Courting Ruth (9 page)

Miriam was laughing and talking to Eli. They both seemed so much at ease here among the English, something Ruth had always struggled with. Of course, Eli wasn’t wearing Plain clothing, but her sister was. Miriam’s modest blue dress, black bonnet and apron and black shoes were as Plain as her own. Miriam always embraced new experiences wholeheartedly, and Ruth was certain that when it was the right time to join the church, she would be one of the most faithful. And if Eli and Miriam were to be a couple, he should realize that nothing would divide Miriam from her faith and family.

It wouldn’t matter if Eli had done the terrible thing he’d been accused of, if he truly repented and made his peace with God and the church. Sometimes it was hard to forgive and forget bad sins, but forgiveness was an important part of their faith. How could a person expect God to forgive them their sins, if they were unable to forgive others? But Ruth doubted Mam would let this relationship between Miriam and Eli go much further without this serious matter being addressed.

The lights dimmed. A message appeared on the screen asking people to turn off their cell phones. But before that request had died away, Susanna leaned close and whispered that she needed to go to the bathroom. Ruth rolled her eyes. She’d known that giving Susanna a large soda pop was bound to have consequences. “I’ll take her,” Ruth whispered to Miriam.

When they returned, some sort of cartoon squirrel was scampering off the screen with a cupcake balanced on his head. A pit bull was chasing the squirrel but not having much luck, as the barking dog kept slipping in the strawberry icing. Susanna laughed and wiggled her way past Eli and Miriam back to her seat. Ruth followed. Then the music changed, and a rainbow of lights swirled on the big screen, signaling that the main feature was about to begin.

So entrancing was the story and so real were the characters playing Noah, his wife and their sons, that Ruth could almost, but not quite, forget that it was Miriam, not her, sitting beside Eli. Ruth was trying to concentrate on Noah’s conversation with an invisible voice, when Eli passed Susanna another cup of soda pop. “You shouldn’t give her…” But Susanna was already inhaling the drink. All that popcorn had made her thirsty all over again.

Eli shifted in his seat. The movie was a good one, better than the violent one he’d walked out of two weeks ago. He liked going to the theater. Usually, he sat near the back, by himself, and tried to understand the English, both on the screen and sitting around him. He and Hazel had sneaked away one night to see a romantic comedy. Both of them had been embarrassed by the loose behavior in the story. They’d stayed to the end, but he’d felt ashamed of himself as he’d walked out at the end of the feature. It had been wrong to bring Hazel there, and he knew it. But she’d wanted to go and had threatened to go with some of her girlfriends if he wouldn’t take her.

Sometimes…most of the time…he felt as if he were caught halfway between the Plain life and the English world. He didn’t know if he was completely responsible for Hazel’s disgrace, but there was plenty of guilt to go around. Maybe she would have gotten into trouble even if he hadn’t taken her to the party that night. He’d never know, and he’d never be sure if God or Hazel could ever forgive him. Because of their irresponsibility, a child had been conceived. Hazel’s life, his life and the lives of their families might never be the same.

Did he have the right to be with another girl? A good girl like the sisters sitting beside him? Was he making another mistake, one he would live to regret? If he did choose the Amish path, would he later change his mind and run, as his father had?

Noah was leading the first pair of animals into the ark when Eli heard Susanna’s whisper. This time, it was Miriam who took her hand and offered to escort her to the bathroom. Eli tensed. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. When they returned, he could step out into the aisle and let Susanna and Miriam return to their seats. That was the right thing to do, the sensible thing.

But when the girls returned, Eli did what he’d wanted to do since they arrived; he got up, moved two seats over, and sat next to Ruth. She turned to look at him in surprise, before taking her elbow off the armrest dividing their seats and staring straight ahead at the screen.

Eli couldn’t pay attention to the movie anymore. He was too acutely aware of the scent of green apple soap. The seats were very close, and he caught glimpses of Ruth’s face in the flash of lightning from the screen. A feeling of protectiveness seeped up from the pit of his stomach. For all her prickly exterior, she was everything a man could ask for in a woman: beautiful, kind, strong-willed, loving. But she was more; Ruth was a true example of the faith. Why couldn’t he have met her before he’d taken Hazel to that party? If he had…if he had, everything would be different. His life would be different now.

He locked his fingers together in his lap, and moisture rose along his collarbone. He didn’t know what to do; he’d courted girls before, but no one like Ruth. He’d never felt this way about Hazel or Mary or Edith. He’d never worried that one of them might rebuff his attention. Maybe it would be better not to show Ruth how attracted he was to her, rather than make a fool of himself.

Eli glanced back at Miriam. She was leaning forward in her seat, deeply engaged in the movie. Susanna and Anna were both watching the movie screen, eyes wide with wonder. No one was watching him. No one would see him in the dark. Holding his breath, he reached over and covered Ruth’s warm hand with his.

Startled, she turned toward him. For a second, her small hand trembled in his, as soft and fragile as a new-hatched chick….

In the dark, he searched her gaze and for just that split second, he felt a connection with her that he had never felt with anyone before. “Ruth.”

His voice shattered the moment, and she pulled free. “Eli!” She looked at him and then away.

He felt his face grow hot with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

“Shh,” a woman called from the row behind them.

Anna glanced at Eli, then back at the screen.

Heart thudding against his ribs, Eli gave a sigh and turned back to the gathering storm that threatened to overturn the ark. He felt that way sometimes…lately, a lot of the time. But not tonight. Not tonight, because even though she had snatched her hand from his, she had let him hold it for a second, and he was pretty sure she had enjoyed it as much as he had.

With Ruth beside him here in the dark, peace and a sense of wonder settled over him. Whatever happened, nothing could take away his certainty that, at this moment in time, he was exactly where he should be.

O
n Tuesday morning, Ruth and Miriam took freshly picked strawberries, spinach, lettuce, radishes and twelve dozen eggs to Spence’s. They rarely went to the auction on Tuesdays, but the strawberries might not keep until Friday’s market. Both Anna and Susanna had remained at home to catch up on chores. There was a charity-work sewing bee at Aunt Martha’s that night, and the four sisters and Mam would be going after a light supper.

As usual, Miriam drove the horse, and while she chatted merrily, Ruth just listened. What had happened at the movies had troubled her greatly—not only that Eli had attempted to hold her hand, but that she’d almost permitted it. Ruth grimaced. There was no getting around the truth. She had allowed him. It had only been for a few seconds, but she hadn’t immediately pushed his hand away, and she couldn’t deny that she’d felt a rush of excitement when his warm hand closed around hers.

And Anna had seen it. She hadn’t mentioned it, but Ruth wasn’t deceived. It simply wasn’t Anna’s way to intrude on personal matters or to chide her older sister for a serious breach of decorum. Eli’s behavior afterward—pretending that nothing had happened and buying them all Boardwalk Fries—only made things worse. Although she normally loved fries, Ruth hadn’t been able to eat a bite. It would have choked her.

Eli was the worst sort of flirt. He’d taken Miriam to the movies, sat by her, and then tried to take liberties with another sister. It wasn’t right. It just wasn’t. Ruth didn’t know what was allowed in
his
community, but it wasn’t the way things were done
here
. As a baptized woman, Ruth should have known better than to go to the show with him at all. If she’d refused to attend the movie, if she’d protested, Mam might have kept her sisters home as well. But she hadn’t. Eli had charmed her into forgetting who and what he was and who and what she was.

Then, to make matters worse, Ruth had been a coward afterward. She hadn’t been brave enough to tell Miriam or her mother about the hand-holding incident. Instead, she’d acted as though everything was fine. She’d thanked Eli for taking them to the mall, and she’d told Mam about the movie and how tears had filled her eyes when the dove had returned to Noah with an olive leaf, proving that God’s mercy had saved them from the flood. She’d laughed with Susanna about the monkeys riding on the tiger’s back and the grumpy water buffalo. And all the time, in her heart, Ruth knew that she’d done something wrong…that she had committed a sin. The sin hadn’t been the actual holding of hands, but the jealousy she had felt over Eli’s attention to Miriam. And the pleasure she had taken, knowing he had held her hand for an instant, instead of Miriam’s.

Ruth felt her face burn with shame. She wished she’d had the opportunity to talk to her mother, but Mam was busy with plans for Saturday’s school picnic. They’d had to change the date so that the guests from the other churches could come. It would be a busy week when they added that on top of Sunday church at their house. For the picnic, each family with children in the school would bring food to share, but Mam always made extra dishes as well as treats for the children. There was so much to do this week that she just couldn’t trouble Mam with her problems, especially those of her own making.

The traffic light changed; a truck horn blew, and Miriam flicked the leathers over Blackie’s back. The horse trotted briskly through the busy intersection. Ahead were the railroad tracks. Spence’s was only a few blocks away, and once they reached their stand, they might not get an opportunity to talk in private. Ruth opened her mouth, but before she could get a word out, Miriam asked. “All right. What’s the matter? Did you catch Susanna’s toothache?”

“What?”

Miriam chuckled. “You’re as sour as one of
Grossmama’s
pickles this morning.”

“Am I?”

“
Ya
. You are.” Miriam’s brown eyes took on a concerned expression.

Ruth flushed an even brighter shade of red. Had Miriam seen Eli take her hand? Her pulse raced. “I’m not sure what we did Sunday was right.”

Miriam laughed. “I thought so. You’re feeling guilty about the show, aren’t you? I thought it was wonderful. You can’t tell me that you didn’t have a good time.”

“Movies are worldly. Not Plain.”

“The story of Noah is from the Bible. I liked it. I’ll go see it again, if I can convince Eli to take me.”

“That’s what I…” Ruth felt awkward. How could she say this? “Miriam, that’s what I’ve been thinking about. I know you like Eli, but I’m afraid he isn’t right for you,” she blurted. “He…he’s fast.”

Miriam chuckled as the buggy bumped over the tracks. “He’s not fast. He’s just different from all the boys we know—the boys we’ve grown up with, and he’s good-looking. That’s why you’re attracted to him.” She glanced at Ruth. “You think he’s cute, don’t you?”

Ruth swallowed hard. “I’m not attracted to him. But he has a handsome face,” she conceded.

“And nice shoulders.” Miriam gave her a mischievous look. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how wide his shoulders are. And he has nice hands.”

More than that,
Ruth thought. From the crown of his head to the soles of his feet, Eli was perfect. Just seeing him step into a room made her tongue stick to the roof of her mouth and her stomach do cartwheels. But good looks and a beautiful body were not what mattered most in choosing a husband.
For her sister.
What was important was the way a person was inside and if he shared your faith. An Amish marriage was about family and community and living according to God’s word.

“Miriam, you’re not listening to me. I’m trying to tell you that he may not be an appropriate beau for you.”

Miriam laughed. “He’s not
my
beau.”

“But it looks like he’s courting you. People think he is. And Eli isn’t serious,” Ruth insisted. “You can’t trust him.”

Miriam didn’t say anything. She just kept sitting there with that silly smile on her face.

This wasn’t going well at all. As much as Ruth loved Miriam, she could be so annoying, at times. She lowered her gaze, the guilt washing over her again. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Another buggy was stopped ahead of them at the next light. Their cousin Dorcas leaned out of the carriage. “Hey,” she called.

They waved back. “Do you think Dorcas is going to buy a pie at the market for tomorrow?” Miriam asked. “That might be smart if she wants to share pie with a boy on Saturday. The ones she bakes are even worse than yours.” Miriam laughed, tickled with herself.

“I don’t want to talk about Dorcas or about pies.” Ruth clasped her hands together and hurried to confess what she’d done before she lost her nerve. “Miriam, listen to me. It was wrong, what Eli did,” she finished. “He never should have tried to hold my hand when he was there with you.”

“He held your hand?” Miriam cried excitedly.

“And I never should have let him. I’m so sorry, Miriam. It was wrong of me, I know, and—”

“That’s what you’ve been so worried about for two days? Because Eli held your hand at the movies?” Miriam guided the horse around a produce truck that was double-parked in the street. Her voice was laced with amusement. “You should have said something. You’ve upset yourself for nothing. Eli isn’t my boyfriend. He doesn’t like me that way and I don’t like him. I’m glad he held your hand.”

“But—”

“When I find a boy I want to be with, I’ll let him hold my hand. I might even let him kiss me. Once. After he asks me to be his wife, when I know he’s serious. But before I gave him my answer.” She looked at Ruth with great sincerity on her pretty face. “What if he’s a bad kisser? Would you want a husband who was a bad kisser?”

Ruth was shocked. And relieved. Miriam didn’t like Eli. She wasn’t interested in him as a beau. “That’s not the way to choose a husband, Miriam! You shouldn’t be talking…even thinking about kissing.”

“I think about kissing a lot,” Miriam babbled on, not seeming to realize what a monumental moment this was for Ruth. If Miriam didn’t like Eli, if he wasn’t interested in Miriam, did that mean—

“What about Uncle Reuben?” Miriam continued with a giggle. “With that beard. It’s so long and pointy. What kind of kisser do you think he is?”

“Miriam!”

Her sister grinned. “I’m just teasing you.”

“Sometimes I wonder about you.”

“Well, it’s true. I will kiss my betrothed before we’re married, and I won’t feel guilty about it.”

“Mam would be shocked if she heard you talk like that.”

“Would she? For a happy marriage, you have to have love between a man and a woman. Then the tears and the laughter and the making of the children that follow will be right and good.”

“I can’t believe I misunderstood what was going on between you and Eli. I was so afraid you’d be upset with me, but you have to admit it would have been wrong to let Eli hold my hand if he was courting you.”

“
Ya,
you’re right. But if we were
walking out
together, and he would do such a thing, better for me to know before the wedding than after.” Miriam guided Blackie off the street onto the gravel lane that ran behind the auction house.

“And you’re sure Eli doesn’t like you?” Ruth said.

“I think Eli is a special person. But he’s not the one for me and I’m not the one for him. I think he’s already set his sights on someone else. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun with him.”

“People will think—”

“So long as Mam knows I’m doing right, so long as my family knows, I don’t care about anyone else. Besides, I’m
rumspringa
. I plan to have some fun.” She giggled. “But once I join the church, I’ll be as upright as Johanna.”

And they both laughed at the thought. Johanna was now the ideal Amish mother and wife, but during her running around, their older sister had given Mam more than one sleepless night and more than one gray hair.

“Do you know what she said yesterday?” Miriam asked. “Johanna. About going to the picture show? She said that if she’d known we were going, she would have brought the baby and Jonah to Mam and come with us.”

“Her husband would never have permitted it.”

“Maybe not, but you know how headstrong she is.” Miriam’s eyes sparkled. “She takes after Mam.”

“Mam?”

“Ya,”
Miriam answered. “Johanna told me that when Mam was a teenager, she used to go to the movies all the time with her English girlfriends.”

“Do you think that’s why she let us go?”

“Maybe she just wanted us to see for ourselves.” Blackie trotted across the lot and came to a halt behind their usual table. “Good boy,” Miriam said.

“Then I’m glad I went.” Ruth got down from the buggy. “But I wouldn’t have wanted to see a show that had shooting or bad language.”

“Me, either.” Miriam removed Blackie’s bridle and slipped a halter over his head before tying him to a tree. They were lucky to have a table in the shade.

Feeling as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders, Ruth began to remove the boxes of strawberries. She had no idea how she felt about Eli or the hand-holding, now that she knew she hadn’t interfered in Miriam’s courting. At least she knew she hadn’t hurt her sister. She had only the first tray out when a regular customer stopped and bought two dozen eggs and two quarts of berries. As Ruth counted out the change, she realized that they were short of dollar bills. “I’ll go inside to the market,” she offered. “As soon as we finish unloading.”

“Need some help?”

Ruth turned to see Eli standing behind her.

She glanced at Miriam in confusion. He was the last person she wanted to see today. What should she say to him? She didn’t look at him; her hands trembled as she tucked the change into the little cloth pouch they kept it in. “Shouldn’t you be at the shop?” she blurted.

“Roman had some refinished furniture to be auctioned off today. I brought it in, and I’ll wait to collect his money.” Eli pulled eggs from under the buggy seat and carried them to the table.

“Good,” Miriam said, plucking the money bag from Ruth’s hand. “Since Eli’s here to help, I’ll go get that change.”

“Don’t go,” Ruth said. “Eli’s not…” But her sister was already walking away. Ruth glanced at Eli, and he grinned back at her.

“Guess you’re stuck with me.”

“I don’t need any help.” She tried hard not to look into his eyes.

A tattooed woman with long white-blond hair and short shorts waved her hand at Ruth. “Miss! Can I get some service here? Are these local strawberries?”

“Picked this morning,” Eli assured her. Flashing a big smile, he grabbed up a plastic bag and went to the table. “You won’t find any fresher. Or sweeter. How many quarts would you like?”

A bald man with a little dog on a leash approached the table. Ruth sold him radishes, lettuce and a dozen eggs. Two more customers stopped, and Eli went back to the buggy to bring more strawberries as Ruth waited on them. Business was brisk for ten minutes, and Ruth would have run short of change, but Eli changed a twenty for her with small bills from his pocket.

“Are you thirsty?” he asked when there was a break. “Would you like a soda pop?”

She shook her head. “I’m not thirsty.”

He was standing so close that his gaze made her nervous…made her remember when he’d tried to hold her hand. She felt herself blush. “Thank you for your help. I’m sure you have things to do. There’s no need for you—”

“I like helping you. I think we make a good pair, don’t you? Look, half your berries are gone already. You’ll be sold out before noon.” He grinned. “Unless you want to stick around and let me buy you lunch.”

She shook her head adamantly. “No. Miriam and I have to go home. We have to finish chores and start supper. There’s a work bee tonight at Aunt Martha’s.”

“I know. The men are going. We’re repairing Reuben’s windmill.”

Ruth tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t sound stupid but she couldn’t think of anything. She straightened the rows of quarts of berries.