Courted by Karma (The Adventures of Anabel Axelrod) (14 page)

My stomach felt concave from hunger
, but I shook my head. “No thanks, I don’t do the Evil Arches. According to Stella, they sexually molest their chickens at their factory farms, or something disgusting like that. Man, I used to love Egg McMuffins, too.” I groaned dispiritedly because having convictions, even confused and half-hearted convictions, is no fun and that’s the truth. “But you go right ahead and enjoy.”

“Sexually molest, huh?”
Luke’s grin was broad, even as he shook his head.

Smiling
, I was languidly stretching my arms and legs when my glance caught a flash of blue out of my peripheral vision. Turning my head sharply, I checked out the SA parking lot on my right to see what had snagged my attention.

Stretches forgotten, I
was wide awake and alert. Hurriedly, I shrugged on my trench coat and buttoned it up to the chin while saying. “Hey Luke, can I ask you for a favor? Make that two favors.”

Luke’s eyebrows went up at my urgent tone. He replied easily. “For you, Princess, I can go as high as three favors.”

“
I’m so honored!” My smile was wide as I plucked his sunglasses out of their holder. “Then you won’t mind if I borrow these for a minute. My first favor shouldn’t tax your powers too much, Please don’t let my cousin Candy step foot onto your property ever again.”

“Oh.”

I didn’t wait to decipher Luke’s deer in the headlights look at my favor, but rushed on with my second request, “Can you turn right into the SA parking lot before going to McDonald’s, please. I need to do something that will only take a minute.”

“Okay.” Luke threw me a questioning look, but turned right
without comment.

I pointed to the left
. “If you could drive over there, and then park near that mound of snow so that your truck blocks the view from the street. Yes, perfect!” I clapped my hands and threw open my door. Pausing, I turned back to Luke. “I’ll explain in a sec, but do not get out of this truck unless its life or death, you hear me?”

Luke
slowly raised his hands in mock alarm and drawled, “I hear you, Mistress Anabel.”

“Good.”
I waved my cautionary finger one last time at his entertained, but quizzical expression and closed the door.

Tugging down Crookie’s hat firmly, I rounded the truck and approached the light blue, Honda Civic. In my socks, my feet made
no noise as I padded across the wet, slushy surface of the parking lot. Right now, I’d gladly walk barefoot and not notice the cold.

My cousin Candy was leaning over
the front wheel of her car on the driver’s side. She hadn’t looked up at the sound of Luke’s truck pulling up a dozen yards from her. She was messing with the air hose and looked more petulant than normal.

We were on the desolate side of SA. Candy’s car and Luke’s truck were the only vehicles parked here. Otherwise,
my only audience was the huge garbage dumpsters along the back property line and the air hose mounted on the side wall of SA near Candy’s parked Civic. Growing ever taller over the course of the entire winter, a towering mound of icy, dirty snow had been pushed to the center of this back area when the snowplows were cleaning off the vast parking lot around the gas station.

It was
n’t too early for people heading to work, but any customers filling their tanks were parked out front where the pumps were located, or they were off getting their vehicles cleaned at the carwash on the other side of the building.

It was a heaven sent
opportunity for our long overdue cousinly chat.

I stooped and gathered
up a slushy ball of filthy snow in my left hand. Packing it loosely, I walked soundlessly up to the back of Candy’s car. My eyes skimmed in all directions without tilting my head. There were no cameras mounted on this side of the building or in the parking lot that I could detect. Since there is nothing of real value on this side of SA, there most likely isn’t a reason for security cameras. I highly doubted Candy would be reporting our chat to the authorities, anyway.

The
twin lasers burning holes into my back have to be Luke’s watchful eyes. Maybe he doesn’t know Candy’s car by sight, but she’s standing in plain view. I’m sure he recognizes who I’m walking towards by now. I was rounding her back bumper before Candy is aware enough of her surroundings to notice me.

“
Tsk, Tsk, you should keep a better eye out when you are alone in a deserted spot like this,” I warned in an even voice.

Candy’s
face was a surprised blank as she stared at me with no recognition. Her mouth opened and closed without a sound, as if trying to recall a name. Eyelashes triple coated with mascara blinked once. Instinctively, her brown cow-eyes bulged a little more than normal in reaction to the implied threat in my tone. Still, she stood there frozen in place while she tried to connect the dots in her brain.

Who
was the short woman approaching her in the long trench coat, no shoes, a ginormous hat with side flaps covering all her hair, and wearing big sunglasses? I didn’t much resemble Cousin Anabel of Bel’s Books, that’s for sure.

O
n the other hand, Candy was her perfectly immaculate self. She has on a pastel pink coat, winter white slacks, and tan pumps. There’s an incredibly ugly, but expensive orange scarf arranged around her neck just so. Her hair was stripes of white-and-gold-blonde accented by black roots, and teased into submission under a shellacking helmet of product. Her colorful make-up was applied heavily and flawlessly. She’s dressed as if she has somewhere important to be and actually looks quite nice.

It
was a real pleasure to bring up my left hand and smash the dirty snow into her face. I went ecstatic when, holding her head with my right hand wrapped in her silk scarf, I relentlessly ground the icy mass in her face and eyes. Her muffled screams turned into gagging cries when some of the dirty snow filled her mouth. Too busy spitting out snow; she was unresisting as I hurried her along towards the huge pile of snow a few feet away.

“Whoops!” I cried out, laughing grimly
. Checking out my handiwork, the evil sound of my mirth frightened even me. “That must have been for stealing my gun, you thieving bitch!”

There
was blue eyeshadow, black liner and mascara, red lipstick, bronze foundation, and pink blush smeared everywhere on her face. Candy was blindly scrubbing at her eyes to wipe the colorful sludge off while screeching curses. This just made the mess worse.

I held
the back of her coat, and with the scarf at her neck wound tight around my right fist, I propelled her face first into the tall mound of snow. It was full frontal body contact and I screamed out my joy in a rebel yell. Throwing all my weight against her back, I smashed her into the sloppy pile. Then I did it again while howling triumphantly. Her arms are flailing, but they were easily avoided. Candy is in such shock at the abruptness of the attack, she wasn’t putting up much of a fight.

I
started scooping snow nonstop from the pile with my left hand and wiping her in it repeatedly. Her hair, her face, her clothes, and even down inside the front of her coat—everywhere I could reach was fair game to be slathered. Soon she was a sodden, dripping, shrieking and ruined mess. The whole time, I laughed maniacally and kept at it like an automated machine on a factory line from hell. I ignored her cries and pleas for me to stop. Wherever she put up her hands to shield herself offered no protection from my blitz attack, I only rubbed her with filthy snow somewhere else.

Finally, I had enough. I tripped her and
pushed her down onto the slushy asphalt. She landed on her ass and lay there, stunned. She was gaping up at me in confused stupefaction like I was an escapee from Shakopee Women’s Prison.

Cousin Candy
, The Immaculate, had been tie-dyed from head to foot with muck and make-up. She looked like a scary clown.

I
tore off Crookie’s hat and smacked her with it, “You damn, crazy whore.”

Tossing Luke’s sunglasses aside,
I stood over her. My damp hair was all over the place and I pushed it back off my face with a forearm.

“ANABEL!
” Candy’s voice was incredulous with disbelief. Her bulging, smeared eyes looked ready to pop out of her head. She must not have heard me mention the gun over her own screeching cries. “Why are you doing this? What is wrong with you?” Candy screamed up at me.

I laughed shortly. “Wrong with me
? That’s rich.” I brought up a fist, so tempted to start bashing in her face that I could practically taste it.

Candy read the fury in me and
scrambled away until she could go no further because her back was flush against the mountain of snow.

“You better leave me alone!” Candy spat
in warning, but her quavering voice gave her away. Like all pathological sociopaths, lift the rock and you’ll find a coward when confronted head on. She did her dirty deeds behind the scenes or under the cover of a crowd. Her parents have always protected Candy from any repercussions of her malicious stunts. If my suspicions were correct about her long ago pet puppy, the sick bitch has even gotten away with murder.

H
er face took on a crafty look resembling a cornered rat and she threatened, “Wait until NanaBel hears about this, you fucking maniac. She’s going to stroke!”

That did it.

I dove on her. Replaying in my head were all the times I wanted to get revenge on her for doing something horrific to me throughout the years. I had refrained out of my love and respect for my grandmother, or because I’d been forcibly removed from Candy’s vicinity. Today we were the only two around. Instinctively, I was sure Luke would keep a lookout. This time, nobody was going to stop me from kicking her ass.

I landed with a flying forearm smash on her chest
, knocking her back down onto the pavement. That’s all it took to be straddling her. Around tight fistfuls of her hair, my hands gripped either side of her head. She gasped for air while bucking and ineffectually kicking her legs. She scratched at my arms and hands with her claws. Her kicks couldn’t reach me, my coat did a good job of protecting my arms, and I was too furious to feel any pain if she scored a scratch on my hands.

I smacked her head smartly on the
slushy pavement. It was enough to stun her. “Listen to me carefully, Candy McKenzie.” I smacked her head again. “Are you listening?”

When Candy didn’t an
swer fast enough to suit me, I bounced her head a third time and shouted, “Are you?”

“Yes, yes, I’m listening…quit hitting me
…and pulling my hair. That hurts!” She whimpered piteously, but staring up at me malevolently with eyes ringed in thick circles of black.

“Here’s how
life is going to be from now on, Candy.” I got in her face so there would be no mistaking my sincerity. “You will never enter my store or my apartment again.” I shook her head for emphasis. “You are no longer a part of my family.” I pulled her hair so hard, she cried out in real pain. “You will NEVER tell NanaBel anything or bother her in any way. You will make up excuses anytime MY grandmother wonders why you don’t come to some family function at MY home.” I banged her head off the ice. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, yes!” Candy screamed back
, drumming her pumps like pistons against the wet cement. Her hands were on my wrists trying to alleviate the painful hold I had on her stiff hair. “I won’t tell! I won’t say a word!”

“
If we run into each other, you will cross to the other side of the street and not speak or look at me.” I yanked hard and pulled out strands of hair by the roots, ignoring Candy’s crying screams to stop. “And you won’t EVER mess with anyone or anything I care about again,” I grabbed her ear and twisted it painfully without remorse while promising, “or I will hunt you down and make you wish you’d never been born.”

O
ur faces were inches apart. “You know my swear to Gods are gospel, don’t you?”

Her eyes were wide
. “Yes!” Tears were flowing copiously down her face and intermingling with the snot from her nose, but she was nodding convulsively in agreement at every word coming out of my mouth. Candy really hated getting her face wet and her hair pulled.

“You fucked with my gun
and you fucked with my boyfriend.” I saw her eyes flare briefly in confusion before the expression went flat and she nodded even faster. “You will never fuck with me again or I swear to God, I will fuck you up permanently.”

I sat
up and regarded the sniveling mess of a woman lying under me. I felt nothing but the sickest despair. If I had anything in my stomach, I’d probably barf. Candy should be a great friend and someone I love. Instead, this woman was my bitterest enemy. I wouldn’t be stupid and ever forget this fact. She would always be a poised knife at my back.

I stood, picking up Crookie’s hat
as I rose. She didn’t move. Understanding I was leaving, Candy got some control over her emotions. She wiped her nose and glared up at me with fearful hatred. As long as she remembered the fear first, I was okay with the hatred.

I smacked the hat hard against my
leg to clean off the sludge and Candy flinched at the sound.