Covered in Coal (17 page)

She kisses me on the chin, and smiles. “I had fun. I didn’t realize how much I missed the mountains. I guess living at the beach for so long, I forgot how beautiful the hills are. It’s peaceful here, and for the first time in forever, my mind actually shut off. I’ll admit, I was a pissed hornet when I first realized what we were doing today, but I’m glad you made me come along. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, darlin’. I just wanna see you smile more, Carly Jo. I want us to rebuild what we once had. But we can’t do that unless you trust me. I’m tryin’.”

“I’m trying too, Colton, but it ain’t easy. Just don’t push too hard.”

“I’ll try not to.” I whisper against her ear, then stand, and pull her to her feet. “Now, let’s get home, I’m freezin’ my balls off. If it gets much colder, you’re gonna have to warm ‘em up for me.” I wink at her. Carly Jo grins, swattin’ at my chest and rolls her eyes at me. “What? Ya can’t blame me for tryin’!” I smirk, and swat at her thick ass.

We grab our things and head back down the hill to load up the side-by-side on the trailer. Carly Jo climbs in the truck and starts the engine to warm herself up while I’m tyin’ down the straps. When I climb inside, I see that she has her face pressed up against the glass, glarin’ up at the moon.

“Ya okay?” I ask, tuggin’ her closer to my side. She slides across the seat willingly and rests her up against my shoulder.

“I’m good.”

We ride in silence through the mountains, slowly makin’ our way back down to the main road. The road is rough and bumpy, brush and trees scratchin’ at the truck as we pass through.

“Come to the Smokey’s with us for Thanksgivin’.” I don’t ask…I quit askin’ this woman any damn thing a long time ago. Goin’ to the Smokey’s for Thanksgivin’ is a tradition our family has carried on since I was a kid. Momma, Pop, Heidi Jo and me all go down to the cabin for the week, and just relax. I take Heidi Jo out to the woods to explore, but other than that, it’s really just a simple week away from Kentucky. Carly Jo raises her head and just looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Can’t. I already promised Savannah I’d spend Thanksgiving with her family. Elizabeth is coming also, so it’s kinda a big deal; for Savannah anyways.”

“Okay, if you change your mind, tell me. Momma and Pops’ own a cabin down there, and we go every year. But if you’ll go I’ll rent us our own cabin.”

“Can’t change my mind, Colton. I won’t break a promise to Savannah. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. But don’t promise her anything for Christmas, because there’s no damn way we are spendin’ it apart, ‘kay?”

“I’ll not promise either of you anything, how’s that sound?” She asks as she begins to chew on her damn lip. I’m about to bite it the hell off. That little statement pisses me off, because I know, this is just her way, of pushin’ me away, not lettin’ me close enough to leave my mark. But instead of endin’ the evenin’ with a fight, or seein’ her cry, I just nod and drop the topic.

We pull up to her house, and I help her out of the truck, then walk her to the door. I remind her about our dinner date for tomorrow night, and pull her into a soft goodnight kiss. She kisses me deeper than I expected, but I pull away quickly, tryin’ to give her the space she keeps askin’ for. She sends all these damn mixed signals, and sometimes I don’t know which way is up. I tell her goodnight and kiss her on the forehead before makin’ my way back to the truck to head home.

Carly

Agreeing to try to have a relationship with Colton has proven to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He pushes, and he pushes hard. I love nothing more than being wrapped up in his arms, but I’m fighting with myself that with each day that we spend together, the more comfortable I’ll get. The more comfortable that I get, the more unguarded my heart becomes. We’ve had a few date nights, but the more time we spend together, the deeper he pulls me under. I’m slowly beginning to trust him, regardless of how hard I fight it.

Trust. Damn, if I ain’t one to talk. Colton has no idea about my friendship with Luke, and I don’t really know why I am trying to hide that friendship from him. Colton and I aren’t in an exclusive relationship, we are just trying to build one.

Luke and I see each other for lunch weekly. Never anything planned, we just always end up together at The Village Diner, eat together, and talk. I’ve learned that Luke is broken beyond repair, but I don’t know why. He never talks about his pain, but I can read it in his eyes.

Colton is very over protective and possessive. He would strangle Luke and rid him of his misery if he knew we were friends, or if he knew the way Luke looks at me. I don’t think he really looks at me in a sexual way, but as if he is peering into my soul, trying to connect to me.  But maybe it’s my guilty conscience lurking, picking away at me, because I do have a strong attraction to Luke.

And then there is the secret I uncovered about my long lost brother, Drew Varney. I’ve kept these secrets buried deep within myself. Telling Colton about Drew wouldn’t change anything between us, but this secret is safer with me.

How do you unveil to your sister and mother that you have a brother that your father kept hidden away, but within his reach for nearly 30 years? You don’t. You bury that down deep, beneath the earth, and ignore the secret’s existence.

But how long can something that explosive be ignored? How long, before that secret begins to creep its way to the surface, peeking its ugly little head out just when you least expect it? Secrets. They are meant to be kept, but always threaten to destroy the foundation of trust that you have built with the ones you love, the ones you want to protect. Knowing that Daddy had a second family absolutely disgusts me. Every time I try to decode the secrets of his past, I get tangled deeper within his web of lies, and I hate him a little more. It’s so clear to me now, that Daddy certainly wasn’t the man I thought he was. I know I can share any of this with Colton, but I’m just not ready to tell anyone about what I’ve uncovered about Drew or Daddy’s past.

Today is a dreadful day.  My momma, Elizabeth Simon, is visiting for Thanksgiving. I haven’t saw or spoke to my momma in over seven years. Don’t get me wrong, I love my momma. I mean, she carried me for nine months and labored in pain for twelve hours to bring me into this world.
She raised me during the most memorable part of my childhood. But she turned her back on us, and walked away when I was only seven years old.

Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic. She called regularly, sent birthday presents, and we visited with her and her husband, Garrett, in Florida every Christmas. I know that she and Daddy didn’t have the best relationship.

When she left Daddy, she ran from Kentucky to Florida and never looked back.  She claimed the sunshine would help heal her wounded heart. I always found that funny…her wounded heart. Once I was older I realized that she and Daddy never were meant to be, if her heart was merely wounded when they split up. Hell, Colton shattered mine. But that’s what true love does to ya when you lose it. It shatters you, heart, mind, body and soul, leaving nothing behind but a million tiny shards. Momma never was broken, only wounded.

But her wound healed quickly, once she met Garrett. She remarried within a couple years, and never looked back. She only visited Kentucky when Savannah and I both graduated high school, and even those visits were very short lived.

Growing up without Momma left a void in my heart. Luckily, Savannah was always by my side to get me through the most despairing times that Daddy couldn’t handle. Such as getting my period, boy talk…SEX talk. Momma was always just a phone call away, but talking about boys and sex on the phone to my momma would just be weird. In fact, the older I got, talking to Momma at all, always left me with a deer in headlights kinda reaction. I didn’t truly know her, her likes, or how to talk to her. So our conversations were always mundane and boring. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t harbor any frustration towards her for leaving us. And since finding out about Drew, I have even more questions that I want to ask her. She has to know something.

I still haven’t mentioned anything to Savannah about Drew, and to be honest, I don’t even know how to unload something that explosive on her. I find it ironic that the more secrets I try to dig up, the deeper I bury those of my own.

Savannah is hosting Thanksgiving at her house, and begged and pleaded with me to help prepare dinner. She babbled on and on about ‘quality sister time’ and ‘making new traditions.’ So here I am, adorning an ugly ass granny apron, with my shirt sleeves rolled up, elbow deep in turkey guts. Way to go for a new tradition, Sis. Bitch! Dear God, why didn’t I go to Tennessee with Colton and his family?

Brailee is loving it, though. She begged to pull the neck and giblets out, and is now dissecting them each in a bowl while Savannah and I work on other preparations. Brayden is quietly playing in his room with his Tonka trucks, while Josh is sprawled out across the couch with a long neck, watching football. All morning long he’s been on Savannah’s ass about rushing dinner, and how he expects it will taste like shit. She presses that he is just kiddin’, that it’s the alcohol talking. But I can see that with each remark, her cheerful spirit diminishes. Stupid ass bastard. I’d love nothing more than to shove this turkey baster up his ass, sideways. 

Just as we remove the turkey from the oven, the doorbell rings, and Brailee and Braden both break their necks, rushing to the front door to open it. Squeals and laughter erupt from the living room, as they are reunited with my momma, Elizabeth. Savannah pads off to greet her. Me, I stay behind, hidden in the kitchen trying to appear too busy to break away from my task.

After a few minutes, they all come into the kitchen, and Momma shouts, “Oh my goodness, Carly Jo, I didn’t think you’d come!” as she rushes to embrace me. She wraps her small arms around my neck, and gives me a long, tight squeeze, then holds me out at arm’s length, turning me around, looking me over.

“I can’t believe it. You are a striking young lady. I’m just in awe.” She gasps, grasping her chest. I can feel my cheeks redden at her excitement. I feel as if every pair of eyes in the room are trained on me, and I have never been one to draw attention to myself.

“Glad to see you too, Momma. You look gorgeous as always. Ain’t you supposed to be gettin’ old? You have grandkids now!” I kid with her, trying to lighten the mood. What mood? My own I guess, as everyone else is relishing in the moment.
             

Savannah, Momma, and I set the table, and Josh begins to carve the turkey. For the first time in many many years, the Simon ladies are all together for Thanksgiving. We join hands to say a prayer of thanks, then prepare our plates to enjoy what I hope will be a delicious dinner. We eat quietly for the first few minutes, before Momma finally speaks up, and begins to make conversation with the twins. Savannah joins in, while Josh and I both eat quietly, neither of us acknowledging the other, or the conversation. 

As soon as I have cleaned my plate, I don’t even bother with gorging myself with holiday seconds. I’m tense and annoyed. So I start to clean the kitchen, trying to busy myself. Savannah and Momma join me a short while later, but I urge them both to leave the mess to me, shoving pumpkin pie and coffee in their direction. Savannah can’t resist pumpkin pie, so she happily takes it, turning on her heels, with Momma and Brailee following promptly behind her. I put away all of the leftovers, start the dishwasher and finish cleaning the kitchen. Within an hour, everything is sparkly clean again.

The house is quiet. Josh and Brayden are snoozing away on the couch, while the sounds of helmets clashing and angry grumbles erupt from the speakers of the television.  I can hear Momma and Savannah talking in the family room, and I fight with myself over joining them. I have too many questions for her, I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to ruin the holiday for Savannah and her family by creating drama.

I pad down the hall to the family room, peeking my head in. Maybe I can keep the conversation light. Their conversation doesn’t falter as I enter. I sit down on the end of the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest, and bracing my arms tightly around my legs.

Momma is talking about the cruise she and Garrett just returned from the Bahamas. She explains the island oasis in detail, lush with green palm trees stretching far into the clear blue sky and the tranquil crystal blue water that you can see through, deep into the ocean. They spent their days lounging on the white sandy beaches, letting the sounds of the ocean waves crashing against the shore, lull their relaxation. I’ve never been to the Bahamas, but I know the sound she is describing, and in this moment, I miss my life back in Myrtle Beach.

I close my eyes, and remember the last day I spent on the beach. I imagine the cool grainy sand massaging my feet as I pad across the beach to the shoreline. The water is crisp, but refreshing against my skin. I sit down, toes in the water, ass in the sand, and look up at the cloudy blue sky. It’s a beautiful fall day, the wind breezing through my hair.  I continue imagining my personal oasis, as I lace my fingers behind my head and imagine laying back on the cold damp sand. Just as I drift deeper into my thought, Momma speaks up, startling me.

“Carly, are you planning to take a nap, right here, right now? My heavens child, I’m sure Savannah can show you to the guest room, if you are that tired.” She sneers, as she sips her coffee.

She has always been prim and proper, one quality that I despise. I stretch my arms towards the ceiling, and inhale a deep breath, saddened by my surroundings. The clear ocean air is heaven, compared to that damn pumpkin scented candle that Savannah has burning. What the hell is it with her and pumpkin?

“No, Momma, I was just listening to you, telling us about the Bahamas, and got carried away with my imagination.” I add, rolling my eyes at her.

“I’m gonna lay Brailee down in her bed. Why don’t you two catch up? I’ll give you some time alone.” Savannah says, lifting a sleeping Brailee into her arms, and tip toeing out of the room. The room falls silent, as tension smothers me and Momma. She looks to me, then down at her coffee, scrunching her forehead. I bite my lip then crack my knuckles.

“Oh heavens, you still crack your knuckles. I cringe at that sound. Your father taught you that nasty habit. I swear when you were little, you were stuck to him like glue, always on his lap, sipping his coffee, following right behind him wherever he went.” She sneers, shaking her head. “You know, I had to dress you in sw
eatpants, and t-shirts instead of hair bows and frilly dresses for too long, because you were always going to the mines with him. It’s a wonder you ever became a cheerleader, and not a tom boy.” She laughs, then sips at her coffee.

“Momma, why did you and Daddy divorce? Why did you leave Savannah and me?” I spit out quickly. Momma’s face falls and she huffs.

“Damn it, Carly, do we really have to go through this again? You are a grown woman, you should understand by now that some people just aren’t meant to be together. In fact, isn’t that why you ran away, because you couldn’t handle Colton Weston’s rejection?”

I sit up, straightening my back as I take a deep breath, and try to guard my voice from the scream that is dying to escape me. “Damn me? Damn you! You’re our momma, and you left us! Was your life so miserable, being married with two little girls that as soon as you found your escape you ran away, leaving us behind? And yea, I bolted when Colton and I broke up, but perhaps that’s the only damned thing I ever learned from you, was to run when life gets tough!” I can feel the heat in my face, as my blood boils, and my temper flares. Momma’s face goes white and she begins to gasp, as if the breath has been sucked right from her. She stands up, and walks over the window, peeking out, taking heavy breaths. I sit back, and continue chewing on my lip. The tension between us is terrifying, and in this moment, I debate fight or flight. I’ve already
opened up this can of worms, and since she possibly holds the answer to my questions, I decide to fight. Just as I open my mouth to smart off again, Momma speaks up.

“Carly, you were young, and there are so many things that you don’t remember. You loved your daddy. He was your world. Lord, rest his soul. There is no sense in tarnishing your memory of John. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. All I can do is be the Momma you deserve now.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’m twenty-five, Momma! You walked away from us when I was just seven. What would make you think you would be welcomed back in open arms after only seeing me a few times over these last eighteen years? That’s not how this works. You missed the greatest moments of my childhood, teen years, and because of that you’ll miss my adult life.”

“Do you think that I don’t hurt over everything that I missed in your’s and Savannah’s lives? I do, and I hate myself for not being there each and every day. Did you ever consider that I wasn’t allowed to participate in your lives? There are two sides to every story, Carly. You better remember that.” Momma says, as tears begin to fall down her cheeks.