Crash Into Me (11 page)

 "When
you talk like this, I think that you might truly care for me. Do you know that?
Then I let myself believe it and you turn off your feelings as quickly as they
came on. I'm not like that. My feelings don't turn off, even when I wish they
would."

"I
love that you don't try to censor how you feel, Nina. It's one of the things
that makes you so incredible."

His
compliment was genuine, but it didn't help.

"I
want to be able to censor them, though. I want to be able to do what you do. I
want to be able to stand next to you and not want to touch you, like you can do
with me."

A
tiny look of sadness crossed his face for just a moment and then it was gone.

"You
wouldn't be who you are if you repressed your feelings."

"How
do you do it, Tristan? How do you control what your emotions do to you?"

He
leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. "I told you. This is how I
must be. It's who I am. Can you live with that?"

"Can
you promise me I'll always know what's in your heart, no matter what?" I
asked, laying bare my fears for the first time.

Cradling
my face in his hands, he pressed his forehead to mine and whispered, "No
matter what you see on the outside, no matter what I say, what's in my heart
will always be just what's there at this moment. You."

He
took me there, in front of those windows—in front of the entire city—my body
pressed up against the glass as he thrust into me again and again. I clung to
him, first to calm my fears that I'd fall through the glass and plummet to the
street below and then for the very happiness only he could give me. His hands
held me to him, protecting me as he invaded my body with his cock and my heart
with his words so passionate I would have believed them even if they were
blatant lies.

We
laid on the floor near where we'd made love, his hands worshipping my body as I
tried to force my heart to harden over for the next time he shut off his
feelings. I'd accepted who he was. Now I needed to accept who I'd have to
become to love him.

Chapter Ten

I
was sorry to see our time at Tristan's penthouse end. We hadn't done much
except make love and eat, and I couldn't remember a weekend I'd enjoyed more.
We'd talked about so many things, yet I didn't believe I knew him any better
after all those words between us. In truth, he'd gotten me to speak more than
he had, but as he'd hung on every word, I felt safe and opened up about my
past. My tales of life in a small Pennsylvania town seemed to enchant him, so
I'd told him likely more than anyone would like to know about growing up as the
younger daughter of a father who was a writer. By Sunday night we were back in
the country, me in my part of the house and him in his until night when I once
again slept next to him. As always, he was gone when I awoke the next morning,
and there was a note waiting for me.

Dear
Nina,

Tonight
when I return, we'll discuss the piece you've chosen for my bedroom in the
penthouse. I look forward to seeing what you believe represents the man I am
and have faith that your artistic heart lets you see what no one else can.

                                                                             Love,

                                                                             Tristan

I'd
made my final decision before even returning to the house, so my day was spent
in searching for it. After hours of looking through gallery and art retailer
sites, I found exactly what I was looking for. It wasn't priceless or even
expensive, but I was sure it was right for him. My heart soared at my success.
If I could choose a piece so perfect as to show the man he was, I could do the
job he was paying me for and do it well.

Tristan
returned shortly before five and found me waiting for him in his office. Like
any other employee, I was dressed and ready to impress my boss, sure my first
assignment would end in a great success.

Dressed
in a pale grey suit and sapphire blue shirt, he sat down behind his desk and
straightened his tie. I waited for him to begin, barely able to contain my
excitement at my finding. As I watched him attend to paperwork, the thought of
how his other female employees saw him crept into my mind. A tiny flicker of
jealousy sparked at the idea of someone like me sitting across from him
studying his dress and mannerisms like I did. Did she love to watch his mouth
as he spoke, wishing to feel his lips on her skin? Did she notice his hands,
the long fingers and strong grip of the pen as he wrote a note to himself? Did
she find how incredible he looked in his clothes as fascinating as I did,
desperately wanting to loosen his tie as she ran her lips over his strong neck?

"I'm
eager to see what you've chosen, Nina."

"I'm
excited to show you. I think it's you to a T, and it fits with the decor of
your bedroom there. Would you like to see the picture of it? I have it ready on
my laptop."

He
nodded and I made my way around his desk to show him. A few clicks and the
image of my choice was sitting on the screen.

He
studied it for what seemed like hours and then turned to look up at me. I
couldn't tell anything by his placid expression, so I waited for him to say
something to let me know what he thought. But he wasn't going to make it that
easy for me.

"Tell
me why you think this is what I should have taking up that blank spot on my
wall in my bedroom. This will be the first thing I see in the morning and the
last thing I see at night before I fall asleep, so convince me this is what I
should have on my mind at such important times."

I
looked down at the picture I'd stared at for an hour before he came home and
began. "The frame is a dark wood, but in truth, it could be any frame you
prefer and work with what the decor is there. It's the print inside the frame
that's perfect. A masculine design with Greek inspired scrollwork, the words
'No legacy is so rich as honesty' speak to everything you've told me about
yourself from the first night I met you. You have all the money and wealth you
desire, which I'm sure includes the luxuries of fame, others desiring you, and
any material possession you could want. Yet you've told me over and over in the
short time I've known you that you value my honesty. I have to believe that for
all your wealth you don't have people in your life who will give you this one thing
you desire."

He
waited a long time before he finally spoke. With a smile, he finally said,
"Very impressive, Nina. Your talents were sorely underutilized at the
Anderson Gallery. That's more than clear. Do you have anything else you'd like
to present in your proposal?"

I
knew he was trying to unnerve me, but I wasn't going to be shaken. I believed
in my choice and stood by it. Shaking my head, I tilted my chin upward
slightly. "No. That's all."

That
sexy, slow grin I loved spread across his lips. "It's perfect. I knew
you'd be wonderful at this. Give Rogers the details tomorrow and he'll see that
it finds its way to that blank spot on the wall."

I
couldn't help but beam my satisfaction. My first assignment was a smashing
success, and even more, I'd shown him that I understood the kind of man he was.
In some ways, that meant more to me than his approval of my choice.

"Are
you hungry?" he asked as he stood from behind his desk. "I've got a
craving for pizza."

"I'm
always in the mood for pizza! Is there a good place around here?"

"There
is. It looks like it's straight out of a movie with checkered tablecloths and
placemats with pictures of the map of Italy on them, but the people who own it
know how to make good pizza."

This
felt like a real date! Excited, I said, "I can be ready in minutes, if you
can."

Before
he answered, I was off like a shot to grab my bag and make sure I looked
presentable. A few minutes later I returned to find him standing there in his
suit and tie looking particularly unready for slices at a little pizza place.
Likely, dressed like that, he'd stick out as badly as he did at The Last Drop.
Stepping toward him, I ran my finger down his tie and smiled up at him.
"Maybe you could loosen this tie and look like it's not your first time
eating pizza."

Tristan
arched one dark eyebrow. "Are you insinuating that I look uptight?"

"You've
gone to this place before, right? I'm going to guess that nobody spoke a word
to you the whole time you were there."

I
saw by the slight downturn of his mouth that I was right. They'd probably
thought he was some FBI agent coming to town to track down some serial killer.
He had that icy, government official vibe sometimes.

As
I slid the tie from around his collar, I explained, "They probably got the
wrong idea about you. Small town pizza places don't likely get too many
customers who look like you do."

"You
make it seem like I'm some sultan. It's a suit and tie, Nina."

I
stepped back and looked him up and down. "It's a suit that costs more than
many people make in a month and a tie that likely cost more than most teenagers
pay for a pair of sneakers, Tristan. Ordinary people don't wear that to get a
slice of pizza."

He
took the tie out of my hands and brought my fingers to his lips for a kiss.
Settling his gaze on me, he said quietly, "Neither of us are ordinary, no
matter how much you want to be."

His
stubborn belief that I was anything but the regular person I'd always been made
me smile. "Well, we don't have to flaunt our extraordinariness all the
time. Sometimes it's just nice to appear like ordinary people, so off with the
tie and jacket."

Tristan
narrowed his eyes slightly for a moment, surprised by my order, but the jacket
followed the tie and he was ready to go. "Better?"

"The
top button can be undone too, if you really want to look relaxed," I
teased.

He
opened his collar and motioned toward the door. "I hope the car is going
to be okay," he said in a mocking tone. "Or do we have to walk or buy
some used car?"

As
I headed for the front door, I said, "Now you're not taking this seriously
at all, are you?"

"On
the contrary. I'm up for buying another car. Or maybe a horse and buggy would
help with toning down the...what did you call it?"

I
turned around at the car and laughed. "Extraordinariness. It's a
word."

"It's
a mouthful," he joked and lifted my chin to kiss me. "Now get in the
car. Pizza's waiting."

He
hadn't exaggerated in his description of Tony's Pizza Heaven. Red and white
checkered tablecloths covered the old square Formica tables and at each place
setting were paper placemats with red, white, and green maps of Italy and cartoon drawings of major tourist attractions, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and
the Coliseum, on them. The wooden chairs were old and hard, but the place was
warm and comfortable.

I
skimmed over the laminated menu while Tristan seemed to study it, but when the
waitress came over to take our order he was quick to tell her we wanted a large
pizza and a pitcher of soda. I sat staring at him thinking how surreal this
scene was.

He
noticed my confused expression. "Something wrong?"

I
wasn't sure if something was wrong. Maybe it was how comfortable he seemed at a
place I'd been so sure he wouldn't fit in. Shaking my head, I answered,
"No. You seem quite at home here."

"Surprised?
You think you know me, but you don't know everything about me, Nina."

"I
guess I don't. That's okay. You don't know everything about me either."

Smiling,
he remained quiet, making me feel like he knew more than I suspected. The
silence between us made me feel uneasy, and I shifted in my chair and looked
past him at the pictures on the far wall. Black and white photographs of
Italian architecture were scattered along the walls of the restaurant and set
me at ease. Very much like art, they were beautiful to look at, even in their
cheap faux wood frames.

As
the silence between us continued, I wanted to ask if he'd been to this place
with his family. The images of their faces stayed in my mind, making me wish I
could learn more about them. The idea of an exact duplicate of Tristan out
there somewhere in the world intrigued me, and the fact that he never mentioned
anything about him or his parents made me want to know about them even more.

But
if I'd learned anything in the time I'd known Tristan Stone, it was that he spoke
only when he wanted to and only about things he wanted to let the world know.

True
to his claim, the pizza was terrific and after he'd gotten a slice into him, he
became even more relaxed and began talking. This was the man I loved being
around, and there he was sitting in that tiny pizza place in the middle of
nowhere, of all the unlikely places.

"I
think you'll be tackling Dallas next," he said with a wink.

"Talking
about work after five? Doesn't that break your rule?"

"Isn't
that what rules are for?"

Who
was this man? "Are you saying you like to break the rules? Mr.
Suit-And-Tie wants to flout convention?"

"Let's
take it easy on the flouting," he said with a chuckle. "As for Dallas, let's plan on Wednesday."

"Well,
since you want to talk about work, what can you tell me about Dallas?"

There
was that devilish grin again. "Let's just say it's going to be a golden
opportunity for you to stretch your imagination."

"Sounds
pretty cryptic. Care to offer any more details?" I asked as I leaned over
toward his side of the table.

He
leaned in toward me and smiled. "Just remember I have faith in you."

I
waited for him to continue, but he just sat there staring and smiling at me.
Finally, I said, "I think you're making me nervous. Are you just trying to
psyche me out?"

"Me?
Never."

"Well,
that's good because I'm a woman on a mission. You'll see. Expect to be
impressed."

His
mouth grazed mine, and he licked his lips. "I already am."

When
we got back to the house, I expected us to get into bed as we had most nights
since I began living there, but he disappeared almost as soon as we walked in
the door. I waited for him to come to my room, but an hour later he still
hadn't and I made up my mind to find him.

I
was surprised to see him coming out of his room dressed in a tux. He was
leaving again to attend some affair and not taking me. Instantly, it felt like
someone had stabbed me in the chest. I was good enough to sleep with or hang
out with at some out of the way restaurant, but I wasn't good enough to show
off to his fancy friends.

"Nina,
I'll be back later if you want to talk."

Choking
back tears, I angrily blurted out, "Talk about what? How unworthy I am to
be taken anywhere anyone might see you with me?"

"You're
being silly," he said as he tried to push past me.

I
pushed against him, refusing to let him leave. "Don't treat me like I'm
merely your goddamn employee."

"You
are my employee, Nina, even if we are more than just that to each other."

His
voice was flat and so much colder than it had been just a short time earlier as
we ate pizza together. Why did he have to be like this? Was I really that
embarrassing to be seen with at his parties?

"If
we're more, then why don't you ever ask me to go wherever you go when you're
all dressed up like this?" I asked, hating the needy sound of the words
coming from my mouth.

"You
wouldn't like these kinds of events."

"Don't
dismiss me like this. I don't deserve it."

He
pushed past me and walked toward the front door. I caught up with him just as
he opened the door to leave, and he turned to face me. "I never said you
did. I can't take you to many of the places I have to go, but that doesn't mean
I don't want you by my side. It just can't be. That's the way it is."