Crashing Into You (29 page)

“No!” I screamed at him,
stopping him in his tracks. “Don't even bother!”

I turned to Michelle. She sat
down on her bottom bunk, and took a swig from a tequila bottle.

“What the...” I shrugged,
almost at a loss for what to say. Almost. “Are you guys
drinking
together, too? Getting drunk before you fuck? Super
classy, Evan.”

“Stop! Will you listen to me?”
He reached for my hand, but I pushed him away, and started slamming my fists
against his shoulders.

“You bastard! You goddamn bastard!
What are you doing in here? Why are you with her?”

“Sydney!
Stop
!” He latched onto my hands and pushed me up against his chest.
“Stop. Please. Listen to me.”

I let out a deep breath, and
shut my mouth.

“I just told Michelle
everything,” Evan said.

“What, everything?” I asked.

“I told Michelle I can't
spend time with her anymore. I told her that I love you. That I want to make my
relationship work… with
you
.”

I glanced at the inebriated
freshman. She took another swig of the tequila; she was partying it up like it was
Friday night. When she refused to make eye contact with me, and instead glanced
to her right with an exaggerated frown, I knew Evan was telling the truth.

He took my hand, and held it
tight, as Michelle shook her head with condescension. “I tried to talk to her
on the phone about this,” Evan said, “but she wouldn’t have it. She kept
texting me, kept leaving me voice-mails all day. I had to come up here to make
sure she was okay. Her last few messages sounded
crazy
.”

“Oh, screw you!” Michelle shouted.
“You're a piece of shit, you know that?”

Evan's jaw dropped. “Oh, I'm
a piece of shit? You just show up here, start wanting to spend all this time
with me. I reached out to you, as a friend. And the minute I ask to step away,
you get all clingy, and act like I'm your boyfriend or something—”

“Shut your mouth, you fucking
moron,” Michelle said, so direct, so maliciously, I had to remind myself this
was the same bubbly girl from before. “You don't know what you're talking
about. I want nothing to do with you. Not anymore.”

She went to take another sip
of the tequila, but I snatched the bottle away from her.

“Hey! Hey, that's mine!” she
screamed.

“What are you
doing
, Michelle?” I asked. “Do you have
any idea how much alcohol content is in this? How much have you had?”

I put the tequila on the
desk. Examined it. Patron Silver.

It was half empty.
    

I turned to Evan. “What’s the
matter with you? Why’d you let her drink so much?”

“I…” He shrugged. “I didn't
even see the tequila until you—”

“I’ll tell you why,” Michelle
interrupted, a dumb smile forming on her face. “Because he
likes
to watch girls get drunk. Don’t you, Evan?”

I narrowed my eyes. An
awkward silence came over the room. “What does she mean by that?”

Evan put his hands up, and
said, “I don't know. I don't know what she's talking about anymore.”

“Sydney, just curious,”
Michelle said. “Did Evan ever tell you what he did the night my sister died? Did
you know he was
at
the party?”

I shrugged. Was that her big
reveal? “Of course I did.”

“Yeah? Well there's a little
more to the story...”

Evan grabbed my arm and pulled
me toward the door. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

 
“No.” I tried to shake him away. “No, I want
to hear this.”

“She’s drunk,” he said.
“She’s just gonna start making shit up to piss you off. To piss us
both
off—”

“Evan, let go of my arm.”

He finally did what I asked,
and leaned against the door. I turned around, and watched as Michelle scooted
herself to the edge of her bed.

She brought her elbows to her
knees, and rubbed her palms together. “He told you he just showed up, saw that
Melanie was drunk, and went home. Is that right?”

“Yeah.” I took a step toward
her. “Because that's what happened.”

“Not so fast,” she said. “I got
a little tipsy with Kendra and Daisy last night. You want to know who they said
started
the chanting? Who got
everyone involved, made it so Melanie would drink herself to death?”

Evan shook his head. “Syd,
she’s lying. She’s manipulating you.”

“
He's
the reason she drank so much that night,” Michelle said,
staring at me with cold eyes. “Todd and Zach talked him into it. They told him
to get her as drunk as possible, and you know why?” She looked at Evan. “So he
could get
laid
.”

I spun around. “What? Is that
true?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Of
course not. Why would I need to get Melanie drunk to have sex with me? She was
my girlfriend!”

“Melanie and I talked on the
phone more than you think, dickwad,” Michelle said. “She was getting ready to
break up with you. Her anniversary present to you was a fucking gift
certificate, for Christ's sake. The kind of present you give your grandmother.”

He shook his head. “It's not
like that. She never had time to get me a real—”

“Plus, you guys hadn't had
sex in weeks.
Weeks
, Evan. Tell me
I'm wrong.”

“You're wrong,” he said, with
no hesitation. “Besides, you wouldn't know a thing about what went down at that
party. How could you? You weren't even there!”

“But those girls were. They
were drunk last night, they had no reason to lie. Is that how it happened, Evan?
Did you scream it in front of my sister? You know… chug, chug, chug—”

“All right, now that’s
enough
!” Evan shouted. He grabbed my
hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

“No!” I shook him away. “Don’t
touch me.”

“Syd—”

“Get away from me!” I backed
up, all the way to Michelle’s dresser. I thought back on that surreal night. It
all came roaring back into my mind like a dream I'd long forgotten. “You wanted
to go up to my room.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“After the library. You were
still with Melanie, but... you kissed me, and you wanted to go to my dorm.”

“But I didn’t. I never
would've actually—”

“So when I turned you down,
you left, and went to the party. And when Melanie started letting loose, you saw
her as your next best opportunity, didn't you?”

“Syd, this is
ridiculous
.” Evan looked like he wanted
to cry. “Michelle's just feeding you all these lies to get you to turn against
me. That's what she wants!”

I shook my head in annoyance,
and stepped toward the guy I loved. Or at least, I thought I loved. “Listen. I
don’t care if your intention that night was to have sex with me, or to have sex
with Melanie, or to prove how much of a fucking stud you are to Todd and Zach.
Whatever. I don’t care. This is what I care about…” I hesitated, for what felt
like a full minute. “If you hadn't gone to the party that night... would
Melanie still be alive?”

He reached for my hand. This
time I let him take it. “Syd, look into my eyes.” He paused, then said, “No. A
hundred times, no. What happened to her that night had
nothing
to do with me, I swear. I was there for ten minutes. We got
into a fight, and I left. That's it.”

I shook my head. None of this
felt right. Not anymore. “I'm sorry. I have to go.”

I pushed past Evan and walked
down the hallway, speeding up with each step. When Evan shouted my name from
afar, I started to run. I entered the stairwell, and charged down to the first
floor.

I blew out the main door, into
the pouring rain, which was pounding the pavement even harder than before. I
raced across the Rosecrans lawn, but slowed down when I found the parking lot.

“Where… goddammit.” I glanced
to my left, then my right. Where was I parked?

I reached into my pocket and
hit the unlock button. My car’s lights flashed halfway across the lot, ten
vehicles over. I walked up to my driver’s side door, and pulled my keys out of
my pocket—when my foot landed in a giant puddle.

“What the—”

The puddle went deep, into a
hidden pothole, and when my leg went down, so did the rest of me. I crashed
against the pavement, and the keys flew out of my hands, all the way under my
car.

“Oww! Fuck!”

Pain shot through my arms and
legs. I pulled my foot out of the puddle, and turned over, onto my back.

“Syd! Oh my God! Are you all
right?” It was Evan.

“I... I think so.”

He grabbed my hands, and
pulled me up to my feet. He leaned over, inspected me from head to toe. “I
don't see any blood, but... do you want me to take you to the clinic? Just to
be sure?”

“Evan…”

He brushed some pebbles off
my legs. “I can get you some bandages. I can ask if they’ll give me some, do
you want me to do that—”

“Evan. Shut up.” I leaned
back against my Sportage, and pulled him toward me. I gazed into his eyes, really
studied him for a moment. He wasn't a bad guy. He'd never do anything to hurt
someone. Right?

“Syd, I love you,” he said,
after the long bout of silence.

“I know you do.”

“I just want everything to go
back to the way it was. You know... the way it was this summer.”

I gazed up at the angry sky.
“You mean, when it wasn’t raining?”

He chuckled, and nodded his
head. He stepped closer to me. I let him.

“Evan, I want to believe that
we’re gonna be okay.”

“We will. I promise.”

I shook my head. “I don't know.
There’s so much in our past… I just don’t know if—”

“We’re
meant
for each other.” He took my hand. Again, I let him. “You have
to believe me when I say I had nothing to do with Melanie’s death. What
happened was a terrible thing, but it was no one’s fault but her own, do you
understand? I’m with you now. All I want to do... is love you. That is, if
you'll let me.”

His black jacket was soaked. I
touched his chest, brought my hands up to his shoulders. I rubbed my thumb
against his goatee.
 

“I…”

“Syd?”

I stared into his eyes,
didn’t look away from them. For two years, Evan had been my everything. And now
I had him all to myself. Was I really going to give that up, all because of a
drunk freshman with some lame theory?

Was I really not going to
give him another chance to prove his love to me?

“I believe you,” I said. “I
have
to believe you.” I hugged him, and
whispered into his ear, “I love you, too, Evan.”
 

He pushed his hands against
my cheeks, and kissed me. I tilted my head back, wrapped my arms around his
waist, let the rain wash over me. Evan pressed his lips against my neck.

“Evan... oh my
God
…”

“I love you,” he said. “I
love you so much.”

Thunder crackled right above
us, so loud we both stopped, and darted our eyes at each other.

“Evan?”

“Yeah?”

“You want to get out of this
rain?”

He smiled. “I think that’s a
great idea.”

I opened my car's side door,
and fell against the back seat. I scooted far enough to the other side so he
could shut the door behind him. I wrapped my legs around his ass, just as his
hard-on pressed against me.

I closed my eyes, as he kissed
me on my nose, my cheeks, my chin. He ran his tongue along my neck, down to my
upper chest. I breathed harder and harder, faster and faster. After a
tantalizing minute, he came up for air and brought his face close to mine.

“How are you?” he whispered.

When I opened my eyes, my
breathing stopped. I didn’t see Evan.

I saw James.

“What…” I shook my head and
blinked, real fast. Back to Evan again.

“Syd? Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said, and
pushed his head down to my lower body. “Keep going. That feels so good.”

He pulled up on my tank top, as
he caressed my belly button with his tongue. Then he went down even farther.

“Oh shit…” I said. “Oh Evan…”

He peered up at me, and smiled.
I gazed at his face.
 
 
 

James again.

I closed my eyes. Counted to
three. Opened them. Evan.

“Oh, thank God,” I said.

“What?” Evan asked.

“Nothing. Keep going.”

He slipped my jeans off, then
slowly pulled down on my undies. His tongue entered me. He started off slow,
then went faster, and deeper—deeper than ever before. I dug my
fingernails into his back and pushed my feet up against the car ceiling.