Crave the Darkness (4 page)

“Don’t do this, Darian.” The command was firm, but his velvet voice was warm, reassuring. “No more running. No hiding. You’re better than that. Take this hurt you feel and let it make you better. Don’t allow it to master you.”

I swallowed down the lump rising in my throat, commanded the tears to retreat before they threatened to flow. Whether I was ready to acknowledge it or not, I knew deep down that Xander was right. I couldn’t keep running. I couldn’t hide in my apartment and let my ragged emotions take me to an even darker place than I was already.

Xander loosened his grip, but he kept his hand right where it was. His thumb swirled in a circular pattern on my wrist, an intricate weaving of sensation that relaxed me. “Darian, I think you should move in for a while. You should be close to Raif, and you’ll need to be here for Anya as well.”

“Okay.” My KOf, traitorous mouth let the word slip lazily from between my lips before my brain could adequately think over an answer. I didn’t want to go back to my apartment, to my bed, haunted by memories of Tyler. He promised me he’d come back. But when? He hadn’t called or sent so much as a text message to let me know where he was. To assure me that he was okay.
Paybacks are a bitch, aren’t they, Darian?

Xander tightened his grip, once again bringing me back to the present. My mind had been wandering all over the place, and he’d seen me drowning and threw out the life preserver. I pulled my hand away and he didn’t fight me, but his touch lingered. Rubbing my wrist, I tried to banish the sensation, the comfort of feeling someone else’s skin on mine.

“I’m going to go find Raif,” I said, turning on a heel. “We’ve got details to work out and I’d rather just get straight to work.”

“Darian,” Xander called out from behind his desk and I stopped midway through the door, not bothering to turn and face him. “I never would have left. Only a fool could walk away from you.”

Goddamn it
. I was in for a shitload of trouble.

Chapter 4

I
found Raif in Xander’s solarium, of all places. It struck me as odd to see him so relaxed, bathed in sunlight while he ate lunch. My stomach growled, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten a proper meal in some time. I’d been more or less eating only to survive. I would’ve eaten cardboard and been satisfied with it. But the chicken piccata artfully arranged next to a pile of penne pasta and Caesar salad looked too damn good to my emerging appetite.

“The kitchen is sending up a plate for you,” Raif said. “I figured you’d be hungry.”

“You’re a traitor, you know that?” I asked, taking a seat across from him. “You ratted me out to your brother and sent him to my apartment.”

“I did,” he agreed. “And I won’t apologize for it, either. You were living like some sort of shut-in. Someone needed to intervene, and you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“But you figured I’d listen to Xander?”

Raif stared me down. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

Damn
. He had me there. “I’m sorry,” I said. “For making you worry. Again.” Apologizing was about as pleasant as swallowing tacks, but Raif deserved it. No matter how much I hated to admit it, Xander was right. I’d been selfish.

“Well,” Raif said, clearly as uncomfortable as I was, “let’s just eat and call it good. I take it Xander filled you in on your assignment?”

The aroma of hot food hit my nostrils, and a moment later a plate was brought in and set before me. The plate was still warm and my stomach jumped to attention, the meal taking precedence over any other thought. I had half the chicken and most of the pasta stuffed down my throat by the time I brought my face up from the plate.

“I’ve seen soldiers in the field eat with less gusto,” Raif said, picking at his own food with fastidious precision. “Hungry much?”

“I guess I haven’t been taking care of myself,” I said, pausing only long enough to take another bite.

“I’d say that’s pretty obvious. And just so you know, bourbon is not one of the four food groups.”

I grimaced. Clearly my antics had crossed over into the careless idiot category and Raif had seen it firsthand. I was ashamed of my behavior, holed up in my apartment, tangled in my bedsheets for three months straight with just enough food to keep me alive and more than enough booze to kill a horse. Maturity, thy name is Darian.

“She’ll never go for this, you know,” I said, steering the conversation back to work. “When she finds out what Xander has planned, she’ll blow a gasket.”

“Anya doesn’t have a choice.”

“That’s what he said.”

Raif gave me a strange look, and I really wanted to know what the hell he was thinking. But another wave of gut-cramping hunger hit me and rather than dig into my friend’s psyche, I turned my attention to my plate.

“You’re moving in?” Raif asked, interrupting the sound of me inhaling the rest of my meal.

I nodded, mouth too full to answer politely.

“For what it’s worth, I think it’s a good idea.”

Again, a nod.

“But not for the reason you think.”

I looked up from my plate.
Damn
. Guess I’d have to talk about this. “Why do you think I’m moving in?”

“Xander suggested you stay so you’d be close to Anya and whatever team we form to work under your direction. But he—
we
—thought you needed to be away from your apartment for a while.”

Of course,
they
did. But I didn’t blame them for suggesting it. It had been my motivation for accepting Xander’s invitation so quickly. I needed to be away from anything that reminded me of Tyler until I could get my head on straight. “Well, you got your wish. Here I am. Now we can be one big, happy family.”

Raif rolled a piece of pasta around his plate with his fork. “He’s arrogant, I know. And an ass more times than not. He’s stubborn, opinionated, and spoiled. Demanding to a fault. Which is why you need to be very careful. He is nothing if not opportunistic.”

He
being Xander. I
so
did not want to have this conversation. “I don’t care what
he
thinks or feels. Tyler’s coming home.”

“I know he told you that. But what if—”

“I love him. He loves me. He’s coming back. End of discussion.”

Raif did the smart thing and kept the rest of his opinions to himself. If I was going to stay here—and I was—the subject of Tyler was not open for discussion. He was coming back. He’d promised. And Tyler never disappoints.

* * *

Once Raif and Xander managed to get me out of my apartment, they made it their mission to ensure that I
stayed
out. Someone packed up most of my clothes and a few other personal items and had it Sms they all unpacked and organized in one of Xander’s guest suites before I’d even finished lunch (and a second helping).

“I’m going to have to go back eventually,” I remarked as I stuck my head into the doorway of the suite I’d be occupying until Xander was assured of Anya’s safety.

“Eventually,” Raif said. “Not now.”

“My place is wide open. No security. I’ll have to check on it every once in a while.”

Raif smiled in a very self-satisfied way. “I’ve already taken care of that. I’m having a security system installed that we can monitor from right here. So you have nothing to worry about.”

Jesus, he’d thought of everything, hadn’t he. Smug SOB. “You know, Raif, going from self-imposed solitary confinement to house arrest isn’t a step up.”

Raif shrugged. “Call it what you want. You’re here and that’s all that matters to me. Besides, you’ll hardly be under house arrest. Your hands are going to be more than full.”

Right on cue, my new pet project stepped onto the second-story landing from the top of the stairs. Dressed from head to toe in a black leather catsuit, Anya looked about as happy to see me as I was to be protecting her. God, how in the
hell
was she going to rock the leather once her pregnancy began to show? I wondered if she’d have some custom outfits made. I pictured her, waddling down the hall, belly protruding in a basketball shape and wrapped in shiny pink leather.

“You might as well turn yourself around and go back to where you came from,” Anya said with a sneer. “I don’t have any intention of allowing
you
to be my shadow.”

“From what I hear,” I said, closing my door behind me, “neither of us has a choice.”

We made quite a pair, Anya and me. Standing in Xander’s hallway, the wall on one side, the banister on the other, we looked like a couple of gunfighters about to draw. And my trigger finger itched. I couldn’t even give her a proper beating due to her condition. From what Xander said, everyone would be treating her like she was made of glass for the next year. And I wouldn’t be the exception, either. Oh, no. I was going to have to keep her safe.

I leaned against the banister, one foot slung casually across the other. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked her over, silently daring her to open her mouth and deny Xander’s orders. Tears glistened in her eyes, and I straightened. Anya’s gaze narrowed, and she swallowed hard before clenching her teeth. With balled fists and a quivering jaw, she spun on a heel and headed down the hallway and right back down the stairs without a single smart-ass remark. I had to put in some serious effort to keep my own jaw from falling slack. Whaddaya know, even stone-cold Anya wasn’t insusceptible to hormones.

“Making friends wherever you go,” Raif said, coming up behind me. “You’d better find out who’s threatening her and take care of it—fast. Otherwise, you might not survive each other’s company.”

“About that”—I kicked at the intricate carving of the banister—“I’m not exactly in fighting form. It’s going to take a bit of work to get me back in shape.”

“I’m not worried.” The gleam in Raif’s eye echoed a warrior’s lust for battle. “I’ve been waiting for months for a decen Ss fif">t workout. Since you’re a little rusty, I plan on taking full advantage of the opportunity to take you down a peg or two.”

“Don’t get too cocky.” My own blood was rising, my body gearing up for the prospect of battle. “I can still kick your ass.”

“We’ll see about that,” Raif said, taking off down the stairs in front of me. “Hope you’re ready to get worked over.”

“I hope
you’re
ready,” I said, following after him. I became one with the light and regained my corporeal form at the foot of the stairs, several feet in front of him. “First one to the gym gets dibs on the best weapon.” I disappeared again in a shimmer of light, Raif’s profanity-laced complaints trailing behind me.

* * *

He beat me fair and square. Probably the first of many beatings to come. Just one more reason for me to be ashamed of my shut-in routine.

“Ready to go again?” Raif asked.

Hunched over, hands on my knees, dragging in ragged drafts of breath, I wondered,
Do I
look
like I’m ready to go again?
Raif appeared barely winded. Toweling his forehead and sipping from a water bottle, he looked like he’d just got home from a leisurely jog.

“I think I’m ready for bed,” I muttered, straightening and stretching from side to side. The audible crack in my back and neck did little to ease the various aches. God, I was out of shape. Thankfully, I healed almost instantly. Otherwise, I’d be flat on my back for another three months recovering from the ass-whooping I’d just received. One thing about Raif, he took everything to the next level. Even a simple workout.

“It’s still early,” he said, tentative. “How about dinner first?”

The concern showed in his tone, the worried expression on his face, the way he closed the space between us like he thought I’d bolt at any second. It was nice, really. “Don’t worry, Raif. I’m not going AWOL. I’m just fucking exhausted. Seriously, I don’t think I could take another step. This is the most I’ve done in months. I’m ready to crash.”

Raif raised a dubious brow. I didn’t blame him for not trusting me. He’d been trying to flush me out for weeks. I was like an addict on rehab watch or a cutter in a room full of razor blades. It wouldn’t take much to send me over the edge and into a relapse.

“We’ve been working out for the past five hours. I’m
tired
.”

“You’re not leaving the house?” More of a confirmation than a question.

“I already told you. I’m staying here. I just need to rest, okay.”

He threw the towel he’d been using into a bin near the door. “I’ll walk you to your room, then.”

Jesus Christ
. This was going to get old. Fast. “If you insist.” I headed for the door, none too happy with my overprotective escort. “You going to post guards outside my room all night, too?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Raif scoffed as he held the gym door open for me. “I won’t need guards. Xander already volunteered for the job.”

I stopped dead in my trac Sad s. ks, and threw a caustic glare at the back of his head. Raif kept walking, his exaggerated laughter echoing down the hall.

Ha. Ha.
“You’re hilarious, you know that?” I said, running to catch up. “You do realize that I’m going to be sleeping with one eye open from now on.”

“You gave me the perfect opening.” Raif fought another burst of laughter. “It was just too hard to resist.”

For two flights of stairs and a couple of hallways, Raif watched me from the corner of his eye. His little joke about Xander standing guard outside my room apparently got him only so far in the entertainment department. “Tomorrow, I’ll select candidates for your task force. You can have final approval, but I’ll make the initial nominations.”

“I trust you,” I said. “I don’t need final approval.”

Raif’s mouth became a hard, thin line. He kept his gaze straight ahead. “I can’t trust you to be in charge of your team if you leave the decisions up to me. A leader leads, Darian. You should only delegate menial tasks.”

Oh, fine.
“I don’t know any of them. I’m not sure how I’ll choose.” I figured he needed fair warning. An informed decision, he wasn’t going to get. I opened the door to my room and leaned against the jamb.

“I’ll have personnel files sent up in the morning. You’ll have all the information you need. Also, I can arrange for an exhibition if you’d like to see the candidates fight. Sometimes seeing a warrior in action helps.”

Wonderful
. Paperwork
and
a show? Administrative duties, exactly what I signed on for. “We’ll see.” I wasn’t about to commit to a morning of watching Raif’s warriors fight unless I was sure I needed to. “I’ll read the files first and make a decision afterward.”

“I can live with that,” Raif said. “But, Darian, I’m serious about being a leader. Don’t disappoint me.”

That was the last thing I wanted to do. But, damn it, why did he have to heap so much on me? Was Raif trying to keep me occupied so I wouldn’t have time to think about the shit pile my life had become? Probably. He was such a noble, pragmatic pain in the ass.

I nodded. For some reason, I was afraid of making any verbal promises or reassurances. Honestly, I had no fucking clue if I was up to this job or not. Raif didn’t need to know that. Not yet, anyway. And if I promised him I could take care of business, well, I’d have to follow through. I just didn’t know at this point if it was a promise I could keep.