Cousins (Cousins #2) (5 page)

His opinion doesn't matter Elizabeth. This is your fight.

"I will give you ten minutes, Ethan. That's it."

I rise from my stool, smooth my skirt, and start walking. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I make sure to walk very slowly and carefully in my heels to the elevator, one foot in front of the other, so that Ethan has a very clear view of everything he's cast aside.
 

When I was with Ethan, I did everything I could to camouflage the size of my hips and butt with baggy sweats or loose flowing dresses. I'd always known that while he found me attractive, he never especially cared for my figure. I didn't always feel sexy around him. But since I've been sleeping with Roman, I have to admit, that I've discovered a new found confidence and self appreciation for my shape that I've never had before.
 

I completely forgot that I left my room in a pretty chaotic mess while getting ready for my meeting earlier, so when we enter, I quickly start picking up clothes from the floor and begin folding them into a pile at the edge of my bed.
 

"Have a seat," I tell him.

"Where?" He asks sarcastically.

"Don't be a smart-ass Ethan." I say sounding very much like a certain person I know. "Sit in the chair by the desk and start talking. Your ten minutes just started."

"Wow, you're a lot different, Bitsy."

"Getting knocked out cold by a drug dealer will do that to a girl."

I notice Ethan's slight flinch at my comment. Good, at least he is showing some sign of remorse or at least guilt because for the last few weeks, I've seriously considered that Ethan must be some sort of sociopath in order to not give a shit about the havoc he's brought into my life.
 

I stop gathering and folding clothes when Ethan grabs me gently by the wrist.
 

"I have a drug problem, Elizabeth," he says with earnest. "I hid it from you, from my teammates, from everyone."

If he's looking for sympathy, I'm not ready to give it to him.

"Who were those men that broke into my apartment, and hurt me, and stole my money Ethan?"

"What money?" He asks incredulously.

I can't tell if he's lying, and it's annoying that I have to second-guess everything he says.

"Why are you acting clueless all of a sudden Ethan? All the money I saved working at The Tavern. The money I told you I was going to live on for the next year. It was hidden in some empty tampon boxes in my bathroom."

"I knew you were saving, Bitsy, but you never said that it was in the house. I didn't know they took your money. I didn't know that there was any money to take."

Not likely. I'm sure I'd mentioned at least once that I had money stashed in my apartment.

"So what do you know about that night exactly?" I ask.

"They were men that I bought drugs from and as I got further up shit's creek, they turned into men I sold drugs for. I owed them a shitload of money, and I couldn't ask my parents for it. They'd obviously know something was up. So I thought I'd sell temporarily to make the money back. Kids were buying drugs anyway on campus, so I figured why not from me?
 

"But I didn't realize just how hard it is to deal on campus, and I wasn't moving it fast enough. I was late on my payments, and I thought I had a little more time to figure things out, but they decided the night we were together that I was out of time. They had been following us the whole night."

Okay, so that explains why he was acting weird that whole night. His sixth sense must have been trying to tell him something. That and the fact that he was probably high.

"So why did you act like you didn't know what they were talking about when they asked you about the drugs? When they threatened to hurt me if you didn't answer correctly. You made them angry Ethan. Purposely. Why would you let them hurt me knowing that you had their drugs the whole time?"

I'm doing my best not to break down in tears for the millionth time over this whole thing. Just reliving that whole night makes me very emotional though. Not just because it was painful to be hit by a grown man (because it was), but more so because I'd been betrayed by someone I trusted. Someone I had just moments ago given my body to. Someone I thought could possibly be my forever guy.

"Because I was high that night. Because I was in over my head. Because–"

"You're a natural born liar."

"That's right Bitsy." He sighs. "Because I'm a liar and a coward."

"So you were definitely high then when we had sex?"
 

"Yes." Ethan hangs his head low with his response.
 

I'm not sure I should have even asked him that. The knowledge of it makes me feel empty. It was all meaningless for him.

"I did my best to keep it away from you, Bitsy, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself. I talked myself into believing that I had things under control when it's obvious now that I didn't. I was high during many important moments over the last two years, but I most regret being high on that night. Especially because I was with you."

He's saying all the right things, but I'm not totally sold. I check the neon green numbers on the alarm clock to see how long he's been talking. I want to make sure that I stick to my ten minute rule. If I let him talk too long, I may falter and actually forgive his lying butt.

"And why did I wake up alone after being knocked out? Where did you go?"

"They made me take them to where I had the rest of the drugs stashed. They wanted them back, and they weren't taking no for an answer. I couldn't call an ambulance for you. I couldn't do shit. I actually thought it was the best thing I could do for you. Getting them the hell out of there I mean."

Oh please.

"And why aren't you still in a rehab in Arizona like your rude ass father told me you were? If you have such a drug problem, shouldn't you be there?"

"I know my dad's an ass. I'm sorry for whatever he may have said to you."

"He tried to pay me off Ethan. Pay me to not say anything about what happened that night. Pay me to not take your calls. Although you never called, so that wasn't really an issue was it?"

Ethan hangs his head down even lower.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know he did that."

"He didn't even ask how I was. He doesn't think too much of me I take it. Just like his son."

Silence.

"So continue." I say. "What happened with rehab?"

"I left rehab."

"Really? Why did you do that? Because you haven't been in there long enough to go through any sort of real treatment program."

"I signed myself out. Truth is I have to find a swim club that will take me in, so I can get my life back on track, before I blow my chance, Bitsy. I can't do that in a residential treatment facility. Swimming is my future. The Olympics is all I've ever wanted. It's all I've got. I can find an out treatment program at home."

"Home?"

"In Philly."

"You're coming back to Philadelphia?"
 

I'm absolutely appalled that he'd move back. The city is not big enough for the two of us. It just isn't.
 

"Yes, for a lot of reasons."

He looks at me pitifully as if to insinuate that I'm one of those reasons.

Oh hell to the no!

"Well your ten minutes are up, and I think I've heard everything that I need to hear. Oh wait a minute, not everything. I just want to know what you're doing here in The Bahamas?"

"Just getting a little rest before I get back to the real world."

"So this is a vacation for you?" I ask incredulously.

"I guess you could call it that."
 

He looks at me as if he's hesitant to say more. As if he feels guilty for enjoying his life. Good. He should feel like crap.

"Unbelievable."

"What is?"

"That you happen to coincidentally see me at a bar in the frackin' Bahamas. I mean what are the chances."

"Maybe it's fate."

"I doubt it." I roll my eyes. "One more question Ethan. When were you planning on contacting me to apologize? To check and see if I was even alive and well? It's been weeks and you're out here frackin' vacationing? I didn't deserve one phone call?"

"I swear I was coming straight to you when I got back to Philly, Bitsy. You were going to be my first stop. I wanted to get my shit together first. I didn't want to come to you a mess."

"I don't live in that apartment anymore. You wouldn't have found me."

"We have plenty of mutual friends. Just because you moved doesn't mean I wouldn't have found you."

"Our mutual friends seem to only be your friends now. I haven't spoken to any of them since this whole thing happened."

"No one?" He asks suspiciously.

"What are you insinuating?"

"Haven't you been talking to Jagger?"

"How do you know that?"

Has Jagger been telling him?

"Like I said, we have mutual friends that make it their business to keep me updated on you. You're my girl, Bitsy. No matter how much I messed up, you are still my sweet, smart girlfriend who I'm going to marry one day. I just need to prove to you that I'm okay now."

I'm still standing in the middle of the room, shifting side to side uncomfortably. I'm listening to the words coming out of his mouth, and immediately all I can think about is Roman. I'm thinking that even if I considered for one moment taking Ethan back, what that would mean for the two of us.

"So where are you living now, and why are you in the Bahamas?" He asks.

"You don't have the privilege of asking me questions about my life Ethan."

Ethan stands up and moves closer to me.

"You've really changed, Bitsy."

And for the first time since I've known Ethan … I feel absolutely nothing.

"Yeah, you keep saying that."

CHAPTER FIVE

ELIZABETH

There is a sudden, urgent, knocking at the door of my hotel room. Whoever it is doesn't have the common decency to knock like a normal person, but instead pounds on my door like they're the frackin' police. With my drug dealing ex in my room, goodness knows it just may just be the police.

Ethan moves quickly to answer the door before I have a chance to. Like he's worried that it may be trouble coming again for him. Or perhaps he considers his charge to the door as an act of protection of me, since he did such a piss poor job of it not so long ago. Seeing him walk with some sort of valiant purpose to answer my door reminds me for just a moment some of what I used to see in him. At least physically.
 

Ethan has a tall, lean swimmer's body and the face of a celebrity, which I found very attractive once upon a time. And while he's not drop dead yummy like Roman (although I hate to even make the comparison); Ethan has always had an air of confidence about him that I didn't see in most twenty or twenty-one year old guys at school. Of course all of that was attractive, until it wasn't any longer. Until I learned the hard way that it was all a huge lie. A front.

He attempts looking through the peephole to see who it is on the other side of the door, but the peephole appears to be purposely covered.
 

"Who is it?" Ethan asks through the door in an octave lower than his normal voice.
 

It would be almost comical if I wasn't worried about who was on the other side my damn self.

The pounding stops and now there is an eerie silence.
 

I feel a tingle across the back of my neck, and then I immediately recognize the voice spewing angry words that are being said loud enough for the entire floor of the hotel to hear.

"Open this fucking door right now cocksucker."

My heart begins thumping so loudly, that I'm afraid it will pump straight through my chest. For a fleeting moment, I think I see fear shoot across Ethan's face, and then next I notice confusion. He's not sure who this is on the other side of my door, but also seems relieved that he doesn't recognize the voice.

But of course I do.

"Who are you calling a cocksucker asshole?" Ethan whips the door open with a false sense of bravado.

I feel a bit of déjà vu, because once again I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, frightened as hell at the possibility of what may happen next. Just like the night of the attack. Except this time is slightly different. This time there isn't some dead-eyed, Shrek-covered, criminal itching to hurt me. This time it's my wild-eyed cousin itching to beat the shit out of at least one of us.
 

He is fuming.
 

The scar under his left eye twitching.
 

His fingers curling and flexing.

And he's so frackin' beautiful right now that it hurts. Damn I missed him, and it hasn't even been that long.
 

"Is there any other cocksucker in this room?" Roman asks in a very antagonistic fashion, as he pushes his way through the threshold and allows the door to slam shut.