Crapalachia: A Biography of Place (18 page)

 

Once again, Mrs. Powell should have been nicer to her students and I wouldn’t have allowed her to be murdered in this book.

 

I was a substitute teacher at the school where my mother taught. My mom was a teacher. This happened to my mother, but I was standing there when it happened. The little girl didn’t show her a locket. The little girl showed her a pile of baseball cards and a cheap necklace. There were no initials, but the little girl was worried they belonged to the old woman Bill may have murdered. I told her to keep them, and then my mother agreed.

 

The last line about passing the torch of life is stolen from the poet Lucretius. He has been dead for years but he is still alive.

 

I have written this book in four different ways now. The first time I wrote this book was in the year 2000. I wrote a book called
Grandma Ruby’s
. In 2004 I wrote a book called
Phil Crookshanks
. In 2006 I wrote a book full of short stories I broke apart from the original book called
Phil Crookshanks
. In the year 2011 I cut all of these books apart and put them together into one book called
Crapalachia
. I want to thank this book for being my friend. I will miss being a part of this book. I will miss remembering these people.

 

I wrote this appendix during the last week of Sarah’s pregnancy. I ate Kentucky Fried Chicken on the day I finished it. I typed it up on the day of my son’s birth, April 19, 2012. Today is April 21st. Yesterday, Iris gave Samuel a kiss when he came home from the hospital. My wife is asleep upstairs with the oldest child. My mother-in-law is awake with Samuel. They are upstairs too. We are all trying to sleep. I am forever trying to sleep.

This book is a time machine. The words you have just read are the past. The next page is the future. Your beautiful, young bodies and your beautiful, young faces are the present.

 

The PRESENT…

 

Enjoy it while it fucking lasts.

 

I want to thank you for your time, even though time doesn’t belong to you either.

 

So farewell my old friends. Farewell.

Also published by
TWO DOLLAR RADIO

HOW TO GET INTO THE TWIN PALMS

A NOVEL BY KAROLINA WACLAWIAK

A Trade Paperback Original

 

“One of my favorite books this year.”—
The Rumpus
“Waclawiak’s novel reinvents the immigration story.”
—
New York Times Book Review
, Editors’ Choice

 

RADIO IRIS

A NOVEL BY ANNE-MARIE KINNEY

A Trade Paperback Original

 

“Kinney is a Southern California Camus.”
—
Los Angeles Magazine

“[
Radio Iris
] has a dramatic otherworldly payoff that is unexpected and triumphant.”
—
New York Times Book Review
, Editors’ Choice

 

 

THE ORANGE EATS CREEPS

A NOVEL BY GRACE KRILANOVICH

A Trade Paperback Original

* NATIONAL BOOK FOUNDATION 2010 ‘5 UNDER 35’ SELECTION.

* NPR BEST BOOKS OF 2010.

*
THE BELIEVER
BOOK AWARD FINALIST.

 

“Krilanovich’s work will make you believe that new ways of storytelling are
still emerging from the margins.”—NPR

 

 

“The quality of each piece makes this journal heavy with literary weight.”—
NewPages

 

VOLUME 1 / FALL 2012, NOW AVAILABLE!
Essays by Blake Butler, Joshua Cohen, Tracy Rose Keaton, Scott McClanahan; Interview with Anne Carson.

 

VOLUME 2 / SPRING 2013, COMING SOON!
Essays by Sara Finnerty, Roxane Gay, Alex Jung, Aaron Shulman, Kate Zambreno; and more!

 

VOLUME 3 / FALL 2013, COMING SOON!
Essays by Lawrence Shainberg, D. Foy, and more to come!

 

Copyright © 2013 by Scott McClanahan

All rights reserved

eISBN : 978-1-937-51212-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013930361

 

Author photograph:
Sarah McClanahan.

 

Typeset in Garamond, the best font ever.