Cowboy Wisdom (11 page)

—B
ETHENIA
O
WENS
Roseburg, Oregon c. 1854

I
t has been said of the cowboy that he feared only two things—the hospital and a woman. There were only a few women in the
cow country. Not more than one-half of the homes upon the range had a woman in them. The women who were there had not alone
the protection of law—a feeble thing—but the protection of men. You might neglect, mistreat, or even steal a man’s stock,
and get by with it; but
caramba
! Let his woman alone.

—O
SCAR
R
USH
Salt Lake City, Utah 1930

T
he old-time cowboy was most respectful of women as long as they kept their place. If they let down the bars, one of those
boys would go the limit.

—O
LIVER
W
ALLIS
Laramie, Wyoming c. 1950

A
cowboy is pretty touchy in protecting a woman’s character. He feels that a man is pretty low that would bring a woman into
contact with dirt, or allow her to touch it of her own accord. He places her on a high fence because he wants to look up to
her. He wants her feminine with frills and fluffs all over. He has no use for those he-women who wear pants and try to dress
like a man.

—R
AMON
A
DAMS
Sonoma, Texas 1969

W
anted:
A nice, plump, healthy, good-natured, good-looking, domestic and affectionate lady to correspond with. Object—matrimony.
She must be between 22 and 35 years of age. She must be a believer in God and immortality, but no sectarian. She must be a
gadabout or given to scandal, but must be one who will be a help-mate and companion, and who will endeavor to make home happy.
Such a lady can find a correspondent by addressing the editor of this paper. Photographs exchanged!

If anybody don’t like our way of going about this interesting business, we don’t care. It’s none of their funeral.

—Notice in the
Yuma Sentinel
Yuma, Arizona 1875

W
e met a couple of “upper ten” ladies of lowa City dressed out and out Bloomer style, black cassimere pants and black cloth
coats, high heel boots, finished off with a low crown black hat—I think Duey and I followed them about three squares before
our curiosity was satisfied.

—D
AVID
S
PAIN
Iowa City, Iowa 1859

T
he Bloomer was an uncouth being, her hair, cut level with her eyes, depended with the graceful curve of a drake’s tail around
the flat Turanian countenance, whose only expression was sullen insolence. The body-dress, glazed brown calico, fitted her
somewhat like a soldier’s tunic, developing haunches which would be admired only in venison.

—S
IR
R
ICHARD
B
URTON
Horseshoe Station, Wyoming 1860

W
e bedded our cattle for the last time near Abilene, Kansas. The boss let myself and another boy go to the city one day, so
we went into town, tied our ponies, and the first place we visited was a saloon and dance hall. We ordered toddies like we
had seen older men do, and drank them down, for we were dry, very dry, as it had been a long ways between drinks. I quit my
partner, as he had a girl to talk to, so I went out and in a very short time I went into another store and saloon. I got another
toddy, my hat began to stiffen up, but I pushed it up in front, moved my pistol to where it would be handy, then sat down
on a box in the saloon and picked up a newspaper and thought I would read a few lines, but my two toddies were at war, so
I could not very well understand what I read. I got up and left for more sights—you have seen them in Abilene, Dodge City,
and any other places those days. I walked around for perhaps an hour. The two toddies were making me feel different to what
I had felt for months, and I thought it was about time for another, so I headed for a place across the street, where I could
hear a fiddle. It was a saloon, gambling and dancing hall. I went to the bar and called for a toddy, and as I was drinking
it a girl came up and put her little hand under my chin and looked me square in the face and said, “Oh, you pretty Texas boy,
give me a drink.” I asked her what she wanted and she said anything I took, so I called for two toddies. My, I was getting
rich fast—a pretty girl and plenty of whiskey.

—J.L. M
C
C
ALEB
Carrizo Springs, Texas c. 1920

I
’ve laid it in all of ’em [towns]. I throwed my fannie twentyone times a night, five bucks a throw, and by the time old redeye
come up, I was eatin’ breakfast drunker’n an Indian.

—A
NONYMOUS
Oklahoma panhandle c. 1900

W
e drove cattle for a month, then rolled into town and there learned two important things about dance-hall gals. Firstly, the
longer you have been gone, the better it looks. Second, the better it looks, the more it costs.

—W
ILLIS
B
ARNES
Chicago 1938

1. Strange men will do for you to shoot; or you can scare them to death.

2. Shoot first, ask questions later.

3. If you shoot a man in the back, he rarely has a chance to return fire.

4. Shoot from ambush if possible.

5. If a man needs killing, go ahead and do it, especially if there is no one you can consult about it.

—M
RS
. F
RANK
A
DAMS
c. 1900
quoted by Joyce Gibson Roach in
The West That Was

D
ear Lewis,

The Apaches came. I’m mighty nigh out of buckshot. Please send more.

Your loving wife.

—M
RS
. L
EWIS
S
TEVENS
’s
message to her husband after repelling an Indian attack Lonesome Valley, Arizona c. 1874

I
shot Mr. Baldwin even though we are related by blood. He ruined me in body and mind.

—V
ERONA
B
ALDWIN
alleged cousin of Lucky Baldwin
San Francisco c. 1890

M
en sometimes need little reminders. Many’s a time when I tied a string around a man’s finger to help him remember his way
home, and every now and then a loaded pistol does wonders to restore a man’s memory of good manners toward women.

—L
OUISE
B
ALLCOTT
Harmony, Oklahoma 1883