless, or really sad. But why not when we feel love or hate, or anything else? Why not a color for every emotion?”

Aerigo stared, dumbfounded and unable to come up with anything remotely intelligent.

“A good question that I don’t have a decent answer for, so let me explain what I know.” He waved a hand and the words “anger,” “fear,” and “sadness” appeared on the blackboard in white chalk, one word under the other. It looked like Daio’s scratchy handwriting, but at least it was legible. “When certain events take place, we have an emotional reaction. Take the night Sandra died: you got quite angry, then later quite sad. But, while you were angry, it turned to rage, wrath. And under that emotion, you took action, thus coming across the first half of an Aigis’ true power. There’s no real mystery to it. Emotions are powerful things. There are countless other creatures in the universe who wield magic fueled by emotions. We’re nothing special there. What makes us unique is the power linked to our emotions. But I’m digressing.”

“If that’s all there is to it, then why is it so hard to unlock the first time?” Bitter memories of that night cycled through Aerigo’s mind once again. They’d been replaying nonstop ever since he met Rox, but now with a new perspective.

“For me it was virtually impossible because I got in the habit of disassociating myself from how I felt. I always put on an air of detached indifference, which spelled disaster for my hunt to attain power. The root of our power comes from strength of will, which, once both halves of the power are unlocked, gives an Aigis a fighting chance against the will of a god. That night you were wholly bent on killing Balvadiers, and I mean wholly, fully, utterly focused on just one task. You gave your will a task; you didn’t just have a tantrum. It’s a semi-subtle difference from getting pissed off and wanting to simply kill everyone in sight just because someone pissed you off.”

“Still, it sounds easier than it was.”

“It isn’t. Out of the around fifty of us that were alive then, only nine others had unlocked what you had. And here’s why.” Daio waved a hand again and three sideways “v’s” appeared, one next to each word, the ends branching off towards the empty part of the board. “When you’re angry, you have several ways you can handle the emotion, only two of which will lead to the power. Those are ‘wrath’ or ‘resolve.’” The two words appeared on the board. “When frightened, you have fight or flight responses, but the emotions that will lead to the power once again are ‘courage ’
and
‘resolve.’” Those two words appeared on the board as well. “A simple fight or flight response won’t do. There has to be purpose beyond survival to your courageous act. And finally, for sadness, you have a wide array of emotional responses to this as well, but the two emotions that will lead you to power are the exact same as anger: ‘wrath’ and ‘resolve.’ You, princess, have a problem with wrath.”

“I know,” Aerigo said unhappily.

“You only sort of know. To put it simply: you were right, in a sense, to resist embracing the other half of the power, to fear seeking it out.” Daio put his hands down and leaned forward. “How you feel when you unleash the power will be a mirror to what you become. If your will is fueled by wrath, you’ll get the job done alright, but you’ll also become the monster you fear. Your wrath will guide your will. Even Baku will most likely try to kill you after you take down Nexus.”

Aerigo felt his heart sink. Now he really never wanted to learn how to unlock the other half of his power. He envisioned himself turning into some giant, demonic monster tearing up every god and goddess in sight, and crushing every last mortal partaking in Nexus’ war without discretion, until enough deities closed in and killed him. He almost cut off his recharging process, but that would’ve been pointless. He had no choice but to take it back in.

“However, if you can control your rage and focus on resolve, then you’ll have nothing but Nexus to worry about. Do you understand?”

Aerigo nodded.

Daio stood and both the chair and the blackboard vanished. “I know you don’t want this knowledge, but you need it badly. What you want and need are two different things right now.” He drew closer and stood at arm’s length, hands back in his pockets. “To unlock the other half the power, you must first unleash the first half by itself. And then, while it’s free, focus on your resolve to defeat Nexus--to kill him, stop him, crush his will, something specific like that. Your resolve will take every ounce of focus, or it won’t work. If you get distracted, then there goes your chance until you’re recharged again. But don’t count on Nexus giving you a second shot.” Something like a small lightning bolt branched between their foreheads and made both Aigis flinch. The light funneling into Aerigo’s abdomen flashed white, then red, then white again before returning to its golden yellow. “Well now you see why no one could write the information down and expect a few scribbles to be just as effective,” Daio said lightly.

Aerigo’s heart began to race. He had to fight the urge to scream and take off running. He suddenly had the bridge to the power he both feared and needed. Part of him was in awe of the power though. It was like looking at Phailon for the first time, taking in grand majesty he’d never seen before, but this power had the potential to turn him into the monster he didn’t want to be. But... “When Rox went into cardiac arrest, the other Aigis tried to teach me how to unlock Frava, didn’t they?”

“Yeah, they were desperate. You can’t unlock the second half without the first half to fuel it. They were trying to take advantage of how hyper-focused you were.”

“But I felt the power trying to come out. I felt it when--” It didn’t match up to what Daio had explained.

“When what?” Daio asked with a raised eyebrow.

“When... when all I wanted... was for Rox to live.”

“Aw, how sweet,” Daio said sarcastically. “Love is gonna conquer all, even the will of a god, huh? Our power isn’t linked to love.”

“I never said I was in love.”

Daio’s facial features went flat. “You’re being dumb again. On second thought, maybe you should go make love to her. I guarantee it’ll help you think straight. It’s nauseatingly obvious you two like each other enough to warrant it.”

“It’s not love!” Then again, maybe it was. But even so, there wasn’t much point in acting on how he felt. Either he or Rox, or both of them had a good chance of dying in the near future. Giving in to love at such a horrible time would be an equally horrible tease with no chance to enjoy it. On top of that, if he died after confessing his feelings for her, he didn’t want to put Rox through what he’d felt for the past six hundred years.

Daio punched Aerigo in the gut, and Aerigo doubled over. “Love isn’t one of the emotions linked to our powers. Trust me on this one.”

The doubling over was a reflex reaction. He felt no pain or discomfort. He straightened up. “When’s the last time I trusted you?”

“Hopefully today.” Daio gave him a somber look. “I’m really on your side now. No more deception. No more lies. No more pissing you off just because it’s fun--actually, I’ll probably still do that if I ever get the chance, but not today. I never wanted to be the bad guy, Aerigo. I just became it because I’d assumed I had no choice, being Nexus’ Aigis. I assumed it for a long time. I tried to like it but my actions made me feel hollow, but I’m digressing again. Just know that I saved you for last when Nexus commanded me to kill all the other Aigis. Despite how twisted I became. I never wanted to kill you. Not once.”

“It gives me some solace to know all that.”

Daio watched the energy funneling into Aerigo, his downcast face full of pain. “I have one last bit of help to offer you.”

When Daio didn’t continue speaking, Aerigo said, “What is it?”

“You’re gonna like it even less than the knowledge I just gave you, but it’s the only practice I can put you through before you take on Nexus.” He shifted his feet and looked at the ground. “This is the one bit of chaos I truly regret causing. I regretted it even then, over six hundred years ago.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Aerigo had a feeling he knew, but he refused to make a conclusion until Daio said it himself. Part of him wanted Daio to not say another word about it so there could always be doubt.

“My only solace is that you unlocked Mana as a result.” Daio began to speak slowly, haltingly, every word an effort to get out. “I was in Balvar on Nexus’ orders to keep you busy. You helped two countries find peace. I spent thirty years unmaking that. I... am the reason... your wife died at the hands of the Balvadiers.” He forced himself to make eye contact.

Aerigo stared, mouth ajar, and stared as much as he had stared at Sandra’s corpse the moment he realized she was dead. The same rage bubbled up inside him, aching to be put to use. His life would have turned out so different if it weren’t for Daio and Nexus. All that heartache, all that anguish just because one god wanted to keep his attention elsewhere. And it was happening all over again.

Aerigo seized Daio by the throat, every muscle bulging with his rage.

“Aerigo,” Daio said warningly, “control yourself.”

The energy pouring into his abdomen turned a deep crimson, almost burgundy. Aerigo felt the bridge to the other half of his power present itself before him. All he had to do was give in to his wrath and cross it, and revenge would be exacted. Hands clasped his outstretched wrist.

“Aerigo, control yourself! I thought you didn’t want to turn into the wrathful monster you hated!”

Daio’s words sounded muffled to him. He didn’t want to be a monster, but his rage craved revenge more than anything he’d ever wanted before. The sheer desire for it was like the pursuit of orgasm. Nothing else mattered until he’d achieved it. The hands pulled at his wrist.

“Aerigo, I don’t want this power to be the death of you. Look at yourself!”

A giant mirror appeared behind Daio, catching Aerigo’s attention. He looked into it and saw a giant, black beast with skeletal wings, a crown of horns on his head, a face more monster than man, and glowing red eyes that would melt anything too weak to behold his merciless glare. In his grip squirmed Nexus, whom he crushed with one squeeze of his clawed fist. Even though Nexus’ death was what he wanted, the means didn’t justify the end. The powerful monster before him wasn’t what he wanted.

The wrath left him with an explosive gust of air and both Aigis fell onto the grass gasping for breath. The funnel of energy turned back to golden yellow right before he cut it off. He had to stop it so he could collect himself. He sat up and worked on getting his breathing under control. Daio sat up as well and leaned on his hands planted behind him.

“I’m really sorry, Aerigo, for what I did. I really am.”

“You’re a horrible person.”

“I know. No amount of apologizing will change anything, not even the amount of regret that accompanies me in death. Not even while I try to foil Nexus’ prophecy through you.” Daio took a deep breath and sighed through his nose. “So now do you see why it’s so crucial for you to not give in to your wrath?”

Aerigo nodded somberly.

“You care for the kid a lot. I doubt she’ll survive this ordeal, which is why I needed to put you through that. If she does die, you need to find the strength, courage, and determination to put an end to Nexus’ madness without letting your wrath lead the way. You also need the courage to stand up to your wrath and believe that you can overcome it.” Daio pushed himself to his feet with some effort. “I suggest leaving Rox behind, out of harm’s way. You’ll have a much better chance of focusing on what you need to if you do. Got it?”

Despite everything he and Daio had just discussed, Aerigo still hesitated. He couldn’t help but believe that Baku had created Rox for a reason. He just didn’t know what it was. He couldn’t accept that she was an act of desperation. She was too strong an individual. “I’ll think on it.”

“Well
that’s
encouraging,” Daio said sarcastically. “You’re not exactly valedictorian material.”

“Just go. You’ve done enough. I thank you for the knowledge and the warnings, but I need to think now.”

Daio backed up and his form began to fade. “Don’t think too long. The war’s about to start and you need to step in before it ends. Beat him for me, Aerigo. Beat him good.”

Aerigo lost awareness of Daio’s presence. He looked to the starry night sky and willed himself to wake up. The stars shone brighter and brighter until the whole sky turned white. Aerigo jerked awake and sat up, his heart pounding and his body covered in sweat, with ice packs outlining just his head, neck and shoulders. Sweat was a good sign. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the ER. The tray of food was gone, but the lid-covered tray of cake was sitting on the counter with four tall bottles of electrolyte-filled water. No one but him and Rox were in the room. Aerigo got up and unclipped the EKG. The IV had already been removed at some point. He drank one of the bottles, then went to Roxie’s right side, and lifted the sheet and studied her poisoned arm. The swelling had gone down around her shoulder, but the entire arm was bloated and one big discolored bruise.

He replaced the sheet and gazed at Roxie’s face. It was flushed and her breathing was slow and steady. Strands of hair stuck to her forehead, cheeks and the sides of her face. Aerigo pushed every strand aside, and before he realized what he was doing, he had one side of her face cupped in his hand. As much as he’d wanted it, it was something he’d never dared do before, and even now he shouldn’t. He left his hand there and rubbed her cheekbone with his thumb. He shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t help it. He loved her. Maybe not the kind of love that led to marriage, but it was love all the same. After being with her for maybe two weeks, he’d come to think about her and her wellbeing the same way he had with Sandra. On top of that, Rox had saved his life and given them another chance to stop Nexus and his prophesied war. She’d even admitted that she cared about him a lot. He cared about her so, so much.