Crave (2 page)

I can’t imagine this being the end of our meeting. All of the guilt returns and my face flashes red again.

I feel horrible.

He jumps down, turns back and says, ‘It was great meeting you, Sally. Stay true.”

Oh, FUCK.

He knows.

He knows I just fucked him over. Jesus, what a shit-bag I am.

The train starts to move. And he walks the other way. I am so miserable.

He was totally nice to me. He saved me.

And that’s how I treated him.

I have to do something. I have to say something.

But, I’m so torn…

“Everett,” I finally call to him.

He turns as if he knew it was going to happen. Calm. Confident.

I want to jump off now, but I can’t leave behind my dreams. I can’t abandon the west just yet.  I’m so close to getting away from my family. From the life I want to leave behind. Don’t screw this up.

“Everett,” I say again, “My name is Cora. Cora Melo.”

He stops walking and looks back at me.

My stomach feels like it will drop out.

“I feel awful,” I yell.

The train moves faster.

But he is still close enough.

“I know, Cora,” he smiles, “Sally is the last I woulda figured ya for.”

His smile makes all the pain in my stomach go away.

I hold the rail bar tightly and lean out. I could fall, but it’s worth one last look before this train pulls too far away and he’s gone.

“I owe you,” I call to him.

“No, Cora, you don’t,” he returns, “I don’t need to win a bet to get you to kiss me.”

As the train rolls away, and he moves further and further out of sight, I know that he is right.

CHAPTER 2

The rest of the train ride still smells.  The only relief I manage is by sitting on the edge of the car, feet hanging out, watching the trees go by. 

Each minute that passes feels like days of my old life passing behind me.  I hope there’s fresh air ahead.

I think about Josie, the town I last left her in, and the fact that an education on the streets of New Bedford translates well anywhere in the country.  She’ll be in California, perhaps when I get there.

Later, I see the sign for Pacific Heights and the train rolls to a stop.  I jump off, put my new jacket on, and walk into the only building I see nearby.  I call Josie’s dad and he’s there before I know it to pick me up.

Her family is welcoming, just like I remember.  Her dad is just like my dad in a lot of ways, minus the heroin addiction and sentencing, of course.  They’ve managed to live a good, clean life.  Perhaps moving out of New Bedford affords you that opportunity.  

Josie arrives hours after me and we spend all day catching up and plotting our plans for the next few weeks.

Night comes over Pacific Heights and the city is bright.  It’s bigger than I expected and has all the big city glitz and glamour that you read about in the magazines.  Yesterday morning I didn’t even know its name.

Josie is ranting and raving about this new band she wants to go see and I have no objections.  I’m just happy to be here.

The Greenhorns start around ten.  Their first few songs are okay.  They’re a mix of indie rock, amped up folk, and old country. 

I’ve never been into country much, but the other stuff is pretty good.  They jump into an old Johnny Cash version of Ring of Fire, Josie tells me, and the crowd is moving. 

We move to the bar and grab a seat. 

“How’s your family doing?” Josie asks.

“Peachy.  You know.  My mom is my mom.  I love her to death, but she just won’t accept any help.  And dad, well, you know where he is.”

I hear the sound of a harmonica tuning in the background.  The one instrument I played when I was young.  The only one I could carry around with me and the only one easy enough to play without taking classes or learning through books.  I think I could play Oh Susannah before I was five.

“You’re going to like it here,” Josie says.  “The college is a lot of fun and there are a lot of cool people.  Did you get all your enrollment forms taken care of?”

“Just a few things left to do.  I’ll knock it out in time for the fall semester,” I say.  “I’m just glad to be moving on from community college.” 

The harmonica starts and I recognize the beginning of John Denver’s Country Road, the only country song I ever loved.

We turn to face the band and I walk closer to the stage.  The band is four people.  Three of them are dressed like you’d expect for indie rock.  The fourth is dressed in jeans, a t-shirt that says “Born Country” on it and a white cowboy hat.

As I get closer and see his face, I am shocked.  It is
the
white cowboy hat.  It is
him.
 

Everett is as gorgeous as I remember him from that old dusty train. 

I slip back, further into the crowd.  I’m torn between wanting to see him and not wanting him to see me.  My stomach turns to knots.

I retreat to the bar and Josie is busy talking to some guy she just met.

He exits the stage and I can see him coming toward the bar.  I turn the other direction, but can still see his approach in the full length mirror behind the bar.  Oh my god, he is coming right at me.  That calm grin.  That confident stride.

Girls approach him and he stops each time.  They giggle at his stories and run off to tell their friends.

It feels like an hour.

And then he is next to me.

My face is redder than a Bloody Mary.  And I can feel the hair on my neck standing.  It too wants to walk away.

“You owe me something,” he says, standing there tall. 

“I was thinking a ‘hello’ would have been a good place to start,” I return.

“Too subtle.  I don’t like to play games,” he says seriously.

“Well what was that back there on that train then?  That sure felt like a game to me.”

“I recall it differently about who was playing the games back there,” he says tilting his hat and pointing in my direction.

My face overheats.

I roll my eyes at him, trying to play along.  “So, what, you want to just do this right here.   Jump my bones in front of all these people?”

“Jump your bones?” he smiles and then stops to think. 

“Well…” he continues.  “Let’s just start with the jacket and maybe we can get to other things after we know each other a little better.”

I’m such a moron.  I have the damn thing on for crying out loud.  I kind of got to liking it the last few days.

“Yes, the jacket.  Sure thing.  I do owe you that.  Now don’t I?”

I can tell by his look that he sees right through my weak attempt at recovery, but then, I manage it with, “But what will I sleep on tonight?”

“Girl like yourself will do fine, I’m sure,” he says, waving to get the attention of the bartender.  “What’ll it be, Sally?”

“Well, my friend Josie lives here and I’m staying with-“

“-The drink, Sally?” he interrupts.

“Oh, the drink, yeah. I’ll take a martini, extra olives. Thank you, Everett.”

He is close to me now, leaning in my direction, one foot up on the rail below the bar.

My stomach is all butterflies and I feel like they’ll lift me off at any moment.

His arm comes across the back of my chair and his shoulder comes into contact with mine.  I shiver all over with that touch.  I think of that kiss.  I owe him that. 

I turn to him.  And he is smiling that wonderful smile.  Like all is good in the world. 

He sits now and our drinks come.  “Ever had a whiskey straight?” he asks me.

“Gross, I don’t think so,” I respond.

“Try it.  It will put hair on your nipples,” he says, downing it in one drink.

I almost fall out of my chair.  “Hair on my nipples?  Yeah, that’s what I need!”

“Well, okay, you might not really want that, but it will at least make you feel good for a while.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I say.  “Hey, listen Everett.  About the bet.  I guess I do kind of feel like I owe you something.  Now, I’m not one to run from my commitments and I guess technically that was kind of a commitment I made back there.”

“Not one to run, you say?” he asks.

“Well, no. I mean, well… appearances can be deceiving you know.” I reply.  “And anyway, speaking of appearances, you haven’t told me what you were doing on that train, and where you are from.”

“We were talking about the bet, weren’t we?” he grins.

“We’ll get back to that.  But before we do, you have to tell me something about yourself.”

“Well, that’s not playing by the rules,” he says.

“Where I’m from, those are the only rules I know. There are no rules.”

“So that’s how they do it in New Bedford, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s how we do it.”

“Fair enough then, I came out here to make some country music.  You heard me up there, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, well, some of it.  I didn’t… well… I wasn’t really paying that much attention and all.”

“What was your favorite song the band played?”

“Country Road- The only country song I ever liked.”

“Only one?  Well, I can fix that, Cora.  I grew up in Wyoming.”

“Wyoming?  Really?”

“Yeah, but that’s the past now.  I moved here.  Coming off of that train.  I have some friends here and this is it for me, making music and having a good time.  That’s what I’m doing
now
.”

“Well, that does sound like fun, but can you make a living at it?”

“I’ll get by.  But I really don’t want to get into it.”

“Another round of drinks,” he calls out to the bartender.

The drinks come and he is quiet for a minute. 

“What was it like back home,” I prod.

“It’s going to be great here in Pacific Heights,” he responds, “I’ve never really seen the ocean ‘til just now.”

“Never seen the ocean, huh?” I say, looking into the brightness of his promising blue eyes.

“Well, no… I can’t really explain it.  Been to Pacific Heights plenty of times.  It’s something, this life of mine.” he replies.

“Trust me,” I say, “I know what you mean.  No one can explain this life of mine either.”

“Well then,” he says, “let’s get to something we can try to explain- how about that pillow I gave you?  Why’d a girl like you come to be needing a pillow on a train rolling across this great country?”

“A girl like me? Well, I’m not sure what you mean by that, but I was on that train because-“

“-Cora,” Josie interrupts.  “There you are. We’re heading out, going to the after-party. Wanna go with? Who’s your friend? You coming too?”

“This is Everett, Josie.  I think I’m heading back to your place.  I’m kind of beat,” I say.

“What about you Cowboy. You in?” Josie asks. 

“Yep, I was there from the start,” Everett says smiling.  I can see him glancing in my direction, checking for my reaction, and trying not to be caught.

“Cool.  Let’s do this,” Josie says.  “Here are my keys, Cora.  You can take the beater home.”

“Great.  Another spectacular night in your car,” I say.  But she is gone.

Everett smiles at me.  “Gotta go,” he says, “I’ll see you again real soon.  We’re here again next Saturday.  Can I count on you?”

“Yeah, you can count on me, you should know that by now,” I say half-heartedly.  I kind of want to go, but after-parties with Josie usually aren’t my scene.  That’s the one part of New Bedford
she
hasn’t left behind. 

“Good, see you next week, if not sooner,” he says, tipping his hat in my direction.

I almost jump off my seat to chase him down.  My lips quiver at the thought of grabbing him.  Holding him.  Keeping him here with me.

But alas, he’s gone too.  Just me now.  And my Martini.  And the beater car Josie left me with.  I missed my chance.

Great fucking night.

CHAPTER 3

Why can’t Josie have a reliable car?  This piece of shit has let me down more times…

I pop the hood, hoping there is something I can do.  Knowing there is nothing.  I see green liquid down below the car.  That can’t be a good sign. 

What the hell am I going to do now?  It’s the end of the night.  I’m alone.

I sit on the curb next to the car and just put my head down for a minute.  I want to just give up again.  I think of hopping a train right now and going somewhere else.  But it doesn’t feel like there’s any use in that either.

I look up through teary eyes and I see the flash of lights turning around.  Some kind stranger is taking pity on me.  Or some sicko who’s going to abduct me.  The way my luck is going it will be the latter.

The car pulls up close, and to my surprise, I see a boot step out underneath on the other side.  I can’t yet see the man, but those sure are some sharp looking boots.  He must get his boots shined before going out and saving poor little girls like me.  I really hope he can do something.

“That’s a mighty big problem you got there,” I hear the husky voice call from under Josie’s hood.  I know that voice.  It’s not… no way.

“Everett? Is that you over there?” I ask.  I can’t even believe it. I am totally shocked at this stroke of good luck I just had.  Not only is someone helping me out of this scrape.  But, it’s
him
again.

“Howdy, young lady.  Looks like you’re going to need another favor.  Hmmm… this is getting good.  You are building quite a debt with me these days.”

“Well, I guess that’s better than the alternative,” I say.  “I’ve got no business alone in this city at night.”

“Looks like your friend didn’t do you any favors here.  This thing is shot.  Only thing saving it now is a tow truck.”

“Great.  Josie will be thrilled.  Can I just leave it here and ruin her day tomorrow, instead of her good time at the after-party?”

“Yeah, I’ll move it over.  It’s close enough to park.”

“Speaking of the after-party,” I question, “How’s come you’re here and not there?”

“Well, I’d rather be out saving young damsels in distress, than at some after party, where half the crowd is getting baked, and the rest are doing drugs I don’t even know the names of.”

YES, I say to myself.  Check plus on that one.  Not a drug user.  Thank god.

“How noble of you,” I snicker.

“Not really,” he replies, “The only time I’m really noble is in my dreams.  That’s the only time my troubles don’t chase me down.”

“And what sort of troubles would a damsel-in-distress-saving-kind-of-guy like you have? I’ve never seen that fairy tale.”

“Ah, it’s not the one they show in the movies.  It’s the real life that no one can explain.  Remember?”

“It is difficult, I’ll grant you.  But you seem to have a lot of other tools in your kit.”

“Well, I know what to do back on the ranch, but I’m afraid I’ve no tools for the car here.  Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.  That is, if you’re willing to be saved?”

“Well, I guess I do still owe you something.”

“Oh, so now you’re doing me the favor, letting
me
save
you
.  You really are some kind of stuntwoman.  That much is becoming clearer every day.”

“Oh shut the hell up already.  Let’s go,” I say, laughing and smiling all the way to his car.

The ride to Josie’s parents is a too short fifteen minutes out of the city.  He stops in the driveway and I turn to him.

“Thank you again,” I say.  “I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

“We’ll think of something.  I’m sure we will.”

He’s including me in his plans now.  That can only be a good sign.  I feel heat moving north to my face again.

I start to look up and I feel his hand, gently brushing my hair away from my face.  And then he moves it down my jawline to my chin.  My whole body explodes.  I could die right here and I would have made it.

His touch makes me emotional and I start in a direction I didn’t intend for this moment.

“I just want to be free,” I say, “Free from my parents.”  I can feel the emotions coming stronger and the tears start to build, but it’s too late.  I’ve already started. 

His hand moves to the back of my head and I feel it gently caressing.

“I think you’ve landed in the right place, Cora.  Pacific Heights is a good place.  There’s not much trouble here if you don’t want it.”

“Yeah, I hope you’re right.  But somehow it always seems to find me,” I say, looking back up at him.

“Well, I think you’re going to be fine.  But you have to remember, freedom is good.  It sure is something good to have, I mean, but just don’t forget now.  What I’m saying is that freedom… well, even freedom has its limits.”

I move across the seat as he says this and gently place a kiss on his cheek.  I whisper in his ear, “Not in my dreams.  I’m not letting it.” 

I get out of the car and head inside.  “See you next week…”

I head straight upstairs.  The house is dark and quiet.  I flip Josie’s light on and lay down in her bed.  My mind is consumed with thoughts about my trip, trying to get on that train and the country boy who helped me get here.

What is it about him?  Why is he so calm and confident all the time?  And why is
he
here?  I can’t believe he just came with his harmonica to make music.  That doesn’t make sense to me.

I toss those things over for about an hour.  I conclude that I really only know one thing about him- that I can’t get him out of my head.  Those blue eyes, gorgeous face, polished boots.  He has it all.  Doesn’t seem to have a care in the world, except I remember now, when I asked him about home.  He did get a little agitated and said he didn’t want to talk about it.  I wonder what that was about.

I’m about to turn the light out, and probably sit here thinking for another hour, when I hear clinking noises.  It’s been so quiet that it really takes me by surprise.  I get chills up my arms and legs.

Where is that noise coming from?  I walk into the corridor, but it only sounds more distant then.

Back in the room, louder now.  By the window, even louder.  I open the window a few inches and look out.  At first I am taken aback.  Someone is standing in the front yard.  And they are throwing something at this window.  Who the hell is that?

I turn off the light and open the window a crack more to get a better look.  The night fog is thick and I only see the silhouette of a man. 

Then he steps forward.  And into view I see him.  I see that he is out of breath now.

As he comes closer, I can hear his words.  It’s that powerful and husky voice I’ve come to know.  “Cora… “

“Yes?” I reply.

“I really want to talk to you,” he says.

“Were you asleep?” he asks, looking up at me anxiously.

“Just about.  What are you doing here?  It’s so late,” I say down to him.

“What are you doing?  Want to come down and talk?” he asks.

“What do you mean come down and talk?  It’s the middle of the night.  I’m in a strange city.  And I hardly know you.  Does that sound like a safe thing for a girl to do?”

“Sure, it’s safe.  I promise.  Come on, I’ll catch you.”

“Oh, you promise.  Sure then.  Let me just jump on out now.”

“Seriously,” he says, “Want to do something fun… and a little bit crazy?”

I don’t know where he is going with this, but the thought of doing something crazy with him at this hour. In this strange city. That I know nothing about… actually, kind of… yeah, it does sound kind of exciting.  Kind of sounds like me stepping out of myself and doing something different for a change…

I remember that’s what got me here.

“You know what.  You just hold your horses right there, Cowboy.  I’m getting clothes on and I’m coming down.”  I say this not knowing what I am doing, what I am putting on, or where I am going. 

I manage a pair of jeans and t-shirt and am back at the window.  He is there, looking off to the road.  I see him biting his lip.  A surprisingly anxious look.

“So, are you gonna catch me?” I say, looking down and realizing I am just high enough that a fall to the ground might break something. 

“I got you,” he says, putting his hands up over his head and motioning to jump.

“Here I come…” I say, closing my eyes to jump.

I feel his hands under my arms, and then slide through and around my back.  My breasts land softly on his upper chest and my head is slightly above his.  Me still looking down.  Him still looking up. 

But closer.  Much closer.

A light sweat covers his forehead, but I look right past that into his beautiful blue eyes. Our gaze is fixed on one another and I wonder- will this be it?  Will this be how I payoff the bet.

I feel myself sliding down now and then as softly as when I was falling through the air, I feel my feet touch the ground.

“So where are we going, now, at this hour?”

“Let’s just go for a ride and talk,” he says.

This is crazy, I tell myself.  Why am I doing this?  I think that over for a moment, but don’t have answers.  Other than the fact that I can’t think of any reason not to.

We drive away and I see that the sweat is no longer on his forehead.  His breath has returned to normal and he is calm as ever.

“I’m so glad you came,” he says, “I really wanted to see you.”

“Well, I still don’t know why I am here, but I guess I’m glad that you’re glad to see me.”

“I know a good lookout spot.  A place where we can just sit and watch the city for a little while.  It has a nice glow at night.  And the stars are out tonight too.  The spot is far enough away to see both.  You up for it?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Sure.  You always have a choice, don’t you?” he returns.

“Doesn’t always feel that way.”

“Okay, so just trust me then.”

“Trust you? And what sort of logical reasoning, what sort of rationale would I have for trusting you?”

“Well, I did save your life back there on the tracks, didn’t I?”

“Save my life?  Umm, well… I don’t know if I’d call it saving my life, but yeah, you did do me a favor.”

“Okay, so you can trust me now.”

“Okay tough guy,” I say, playfully punching him on the arm to show that I’m willfully giving in… as long as he knows I’m just having a little fun with it. After all, how could I really trust this guy I just met a few days ago?  Not a chance in hell I’d really trust him with something important, anyway.

We pull up over a ridge and I see the city reveal itself from the distance.  The moon is above and bright.  Stars fill the sky.  It’s almost a perfect night.

We sit and talk and after a while he looks at his watch and says, “Okay, come on.  If we’re going to do this, we’ve got to go?”

“Do what?  I thought we were doing what I jumped out of the window to do.”

“Nope, there’s more,” he says, fully grinning now. “You agreed when you jumped that you were up for something crazy.”

I get out of the car, say ‘what the hell’ under my breath and walk to catch up with him.

We cross the road and I see what I didn’t see before.  The path is narrow at the opening, but widens enough after we are on it.  There is plenty of light coming through the tress with the moon and the stars, and the city lights too. 

We walk for about fifteen minutes and all along he says things like “this is it” and “we’re almost there”, and finally “getting close now.”

We come to a clearing and I hear the sound of the whistle forcing itself through the night air.  I look at him intently now. 

And he just smiles.