Cowboy with a Cause (15 page)

He hadn’t left the house in the past five days, and she had spent too much of her time in her bedroom, on the computer, surfing mindlessly to pass the time and keep away from him.

She wasn’t sure how he’d passed each day; she knew only that his presence had been constant. There had been no more news about the attack on her and she could only assume that Adam had stayed close to the house in an effort to keep her safe.

But she felt perfectly comfortable with the security system now in place and decided that today she’d encourage him to get out, to go visit his brother and do something more constructive than hanging around here and babysitting her.

Still, when he appeared in the kitchen, freshly showered and achingly handsome, she selfishly wanted to keep him in the house with her, where she could smell the familiar scent of him and see the shine of his blue eyes whenever she wanted.

“Good morning,” he said as he walked over to the counter to get himself a cup of coffee.

“Back at you,” she replied.

“You’re up early this morning.” He slid into the chair across the table from her, his hands cupping his mug.

“I woke up early and tried to go back to sleep, but it wasn’t happening, so I just decided to go ahead and get up.” She gestured out the window. “The sunrise this morning is absolutely spectacular.”

She watched him as he stared out the window and nodded. Each and every one of his features was indelibly burned into her brain. The slight curl of his dark hair, the straight nose and strong jawline, even the curve of his lips were more than a simple memory to her. She knew that when he decided to move on, it would take a very long time for her to forget him.

He would be her last lover. He would be the man she’d always hold in her heart to warm the cold loneliness that would accompany her through the rest of her days. Oh, there would be girlfriends to lunch with, to enjoy for conversation and friendship. Already in the last week two of her old friends from high school had called her just to chat.

But she would never again venture into the world of intimacy with a man. The risk was too high. Emotions could flare out of control, and if she did weaken and get married, she feared the man who bound himself to her would eventually only come to resent her and her special needs.

When he turned back to look at her, she quickly glanced down into her half-empty cup, afraid that he might see the love she felt for him shining in her eyes.

“You know, it isn’t necessary for you to hang around here every hour of every day,” she said, not looking up at him. “I feel perfectly safe here now that the security system is in place.”

“Actually, I was thinking maybe you’d like to go with me to the café for breakfast this morning,” he said.

She finally gazed at him, ready to tell him no, that it wasn’t a good idea for them to socialize together anymore. “Adam,” she began.

He held up a hand, as if to stop her from saying whatever she intended to say. “As friends, Melanie, just landlord and tenant enjoying a meal together. Nothing more, nothing less. We’ve been cooped up in this house for too long and I think we both could use an outing.”

She hesitated a moment and then finally nodded. She could definitely use an outing and maybe throughout the course of the meal she could figure out a way to return to the landlord-tenant relationship she’d initially intended for them to have.

“Good, and then after breakfast maybe I’ll drop you back here and then I’ll contact Ben Temple and see if he wants to meet me out at the shooting range.” There was a hesitation in his voice, as if he was just waiting for her to tell him not to leave.

“I think that sounds like a terrific idea,” she replied, both relieved and somehow disappointed that he was going to be away from the house, away from her.

You can’t have it both ways,
a little voice whispered inside her head. She had to let him go. She needed to gain some appropriate distance from him, both physically and emotionally. And she’d do that...right after she had breakfast with him at the café.

It was just after eight when they left her house, deciding to walk despite the brisk morning air. Adam had on his black jacket and Melanie had thrown on her navy winter coat to make the trek down the sidewalk.

She wheeled herself and Adam walked beside her and she knew this was the last time she’d have a meal with him at the café. The boundaries between them had become impossibly blurred and she needed to get them more firmly drawn once again.

It felt far too right for him to be walking beside her. It had felt far too right being held in his arms, laughing with him over silly things and making love with him.

She’d already decided he would no longer be her lover. What she had to do now was make sure she didn’t lose him as a tenant. As painful as it was going to be to have him in the house, to smell his scent every day and see his smiles, his frowns and everything in between, she had to remember that this was ultimately a business deal. His rent money was all that was standing between her and Craig Jenkins owning her home.

Chapter 14

A
dam drew in a lungful of the bracing morning air and tried to ignore how the sun sparkled in Melanie’s hair and how her fragrance seemed to ride the slight breeze.

The past five days had been agony. Being in the same space with Melanie and yet feeling the chasm between them had been a particular kind of torture for him.

There was no question that things had changed since the night they’d danced together. It was as if she’d tuned out, turned off, and he didn’t know why.

He’d realized that his feelings for her were obviously not reciprocated, but that hadn’t stopped him from feeling. He’d tried to keep busy. He’d set up his computer and signed up for the classes he wanted to take, but they didn’t begin until January.

He’d spoken to Cameron several times during the past five days, checking to see if there had been any progress made on the investigation into the attack on Melanie, but Cameron had nothing to report.

He’d tried to respect the fact that Melanie obviously didn’t want him, that she was determined to keep herself isolated from him both emotionally and physically, but this morning he couldn’t stand it. He just wanted some time with her, some quality time together, and he knew the only way to get that was to get her out of the house.

“It’s going to be another beautiful day,” Melanie said, pulling him from his depressing thoughts. “I thought it was supposed to turn colder.”

“That’s what the forecast says, but let’s hope it stays nice. If this keeps up, there’s going to be a lot of happy trick-or-treaters this Friday night,” he replied. He smiled at her, wanting, needing, to connect. “If you were going to go trick-or-treating, what would your costume be?”

“An ugly old witch,” she replied without hesitation.

He looked at her in astonishment. “Really? I would have guessed you for a swan or a princess.”

“No way. I’d let my evil twin come out to play and go as a witch. What about you?”

“A sheriff, of course,” he replied without thought.

“Of course,” she echoed.

By that time they’d reached the café, which, as usual, was bustling with breakfast diners. Adam found them a table that was easily accessible for Melanie’s wheelchair and they settled in.

“Is that Junior Lempke?” Melanie asked as she nodded in the direction of a big man clearing a table.

“It is. Mary took him under her wing a couple of years ago and put him to work. He not only buses tables, but he’s also been doing some of the cooking.”

“That’s nice,” Melanie replied and smiled as the mentally challenged young man caught sight of her and gave her a shy nod and a quick grin.

At that moment a waitress with the name tag of Lynette stopped by to take their order, and as soon as she left, Brandon Williams scooted his way toward them.

“I see a new, beautiful woman in my sights and I must come over to meet her.” He smiled at Melanie and then looked at Adam expectedly.

Adam made the proper introductions between the two and for a few minutes the big man in the power scooter visited with them. Adam always enjoyed conversations with Brandon, who seemed well-educated and never shy to voice his opinion about anything.

They had just finished a rousing discussion about the merits of Halloween when Lynette appeared with their orders and Brandon returned to his own table.

“He seems nice,” Melanie said.

“He’s the man I told you about. He gets all over town in that motorized scooter. Maybe you need to check into getting one of those for yourself.”

“Maybe I will,” she agreed. “Now that I have the ramp, a motorized scooter would definitely allow me to go farther away from the house without getting tired.”

As they ate their meals, they small talked about the people in the café that Melanie didn’t recognize and Adam tried his best not to get distracted by how much he wanted to kiss her again, and fought the desire to fall into the depths of her beautiful blue eyes.

“There’s Kevin Naperson,” he said when the young man entered the restaurant.

“He seems too skinny to have been the man in my room,” Melanie said thoughtfully as she watched Kevin take a table in a corner by himself. “Of course, when I realized somebody was in my room, he became the size of a monster.”

Adam looked over at Kevin. “If he’s innocent in everything, then I feel sorry for him. He’s basically become an outcast since Candy’s murder.”

“But Cameron questioned a lot of people at that time, right?”

Adam nodded. “I guess Kevin has just made a good target for everyone to distrust since then. I think at the moment everyone in town is on Cameron’s list...and speak of the devil,” he said as the lawman walked through the door.

Cameron went to the counter, sat on a stool and then turned around to survey the crowd. As his gaze fell on Adam and Melanie, he got up off the stool and headed toward them.

“Melanie, Adam, mind if I join you for a minute?” he asked when he reached their table. “I was going to head over to your place after I had my breakfast.”

“You have news?” Melanie asked eagerly.

“Unfortunately not enough,” Cameron replied, stealing away Melanie’s anticipation. “Craig Jenkins has finally surfaced. I drove to Evanston last night to talk to him. His alibi is that he drove to Tulsa on the afternoon of the night of your attack. Apparently he had a big deal working for a couple of strip malls and also has relatives there, so he decided to combine business with pleasure. This morning I intend to check out the places he says he was and the people he was with to make sure his alibi is solid.”

“So no news is just no news,” Melanie said with obvious disappointment.

“Basically,” Cameron admitted. He released a deep, weary sigh. “And that’s been the story of this entire investigation.” He stood. “I’ll keep you posted as to what else I might find out.”

“Thanks, Cameron,” Adam said.

“He looks so tired,” Melanie said as Cameron returned to the counter.

“These murders have kicked the stuffing out of him.” Adam frowned. “I wish I could do something to help.”

“Your time will come, Adam. Have you signed up for those classes you wanted to take?”

He nodded. “And I don’t think I’ve mentioned to you that I finally talked to Sam. It took me a while to process my feelings.”

“How was it?” she asked as she picked up a piece of her toast.

“Difficult, but also freeing.”

She looked at him curiously. “Freeing how?”

He stabbed a piece of scrambled egg with his fork but didn’t pull it up to his mouth. “When Sam was first arrested, my initial feelings were of guilt, that somehow I hadn’t seen the signs that he was mentally in trouble, that I’d let him down somehow.”

“Adam, you aren’t a trained mental health professional. It wasn’t your job to see the signs,” Melanie said softly.

He flashed her a quick smile. “I know that now, but then I started worrying that whatever mental illness Sam had might be lying dormant inside me. I started to wonder if maybe I was capable of hurting somebody...of killing somebody.”

“Oh, Adam, how could you even think such a thing?” Melanie reached across the table and touched the back of his hand. “You are one of the most solid and kind men I’ve ever known in my life. I’ve seen your soul, Adam, and it’s beautiful. There’s nothing dark inside you, trust me.”

“I’m in love with you.” The words fell from his mouth on a wave of pure, spontaneous emotion.

She dropped her piece of toast and stared at him and he wasn’t sure who was more shocked, Melanie or him. He hadn’t meant to tell her how he felt, and even if he had planned to say the words eventually, it certainly wouldn’t have been in the middle of a morning rush at the Cowboy Café.

But now that he’d said it, he was in all the way, his heart beating so fast he felt slightly faint. “I love you, Melanie.”

“Stop,” she hissed, her eyes darkening with an emotion he couldn’t read. Fear? Anger? Regret? Worst of all, horror?

“Why should I stop?”

“Because I don’t want to hear it.” She stared down at her plate and picked up her fork and then set it down again and looked at him. “Because it isn’t true. You just think it is. We’ve somehow got everything all tangled up, that’s all. We crossed over the line and now things are all muddied.”

“I don’t feel muddied at all,” he protested. “I feel very clearheaded for the first time in a very long time.”

She balled up her napkin and placed it next to her plate. “Please don’t say anything else. Maybe you think I need a hero and you want to be that man because you have nothing better to do at this moment in your life.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” Adam exclaimed, then realized his voice had been louder than he’d intended. He leaned forward in his chair, his heart simmering with the emotion he felt for her.

“It’s not so ridiculous,” she countered. “You moved into my place because you were in transition. Now you’ve realized your ultimate goal is to become a deputy. It won’t be long before you realize that goal, either here in Grady Gulch or in some other town, and then you’ll realize that your feelings for me were temporary.”

“How nice of you to have my life all figured out for me,” Adam said with a rise of irritation. “It must be wonderful to have the special gift of looking into somebody’s heart and knowing exactly what they’re feeling,” he added with a touch of sarcasm.

He drew a deep breath, wanting, needing, to get himself back under control. Proclaiming your love for a woman wasn’t supposed to make you aggravated at her.

“Melanie,” he said softly. “Would it be so terrible if I am in love with you?”

“Yes, it would be terrible.” Tears shone in her eyes and she picked up her napkin, as if afraid that at any moment she might need to swipe them away. “I need you as a tenant, Adam.”

He frowned in confusion. “That wouldn’t change by me loving you. There has to be something else. Why are you so upset? Granted, this wasn’t the best way or the best place for me to tell you how I feel, but I didn’t think it would make you cry.”

The tears that had threatened at her eyes fulfilled their promise and began to trek down her cheeks. “Oh, Adam.” She looked down at her half-empty plate. “I don’t want you to love me, because I don’t love you back.”

Of all the things she might have said, these were the words he hadn’t expected at all. In some part of the back of his brain he’d thought she was falling for him as deeply, as profoundly, as he had fallen for her.

Her words sliced through him like a sword, and for a moment he felt headless, boneless with a killing grief. It was at that moment he realized how deep his fantasies had played out in his mind where she was concerned.

He’d been able to see them living together as husband and wife. He’d dreamed of being a deputy while he supported her business of selling costumes. He’d seen her as his wife, as the mother of his children, as his partner through life.

For a long moment he was breathless, speechless with loss, but when he realized how upset she was and that they were drawing attention to their table, he forced a smile.

“Don’t be sad, Melanie. It’s okay. We’re okay.” He picked up his fork to finish his meal and wondered how he was going to maintain his sanity living with her, loving her and yet knowing she apparently didn’t love him back.

* * *

It wasn’t long after Adam’s declaration of love that they finished picking at their meals and then left the restaurant. As they walked back to the house, Adam kept up a steady stream of conversation. He pointed out both scary and funny Halloween decorations that hung in store windows and talked about Halloweens of his past.

He was rambling, and his rambles only made Melanie’s heart ache more. She knew he was trying to keep things normal between them, attempting to fill up any awkward silence that might begin.

But nothing he said, nothing he did could take away the pain that shot through her heart, a pain a hundred times more devastating than the nerve pain in her leg.

He loved her. The words rang in her heart, in her very soul. Whether he truly did or not, when he’d spoken those words to her with his blue eyes shining with emotion, in that moment she’d felt his love washing over her, through her.

He loved her, and she loved him enough to lie and insist that she didn’t love him back. She loved him enough to save him from saddling himself with a woman who would always have special needs, who would always need more care than a fully functioning woman. She couldn’t do that to him. She refused to do that to him.

For as long as she lived, she would never forget the look on his face when she told him she didn’t love him. She would never forget the shock, the disbelief and then the utter pain that had raced across his features. By the time they reached the house, an emotional weariness nearly overwhelmed her.

“Are you okay?” he asked as they stepped through the foyer and he took care of the alarm system.

She had just broken his heart and he was worried about her. She swallowed against a wealth of pain. “I’m fine. Why?”

“You’ve just become very quiet.” His gaze studied her. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know.” She looked down at her hands in her lap, unable to look at his face. “I just don’t want things to change here. I like having you here. You’re a great tenant and I’m comfortable with you and I don’t want things to become awkward between us.”

“They won’t,” he assured her. “I can’t take back what I said to you, and I can’t change the way I feel about you, but I can make sure that it doesn’t get awkward or crazy between us. I’m a big boy, Melanie. Rejection is a part of life. I’ll deal with it. It isn’t your problem.”

She looked up at him again, a misery she’d never felt before striking deep in her soul. “I’m sorry, Adam.” Those words couldn’t begin to describe the depth of her sorrow.

He shrugged and offered her a smile. “You can’t force matters of the heart.” He glanced at his wristwatch. “And now I’m supposed to meet Ben at the shooting range in about a half an hour. Will you be okay here?”

“The sun is shining, and the security is on, so I’ll be fine,” she assured him. She was actually grateful that he was leaving the house. She needed some time alone to process the myriad emotions that roared through her.