Cowboy Take Me Away (28 page)

Their eyes met.

“Let’s go home and I’ll put my hands on you some more.”

As they crossed the parking lot, she said, “How much whiskey did you have tonight?”

“A lot. Then I went completely stone cold sober the instant I saw you.”

“I imagine your wife going on a rampage in your favorite watering hole will do that to you.” She stopped. “You do realize us banging against the side of a honkytonk doesn’t change the fact that we have a lot to talk about?”

“Yeah.” He smirked. “But I love me some hot makeup sex. And that you demanded it from me? Made it even better, sugar.”

“And don’t you forget it. Get in the car.”

“I’m fine to drive my truck.”

Carolyn shook her head and pointed at the passenger side. He looked about to argue, but thought better of it and climbed in.

On the way home the silence between them was especially awkward. Carolyn kept both hands on the steering wheel and her eyes on the road. In her peripheral vision she saw him gazing out the window, his face unreadable. When she dropped her right hand on the seat, Carson immediately picked it up, kissed her knuckles and kept hold of it.

Oh, troubled man of mine, what’s going through that brain of yours?

Carson seemed surprised when they pulled up to the trailer. “Aren’t we stoppin’ to get the boys?”

“And wake Cal and Kimi when they were nice enough to take them at a moment’s notice? No. I’ll send you over to get them in the morning so you can properly apologize to my sister and your brother for being an inconsiderate jackass and thank them for taking care of our sons.”

“Caro—”

“I don’t want to hear it. Right now I want you to pull your jeans and your boxers down to your knees.”

He lifted that one, sexy eyebrow. “Why? You gonna spank me?”

“You’d deserve it. Drop your drawers,
sugar
, I ain’t gonna ask again,” she mimicked in his cowboy drawl.

“This mean and nasty streak from that sugar sweet mouth of yours is givin’ me wood,” he said as he unbuckled his belt and tugged his clothing down to the tops of his boots.

“Undo all the snaps on your shirt and spread your thighs as wide as the seat.” She held her hand up. “And no, you don’t get to ask questions. Just do what you’re told.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He hadn’t been kidding about getting hard again. She twisted sideways in her seat, rising onto her knees, bracing one hand on his thigh and the other on his rock-hard abdomen. She sucked his shaft to the root, loving the musky scent of his pubic hair and the taste of her sex juices mixed with his as she held him deep in her throat.

“Jesus Christ, Carolyn!”

She sank her teeth down, showing her displeasure at his choice of words.

“Shit. Sorry. But damn, woman, I wasn’t expectin’ that.”

She couldn’t help but smile as she started to work him over. Using her teeth, her tongue, her wet mouth to make him groan, to make him sweat.

To make him beg.

Carolyn reached between his legs to fondle his balls. Then she brought them up and sucked on them. One at a time, then together, letting her face rub on the side of his shaft.

His belly rippled and she felt his legs quivering.

She licked up the front side of his cock, flicking her tongue around the rim but not in the spot he wanted. She delved her tongue into the slit, lapping up his taste.

Carson gently pushed her hair over her shoulder so he could watch her.

Then she showed him all her passion and skill, but no mercy. She started a rhythm with long, deep strokes and gradually quickened her pace so her mouth only slid halfway down. Sucking. Swirling her tongue around the head then back to that fast movement in and out of her mouth. No hands, just her lips and teeth and tongue and hard suctioning power to drive him to that pinnacle of pleasure.

His hands landed on her head, grasping handfuls of her hair as his hips bucked up. A stream of muttered curses rent the air.

Carolyn lowered her mouth to the root again, deep throating him, swallowing around the head of his cock as he started to come. She slid back to the tip and sucked the last spurt, needing the familiar taste of him on her tongue.

She kissed her way up his torso, smiling at how hard his lungs labored and how fast his heart raced. She loved to nuzzle and stroke him after a blowjob, but this time she gripped his chin, forcing his attention to her. “Carson.”

“Hang on. Lemme get my head unscrambled.”

“No. Look at me. Now.”

Those beautiful dazed blue eyes opened.

She grabbed his softening cock and lightly squeezed. “Who does this belong to?”

“You.”

“And who am I?”

“My wife.”

She inched closer to him. “Remember that the next time floozies are sniffing around you. Remember who fucked you outside a bar. Remember who sucked you off in her car. Remember that you’ll never find a woman who gives you what I do in and out of bed. Remember you’re mine and I take care of what’s mine. But if you
ever
fuck around on me I will cut off your cock and wear it as a necklace.” She smashed her mouth to his, her kiss brutal. Relentless.

Carson’s rough-tipped fingers tenderly caressed her cheeks, her throat, drawing her out of the place where she had something to prove.

His gentleness was her undoing. His mouth moved over hers sweetly as he whispered promises against her lips. “I love you more than life itself. You don’t ever have to worry that I’ll stray. You own me; heart, soul, mind, body and cock. Forever.”

“Good. Come on, let’s go inside.”

He walked behind her. When she slipped the key in the lock, he kissed the back of her neck. “Need you. Skin to skin. Slow and sweet.”

Turned out she needed that too.

Afterward, they were spooned together on the couch, her back to his front. “That was…like it always used to be between us.”

Carson kissed the ball of her shoulder. “Yep.” He stopped idly stroking her nipple to spread his hand out on her belly.

Somehow her earlier self-assurance that she hadn’t started showing yet was a lie. She had a fairly substantial pooch.

“Carson?”

“Mmm?”

“I’m pregnant again.”

“I know you are.”

Carolyn turned toward him. “How?”

He kissed her nose. “We’ve been through this twice before, so I recognized the signs. I’m bettin’ it happened that night…?”

“During calving when you were nearly frozen solid and I used blankets and body heat to get you warmed up.”

“You got me downright hot. Three times if I recall correctly.”

“Four if you count the blowjob.”

He laughed. “Of course it counts. Speaking of…you sucking me off in the car pretty much blew my mind.”

“Been a while since I’ve done that. It’s a little hard to do with the boys along.” Her smile faded. “You okay about the baby?”

“Completely okay. So that makes you…”

“About four months along. I’ve been holding off going to the doctor.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “Like you said. I’ve been down this road twice.”

Carson became quiet and she knew he didn’t buy her reasoning. Finally he said, “You’re not goin’ because of money.”

“It’s not a big deal. By the time I’m closer to delivery and I need to see the doctor you’ll have sent the cattle to market and we will have the money.”

“You have no idea how much this eats at me.”

“What?”

“Bein’ a shitty provider for my family because the cattle business is a damn crapshoot on a good year. Christ. I can’t afford to get you the proper medical care. We’re still livin’ hand to mouth and in this cramped damn trailer. Happy as I am that we’re adding to our family, where are we gonna put another kid?”

Carolyn rolled to face him. She searched his eyes and saw such guilt and shame. “Carson. Sweetheart. What’s going on? You’re never so negative about ranching.”

“Maybe it’s never seemed this dire before.”

“Is that why you’ve been drinking?”

“Yeah. As much as I know it don’t help, it dulled that panicked feeling.”

“How long have you been panicked?”

“Since the cattle sale last year barely covered our yearly operating expenses.”

She pressed her palm over his heart. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“Because it’s my job to worry about money, not yours.”

“There’s your problem. It’s not a
you
thing or a
me
thing, but an
us
thing. We’ve been down this keeping secrets road before and it didn’t go well for us, remember?”

He kissed her furrowed brow. “I don’t know how the hell I forgot.”

“So talk to me.”

“Dad is still expanding the ranch, which is good in theory, but in reality, it don’t make sense to buy land when it’ll sit unused because we can’t afford to buy extra cattle. Not only that, we don’t have the manpower to run more livestock. Cal and Charlie are good workers. Casper sucks most days. Dad ain’t as spry as he used to be. And I can’t work anymore than I already am.”

Some of what he was saying made sense; some didn’t. Carolyn decided right then she needed to be more involved with the ins and outs of the cattle business.

“To make matters worse, whenever I question him, he reminds me the name on the land deed was his and the decisions about the ranch are still his. I’ve been thinking if I’m ready to pop my old man in the mouth every day, if maybe it’s time to go.”

“Go?”

Carson tucked her hair behind her ear. “Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like just to pack up and go somewhere else. Be someone else.”

How long had her man been wrestling with this? It tied her up in knots that he had kept it all inside. “I like who you are, Carson McKay. I really like that you’re talking to me about this. But I have to ask why it’s the first time you’ve opened up to me in pretty much the last year?”

He kept stroking her lower back. “I know how happy you were when Cal and Kimi got married. Your sister is back in your life and she lives next door. And don’t take this the wrong way, sugar, but I suspect you and Kimi share everything and there’s some stuff between a husband and a wife that shouldn’t be shared. Especially if that sister is married to my brother. He don’t need to be findin’ out stuff about the ranch and finances secondhand from his wife—it should come from me. So I’ll admit I’ve kept the problem with the ranch stuff close to the vest.”

He didn’t say
kept it from you
, but he didn’t have to. “I’d never do that. Sure, Kimi and I gossip, but it’s about our family—and I haven’t shared those West stories with you. Sometimes we talk about people at church or in the community that annoy us. We talk a lot about babies and the boys. We swap household tips, recipes, and sewing and knitting patterns—things you’d tune out fifteen seconds into the conversation.”

He smiled.

Carolyn put her hands on Carson’s cheeks. “My loyalty is to you. From the minute we married, now, and in the future.”

Silence stretched between them. Then in that gruff voice she adored, he said, “Sweet God in heaven, what did I ever do to deserve you?” He gifted her with a kiss so full of love her tears arose.

“Sugar, don’t cry.”

“Get used to it. You know how much I bawl when I’m pregnant and hormonal.”

“Never again. I’ll never give you cause to doubt me again. I promise.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“I know. But I’m done. It’s past time I step up to the responsibilities of bein’ a father that our sons can be proud of. Be the kind of son my dad takes pride in. My priority is to make sure you’re happy above all else.”

When the image wavered, Carolyn screamed
no
.

The next part was the good part. Where Carson lived up to his promises and then some. Where their marriage became stronger than ever. Where they added to their family, a baby boy they’d named Colton who was the spitting image of his father.

And like before, when she boomeranged back to the dark place, she questioned whether she’d ever really left it and if her mind was just playing cruel tricks on her.

Chapter Twenty-One

Hospital, Day 3—afternoon

So Carson was thinking about sex.

Nothing new there.

But he wasn’t fantasizing about the hot and sweaty pulse pounding moment when bodies connected, but the importance of touch. How even in their most intimate moments, he had to have his hands on Carolyn. Feeling her skin and reveling in her reaction to how he touched her.

So although he caressed her arm every second of those five minutes every hour, it wasn’t the connection he needed from her.

Reciprocation.

During his last hourly visit he’d barely spoken to her. He’d held her hand, willing her to squeeze it. He’d stroked her cheek, silently and stupidly begging her to turn toward his touch. He couldn’t lower his protective face shield to nuzzle her temple, hoping for just a hint of the scent of her skin or her makeup or her shampoo. A shower-cap looking apparatus covered her head from her eyebrows to the nape of her neck. It was a wound care protection that kept the wound draining and the area around it sterile.

Today her stillness bothered him. It reminded him of the days following his father’s first heart attack. The doctors had kept Jed sedated and on oxygen. Back then diagnosis took much longer, so for those few days, he and his brothers had no idea whether their father would live or die.

As hard as that wait-and-see time had dragged on for them, it’d had one positive outcome. When Jed McKay finally came to, he realized he wasn’t invincible. He understood changes had to be made to the existing structure of the McKay Ranch. So in the months that followed, Jed parceled out individual sections to all four of his sons. Carson ended up with the most land and cattle. Casper grumbled about it even when Jed explained the pro-rating system he’d been compiling over the years.

So the bottom line was Carson’s hard work hadn’t gone unnoticed and he’d finally been rewarded for it.

“Carson.”

He snapped to. His eyes flew open and he realized his daughter-in-law was right in his face. “Channing. Warn a guy, next time, will ya?”

“I said your name like four times.”

He eased back and scrubbed his hands over his face. Three days’ worth of whiskers scratched his palms. His neck hurt, his eyes burned, his stomach growled, his hip ached. Hard to believe he slept at all when he felt like a caged animal. “Sorry. I’m a little out of it.”

“That’s understandable. I’m assuming no change in Carolyn’s condition?”

“Nope.”

Channing backed off and perched in the chair across from him. She eyed the stacks of magazines. “I’m glad Quinn brought you a distraction.”

“Is that why you’re here, darlin’? To distract me?”

She cocked her head. “Not even close. But we’ll get to that in a bit.”

“Now you’re scarin’ me.”

“The almighty Carson McKay scared of little ol’ me?” She laughed. “That’ll be the day.”

“So what’s on your mind?”

“Besides the sad fact that the most thoughtful, generous, caring, sweetest, fiercest woman I know is lying in a hospital bed, fighting for her life? That’s pretty much all that’s on my mind, and anyone else’s mind who loves her. And who loves you.”

Uncomfortable, he looked down at his hands. “I know how Colby feels about her, Channing. But that don’t change nothin’. He can’t…”
See her like that
. He could at least admit to himself that it wasn’t only the threat of germs keeping everyone out of her hospital room, but the knowledge that Carolyn had always taken such pride in her appearance and she wouldn’t want people gawking at her like she’d become a science experiment.

“I didn’t show up to browbeat you about the parameters you set for your adult children regarding
your
wife; that, as adults, they should accept without question and understand since they’re all married themselves.”

He glanced up at her. “Well, that’s a relief.”

“However…I am here to browbeat you about something else.”

Shit. “What now?”

“While I know you’ve not let your personal hygiene slide entirely, you’re skating on that thin line. You haven’t been home, which means you’ve been wearing the same clothes since you rode here in the ambulance…three days ago.”

“So?

“So, you need to go home and shower, shave off the raggedy beard you’re sporting, and put on some clean clothes.”

He bristled—rightly so. “What part of
I ain’t leavin’ her
is confusing to you kids?”

Again, Channing got right in his face. “What part of you smell bad, you look like a hobo, and after three days of constant wear, your dirty, germ-laden clothes might be putting your wife at risk is confusing to you? Not to mention that Carolyn would seriously kick your ass if she saw you out in public like this.”

That gave him pause. Serious pause.

“You said yourself that nothing has changed with her condition and nothing will change for several more days. The doctors won’t attempt to wake her while you’re gone. So take a couple of hours. Get some fresh air. Clear your head and clean up, you’ll feel better for it. Plus, you left in an awful damn hurry so do a walkthrough of your house and give yourself piece of mind that all is safe on the home front. Get your cell phone charger since your phone is dead. And yes, I know that because my husband has bitched about not being able to get in touch with you. Not that you want to talk to him or your other kids. But at least if you had your phone charged you could check on cattle futures and play Farmville on Facebook.”

Right. Playing games on his phone? Never gonna happen. The only reason he’d gotten a smart phone was so he could get pictures of his grandkids.

But he could admit that itchy feeling between his shoulder blades had been building all day. Seemed a lifetime since he’d seen something besides these walls. He imagined filling his lungs with real air, not this sterilized oxygen.

“If nothing else, grab some fresh clothes for Carolyn to wear home from the hospital while you’re there.”

That cinched it for him. He’d go. Wait. He didn’t have a vehicle here. But Channing did. “You’ll lend me your SUV?”

“I’ll go you one better.” She reached in her pocket and handed over his set of keys. “Good thing you ranchers are a trusting lot and leave your keys in your truck.”

“Damn good thing. Did Colby take you over to our place?”

Channing rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding? AJ picked me up and dropped me off. Your sons are being a special brand of difficult right now, so we’re letting them stew and following our own agenda.” She jabbed her finger at him. “Don’t you dare rat us out, Carson McKay.”

“You have my word I won’t. Thanks. I…” His gaze moved to the door to Carolyn’s room, indecision tearing at him. Last night, Lissa, the nurse who’d warned him it’d be better if he didn’t leave the ICU waiting room for the duration, had recanted her original advice and told him to get some fresh air today.

“Go,” Channing said softly. “I will sit right here in your spot until you return. I won’t let anyone in. I won’t go in myself.” She took his hand. “Let me be your fill-in guard dog for a few hours. Please. You deserve a break, and stinky man, you
need
a shower.”

Carson squeezed her hand. “Bold as brass you are, girlie. I never woulda thought you had it in you. Then again, you gave me what-for when I asked about you and Colby that weekend we first met in Cheyenne.”

“You are an intimidating man. I knew you didn’t think I was right for him, but you didn’t know me, and it just made me mad that you assumed.”

“I remember. But you’ve proved me wrong over the years, and that’s gotta feel good.”

When she cocked her head again, he knew he was in for it.

“What?”

“You may feel that way now, but after Colby’s injury, whenever I called to check on him, you didn’t deliver my messages. Why is that?”

“Stuff like that needed to be said in person, not passed from you to me to my son.”

“So you weren’t trying to keep me from Colby?”

“Of course I was.”

Her lips flattened.

“But it didn’t work, did it? And darlin’, if I would’ve scared you off? Then you weren’t meant to be with him anyway.”

“You sneaky-assed man. I hope Carolyn punished you good for your meddling. Colby said she could put the screws to you way worse than he ever could.”

Carson thought back to the hours he’d spent digging Carolyn’s two new flower beds—in an area she knew was comprised mainly of rock, making it backbreaking work for him. She told him every time he looked at those beds of blooms in the future that he’d remember that given the right foundation and a lot of care, beautiful things could sprout from even the rockiest ground.

In that moment he ached with how much he needed her; every bone, every blood cell, every breath, every fiber of his being.

“Carson?” Channing rubbed his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

He cleared his throat. “Seems I get sucked into memories pretty damn easily. After fifty years with her, there are lots of memories to scroll through.”

“I imagine.”

“Thanks for kickin’ my behind. Carolyn would be proud you done it in her stead. You’re a good woman, Channing. My son’s lucky to have you.” He paused. “So am I.” Pushing to his feet, he ignored the sharp pain in his ass after sitting in one place for so long. “I’ll be back. And when I get back, we’re gonna talk about why Gib is usin’ a second-rate horse for ropin’ when it’s obvious the boy has skills and needs to upgrade.”

“Talk to his father about that.”

“I’ll be talkin’ to
you
, bein’s that his father and me ain’t currently speakin’.”

She laughed. “Anything else?”

“Seems Austin has roped Beau, Spencer and Dimitri into tryin’ to convince me to take them all fishin’. Where’d they get the fool idea that I’m the grandpa who enjoys sittin’ out in the sun, slapping mosquitos and baiting hooks?”

“Not from me. But Gib, Braxton and Miles tried to get Austin to remember the time you and Carolyn took all four boys camping in that motor home you had for what…two days?”

“Don’t remind me. I’ll figure out something fun to do with them but it ain’t gonna be fishin’ or campin’. I learned my lesson there. How’s my youngest grandson?” Channing had suffered a miscarriage when Keely was pregnant with her first child. At that point both Colby and Channing thought they were done adding to their family. So no one was more surprised—or thrilled—than they were three years later when their little “oops” Duncan was born.

Channing sighed. “He’s the perfect baby. I am so lucky to have his brothers as my helpers because I’m so much more tired having a kid at my age than I was when I had Gib. Colby is a lot more mellow around him too, especially now that Duncan is six months old and doing cute baby stuff.” She nudged Carson with her knee. “Talia is still asking when you’re coming over for another tea party.”

Carson smiled, thinking about Colby’s shocked face last year when he’d walked in on Grandpa and Talia having a tea party, complete with Grandpa wearing a rhinestone crown and a glittery purple feather boa.

Colby had frozen in the doorframe, his mouth hinged open like a busted gate. “Dad? What’s goin’ on?”

“Me’n Princess Talia are havin’ tea.”

“B-but…” Colby’s wide-eyed gaze had winged between them. “Since when do you do that sort of thing?”

Carson raised his eyebrow. “Since my last child was a girl who liked havin’ tea parties and her mama couldn’t always oblige her. And since I’ve been blessed with six granddaughters who are old enough to host tea parties, and three more girlies that’ll be of that age soon enough. Why?”

“You did this with Keely?”

“More times than I can count.” Carson pretended to sip his tea. “You oughta try it. Talia makes a mean pot of tea.”

“Carson?” Channing prompted.

“Sorry. Told ya I’ve been tripping down memory lane.”

“It’s okay.” Channing settled in his chair with a stack of magazines. “Get going.”

Carson walked out of the hospital in a daze.

The sun shone from a cloudless blue sky. A soft breeze rippled the leaves on the trees ringing the parking lot. He squinted at the vehicles lined up in neat rows, searching for the familiar tailgate with the extended ball hitch.

No sign of his truck.

Where the devil had Channing parked it?

Rather than wander aimlessly, he hit the panic button on the key fob and followed the bleating horn noise to his dusty Dodge.

The interior was the same mess. He adjusted the seat and the rearview mirror and pushed up the sun visor.

Carolyn’s sunglasses fell onto the dash. He snatched them up, staring at the black plastic dotted with rhinestones, overwhelmed by the absence of her. The little things might just do him in. Set him on that path of tears he’d managed to avoid. So far he hadn’t broken down entirely, not out of some macho need to show no emotion, but simply because he feared if he started crying he wouldn’t be able to stop.

Get moving. The sooner you get this done the sooner you can come back to her.

Starved, he hit the drive-thru at McDonald’s. After that, he stopped into a convenience store and bought a pack of cigarettes. Whenever stress got to him, he smoked. Carolyn never judged him—she’d always claimed she’d rather him smoke every once in a while than be a fulltime tobacco chewer. He hadn’t kicked that habit entirely either. Some days he needed a pinch of Redman—not that he told his wife that, but she probably knew anyway.

The nicotine from those first few puffs gave him a head rush. But he’d made the trip from Spearfish on I-90 heading toward Sundance so many times over the years he could’ve driven it with his eyes closed.

His thoughts jumped from one thing to another, but they never strayed far from Carolyn. If she had any awareness at all. If she was suffering any pain—despite the doctor’s assertions the medications handled that.

He didn’t meet any vehicles on the road that led to the ranch. Out of habit he checked out the pasture on his left, even when he knew the cattle had been moved to different grazing areas weeks ago.

Before Carson turned into the driveway, he pulled up to the mailbox and grabbed the stack of mail that’d accumulated over the past few days. Then he whipped a U-turn and headed up the gravel road that would bring him home.