Cowboys Like Us (16 page)

“Maybe so, but I still think that handling kids is a whole other deal. They’re so young and impressionable that what you say to them can leave a lasting imprint. Hell, half the time the old people don’t even hear what I say.”

She took a shot in the dark. She might be going down for the count, anyway, so why not? “Did someone say something to you when you were young and impressionable?” His expression told her she’d hit the mark. “Who was it?”

“My father. And that’s my whole point. Quite likely these kids won’t have a father figure in their lives, so I’m liable to be it. I’d be in a position of authority, compounded by the glamour of my baseball career. I hate to think what weight they’d give anything I’d say to them.”

“But don’t you see? You’ve been through that experience, so you
won’t
repeat it with them. You can tell them how that
statement, whatever it was, affected you, and why you won’t do those things to them.”

He shook his head. “Once again you’re asking the impossible. I’m not made that way. I’m not about to reveal the innermost workings of my—”

“Why the hell not? What good is it to go through these things if you’re not willing to share your experiences? Listen, if you don’t work with those kids, somebody else will, and it might be a guy who doesn’t have half the understanding that you’ve obtained the hard way.”

He blew out a breath, walked over to her kitchen counter and set his untouched glass of wine on it. “I can’t be the man you want me to be, Caro. It would be great if I could, but I can’t.”

Adrenaline surged through her system, leaving her shaking. “You mean you won’t.”

“I guess that’s another way of putting it.” His expression was bleak. “So I was right. You hoped that the Pine Grove experience would soften me up for Beckett’s plan.”

“No! You make it sound as if I orchestrated that. Let’s not forget that it was your idea to go out to Pine Grove in the first place. I admit I wanted you to go, and discover that there are people a lot worse off than you, but the suggestion to visit came from you, not from me.”

He nodded. “You’re right, it did. I saw you drowning under the weight of your grandmother’s needs, and I thought you deserved better. But as it turns out, Peter Beckett deserves the credit for saving you, not me.”

“You deserve credit for caring. Peter Beckett has no idea that his project threw a lifeline to me and my grandmother. You do.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. She was going to lose him, and she knew it. But then, he’d never been hers in the first place.

“I do care, and that’s why I made a plane reservation today. I’m leaving day after tomorrow.”

The statement hit her like a blow to the stomach. “So soon?”

“I would have made it earlier, but that was the soonest they had available.”

She looked at him through a haze of misery. “Are you that eager to get away from me, then?”

“No. Leaving you will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I don’t plan to stay here, Caro. We both knew that. The longer I stick around, the worse it will hurt you. I’ve been selfish to stay as long as I have.”

She shook her head and fought back the tears. “Like I said, all you’ve done is beef up my reputation as a hot chick. A girl can’t complain about that.”

His smile was so incredibly sad. “You are a hot chick. If anyone doubts it, have them call me.”

Desperate, she grasped at straws. “What about the bunk beds? What about building them?”

He hesitated, as if he hadn’t thought of that. “I’ll…I’ll donate some money to hire a carpenter. I’m sure there are a bunch of them in the Jackson Hole area. It doesn’t have to be me wielding the hammer.”

“Guess not.” Oh, but she’d counted on that more than he would ever know.

“All things considered, I think I should drive back to the ranch tonight.”

“I don’t.” She was pathetic, but she’d take whatever she could get.

“I do.” He walked toward her, kissed her on the cheek and headed for the door.

“A kiss on the
cheek?
Is that the way a major league ballplayer ends things? That’s the lamest breakup gesture I’ve ever seen, Carswell!” Yes, she was going a little crazy, and
saying things she probably shouldn’t, but then again, the love of her life had never walked out on her before.

He turned around and came back. “I’m going to miss you like hell, Caro Davis.” Then he grabbed her and delivered a kiss that would have rocked her world if she hadn’t been sobbing all through it.

Then he was gone, and she couldn’t decide if she loved him so much she’d do anything to get him back, or hated him so much that she’d kill him if she had the chance. Either option would be a disaster, so she hoped he’d be in Chicago before she made up her mind.

L
OGAN FELT LIKE SHIT
. He was supposed to be a superior strategist on the field, but apparently off the field he was a total schmuck. He’d managed to take the most positive, optimistic woman he’d ever met and turn her into a sobbing wreck.

The memory of his parting with Caro haunted him as he finished up the cradle and packed to leave. He hadn’t intended for their discussion to end with him dramatically stalking out the door, but once he’d realized how much he was hurting her, he hadn’t seen an alternative. And as much as he wanted to talk to her again, that would only extend the misery, so he stayed away.

He also managed to avoid Josie and Jack, leaving the finished cradle on the workbench with a note. He had to borrow a suitcase from Sarah because he’d picked up so many pairs of jeans and Western shirts. He might never wear them again, but he took them, anyway.

He even went so far as to dress like a cowboy for the trip back to Chicago. Sarah drove him to the airport in Jackson, and it was a mostly silent trip. He wouldn’t be coming back, so there wasn’t much to say to each other. No doubt he’d let her down, but classy lady that she was, she took him to the airport, anyway.

In his jeans, white Western shirt, boots and hat, he wasn’t
recognized as former Cubs catcher Logan Carswell as he stepped off the plane. He hadn’t bothered to notify his family he was coming home, because he wasn’t ready to discuss his recent trip with anybody. He took a cab back to his condo.

When he walked in, he hoped for a feeling of sanctuary and peace. Instead the condo just felt huge and sterile. He’d paid a professional to decorate the place, and she’d created a bachelor pad in black, white and gray, with a few touches of red. The furniture was modern, and the general effect, now that he looked at it with new eyes, was hideous.

He longed for gingham curtains and handmade quilts. He missed the noisy bar that smelled of smoke, beer and onions. Most of all, he missed Caro—her smile, her laughter, her ponytail that bounced when she walked.

But she was expensive. In order to have her, he’d have to sacrifice the image that he’d maintained of himself for twenty-five years. She didn’t understand what she’d asked of him.

Soon after he carried his suitcase into his bedroom, which was no cozier than the rest of his condo, his home phone rang. His first thought was that it might be Caro, but then he remembered he’d never given her this number. When he picked up the receiver, his agent’s name came up on the screen. He hesitated, and finally decided to answer.

“Where the hell have you been?” Derek sounded impatient, but that was par for the course with him. “I’ve been calling your cell all day, but all I got was your voice mail.”

“I flew home today. Guess I forgot to turn my phone back on.” He usually never forgot things like that, but he’d been a little distracted lately.

“Well, thank God you’re back in town, because I have a fabulous deal for you. ESPN has offered a contract, and it’s a good one. I think we can get them up a little more, but my advice is to take it once they bump the salary. They have big plans, and they’re willing to put most of them in writing.”

Logan realized he should be overjoyed with this news. Two weeks ago his career had been on the skids, but Derek had just found a way to put it back on track. Sometimes players became as well-known in the broadcast booth as on the field. This was a terrific break.

“I don’t hear party horns and champagne corks in the background, Logan, old boy. Are you jet-lagged or what? This is
fabulous.
Most out-of-work players would give their right nut to have a deal like this. Do you read me?”

“Derek, it sounds great.”

“Wow, try to contain your excitement, will you?”

“Sorry. I’ve spent the past week and a half in the boondocks.” He felt disloyal saying that, but it was something Derek would understand. “I need some time to kick the shit off my boots. Then I’ll be ready for—”

“You bought
boots?
”

“And a hat. It was a Western-themed wedding, so everyone was expected to dress the part.”

“You can ditch all that now. You’re going to be wearing ESPN polos and suits from this point on.”

Logan had no intention of getting rid of the clothes he’d bought in Wyoming.

“So let me see if they’ll go up some on the money, and then I’ll get back to you.”

“Sure, I guess.” He heaved a sigh. “You know I don’t need more money.”

“
You
might not, but I do! My kid’s decided to go to Harvard Law. That’s gonna set me back. So let me wheel and deal. If they come up, are you in?”

He should be. Logic told him that he needed to take this deal while his name was still recognized. Another year or two, and they might forget who he was. It happened all the time.

“Let’s see if they come up,” Logan said. “Then we’ll talk.”

He was making no sense and he knew it. First he’d told Derek he didn’t need the money, and now he wouldn’t commit to the deal until he knew the bottom line.

Derek muttered something that sounded a lot like “temperamental sports stars,” but his next words were cheerful and upbeat. “I’ll get them up, Logan. Don’t worry. I’ll call you the minute I have a new offer.”

“Thanks, Derek. You’re working hard for me, and I appreciate that, man.”

“I’m working hard for
us,
Logan. We’re in this together, buddy.”

No, they weren’t, Logan thought as he disconnected the call. Oh, sure, there was a mutual financial benefit, but Logan had a different view of partnership after spending time with Caro. He clicked with her on so many levels.

They’d started off well, working together behind the bar without a hassle. Then…the sex. God, the sex. He’d never established such an instant rapport with any woman. Caro was the most perfect sexual partner he’d ever had.

But they complemented one another in other ways, too. He smiled as he remembered falling off during their trail ride. She’d come to his rescue by fetching his homeward-bound horse.

At Pine Grove, they’d worked in tandem, and because of their visits, the residents now had more reason to get up in the morning. They were making quilts and exercising with greater enthusiasm. Good things happened when Logan was with Caro.

Good things happened when he was with Caro.
He stood in his silent apartment as that sentence bounced around his brain for several long seconds.
Good things happened when he was with Caro.

How the hell had he missed that key point? She hadn’t
actually said it, but he knew that if he accepted Beckett’s proposition, she would be with him every step of the way.

Of course she hadn’t said it. That wouldn’t be her style. But if he asked her if she’d help him with the kids, she’d say yes. He knew that as surely as he knew that she loved him.

Yes, damn it, she
loved
him. He hadn’t wanted to admit that she did, but he’d known it. And he loved her. Dear God, he was the biggest idiot of the century, because with Caro by his side, he could do anything. Her love would inspire him to be the man she believed he could be.

Without her, he would remain the out-of-work baseball player who never let anyone see him sweat. He might make it as a sportscaster or he might not. He might figure out how to be happy, but he wouldn’t lay bets on it. With Caro around, it was a sure thing.

He glanced at his suitcase. Good thing he hadn’t unpacked. He had another plane to catch.

T
HE PAST THREE NIGHTS
the bar had been busy, but not overly so. Caro could have handled it alone, but Josie seemed determined to keep her company. Caro figured it was partly for moral support and partly to make sure Caro didn’t accidentally poison the customers with some weird concoction.

Judging from everyone’s concerned expressions when they looked at her, they expected her to crack under the strain. She’d be damned if she would. Logan had been right, though, and she’d been wrong. Instead of envying her for the fling she’d had, they pitied her for getting dumped at the end.

She’d thought about taking his suggestion and telling people she threw him out because of his bad hygiene and boring conversation. But Alex and Tyler were home from their honeymoon, and Caro didn’t want to trash Alex’s best friend with lies. Her real gripe about Logan—that he didn’t love her enough—wasn’t for public consumption.

He did love her, though. That last kiss had told her so. But not so much that he’d be willing to stay. That being the case, she was glad he was gone. She loved him enough that she’d follow him to the ends of the earth, even if it meant leaving Shoshone and Grandma Bonnie.

But he seemed to have a mild case of love, and that would never be enough for Caro. She required a full-blown, over-the-top, chronic case from a man.

“Caro, I think the mug’s full.”

She glanced down at the draft beer spilling over the top of the mug she’d been filling for a customer. Fortunately, it was running into the drainage area under the spigots, so it wasn’t making a mess, but she was wasting beer.

She tilted the mug and dumped out a little more so she’d be able to wipe down the sides and hand it to the customer without slopping beer everywhere. “Sorry, Josie. You’d probably rather have me take the rest of the night off, but please don’t. I’d rather be working than not.”

“You’re fine.” Josie gave her a reassuring smile. “I’ve been there, kiddo, and staying busy is the best therapy there is. We can afford some spilled beer.”

“Thanks.” Caro swallowed a lump in her throat. Josie was the best. After delivering a few choice words concerning Mr. Logan Carswell, aka the Loser of the Century, she’d never mentioned him again. For that Caro was supremely grateful.

No point in talking it to death. Logan had made his choice, and that was the end of that. Alex hadn’t brought up the subject, either, which Caro considered very wise. In Shoshone, Logan’s popularity index had plummeted in the past three days.

Not so at Pine Grove, however, because none of those folks knew that Logan and Caro had been an item. They’d asked eagerly about him and had wanted to know when he’d be back.
She’d given them a vague answer because she couldn’t bear to see their faces crumple with disappointment.

“Damn,” Josie said under her breath. “I don’t believe it.”

“What?” Caro glanced up, and the glass she’d been holding slipped from her fingers and landed with a loud crack on the stainless steel counter.

Logan walked toward her, his expression tense.

Although Caro was speechless, Josie was not. “You have some nerve coming back, mister,” she said. “There is not one thing you can say to excuse the way you treated my friend.”

“I agree.” Logan’s voice was gruff with emotion. “I’ve behaved like an ass.”

Josie nodded. “Well put. And unless you intend to grovel at her feet and beg her forgiveness, you can go right back out that door, because you’re not welcome here.”

“Josie!” Caro had never heard her talk that way to any customer, ever.

“Well, he’s not. Logan and I go back a long way, but he’s currently on my shit list. If I had a bouncer, I’d have him thrown out. Come to think of it, I could probably get a couple of cowboys to do it for me, gratis.”

“Which is no more than I deserve,” Logan said. “But I’m asking you to give me one minute to say something to Caro.”

“Only if you say it while I’m standing right here. I no longer trust you not to make her cry.”

By now Alex and Tyler had joined the curious crowd in the bar. Caro figured out that the newlyweds had probably driven to Jackson and picked Logan up at the airport. He couldn’t have spent much time in Chicago if he was back this soon.

Her face felt hot with embarrassment. “Josie, maybe it would be better if Logan and I went—”

“Nope. I’m not letting him out of my sight.” Josie looked at her watch. “Start talking, Logan. Make it fast and make it good. I’m timing you.”

He swallowed and nodded in agreement before turning to Caro. “What my dad said that made such an impression on me was ‘never let them see you sweat.’ Well, I’m sweating now, and I don’t care if you know it. I don’t care if every damned person in the bar knows it.”

Her heart squeezed. This had to be excruciating for him. But…sometimes excruciating was a good thing.

He cleared his throat. “I threw away a chance at happiness by leaving Shoshone and leaving you. I know forgiving me for treating you so horribly won’t be easy, but I’m begging you to forgive me and let me come back.”

Josie folded her arms. “That’s a start. What else have you got?”

“A plan. I’m hoping Beckett can still use my services, because I can’t think of a better job than working with kids at the Last Chance every summer. As for the winter, there’s plenty to do at Pine Grove, and maybe Josie would consider letting me get behind the bar once in a while.” He glanced at her. “Or not.”

“I’ll take it under advisement,” Josie said. “Go on. There has to be more.”

Logan ran a shaking hand over his face. “There is. Caro, I’d be the luckiest man on the planet if you’d consent to spend the rest of your life with me. With you by my side I can face anything. Including sweat.”

Heart thudding, Caro opened her mouth to reply.

Josie got there first. “Are you talking about shacking up or marriage? Let’s not have any of this vague language going on. Be precise, please.”

Logan looked into Caro’s eyes. Then he dropped to one knee. His bad knee. “Marriage,” he said. “If you’ll have me.”

“Your knee! You shouldn’t be—”

“You’re probably right.” He grimaced and staggered back to his feet. “But it seemed like the thing to do.”

Josie nodded. “Nice gesture. Now what about kids?”

Caro stared at her. “You can’t expect him to answer that in a crowd of people.”

“Sure I can. He created this mess, so now he can clean it up. It’s an important question. You’re looking all dewy-eyed and gaga, so I’m afraid you’ll say yes without finding out the important stuff.”

“I’d love to have kids with you, Caro,” Logan said. “If you want to.”

She forgot all about the people standing around as she met his gaze. Her heart swelled with love for this brave man. “I do.”