Read Crashed into Love: Episode Five Online
Authors: Seline White
Crashed into Love: Episode Five
Crashed into Love (Episode Five)
Copyright ©
2015 Seline White
Published by Seline White
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
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Published:
Seline White 2015: [email protected]
Cover Design:
Selene White
Canstock Photos
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Contents
Nina
S
ix hours.
Six unbelievably long hours I’d sat like a good little girl in my bed, subjected to a triage of doctors, needles, tests, and questions. Joslyn came to see me a while ago, saying Liam was getting some fresh air. I missed him. I knew he needed space to deal with everything, but I wanted to be there for him. And at the same time I needed him to be there for me. I didn’t want him to think he was alone. Who cared if he didn’t know how to fly anymore? He could relearn. What mattered was he was alive, and we shared the same experiences. We loved each other. That would be enough to help him through the rough future. Wouldn’t it?
The door to my room opened and my heart stopped beating.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t work out if I knew this man, or if he was a complete stranger from Sydney. Our entire interaction in real life was a plane ride and a dance. Not the subconscious kiss or sad confession over dinner. The two ideals in my head wouldn’t align.
I narrowed my eyes as Nikolai walked tentatively toward my bed.
If I looked hard enough there were differences about him. His skin was slightly more weathered in real life, his hair a little shorter. It seemed odd, but it was as if I looked at two versions—the coma one being a few years younger. Was that Liam’s doing?
Nikolai stopped at the foot of my bed, shooting me a shy smile. “I’m glad you’re awake.”
Awkwardness stole my words. Forcing myself to stop staring, I mumbled again, “What are you doing here?”
“I was called in to work on the crash investigation. Engineer, remember?” He pointed at his chest. “I told you in Sydney?”
Crap, so I’d somehow threaded reality with fiction? How did I know he would be working the crash in my dream? Why was he here? We were effectively strangers, despite me knowing a lot of his past.
We stared at each other till Nikolai coughed. “I’m here on an errand for Liam.”
I blinked. He was running messages? Since when? They didn’t get along. Not in the world I’d been living in for the past few days, or was it weeks?
“What sort of errand?” My voice wavered. Somehow my gut already knew. He’d left. The moment he realized he couldn’t fly, I knew it would be too much for him. The open skies were his Prozac—his salvation to all the other crap in his life. If he couldn’t fly, he couldn’t cope.
No, don’t tell me
. I didn’t want to know if I was right.
Nikolai came to the side of the bed, and took my hand.
My flesh was cooler than his; it was odd touching him.
“He wanted me to get it exactly right.” He frowned. “Let’s see if I remember word for word. He said he had to leave. He can’t deal with the knowledge he doesn’t have a career. He doesn’t want to burden you by not being the man you fell in love with.” His face twitched, and with his free hand he pulled a scrap piece of paper from his back pocket.
“This is for you.”
I took it with fumbling fingers.
Nina,
I know you must think I’m a coward for running, but it’s all I can do to keep my sanity.
This isn’t goodbye.
Everything we shared in dream-paradise is real in my mind, and I’m coming back for you. But only when I’m whole again—when I deserve you and not before.
I love you. I’ll find you.
Liam.
My body shook. He’d left. After everything we’d been through together, he upped and left. I hated that I was right. Tears crushed my eyeballs, hot and heavy. Bastard. Didn’t he think I needed him for my own sanity? What about what I wanted? He was the only one who could remind me I hadn’t gone nuts. That everything I lived and felt was real not imaginary.
Terror filled me at the thought that everything we experienced might fade into some residual dream… disappearing into a void, never to be found again. Dammit, he’d sentenced us to fail before we’d even begun. My chest squeezed tighter, leaving me no oxygen. “He left me,” I whispered.
Nikolai nodded, eyes heavy with compassion. “I asked him if he was making the right decision, but he needs to do this.” He gave me a wry smile. “If you knew him like I used to, you’d know he tends to sink into his head to deal with change.”
“Yes, that’s true. He said he didn’t speak for a week when Cha—”I slapped a hand over my mouth. Way to bring up a super touchy subject.
Nikolai froze, his hand jerked out of mine. “He told you? How? When?”
I frowned at the guilt and pain shadowing his face. My heart squeezed for him. In a way, even though Liam lost a sibling, Nikolai lost more. He lost his future when she died. An odd kindred sprang between us—perhaps it was due to being abandoned by Liam when I needed him most, but I knew Nikolai needed someone to be there for him. Unfortunately, that person wouldn’t be me. My emotions were too complex—complicated by a world that never happened.
“Let’s just say I know about what happened, and you need to move on. Or at least let go of your guilt and allow yourself to grieve without berating yourself.” How did this turn from me being the one who needed comforting to offering the support?
Dammit, Liam. Where are you?
Why the hell had the hospital let him out? My eyes widened at the thought he might not be safe gallivanting around without being cleared by a doctor.
Nikolai didn’t speak, too wrapped up in ghosts of the past.
Jerking him back to the present, I asked, “Do you know where Liam went? What did the doctor say?”
He closed his eyes for a moment before physically shaking himself. “He went to see the overseeing surgeon before I took him where he wanted to go. They’ve referred him to a facility to continue getting care. He’s to stay there until they’re content with the outcome of his surgery.”
“And where did you take him?” Was he deliberately being obtuse? “Did he go back to New Zealand?” I didn’t know about brain injuries, but wouldn’t the pressure of the cabin do something odd? Hell, he’d been in a coma for twenty-two days he should be in
bed
. Next to me. Healing. Talking. Reminiscing about our unconventional hook-up and planning our future. Tears pressed again but anger helped push them back. If he was strong enough to walk away from me, I was strong enough not to care. Leaving was a cowardly thing to do—and I wouldn’t sit around waiting for him to ‘find me’.
Where did my life go so wrong?
Nikolai must’ve read the tightening of my jaw and concluded I was pissed. He was right. “You can’t hate him for going, Nina. He lost his wings. That’s huge for him. If you know about…” he stopped, but forced himself to continue, “Charlotte, you’ll understand that flying is his way of dodging pain and things he can’t deal with. Without his wings, he doesn’t have anything good in his life. Nothing to offer you. And he needs that. He needs to feel like he can give you everything—including all of him.”
Why the hell did Nikolai care? He spoke so reverently of his ex-best friend, making me feel guilty for not seeing Liam’s ditching me as his defence mechanism and not a weakness. I didn’t want to understand and forgive him. I wanted him here. With me.
Now.
Tears escaped my iron will, leaking down my cheeks. “Isn’t that for me to decide? I could’ve helped him. We could have rehabilitated together.”
He shook his head. “Don’t you see? He couldn’t ask you to do that. He needs to find his own way back to who he was. Don’t hate him. He just needs to be alone right now.”
What about me? I didn’t want to be alone.
The door opened again and the one person I never thought to see in the world came in.
Father.
Oh God. What was he doing here? I couldn’t do this. I didn’t have the reserves to deal with another argument.
Nikolai gave me a soft smile. “Don’t give up on him, Nina. He’ll find you when he’s ready.” Giving me one last look, he nodded at the new visitor and left.
I froze, clutching my sheets. Loneliness wrapped me in its empty embrace. My situation hit home for the first time. I was in a hospital, in Samoa, and the man I’d given my heart to—trusted to be there for me—had gone. For a day, a month, a year… who knew for how long?
A tinkling sensation happened in my chest and I swore it was my heart shattering into unfixable pieces.
Tears leaked faster, but I swiped at my cheeks.
You will survive this. You were strong without a man, you will be strong now.
I’d go home and continue with my life as if nothing happened. Hopefully, in time, I’d grow to think of my coma-dream as exactly as it was—a fantasy. Not real. Mind-candy—sweet, rich, delicious, and entirely bad for me. Now it was time for a diet.
“Nina?” Dad asked, inching closer to the bed. His receding hairline was unkempt, face lined with more wrinkles than last time I saw him. “Nina…”
“I never, in a million years, thought I’d see you here.” My voice wobbled and I hated myself for allowing Liam to hurt me this way. Damn him!
“How could I not be here? I’m your father. When Kiwi Air called me to tell me what happened…” Tears glossed his eyes and the gruff man who raised me in a single parent home broke in front of me. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I should never have told you who to be. I had no right. Are you okay? Can you ever forgive me?” His torrent of words were a balm against all my past hurt. I never thought I’d hear my father admit to being wrong, let alone apologise. He was such a proud man.
“I forgive you,” I whispered.
His mouth twisted in both amazement and relief. “I’ve missed you so much, little girl. I thought I’d lost you.” I let him gather me gently in a hug and the smell of old spice and rosemary hit me. Home. Liam might have left me, but the crash brought back my father.
He pulled away, smiling. “I was given a free flight to come and see you if I acted as a representative of Kiwi Air. They wanted to pass on their condolences and have booked you on a scheduled service to fly back to NZ in three days.” He pulled an envelope from his corduroy pocket. “They also offered a compensation package of ten thousand dollars for what happened.” He pushed the cheque into my hand. “You can put that towards anything, and I’ll be proud of you, whatever you do.”
My heart swelled and I looked away. I hadn’t told him I held my pilot’s license in retaliation for his disowning me. I wasn’t ready to tell him just yet. “Thanks for helping with the paperwork.”
The thought of going home was horrid, but at least the money was a bonus. I could put it toward my license and be finished all the more quicker. Then I’d leave and Liam would never find me. God, that really pissed me off. What if I wanted to find
him
? Everything he’d done was so unfair. He’d made me powerless.
Ignoring the hole where my heart used to be, I smiled at my father.
He patted my hand and sighed. “I’m just so happy you’re safe, Nina.”
* * * * *
Three days later I was stiff and achy, but after a thorough investigation by Doctor Ali’tasi, I was cleared to go home. My father and I had started the tentative relationship of being friendly again and he’d decided to stay for another week, so I was flying home with Joslyn.
The hospital shuttle dropped me off at the airport with an emergency travel document, as my belongings and passport had been incinerated in the blaze. I had nothing to my name. Even the baggy jeans and ugly paisley shirt I wore weren’t mine.
I sat in the departure lounge, staring at nothing. My back was ramrod straight and my whiplash was only a twinge.
My thoughts had nothing to keep them occupied, and Liam kept popping in to pour salt on my shredded heart. Images of him kissing me in the waterfall; the exhilaration of flying together; the whispered “I’m yours” when we slept together for the first and only time. I groaned, staring at the ceiling. That was the thing I struggled with most—we’d never
actually
slept together. God, did I have orgasms in real life? Could people do that? Have wet dreams in comas?
My eyes scanned the departure lounge, looking for Joslyn. She said she’d meet me at the airport, but had yet to show. What she was doing that was so important she might miss her flight home, I didn’t know. If it was anything to do with Liam and she didn’t tell me, I’d string her up with her hickey-hiding scarf.
Just as the call for our flight came over the speakers, Joslyn hobbled around the corner. Her cheeks glowed pink from exertion using crutches, and she looked odd with a pair of baggy cargo shorts, cut wide for her cast. The stitches in her forehead had been removed and she gave me a weary smile. “Sorry I’m late. Took longer than I thought.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What took longer than you thought?” We ambled to the gate to wait in line to board. I looked behind me to the seat, my hands unused to not having a bag or something to carry. I hated not having anything that was mine, it was an eerie sense of not knowing who I was—I owned nothing—nothing defined me.
She handed over her ticket as we were hustled down the air bridge. “Nothing. Just wanted to say goodbye to a few people.”
My heart thudded. “A few people being Liam?”
Her eyebrows flew into her hair. “Girl, if I knew where that cowardly brother of mine had bolted to, I wouldn’t be standing here. I’d be tracking him down and dragging him kicking and screaming home. He’s left Mum in a right state leaving like that. Dad said he got an email telling them not to worry, but hell, that boy needs a punch in the face.”
