Covet (21 page)

chris

I close my eyes and hold Claire in my arms, replaying the events of the evening in my mind. The first image I revisit is Claire standing naked in our bedroom. Even the antidepressants and their unwelcome side effects couldn’t dampen the way I felt when I walked into the room. To see her standing there like that took my breath away.

I watched her turn heads tonight, and I realized that I’ve been so wrapped up in my own life I never once thought about what she’d do if another man hit on her. I’m thinking about it now, and I don’t like it.

I’m worried about what will happen if I stop taking the antidepressants. I don’t know if I can handle the pressure. Maybe they’re just a crutch, and I don’t really need them anymore. Then instead of holding my wife I could make love to her.

If I’m wrong, I might lose everything I’ve gained.

But if I’m right, I might be able to have it all.

claire

I’m driving home after dropping off Josh and Jordan at their respective after-school activities when my cell phone rings. A quick glance at the screen brings a smile to my face. “Hey,” I say when I answer. “I was just thinking about you.”

“One of my fellow officers just pulled over a friend of yours,” Daniel says. “The one who drinks a lot. Julia.”

“What?” I’m confused about how Daniel knows this information. “Where?”

“A couple of miles from your neighborhood. A neighbor noticed her swerving and called the police. She failed the field sobriety test and the Breathalyzer. Her kids are in the car.”

Oh, Jesus.

Daniel continues. “She tried to talk him out of arresting her by giving him my name. She said I was ‘Claire’s friend.’”

“Where is she now?” I ask.

“She’s still there. The officer is waiting to take her in because he needs someone to come get the kids. How far away are you?”

I give him my location and he tells me where Julia is.

“How long will it take you to get there?”

“Less than ten minutes.”

Daniel stays on the line until I reach the flashing lights and the two cars parked on the shoulder of the road. It’s heavily traveled and the cars in front of me slow to see what’s going on. I pull up behind the police car.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Just take the kids home with you. Call her husband and tell him he’ll need to post bail. Are you okay, Claire? Can you handle this? I can come meet you if you need help.”

My stomach does an odd flip. I want no part of this drama I’ve been unwillingly pulled into, but I think of Julia’s girls and how scared and confused they must be. “No. I’m fine. I’ll take care of it. I’ll call you later,” I tell Daniel and disconnect the call. I get out of the car and the officer approaches me. Julia is in the back of the police car but her girls are still in the backseat of her minivan.

“Hi. Thanks for coming. I’m Officer Hill.”

“Claire Canton.” I shake his proffered hand. “Can I speak to the girls first?”

“Yes. That’s a good idea.”

I open the door to the minivan and stick my head inside, a comforting smile on my face. The girls’ frightened expressions tug at my heartstrings, so I smile warmly and speak in a soothing voice.

“Everything’s okay. The police are here to make sure everyone drives safely and they just want to talk to your mom for a minute, okay?”

They nod silently, unsure of how to respond. Of course they don’t know what to say. They’re children.

“Stay in your seats. I’ll be right back.”

Tears run down five-year-old Hillary’s face as she nods solemnly. Three-year-old Beth remains blissfully clueless.

I approach the police car and the officer opens the door so I can slide in beside Julia. Her hair hangs in her eyes and mascara streaks her cheeks. The smell of alcohol fills the car. She won’t even look at me. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket.

“Where would Justin be right now? Is he on his way home?”

Suddenly, I have her attention. Her head snaps up and she begs silently, eyes blazing, imploring me not to make the call. I wait patiently. This ends now. Her shoulders slump in defeat.

“He’s probably with his girlfriend,” she says, slurring a bit. But she mostly sounds sad.

Justin has a girlfriend? And Julia knows about this?

I don’t even know what to say about that, but I have more pressing things to worry about. I scroll through my contacts and call Justin. When he answers I begin to speak.

“It’s Claire. Julia got pulled over for drunk driving. I have a friend on the police force and he called me. I’m with her now.”

Justin inhales sharply and there’s a slight pause before he says, “Fuck.” He exhales and asks, “What now?”

“The officer is going to arrest her.” Beside me, Julia starts crying. “Listen to me, Justin. Your daughters were with her. They were sitting in the backseat while your wife swerved her way out of our neighborhood. Check Julia into rehab immediately and pray they don’t slap her with child endangerment.”

Julia cries harder and a figurative thud echoes through the car as she hits rock bottom.

Of course he agrees.

I tell him I’ll drive the girls home and wait for him there.

“I’ll head down to the station,” he says. “Tell Julia I’m on my way.”

“Okay.”

“Claire?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks.”

“Sure.”

The officer helps me install Beth and Hillary’s car and booster seats in my SUV and we strap the girls in. I’m grateful that they don’t really know what’s going on and that the memory will fade by the time they’re old enough to realize what happened. At least I hope it will. After I shut the door I turn to Officer Hill and say, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he says.

I lean back in the open door of the squad car. “I’m going to take the girls to my house. I’ll make them dinner and they can play with Josh and Jordan when they get home.”

Julia wipes her eyes and nods.

“It’ll be okay,” I say, giving her hand a quick squeeze.

Silence fills the car on our way home, and my mood feels as gray as the sky on this blustery March day. Spring seems a lifetime away. I turn up the heat so the girls won’t be cold. Maybe I should open a dialogue with them, comfort them somehow with words, but then I decide that the less talking I do, the better. The radio plays softly and the minutes pass like hours.

At home, I get out some coloring books and crayons and ask the girls if they want a snack.

“When is my mom coming back?” Hillary asks.

“Your dad’s going to pick her up and they’ll both come here to get you in a little while.” I smile and try my best to add some normalcy to the situation.

Later, when Josh and Jordan are home and all four children have eaten dinner, I put in a DVD and they huddle on the couch in the family room, engrossed in the film. I step into the kitchen and call Daniel.

“Hi,” I say when he answers.

“Hey. How are you?” I can picture him sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table. Smiling.

“I’m tired. That was a bit draining.”

“I knew it would be,” he says. “How are the kids?”

“They’re doing okay.”

“I made a call. Julia’s been processed and released. They’ll probably be there soon.”

“Thanks.”

“Think she’ll get the help she needs?”

“I hope so. I’m hoping her husband will step up a little. But guess what—she told me he has a girlfriend!”

“What?”

“Yeah. So not only is he unfaithful to her, she knows about it.” I can’t condone her coping method, but she has my sympathy for her marital situation.

“Wow,” Daniel says. “That’s too bad.”

A car door slams outside. “Listen. I think they’re here. I have to go.”

“I’ll call you later,” Daniel says.

I open the front door and watch as Justin leads Julia up the sidewalk, his arm around her. After several hours, she seems more sober. They come inside and it brings tears to my eyes when Julia softly calls out, “Girls?” They go to her, and she pulls them close, one arm thrown over each of them. They don’t understand their mother’s need for comfort, but they give it anyway, unconditionally. Justin stands nearby, watching. He looks me in the eye and he doesn’t have to utter a word for me to know he’s grateful. Whatever he’s planning to say to Julia, the things he needs to say, can wait until tomorrow. But he will say them. Of this I am fairly certain.

He loves his girls and deep down I hope that he still loves Julia.

claire

Jordan has been invited to a slumber party, to celebrate a classmate’s birthday. We carefully pack her overnight bag making sure to include her stuffed kitty and her pajamas. Her excitement knows no bounds, and she talks a mile a minute about the pizza they’re going to eat and the movie they’re going to see.

“I’ll have my phone with me at all times, so if you need me, just call,” I say, mostly to reassure myself.

“I won’t need you,” she says. She won’t either, this self-assured social butterfly who enjoys the company of her friends almost as much as her own family. Maybe more.

“Okay. But you know where to find me if you change your mind.”

Josh and I are on our way home from dropping Jordan off when my phone rings.

“Does Josh want to go to the speedway with Skip and Travis tonight? It’s the opening event of the season.”

I know the answer to that without asking, but I pull the phone away from my ear and say, “Skip and Travis are going to watch the car races. Want to go with them?”

“Yes!”

I put the phone back to my ear. “I’m assuming you heard that,” I say, laughing.

“Loud and clear. Skip will pick him up in an hour. Travis wants Josh to sleep over. Okay with you?”

“Sure. Let me know if you need anything.”

“We’ll be fine,” Elisa says.

Daniel’s working tonight. After Josh leaves with Skip and Travis I putter around the house, straightening up and doing a couple of loads of laundry. Restless, I turn on some music and flip through a magazine. My phone rings and I smile because I was hoping that he’d call.

“Hi,” I say. “Are you on your dinner break?”

“Yep,” he says. “What are you doing?”

“Skip just picked up Josh. He’s going to the races with him and Travis. Jordan is at a slumber party.”

Daniel processes this information quickly, and mere seconds pass before he asks, “Is he still out of town?”

“Yes, he’s not flying home this weekend at all.”

“Can you come over later?” he asks, his voice hopeful. “I’ll try to get off early. You might have to wait a little while.”

“That’s okay. I’ll watch TV or read until you get home.” I’ve known since I received Elisa’s call that I would say yes when he asked.

I finish a few things around the house and by eight fifteen I’m pulling into Daniel’s driveway. There’s a light on, in the kitchen I think, but maybe he forgot to turn it off before he left for work. I punch the code into the garage keypad and wait for the door to go up.

I open the door leading into the house and walk down the hallway, freezing in place when a man saunters out of the kitchen. He looks like a slightly younger version of Daniel, but a bit scruffier, and if I wasn’t so sure of who it was, I’d be turning on my heel to bolt. His hair is longer, his jeans are ripped, and the well-worn leather jacket he’s wearing gives him the opposite appearance of his clean-cut sibling. He holds a bottle of beer in his hand and he raises it to his mouth and takes a drink.

We study each other. “You must be Dylan,” I finally say.

“I am.” He takes a step forward, scrutinizing me. “Who are you?”

“Claire. I’m a friend of Daniel’s.”

His face transforms, and I see firsthand what Daniel meant when he said Dylan was a charmer; his eyes all but twinkle. “Daniel never mentioned you,” he says, coming closer. “I wonder why that is. Want a beer?”

“No thanks.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” I leave the kitchen and sit down on the couch in the living room, thumbing through the magazine that I left on Daniel’s coffee table a week ago. Dylan follows and makes himself at home, sitting in the leather chair that’s angled toward the couch.

“I didn’t see a car,” I say.

“A friend dropped me off.”

“Did Daniel know you were coming?” I’d love to whip out my phone and send Daniel a text, but I’m pretty sure the message and recipient would be painfully obvious to Dylan.

“Maybe,” he says vaguely, placing his empty beer bottle on the coffee table. I glance discreetly at my watch. It’s only eight thirty. Hopefully Daniel won’t be much longer.

“So, tell me about yourself, Claire.”

I shake my head. “Not much to tell.”

I’m saved from any further questioning when headlights sweep into the driveway. The garage door goes up, and a minute later, Daniel walks into the house. He doesn’t miss a beat when he sees his brother. From what Daniel has told me, Dylan’s appearances are sporadic and rarely planned.

“When did you show up?” he asks.

“Right before your girl.”

Daniel shakes his head and mutters, “I don’t know why I ever thought giving you the garage code was a good idea.”

“Thanks for the warm welcome,” Dylan says sarcastically, but his self-satisfied expression tells me he enjoys getting under Daniel’s skin.

“Are you staying here tonight?” Daniel asks.

“Nope. Just dropped by to say hey.”

Daniel catches my eye and smiles. He cocks his head in the direction of the bedroom and motions for me to come with him. I follow him down the hall and he closes the door once we’re both inside.

“I’m glad you came,” he says.

We haven’t had an evening together since the night we dined at Bella Cucina, when I fell asleep on Daniel’s lap. I vow there will be no repeat of that tonight, but I’m happy to be here with him.

I sit down on the bed as Daniel takes his gun out of the holster and opens the closet door. Crouching down, he opens the door of a small safe and places the gun inside. He unclips his radio and flashlight and connects them to the chargers that sit on the dresser. He takes off his belt and hangs it up in the closet.

“I’m not really in the mood for Dylan tonight.” Daniel unbuttons the shirt of his uniform and takes it off. His T-shirt and body armor follow, leaving him in just his pants. Daniel’s physical attributes rarely capture my attention, but occasionally, like right now, they’re hard to ignore. “I have no idea how long he’ll be here,” he says.

“That’s okay,” I say.

Daniel pauses with his hand on his zipper. “I don’t mind at all if you stay, but I’m going to take off my pants.”

I stand up immediately and he chuckles. “Thanks for the warning,” I say, smiling. “I’ll be in the living room.”

Dylan has helped himself to another beer and he’s slouched in the chair where we left him, looking bored. Daniel, now wearing jeans and a T-shirt, grabs his own beer from the kitchen and joins me on the couch.

“So,” Dylan says. “You and Claire. Is it serious? Mom and Dad didn’t mention her.”

I can’t believe he asked that right in front of me. It’s as if he’s ignoring the fact that I’m sitting right here. Ignoring it or he just doesn’t care.

“You’ve seen them?” Daniel asks.

“I stopped by earlier.”

“Wow, you really are making the rounds,” Daniel says, taking a drink of his beer. He sets down the bottle. “Mom and Dad have never met Claire.”

“Oh, sorry,” Dylan says. He turns toward me. “Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll introduce you at some point. He’s very proper that way.”

His patronizing tone irks me. “I’m not worried,” I say.

“It’s doubtful that I’ll be introducing Claire,” Daniel says.

“Oh come on, give it time. You’ll get there eventually.”

I can’t be sure if Dylan’s condescending attitude is genuine or just an affectation. It’s like watching someone play the part of the wronged and bitter sibling in a live stage play. Like it’s a game for Dylan. Look what a big asshole I can be.

“Well, I’m pretty sure we won’t, because Claire is married,” Daniel says.

“You’re kidding,” Dylan says. His eyes flick from Daniel and then back to me.

Though it probably shouldn’t, it pleases me a bit that Dylan didn’t see that coming.

He lets out a long, low whistle. “Wow, you’ve got some balls.” Dylan starts laughing, like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever said. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “What a fascinating juxtaposition. My brother, whose sole mission in life is to catch the wrongdoers, is messing with another man’s wife.”

“Sorry to ruin all your fun, but we’re just friends,” Daniel says, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Then those balls must be blue as hell because I can tell from all the way over here how much you want her.”

He did not just say that.

In a commanding tone, the kind he must reserve for the most hardened and serious offenders, Daniel says, “Get out.”

“Oh come on, Dan. Surely we can have this conversation. I mean, if there’s really nothing going on between the two of you.”

“Claire?” Daniel says. He doesn’t want me present for the epic argument they’re about to have, and I know by the tone of his voice what he’s asking. Looking over at him, I nod and walk down the hallway to his bedroom. I barely get the door shut and sit down cross-legged on Daniel’s bed before the fighting starts.

Their voices carry, but I can’t make out every word. Either they’re cognizant of the fact that I can still hear them or they’re trying hard to keep it civil. It really doesn’t matter because they abandon this censoring almost immediately, and it doesn’t take long before Daniel really lets loose. I will not be surprised if one of them throws a punch.

“You waltz into town, show up uninvited, and make a statement like that in front of a woman you met less than an hour ago? I know you don’t give a shit about anything or anyone, but what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Touched a nerve, did I?”

“I don’t need you to offer your commentary on a situation you know nothing about.”

“Well, you sure seem to want to give me your opinion on how I should live my life. You judge me constantly,” Dylan yells.

“That’s because you make fucking horrible choices!”

“How sanctimonious of you, especially considering the circumstances of your current relationship,” Dylan retaliates. “Call it whatever you want, but a married woman doesn’t let herself in on a Saturday night to wait for you if you’re just friends. And by the way, this shit never ends well.”

“Yes, you’re such an expert. You come and go whenever you feel like it and you’re gone again before anyone can get too comfortable. Don’t talk to me about my relationships, or how I spend my time. I’ve got this.”

“Really? You gonna build a life with her like you had with Jessie? Is she going to leave her husband for you?”

“I didn’t ask her to leave her husband,” Daniel says.

“Well, if she doesn’t, she’s just playing you, man.”

There’s more than a bit of truth to this statement, and hearing it out loud stings a bit. I’m not playing Daniel, but the truth is I have no intention of ripping my family apart. I never have.

“You know what, Dylan? We’re done here. I’m sure you’ve got someplace you need to be.” Daniel sounds more resigned than angry, like the fight’s been drained right out of him.

A door slams and the house goes silent. Moments later, Daniel walks into the bedroom. I swing my legs around so that I’m sitting on the edge of the bed with my feet on the floor. Before I can stand up, Daniel crosses the room and kneels down in front of me.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I smile sympathetically, knowing he’s probably worn out. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Daniel leans in a bit so that his upper body is between my legs. He places his hands flat on the bed, alongside my hips. Not quite touching them, but close. “I’m used to it. Dylan and I are never going to see eye to eye on anything. We just won’t.”

It’s so quiet and he’s so near. I fight the urge to run my fingers through his hair. “He’s right,” I say. “I don’t think anyone would understand if they knew how much time we spent together. Our phone calls. The texts . . .” It’s our thing, mine and Daniel’s. I don’t know any other way to explain it.

“Do you want me to stop calling you? Stop texting?” Daniel places his hands on my hips, pressing firmly, pulling me a few inches closer. The feel of his hands on me sends delicate shivers over my skin. My heart pounds and I feel the pressure, the ache, start to build between my legs. My body ignores the panicked signals my conscience is sending in favor of the more pleasurable sensations. Even more alarming, I think Daniel can sense how turned on I am. It’s the way he’s staring at me, observing my breathing and the flush I can feel heating my skin. I’m in way over my head, but I’m momentarily paralyzed and can’t seem to make myself swim to safer waters.

I answer his question with one of my own. “What he said? Is it true?” I already know the answer; I have for months. Just because we’ve never acted on it doesn’t mean I don’t hear the desire in his voice. See it in his eyes. But I want him to say it out loud.

“Of course it’s true,” he says. “But it’s so much more than that.”

When Daniel changed my flat tire he told me that friendship was all he was interested in, but I’m not entirely certain that he was telling the truth that night. Or maybe he was, because he thought he could handle it. Just like me.

My suspicions are confirmed a moment later when he stands and pulls me to my feet. Holding me close, his arms wrapped around me, he looks me in the eye and says, “I have no right to say this, and I’d never ask you to leave him.” Daniel’s voice is barely a whisper, but in the dead-silent room I have no trouble hearing what he says next. “But I wish you were mine.”