Crashing Into You (13 page)

“Huh?” Lukas reached for my hand, but I ran out in
front of him, all the way up the steps. I even pushed past someone to get a
better look.

“Oh my God,” I said, stopping in front of the young
woman. “
Melanie
?”

Chapter 15

The girl wiped a tear from
her cheek, and shook her head. “No, no. But don't worry. I get that all the
time.”

I shut my mouth. I shouldn't
have said anything.

“Sydney, right?” Melanie’s
mother asked.

I was surprised she
recognized me. I had only met her once, on the day Melanie moved into our
freshman dorms. “Yes, hello, Mrs. Swanson. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” She turned to
her left. “Michelle, this is Sydney, Melanie’s former roommate at LMU. Sydney,
this is Michelle, Melanie’s sister.”

“
Oh
.” Melanie so rarely talked about her family I almost forgot she
had a sister. She had visited the campus a couple times, but we still had never
crossed paths. “Hi Michelle. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

I put my hand out, but she
didn't return the gesture. She just said, “Same to you,” and shifted her gaze
to the next clump of mourners heading up the steps.

I forced a warm smile, and
headed into the church. I went to pull Lukas to the side, but my hand only
grasped the stuffy air.

“Lukas?” I whirled around. He
had vanished. “Where are you?”

I surveyed the crowd but
didn’t see him. My gaze stopped on Michelle. It was borderline creepy how much
she resembled Melanie; from the head down, she was the spitting image. Same
green eyes, same cute little nose, same shade of blonde in her straightened
hair. Except Michelle cut her hair a little shorter. And she looked a tad
younger in the face, closer to sixteen years old, or seventeen, maybe.

“Hey, I’m right here,” Lukas said
from behind a pillar, like some kind of ghost.

I moved out of the way of the
oncoming mourners and stepped behind the pillar. “Where’d you go? Were you
avoiding Melanie’s mom?”

“Uhh, yeah. What was I
supposed to say? I'll miss Melanie? We're in a freaking church, I didn't want
to lie to her.”

I grabbed him by the hand and
whisked him toward the pews. “You're such a weirdo,” I said. We found two empty
seats toward the front, five rows back. I sat at the end and gave Lukas the
seat next to me.

I glanced at the back of the
church. Looked up and down the rows at all the unfamiliar faces.

“Have you seen Evan?” I
asked.

He shook his head. “No, I
haven't.”

“He has to be here. How can
he not be here?”

“I’m sure he’s around
somewhere. Maybe he's in the front row?”

I tried to get a proper
glimpse, but a man the height of an NBA player was seated in front of me. “Save
my seat. I’m gonna go look.”

“You’re gonna what?”

I didn’t let him stop me. I tiptoed
down the left side of the church, and glanced at a dozen more faces—but,
again, I didn’t recognize a single one. I had lived with Melanie for two years.
Who
were
all these people?

I reached the front aisle.
The three people closest to the end looked up at me in confusion, but I didn’t
care. I scoured every face, until I saw Evan seated closest to the center.

There was no classy way to
walk across the front of the church without being noticed by everyone, so I
just did it. I strolled up to him, and stopped at his side. He looked like
death, like he had been crying all day.

“Evan,” I said.

He gazed up at me, with those
big blue eyes that made my heart stop every time. “Sydney. Hi.”

“I wanted to say how sorry I
am.” I wrapped my arms around him, and rested my head on his shoulder. “I’m
here for you, if you need someone to talk to.”

“Thanks,” he said, and patted
me, awkwardly, on the back.

I put my hand on top of his, and
brought my head back up. “I’m serious, all right? If you ever need to talk to
me, I'm—”

Someone cleared her throat
real loud behind me. I turned around. Melanie's mom. I was blocking her seat.

“Oh. Oh, sorry,” I said. I
nodded at her, then at Evan, and headed back to Lukas.

I found my row and sat down.
Took a deep, satisfying breath.

“What was that all about?”
Lukas asked. “And why are you
smiling
?”

“What? I am not smiling. It
was just nice to finally see him, that's all—”

“Shh!” the tall man in front
of me uttered. “Will you please quiet down?”

I crossed my arms, and sat up
straight, like a good little girl. “Of course. Sorry.”

The funeral began a minute
later, and lasted for an hour. Eight people spoke in total, including Melanie’s
aunt and uncle, and a cousin named Brandi. The most moving speech came from her
maternal grandfather, Stephen, but neither Melanie's parents nor Michelle got
up to say anything, nor did Evan. I kept waiting for him to deliver a heartfelt
speech, talk about all the joys and frustrations of her last year on
Earth—of anybody, Evan would have known these things the most. But he
stayed seated the entire time.

After the funeral, everyone
headed out to the courtyard to discuss memories of Melanie, and Lukas and I sat
at an empty table near the back.

“So what did you think?” I
asked.

“It was nice, I guess. That Brandi
girl rambled on way too long, tried to make everything about her. But for the
most part it wasn't too bad.”

I nodded, my eyes locked on
all the guests. They were making polite conversation, not making any big
emotional scenes. The exterior of the church was lovely, with two large
circular fountains, and a garden that seemed to stretch for half a mile.
 

“I think Melanie would have been
pleased,” I said. “I mean, as pleased as you can be about your own funeral.”

“You know what I was surprised
by?” he asked.

“What?”

“I was surprised Evan didn’t
say anything. The mom, I guess I can understand. She’s still grieving. But Evan
should've gotten up there, maybe told a story or something.”

“I know, I was thinking the
same thing. But maybe he didn't want to get up and talk in front of all those
people. There were a
lot
of people in
there.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Plus he’s probably still grieving
about Melanie just as much as her mom. Maybe he thought if he went up there, he
would've started crying.”

Lukas tapped his fingers
against the table. “Sydney, come on. Are you really that naïve?”

I finally focused on Lukas,
and not the strangers surrounding me. “What are you talking about?”

“He
kissed
you the night she died.”

My head told me to stay
still, but my body took on a mind of its own. I pushed my hand over his mouth
and darted my eyes every which way. “Shh! Lukas! What the hell’s the matter
with you?” A few people looked our way, briefly, then went back to their
conversations.

He muffled a few words, but I
couldn’t hear him. I brought my hands down.

“Sorry, I wasn't thinking,”
he said.

“No you weren't.” I brought
my elbows down to the table, and sighed. “I never should’ve told you. God, if
someone finds out about that…”

“What? You told me it wasn’t
that big of a deal.”

“Not to him, it wasn’t.” I
looked up. Evan, seemingly out of nowhere, was walking right toward me. “Oh!” I
said, to no one in particular.

He stopped in front of our
table and said, “Hi Syd, Lukas. So nice you guys could make it.”

“Of course,” I said. “That
was a really nice service.”

“Yeah, it was. We were pretty
overwhelmed with all the people who showed. It's a testament to the kind of
person Melanie was, you know?”

“I know, I was just telling
Lukas about that. I had no idea Melanie had so many friends and loved ones. It
was really inspiring.”

“If I have even half the amount
of people at my funeral, I'll be thrilled,” Lukas said, chiming in without a
warning. “I mean... not like I'll be there to see it or anything. Unless I'm
looking down from the clouds.”

Evan and I glanced at Lukas,
perplexed. “
So
,” I said, breaking the
awkward silence, “Evan, you have any plans this summer?”

He leaned against the chair
on the other side of the table, apparently not committed enough to the
conversation to take a seat. “I’m going to New York next week to stay with my
dad for awhile. He got me an internship with his law firm.”

“Oh, that's nice of him. For
how long?”

“A month or so, just to get
my feet wet. I’m not moving in with Todd and Zach until the end of June, so I
have some time.”

My body literally shivered at
the mention of those two names. I tried to stay calm. Not only were Todd and
Zach vermin of the Earth; they had been at Reece's party, could have even played
a part in Melanie’s death. Did Evan not know that?

I hadn’t talked to anyone who
had been with Melanie her final night, but everything I’d read from the
newspaper article, and heard from friends of friends, all said the same thing,
that Melanie had taken it upon herself that night to outdrink everyone in the
whole goddamned house. Her sorority sister Daisy said, in the article, “She was
just trying to blow off some steam before finals, and wanted to have a good
time.” But that excuse didn’t sit well with me. Melanie had told me the last
time I saw her that she wanted to take it easy at Reece's party. What changed
her mind?

Part of me wanted to know the
truth, and another part wanted to go about the rest of my life never having to
find it out. Evan kissed me, the same night she died. Had she found out? Had
they talked about it? Did she drink herself to death because she was depressed,
because of what he did, because of what I let him do? The more days that
passed, the more I kept telling myself,
Melanie’s
dead, and there’s nothing you can do to bring her back
. But it haunted me,
the not knowing.

“Did you guys get a house?” I
asked, trying to focus on the here and now.

“Yeah. A three-bedroom. It's
about two blocks from campus, it’s really nice. And the rent's not bad at all.”

Evan looked so handsome in
his black suit and tie. He had grown a little facial hair since the last time I
saw him, on his chin; it made him look like the world's cutest rock star. What
had happened with Melanie hadn't changed a thing. I still wanted him. I wanted
him right then more than ever before.
 

He stepped away from the
table, and put his hand in his pocket. “Well. I should keep making the rounds,
I guess.”

“Okay,” I said. I shifted my
chair toward him. “Evan, don't be a stranger, okay? Like I said inside, you can
call me anytime you want. I…” I shouldn’t have said it. Not there. Not on a day
to remember Melanie. “I miss you.”

He stared into my eyes for a
moment, with an expression so blank he could have kissed me, or thrown a rock
at me, I had no idea. Instead, he walked around the table and gave me a tender
hug. “I miss you too, Syd.” He stood back up, and nodded at Lukas. “Thanks both
of you for coming. It means a lot.” He kept walking, and started chatting up
some adults at the table next to us.

“Wow,” Lukas said.

“Wow, what?”

He smiled at me. Didn’t say a
word.

“What is it?” I asked.

“He likes you. I never really
noticed before, but I watched him closely right then. The way he looked at you,
the way he hugged you. I mean, he barely acknowledged me, so that might have
been part of it…”

“Evan does
not
like me, what’s the matter with
you?” I whispered. I leaned in closer. “This is his girlfriend’s funeral. He
was just being polite.”

“You're probably right,
but... I’m just telling you. That's how it came off to me.”

“Are you trying to make me
feel worse about the fact that he's leaving for a month? What if it's longer
than that?” I leaned back in my chair. “I mean, what if he doesn't
ever
come back?”

“He will,” Lukas said. “Something
tells me he's not going anywhere.”

His words put a smile on my
face, for a second or two. But when one of the adults looked my way, I quickly
turned my smile to a frown.

“You ready to go?” I asked,
but I didn't wait for an answer. We stood up and headed toward the church exit.
I waved back at Evan, but he was too preoccupied to notice.

We found the top of the
staircase. There was just one person in sight.

“Oh,” I said. “Michelle,
right?”

She turned toward me, a thick
pair of sunglasses covering most of her face. She looked so much like Melanie
that I nearly gave her a hug, thinking we were on friendly terms. But this girl
was a total stranger.