Courage: Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence (14 page)

My Dearest, Sweet Isabella,

You are the light of my life. You astound me with your wisdom and insight. You are one of the most caring, compassionate, honest, trustworthy, loyal, loving, generous people I know. Your love is overflowing. And even though you have not always been on your best behavior, I forgive you and love you deeply. Anyone who meets you is fortunate to know you because of who you are. I cherish and value your divine presence.

With all my heart and love,

Isabella

Dear Emily,

I am in absolute awe at your deep dedication and infinite caring to help people live happier and healthier lives. I am amazed at the time and energy you devote to being the best you can be—you are unrelenting and unstoppable. Your deep intelligence, your clear insights into what really matters, and your infinite trust in the goodness of people make you the brightest star. You are living proof that nothing is impossible. Your fear has hurt people, but the courage you’ve shown and the amends you’ve made have helped you become a better woman. I am amazed at your gumption, your bravery, and your intelligence. I love your unselfishness. You are fearless and determined, a wondrous woman warrior!

With the deepest admiration and awe,

Emily

Dear Leah,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. You are loving and kind, funny and original, passionate and courageous, creative and insightful, devoted and inspiring. You are a warrior woman—powerful, fiery, and ready to take on the world. You are an amazing woman and my best friend. I love you.

Love,

Leah

Dear Alison,

You are such a huge gift to the world, and I love how deeply you love. You are magnificent in everything you do. All the ways you allow your heart to shine make me smile from the inside out. You light up the room with your beautiful presence, and those blue eyes are so rich that everybody you meet feels your loving soul. You are so delightful and sweet and nourishing. You are a breath of fresh air. Even the way you speak is beautiful. Your humor is so funny that you crack me up. I just love how you share yourself in all of the ways you do. I cherish you now and forever.

Love you,

Alison

When they read their love letters out loud, the whole vibration of the room changed. People’s eyes were shimmering with inner strength and excitement, and they were ready now to take on and embrace their powerful, positive qualities. We set the students up in groups of four, with three people on one side and one person facing them in what we called the “Love Seat.” The process began with the person in the Love Seat looking at the list she had made of the positive qualities she was disowning. Then, looking into the eyes of the people across from her, the person in the Love Seat said out loud, “I am ____________________.”

I am lovable.

I am courageous.

I am confident.

I am powerful.

I am brilliant.

I am competent.

I am wise.

I am extraordinary.

I am unstoppable.

She powerfully proclaimed each positive quality, such as “I am unstoppable.” And her three other group members repeated to her in unison, “You are unstoppable.” The person in the Love Seat said it over and over and heard it reflected back to her until something shifted inside so that she was open to fully embracing this quality. It worked like magic. It was easy to see that when some people began, they didn’t believe what they were saying. They had to breathe through their fear, their objections, and sometimes their revulsion. Some barely spoke the words, only whispering at first. Others cried because of how inadequate they felt. Still others shook their heads as they spoke. But always, each time, the person in the Love Seat broke through her resistance to the other side. It turned into a full-on celebration of love. By the end of their time in the Love Seat, many of them were standing on their chairs shouting . . .

I am loving!

I am confident!

I can do anything!

I am worthy!

I am fearless!

I am a superstar!

It was like popping the cork on a champagne bottle of inner possibility. The glee and joy were palpable. I was standing in the presence of the transformation that is possible for every person on the planet.

There is a warrior that exists inside you. It is there, but it has been ignored, repressed, and not allowed to come to fruition. The way to allow that warrior to have a voice is to become unrecognizable to yourself, to move outside your comfort zone, to let go of whatever you are holding on to, to release the self-image that you’ve kept trying to live up to over and over and over again. When you hold on to that image, which is probably an image from your past, the new version of yourself can never come out. There is a part of you—a courageous warrior—waiting to come to life.

If you’ve done the work in this book, you’ve stepped up already. You’ve done things you didn’t want to do or things you didn’t think you were capable of. You took risks. And if you continue in this way and allow yourself to be unrecognizable, you will do amazing things without even thinking about it.

As I was training a group of my coaches, I challenged them to take on being unrecognizable in some area of their lives—not one they figured out in their minds, but rather an area they felt pulled to by their heart or guided to by the Divine.

At my urging, when she realized that she was wearing the same bra she wore five years earlier, before her divorce, Evelyn went to Victoria’s Secret for her very first bra fitting ever. Even though she’d lost fifty pounds, she was still scared of drawing attention to her body. But the thrill and the excitement of taking a risk so far outside her comfort zone quieted her fear. Although she didn’t get the hot-pink lace bra that I suggested, Evelyn promised me that by the time this book came out she would have three bras in sexy, hot colors.

Molly grew up with a learning disability that had caused her great shame, embarrassment, and humiliation over the years. Feeling different, broken, and defective, she beat herself up for not processing information like everyone else. And although she had been coached by me for years to see her brain as highly creative and bearing its own unique gifts, she was afraid to give up her story, which had become a crutch that she used to keep herself from becoming a fantastic woman. To become unrecognizable to herself, Molly found a picture of a brain and drew rainbow colors all over it, each one representing her unique gifts and talents. Then she realized that helping others to be free of shame about the way they’re “wired” would provide a whole new level of freedom for her, too. So she went to a school for developmentally disabled children and gave a talk to them on seeing their challenges as gifts from God.

Raisa, who spent hours listening to everybody else’s drama and working on everyone’s issues but her own, decided to give up being a caretaker and people pleaser. When one of her dear friends called and went on for over twenty minutes about different people (including friends of hers Raisa didn’t even know), Raisa was finally able to speak up and say, “I’m sorry. I’m not really interested in your friend’s story. I need to go now because I’m working on my own project.” Setting a boundary, especially in the face of her fear that her friend would be mad at her, was totally foreign to Raisa. She hung up the phone and danced with glee. She could finally speak her truth.

Aubrey always saw herself as uneducated and unworthy because she had dropped out of college ten credits shy of her bachelor’s degree. The shame she carried with her haunted her until she decided to finally handle it once and for all. To be unrecognizable to herself, Aubrey applied for admission to a local college, started taking classes, and is now working toward the completion of her four-year degree—something she had ignored and neglected for over thirty years.

After watching her father work like a dog at an insurance company for twenty years only to keel over from a heart attack at fifty-three, Bree vowed that she would never work for someone else and would always be self-employed. Being an entrepreneur meant survival to Bree. Even when her finances began to suffer, she ignored the nudges from the Divine to get a job. When she took on the challenge of being unrecognizable to herself, Bree found the courage and confidence to apply for an administrative position at a local technology firm, and now she shows up for work every day promptly at 9:00
a.m.

You, too, have the power to be unrecognizable to yourself and inspiring to all those around you. Just imagine what will be possible for you—who you can continue to become—when you step out of fear and step into the extraordinary beingness of the courageous warrior, a warrior of strength, power, love, and deep trust, a warrior in partnership with the Divine.

What does your warrior of love look like? Allow yourself to see an image, one that you will never forget, one you can call up morning, noon, and night, an image that brings a smile to your face, light to your eyes, and excitement to every miraculous cell vibrating throughout your body. Live in the knowledge that you are a gift to the world. Let yourself feel your heart wide open, knowing now that you hold the magic, whether it’s a wand, a staff, the reins of your horse, or some other symbol that represents the authority you have claimed in the living of your life. See the image stamped permanently into your consciousness, and breathe in the words “I am a warrior for love.”

I am a powerful warrior.

I embrace that I’m a warrior for love.

I allow myself to be one with the Divine.

I allow my heart to be open to all that there is.

I accept the magical powers that come with being a warrior of love.

I am a much-needed part of this divine imprint.

I love reinventing myself.

I love being unrecognizable to all those around me.

I give my heart and soul to God.

I am a warrior for love and I’m enough.

I am a warrior for love and I matter.

When I stand in being a warrior for love, all things come as they should.

I accept my badge, my duty, and my gift of being a warrior for love.

I will remember every day that I’m a warrior for love.

I can see myself as a warrior for love.

I am a warrior for love.

Repeat these words until you feel the presence, the beingness, and the beauty of your inner warrior in every bone, every fiber, every inch of your consciousness. You are a warrior for love, part of a group of warriors who can’t be beaten, who can’t be pushed aside, who can’t be defeated by fear. This group has come together in the name of love to serve, heal, and fully enjoy this world. And with you firmly at our side, we can continue the journey into divine courage and confidence.

And so we end where we began. As Helen Reddy tells us:

You can bend but never break me

’cause it only serves to make me

More determined to achieve my final goal

And I come back even stronger

Not a novice any longer

’cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul

I am woman, watch me grow

See me standing toe to toe

As I spread my lovin’ arms across the land

[ . . . ]

[ . . . ]

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

Yes you are.

THE SUPREME BEAUTY PROCESS

Savor this process over the next week or two. Take your time, have fun with it, and enjoy. Be sure to set a beautiful tone by turning off your cell phone, lighting a candle, and putting on some soft music. Create a space that evokes your imagination and emotion. Then, with the hand of a courageous warrior, pick up your pen and explore.

1.
Making yourself blush:
Make a list of the positive qualities that you actually possess but disown. These are attributes that you easily notice in other people but don’t really believe you have—qualities that make you blush or smile whenever someone acknowledges them in you. Use this list as a reference:

Loving

Generous

Brilliant

Visionary

Kind

Charismatic

Creative

Wise

Compassionate

Capable

Intelligent

Profound

Inspiring

2.
Dear Courageous Warrior for Love:
Write a love letter to yourself that includes at least five admissions of your greatness. Spritz the letter with a hint of your favorite perfume when you’re done writing, as a symbol of sealing in the self-love.

3.
Making your divine beauty even more visible:
See what you can do this week to make yourself a powerful reflection of your highest self:

Go get your makeup done by a professional.

Do a bra fitting at Victoria’s Secret.

Get a consultation to make sure you’re wearing the best colors.

Get whitening solution for your teeth.

Get a manicure and pedicure.

Get your hair cut and styled.

Do a consultation to make sure you have the hair color that best complements your skin, eyes, and style.